I've never posted in these forums before but i am seeking the genuine advice from my fellow Christian peers. I'm not too computer savvy so I think I posted in the wrong forum last night b/c I have gotten no responses.
Anyway, I hope you can spare me some time please as I've been struggling with this issue.
I have rededicated my life to Jesus Christ after six years of straying.
I have dated my boyfriend for seven years but have always had trust issues. Its been a pretty rocky relationship. The kind were you break up and then get back together 2 days later. Except last March when I accused him of cheating(cheating meaning talking to an ex girlfriend), I felt I went over-board and tried to call him the next day to apologize but he did not answer. In fact, he did not answer or reply to my texts or emails for about 3 weeks. Since we only live a street away from each other I or he would usually look for each other and apologize but for some reason I decided not to look for him. He didn't look for me either. Well after about 3 weeks we got back together.
Then that same August, his brother was having a birthday party. I usually don't like going to any of his family events(but I do go anyway) because everyone in his family drinks a lot. I mean A LOT!! I have always found his brothers kind of perverted. Although they are married they check out other women. My boyfriend had even confessed to me that some of his married brothers cheat on their wives. Anyway, earlier in the week I told him we would go to his brother's party. It was a Saturday, and I was taking a state exam. Little did I know the exam was going to be 5 hours long. When I got home, I was exhausted and on top of that my allergies were really bothering me. Needless to say, I didn't feel like going anymore. He went w/o me anyway when usually if I don't go with him to an event he wont go and vice versa. After about maybe 4 hours I called him and asked him to come home but he refused, yelled at me and told me, "I'm not doing anything, you got to trust me! You never trust me!". Aside from the underlying trust issues I felt even more suspicious b/c usually when I don't go to events with him he comes home right away.
I went over to his brother's house, called him, and asked him to come outside. I could smell the beer on his breath plus cigarette smoke. He does not smoke. I told him politely he needed to come home. He said, "NO!, Why dont you trust me?". I know this was wrong but I gave him an ultimatum, come home or we end things. He smirked, did a 180, waved his hand in the air and said, "Bye", and went inside. Then his brother came outside, I started crying and asked him to call my boyfriend outside but he refused. He told me that if my bf wanted to be w/me he would be outside w/me now. He also through in there that he could have him "layed" that very night. While I was outside talking to his brother, two younger girls(our age) would walk in and out of the house smirking at me. All his brothers are way older so usually the crowds at parties are their same age. I decided, they were probably the reason he didn't want to come home. I went home totally destroyed.
After that night I decided to leave town for the remainder of the summer to my mom's summer house. My mom was there and I felt I needed her comfort. I was over there for a good three weeks. For this amount of time, not once did my bf try to call or message me.
This is going to sound really crazy and it is.But when I came home I kind of forced my bf to be with me. I told him if he wasnt with me I would tell his brother's wife something I knew. I know he did not want to be with me b/c while I was gone he began to talk to one of the girls from that party. I printed out his cell phone statement and saw that for the 3 weeks I was gone, they would text message each other, all day, everyday. Literally from waking time until about 1 in the morning. I made him call that girl and tell her not to call him anymore. I also made him change his number. I also through those cell phone statements found out that back in March he was talking to another woman. An older woman with a child, that is friends with his brother's wife. I really don't know her but I found out that she has always had a crush on my bf. Also, she was talking to my bf while she was with someone else. She wanted something serious with my bf but he didn't. All of this drove me insane. During the time I was out of town, he took a trip with his older, married brothers, to a city that is full of sin. It is a popular vacation city where ppl go to party. Mainly, it is known for women pulling up their tops to expose themselves in exchange for beads!
I became very depressed and lost fifteen pounds but still i would force him to be with me. For months he treated me very badly, when I would cry, he would tell me to shut up and get over it or get out of his place! I felt lost without him so I would take it.
At the end of this April, once again we had a big argument and broke up. This time though, I gained the courage to stay strong and not look for him. This is when I rededicated my life to Christ. I asked Him to give me the stregnth to move on. I prayed for a Christian guy with values that would help me live my life praising HIM.
Well about a week later, I got an email from my bf that said he was extremely sorry and he had gotten some insightful advice. I just ignored it as I was determined to move on. Long story short, eventually he called me and told me the advice was actually guidance and he went to church and accepted Christ as his Lord and Savior. It shocked me! He said he knew his brothers were bad influence on him and that he would have minimal contact with them.
It has since been about a month and a half, we are back together but I still dont like his family's actions. I do not in any way want to associate myself with them. I know this is extremely terrible but I don't. I am a firm believer that once you marry someone you marry their family as well. I wish my bf didn't talk to his brothers anymore. I know that is impossible because they are his family. But it angers me because he confessed to me that his brothers have always told him to break up with me and sleep with as many women as possible. Also, every time we see one of his brothers that went on that trip he tells my bf, "Wasnt New Orleans bad A**?", with a big smirk. He is one of the cheating brothers. Now I can't stand to look at him or any of the other brothers for that matter.
Also I am more certain he has slept with other women. He doesn't consider it cheating though because we were on breaks when this occurred.
So these are my problems, should I stay with him even though he has slept with other women. I love him but am not certain I will ever forget. I don't know I can ever be intimate with him knowing he has done this. Sometimes I cant even kiss him b/c these thoughts pop into my head.
And the family thing, I know I cant force anyone not to talk to his brothers but they really bother me. Whenever I see him around them, raging thoughts come into my head that they are telling him to cheat. I just think that if he has truly found Christ, he should not want to talk to them at all as they are extremely perverted.
Whenever we are around his family the thoughts of him cheating and being with other women are more prominent.
I don't know if God's answer to my prayer(about a Christian guy) was in fact my bf.
What should I do?
