Cheated On (5-Year Relationship)

[puppii]

Praying for you.

 

[angel376]

Stay strong. You deserve to be happy and treated right.

 

[KnowHisJoy77]

I appreciate your honesty. And you are right about us sinning and not being married. I really wanted to marry this woman as well but after such a long affair, I do not think I can ever take her back unless it is in God's hand....

you're welcome! I pray that you focus on Him and get your heart mended. If you were married I am sure God wanted you to reconcile with your wife. This lady is not your wife. Most people that live together before marriage do not end up marrying each other and the ones who do it does not last. Marriage is a covenant before God and I pray that when you are healed from this heartbrake and ready to date again to become a good husband that you find a good wife.

Instead of looking for dates and meet other people so soon, I would look for a support group to share, to process emotions in a safe place with same gender persons. After my divorce, going through heartbrake of adultery, cheating, depression, anger and other stuff was what myself did. I went to a Celebrate Recovery, same gender meetings weekly. It took me 5 years to feel ready and want to date again. I could not rush the mending heart process even if I want to.

Praying that you get clarity, wisdom, much grace as you walk a day at time, a step at time.

 

[Wings like Eagles]

 

[lifeenjoyer]

thank you everyone! I am currently still in a bit of anguish and cannot seem to get rid of the feelings. she is still asking for a second chance and wants to do things right if I give her a chance but I do not know if I am ever able to take her back.

Please pray for me to have peace and continue to stay focused on improving myself and my future.

 

[throughchristimchanged]

These last couple days have been rough and I am in major need of prayer!

I've been having suspicions that my girlfriend has been sneaking around as she's been acting a little different in the last 7+ months. She's been claiming to go "hang out with a female friend and watching movies," but doesn't come back home until 2-3am in the night.

Another occasion, she texted me saying she was going to hang out with a co-worker after work. That night, I coincidentally walked into a Starbucks while she was there. She says they were just hanging out but they both reacted with a surprise. I shrugged it off as I had trust that it was nothing but pure platonic. I found it awkward on another occasion when she spoke with the same co-worker over the phone but hid in the bathroom with the door closed.

I started getting really suspicious and logged into her FB account, looked inside her inbox and found over half a year of messages that showed PROOF that she was indeed cheating on me. My blood literally boiled and I got so angry I broke her laptop (which I was using to browse through her FB). The messages contained all sorts of very detailed activities that they planned on doing (tons of flirting and sex, etc.). She practically has been sleeping with him for the last 7+ months on a weekly basis (she was with him that night I found out as well).

I became so angry and did what others (including most of you) would object to. I took screenshots of these detailed messages and sent it in a group message to our closest mutual friends to ridicule and humiliate her because I felt betrayed at that very moment and just couldn't vent the anger in my heart. It took her nearly an hour to discover that I had did this (probably getting busy with that scumbag). She texted and called me numerous times saying "she will explain to me" and "please talk to me..."

During this time, I got so infuriated that our 5 year relationship was down the drain because of these actions and decided to cut up every single pair of her shoes, clothing, jewelry and purses she owned. I was so mad that I couldn't control the anguish I felt in my heart during this time. She eventually came back and my anger was so uncontrollable that I committed acts and said things that I would have never imagined.

She claims that she committed this affair because she felt "unwanted" as I was always out with my friends during most of the week and was always on my phone whenever we did hang out with each other. She also claims there was no emotions involved and it was physical and purely friendship (with benefits) and I am the one she truly loves. She talks about me with him all the time, telling him all the good things about me. But why would they both commit to these acts despite this?!

She never wanted to break up with me because she still loved me and did not want to end it. But she filled her void in the relationship with this affair and did it over and over again, numerous times. She even said she had plans to hang out with her so-called female friend numerous times when I tried to make last minute plans (which I now know the truth behind). She claims to feel guilty but what I don't understand is why she committed these acts over and over again. In the text messages (and FB messages), she seems to be so flirty and would even give inspirational words for this co-worker, which [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]es me off even more!

She sincerely repented and was true in the heart when she said it was an awful mistake and that she did not want to lose me because I was the most important thing in the world. She truly wants to rekindle our relationship and gain her trust back, asking for my forgiveness and a second chance. Many of our mutual friends and even family on both sides are telling me to give her a chance as well. Quite a few of them claim that I am at fault for why she went down this path because of my lack of giving her attention but I honestly don't find anything to justify these unfaithful acts, especially over the course of 7+ months and sleeping/spending time with her numerous times a week. She could have been a real woman and just called it off before committing to these acts.

I told her and all our mutual friends that I will not forgive this nor give her a second chance. I just cannot have this linger in the back of my head. I truly believes she repented and is sincere and will not do it again. But I just cannot do it, I don't even look at her the same way anymore and feel BETRAYED! Some of my friends told me why I wouldn't even give her a chance because we've been together for so long and had a good thing going on. Our 5-year anniversary is in 3 weeks as well.

I simply don't think I have the ability to hide these memories and it will always linger there, which I believe will affect our relationship. I've been treating her pretty bad and ridiculing her (in a degrading way due to the intense anger) ever since I discovered this 2 nights ago.