I am so sorry for this long novel but I would like some advice. I have been praying a lot. Please help me.
Anyway, I hope you can spare me some time please as I've been struggling with this issue.
I have rededicated my life to Jesus Christ after six years of straying.
I have dated my boyfriend for seven years but have always had trust issues. Its been a pretty rocky relationship. The kind were you break up and then get back together 2 days later. Except last March when I accused him of cheating(cheating meaning talking to an ex girlfriend), I felt I went over-board and tried to call him the next day to apologize but he did not answer. In fact, he did not answer or reply to my texts or emails for about 3 weeks. Since we only live a street away from each other I or he would usually look for each other and apologize but for some reason I decided not to look for him. He didn't look for me either. Well after about 3 weeks we got back together.
Then that same August, his brother was having a birthday party. I usually don't like going to any of his family events(but I do go anyway) because everyone in his family drinks a lot. I mean A LOT!! I have always found his brothers kind of perverted. Although they are married they check out other women. My boyfriend had even confessed to me that some of his married brothers cheat on their wives. Anyway, earlier in the week I told him we would go to his brother's party. It was a Saturday, and I was taking a state exam. Little did I know the exam was going to be 5 hours long. When I got home, I was exhausted and on top of that my allergies were really bothering me. Needless to say, I didn't feel like going anymore. He went w/o me anyway when usually if I don't go with him to an event he wont go and vice versa. After about maybe 4 hours I called him and asked him to come home but he refused, yelled at me and told me, "I'm not doing anything, you got to trust me! You never trust me!". Aside from the underlying trust issues I felt even more suspicious b/c usually when I don't go to events with him he comes home right away.
I went over to his brother's house, called him, and asked him to come outside. I could smell the beer on his breath plus cigarette smoke. He does not smoke. I told him politely he needed to come home. He said, "NO!, Why dont you trust me?". I know this was wrong but I gave him an ultimatum, come home or we end things. He smirked, did a 180, waved his hand in the air and said, "Bye", and went inside. Then his brother came outside, I started crying and asked him to call my boyfriend outside but he refused. He told me that if my bf wanted to be w/me he would be outside w/me now. He also through in there that he could have him "layed" that very night. While I was outside talking to his brother, two younger girls(our age) would walk in and out of the house smirking at me. All his brothers are way older so usually the crowds at parties are their same age. I decided, they were probably the reason he didn't want to come home. I went home totally destroyed.
After that night I decided to leave town for the remainder of the summer to my mom's summer house. My mom was there and I felt I needed her comfort. I was over there for a good three weeks. For this amount of time, not once did my bf try to call or message me.
This is going to sound really crazy and it is.But when I came home I kind of forced my bf to be with me. I told him if he wasnt with me I would tell his brother's wife something I knew. I know he did not want to be with me b/c while I was gone he began to talk to one of the girls from that party. I printed out his cell phone statement and saw that for the 3 weeks I was gone, they would text message each other, all day, everyday. Literally from waking time until about 1 in the morning. I made him call that girl and tell her not to call him anymore. I also made him change his number. I also through those cell phone statements found out that back in March he was talking to another woman. An older woman with a child, that is friends with his brother's wife. I really don't know her but I found out that she has always had a crush on my bf. Also, she was talking to my bf while she was with someone else. She wanted something serious with my bf but he didn't. All of this drove me insane. During the time I was out of town, he took a trip with his older, married brothers, to a city that is full of sin. It is a popular vacation city where ppl go to party. Mainly, it is known for women pulling up their tops to expose themselves in exchange for beads!
I became very depressed and lost fifteen pounds but still i would force him to be with me. For months he treated me very badly, when I would cry, he would tell me to shut up and get over it or get out of his place! I felt lost without him so I would take it.
At the end of this April, once again we had a big argument and broke up. This time though, I gained the courage to stay strong and not look for him. This is when I rededicated my life to Christ. I asked Him to give me the stregnth to move on. I prayed for a Christian guy with values that would help me live my life praising HIM.
Well about a week later, I got an email from my bf that said he was extremely sorry and he had gotten some insightful advice. I just ignored it as I was determined to move on. Long story short, eventually he called me and told me the advice was actually guidance and he went to church and accepted Christ as his Lord and Savior. It shocked me! He said he knew his brothers were bad influence on him and that he would have minimal contact with them.
It has since been about a month and a half, we are back together but I still dont like his family's actions. I do not in any way want to associate myself with them. I know this is extremely terrible but I don't. I am a firm believer that once you marry someone you marry their family as well. I wish my bf didn't talk to his brothers anymore. I know that is impossible because they are his family. But it angers me because he confessed to me that his brothers have always told him to break up with me and sleep with as many women as possible. Also, every time we see one of his brothers that went on that trip he tells my bf, "Wasnt New Orleans bad A**?", with a big smirk. He is one of the cheating brothers. Now I can't stand to look at him or any of the other brothers for that matter.
Also I am more certain he has slept with other women. He doesn't consider it cheating though because we were on breaks when this occurred.
So these are my problems, should I stay with him even though he has slept with other women. I love him but am not certain I will ever forget. I don't know I can ever be intimate with him knowing he has done this. Sometimes I cant even kiss him b/c these thoughts pop into my head.
And the family thing, I know I cant force anyone not to talk to his brothers but they really bother me. Whenever I see him around them, raging thoughts come into my head that they are telling him to cheat. I just think that if he has truly found Christ, he should not want to talk to them at all as they are extremely perverted.
Whenever we are around his family the thoughts of him cheating and being with other women are more prominent.
I don't know if God's answer to my prayer(about a Christian guy) was in fact my bf.
What should I do?
I am so sorry for this long novel but I would like some advice. I have been praying a lot. Please help me.