I even threatened to send these screenshots and report it to their company's HR department so I can jeopardize their jobs (she no longer works at the same branch as him and transferred recently). The fact that this co-worker has met me (during the Starbucks encounter mentioned earlier) and knows she is in a long-term serious relationship just [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]es me off even more! I feel so disrespected that another man would dare do such a thing and have nothing but hate towards him. I even contemplated going into the workplace and going off on him but I've been controlled myself. She begged me not to report this to HR as she will lose her job. She said the co-worker is struggling pretty bad financially (has 3 kids, mortgage, etc.) and it was wrong and devastating if I was to report them. I decided not to do it but something inside me just yearns for this type of revenge.

I've been trying to get some clarity and see how I can move forward but inside my head, I just don't want to take her back. I've been pretty firm with saying I won't forgive or give her the second chance (been masking it with masculinity and trying to "not care") but today has been rough as it is finally hitting me how much anguish I am going through. I never imagined in a million years that this would ever happen. Our shared dreams and goals are practically shattered when I think about the current situation and my life would seem so odd without her in my life.

I just don't understand why God would allow such a thing to happen.... I've never done anything even close to what she has committed and feel so betrayed and my anger doesn't go away. I still love her and people all around us want me to work things out but inside my head, I just want to call it off. I've been asking God for guidance but still don't have answers in what I should do. I can't imagine life without her but at the same time, I just can't get over the fact that this has happened, which I honestly see as unforgivable and have doubts of whether a second chance can be given.....

Please help pray for me as I go through this struggle. I understand that this is a test of our relationship but this betrayal has pierced me so bad in the heart. I even feel so disgusted by her acts.....I just need guidance and a peace of heart.

where you went wrong is when you logged into her fb account that give her the right to break up with you, a lot of people do this so they can get away with certain things, literally placing the pass over on another, GOD knows this but these people still do it for their psychological psyci that way they dont have or feel guilt, and your the one left delusional, something like a person standing with there arm reached out holding you back with their hand on your head, running you into nowhere, if you catch my drift
on your account thats messed up man, that she is doing that to you, I cry with, that feeling, right now your in that exact position I stated and it takes a toll on your soul, the best thing for you is to let her go, you deserve better because you deserve peace within,
its not your fault at all for you getting mad, it just makes you stronger take this route use it as a discipline, manage your anger and you control your alpha dominance, regaining you. Breathing techniques but thats all you this is the new live given you
Humility is the greatest reward, the weight on how you see it, is another trait you will acquire from such a predicament
Venting your anger and your frustration, try to refrain from showing any hate to either side, challenge is for you from your soul
Pain of loss, acting out because you have know body you are tight with, its okay bro its okay
she committed because she felt a spark with another, a loyal woman when put into that situation will extinguish that spark and make it evidently clear that she is in a happy relationship, personal experience
dont let her get your your head, your with GOD and nobody else can take your relationship with GOD away
People do make mistakes and it is the hardest thing to go through so you leave in GODS' HANDS, just be aware that she has done this and as soon as you let your guard down there may be a possibility that she will do it again, I would just break of the relationship because you dint deserve to have that mental strain as a part of your life, but then again you two could be the most happiest couple that learned from this and get married and live happy ever after, its your call and you know the feelings best, I'm there with you in spirit my friend
Never blame yourself it was nowhere your fault unless you had cheated on her at one point prior thats where guilt will originate.
Be one up and dont be the type of man that gets with a girl and doesnt know anything about here background or where she comes from
Contemplation is that hand on the head
it will be okay I'm always here for you brother
GOD never allowed it, it was a carnal desire that originated this entirety
Shock as if you where in the middle of a pendulum

 

[lifeenjoyer]

Thanks for that. I am working through things, continue praying for me.

where you went wrong is when you logged into her fb account that give her the right to break up with you, a lot of people do this so they can get away with certain things, literally placing the pass over on another, GOD knows this but these people still do it for their psychological psyci that way they dont have or feel guilt, and your the one left delusional, something like a person standing with there arm reached out holding you back with their hand on your head, running you into nowhere, if you catch my drift
on your account thats messed up man, that she is doing that to you, I cry with, that feeling, right now your in that exact position I stated and it takes a toll on your soul, the best thing for you is to let her go, you deserve better because you deserve peace within,
its not your fault at all for you getting mad, it just makes you stronger take this route use it as a discipline, manage your anger and you control your alpha dominance, regaining you. Breathing techniques but thats all you this is the new live given you
Humility is the greatest reward, the weight on how you see it, is another trait you will acquire from such a predicament
Venting your anger and your frustration, try to refrain from showing any hate to either side, challenge is for you from your soul
Pain of loss, acting out because you have know body you are tight with, its okay bro its okay
she committed because she felt a spark with another, a loyal woman when put into that situation will extinguish that spark and make it evidently clear that she is in a happy relationship, personal experience
dont let her get your your head, your with GOD and nobody else can take your relationship with GOD away
People do make mistakes and it is the hardest thing to go through so you leave in GODS' HANDS, just be aware that she has done this and as soon as you let your guard down there may be a possibility that she will do it again, I would just break of the relationship because you dint deserve to have that mental strain as a part of your life, but then again you two could be the most happiest couple that learned from this and get married and live happy ever after, its your call and you know the feelings best, I'm there with you in spirit my friend
Never blame yourself it was nowhere your fault unless you had cheated on her at one point prior thats where guilt will originate.
Be one up and dont be the type of man that gets with a girl and doesnt know anything about here background or where she comes from
Contemplation is that hand on the head
it will be okay I'm always here for you brother
GOD never allowed it, it was a carnal desire that originated this entirety
Shock as if you where in the middle of a pendulum

 

[peacehopejoylove1987]

I am so sorry this happened. Please don't lose sight of God during this hard time. Cling to Him. and read your Bible. and don't stop praying.

 

[servant of Merciful Love]

Continued prayers ~ God bless you

 

[Pink Spider]

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PRAYING!​

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[tturt]

I know it's difficult and hate that it's happened.

To have peace, forgive her. (Lord's Prayer, Col 3:13). I find that I have to have Yahweh's help to forgive.

Praying too.

 

[orangeness365]

you seriously have people in your life pressuring you get back with her? Are you kidding me? If you had been married to her it would have been adultery, and that is one of the only grounds for divorce in the Christian religion. On top of that she blames you for it, as if it doesn't hurt enough, while going out with a guy that will lose his job if anybody finds out? What the hell? Am I missing something here? No wonder you were so mad! I congratulate you on showing as much restraint as you did! You know a tree by it's fruit, and those fruits aren't pretty. I would run, even if she had been your wife. You must love people deeply to still be considering staying with her, but wow, just wow.

 

[lifeenjoyer]

Please pray for my healing and recovery. I appreciate all your input.

 

[brinny]

Praying for you...

 

[LoveConquers]

Still praying for you

 

[ForeverHopeful]

Hello brother in Christ. I am sorry to have missed this post earlier. I am sorry to read about how your relationship ended. Heart break really hurts us physically. Love is a very strong force and I am sorry that you didn't receive it back from her with loyalty anyway. The actions you took were extreme, but so was what caused it. Forgive yourself and try to forgive her too. If nothing else the relationship with her taught you that you are a loyal person and you deserve someone loyal too. I have learned that un forgiveness can make you sick physically. It's like taking poison yourself, but expecting the person you are mad at to get sick. Often when you have un forgiveness in your heart, you can actually delay answered prayers. I will join others in prayer for you and for her too. Prayer is the best thing you can do and God CAN and WILL heal your broken heart. About 5 years before I met and married my husband my heart was BROKEN. I really thought I would never love another man the way I thought I loved my ex boyfriend. Boy was I wrong. God blessed me with an even deeper greater love than I ever knew could exist. I now realize that the broken relationship basically taught me what I would never put up with again.

Heavenly Father, we don't always know or understand your plans for our lives, but we love and trust you and know that you want what is best for your children who love you and look to you for help and guidance. In Jesus name I pray for your perfect will in all areas of our brother in Christ's life. Bless him with peace that passes understanding just knowing this is in your hands. May he find comfort and hope during his wait for THY will, and give you all the glory. Use even this heartache for your good. Thank you for this and for all you do, Amen!

 

[endofrope]

Dude, you can't be vindictive about love matters. It's a bloody game and you chose to play. How about forgive her, AND let her go? I understand and am praying for you.

 

[brushofangelwings]

you're welcome! I pray that you focus on Him and get your heart mended. If you were married I am sure God wanted you to reconcile with your wife. This lady is not your wife. Most people that live together before marriage do not end up marrying each other and the ones who do it does not last. Marriage is a covenant before God and I pray that when you are healed from this heartbrake and ready to date again to become a good husband that you find a good wife.

Instead of looking for dates and meet other people so soon, I would look for a support group to share, to process emotions in a safe place with same gender persons. After my divorce, going through heartbrake of adultery, cheating, depression, anger and other stuff was what myself did. I went to a Celebrate Recovery, same gender meetings weekly. It took me 5 years to feel ready and want to date again. I could not rush the mending heart process even if I want to.

Praying that you get clarity, wisdom, much grace as you walk a day at time, a step at time.

Excellent recommendations here! I don't think you're ready to date. May I add that perhaps you should get a grip on some anger issues... busting up another's personal possessions and jeoparding one's job out of retaliation is unacceptable behavior. It takes two to tango, and I pray that before you get into another relationship, that you allow yourself to grieve. If we gravitate toward a new relationship to fill a void, then we haven't allowed ourselves time to heal. Not saying that your lady wasn't wrong. Just saying that God wants us to make healthy choices in a current/future partner. Praying that you'll be still with the heartache and allow God to enter into the silence to provide you with discernment.

 

[orangeness365]

Dude, you can't be vindictive about love matters. It's a bloody game and you chose to play. How about forgive her, AND let her go? I understand and am praying for you.

I totally agree with this. Forgive and let her go.

 

[lifeenjoyer]

thanks again everyone. your words really mean a lot to me!!