Cheated On (5-Year Relationship)

lifeenjoyer

Member
May 14, 2006
314
17
Southern California!
✟7,996.00
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Single
These last couple days have been rough and I am in major need of prayer!

I've been having suspicions that my girlfriend has been sneaking around as she's been acting a little different in the last 7+ months. She's been claiming to go "hang out with a female friend and watching movies," but doesn't come back home until 2-3am in the night.

Another occasion, she texted me saying she was going to hang out with a co-worker after work. That night, I coincidentally walked into a Starbucks while she was there. She says they were just hanging out but they both reacted with a surprise. I shrugged it off as I had trust that it was nothing but pure platonic. I found it awkward on another occasion when she spoke with the same co-worker over the phone but hid in the bathroom with the door closed.

I started getting really suspicious and logged into her FB account, looked inside her inbox and found over half a year of messages that showed PROOF that she was indeed cheating on me. My blood literally boiled and I got so angry I broke her laptop (which I was using to browse through her FB). The messages contained all sorts of very detailed activities that they planned on doing (tons of flirting and sex, etc.). She practically has been sleeping with him for the last 7+ months on a weekly basis (she was with him that night I found out as well).

I became so angry and did what others (including most of you) would object to. I took screenshots of these detailed messages and sent it in a group message to our closest mutual friends to ridicule and humiliate her because I felt betrayed at that very moment and just couldn't vent the anger in my heart. It took her nearly an hour to discover that I had did this (probably getting busy with that scumbag). She texted and called me numerous times saying "she will explain to me" and "please talk to me..."

During this time, I got so infuriated that our 5 year relationship was down the drain because of these actions and decided to cut up every single pair of her shoes, clothing, jewelry and purses she owned. I was so mad that I couldn't control the anguish I felt in my heart during this time. She eventually came back and my anger was so uncontrollable that I committed acts and said things that I would have never imagined.

She claims that she committed this affair because she felt "unwanted" as I was always out with my friends during most of the week and was always on my phone whenever we did hang out with each other. She also claims there was no emotions involved and it was physical and purely friendship (with benefits) and I am the one she truly loves. She talks about me with him all the time, telling him all the good things about me. But why would they both commit to these acts despite this?!

She never wanted to break up with me because she still loved me and did not want to end it. But she filled her void in the relationship with this affair and did it over and over again, numerous times. She even said she had plans to hang out with her so-called female friend numerous times when I tried to make last minute plans (which I now know the truth behind). She claims to feel guilty but what I don't understand is why she committed these acts over and over again. In the text messages (and FB messages), she seems to be so flirty and would even give inspirational words for this co-worker, which [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]es me off even more!

She sincerely repented and was true in the heart when she said it was an awful mistake and that she did not want to lose me because I was the most important thing in the world. She truly wants to rekindle our relationship and gain her trust back, asking for my forgiveness and a second chance. Many of our mutual friends and even family on both sides are telling me to give her a chance as well. Quite a few of them claim that I am at fault for why she went down this path because of my lack of giving her attention but I honestly don't find anything to justify these unfaithful acts, especially over the course of 7+ months and sleeping/spending time with her numerous times a week. She could have been a real woman and just called it off before committing to these acts.

I told her and all our mutual friends that I will not forgive this nor give her a second chance. I just cannot have this linger in the back of my head. I truly believes she repented and is sincere and will not do it again. But I just cannot do it, I don't even look at her the same way anymore and feel BETRAYED! Some of my friends told me why I wouldn't even give her a chance because we've been together for so long and had a good thing going on. Our 5-year anniversary is in 3 weeks as well.

I simply don't think I have the ability to hide these memories and it will always linger there, which I believe will affect our relationship. I've been treating her pretty bad and ridiculing her (in a degrading way due to the intense anger) ever since I discovered this 2 nights ago.

I even threatened to send these screenshots and report it to their company's HR department so I can jeopardize their jobs (she no longer works at the same branch as him and transferred recently). The fact that this co-worker has met me (during the Starbucks encounter mentioned earlier) and knows she is in a long-term serious relationship just [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]es me off even more! I feel so disrespected that another man would dare do such a thing and have nothing but hate towards him. I even contemplated going into the workplace and going off on him but I've been controlled myself. She begged me not to report this to HR as she will lose her job. She said the co-worker is struggling pretty bad financially (has 3 kids, mortgage, etc.) and it was wrong and devastating if I was to report them. I decided not to do it but something inside me just yearns for this type of revenge.

I've been trying to get some clarity and see how I can move forward but inside my head, I just don't want to take her back. I've been pretty firm with saying I won't forgive or give her the second chance (been masking it with masculinity and trying to "not care") but today has been rough as it is finally hitting me how much anguish I am going through. I never imagined in a million years that this would ever happen. Our shared dreams and goals are practically shattered when I think about the current situation and my life would seem so odd without her in my life.

I just don't understand why God would allow such a thing to happen.... I've never done anything even close to what she has committed and feel so betrayed and my anger doesn't go away. I still love her and people all around us want me to work things out but inside my head, I just want to call it off. I've been asking God for guidance but still don't have answers in what I should do. I can't imagine life without her but at the same time, I just can't get over the fact that this has happened, which I honestly see as unforgivable and have doubts of whether a second chance can be given.....

Please help pray for me as I go through this struggle. I understand that this is a test of our relationship but this betrayal has pierced me so bad in the heart. I even feel so disgusted by her acts.....I just need guidance and a peace of heart.
 

lifeenjoyer

Member
May 14, 2006
314
17
Southern California!
✟7,996.00
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Single
I've been toughening it out these last few days but today was when I finally felt a total breakdown. My mood and motivation have been down and I am trying to cope with this.

I feel like God has given me two choices: forgive or let her go.

I decided to let her go and let time tell....

But I am in so much anguish....don't know what to do....I completely let her go last night after giving my closure and we set off in good terms and peacefully...

Please pray for me people...I haven't felt so broken in a while...
 
Upvote 0

LoveConquers

Imperfectly Perfect
Supporter
Feb 2, 2014
1,786
55
✟33,096.00
Country
United States
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Private
Praying for you - its going to be a painful situation regardless of what route is taken, its just going to take a lot of continuous prayer and time.

Whether you take her back or not, please still work on forgiving her. God forgives us over and over, for the many transgressions we make each day...its only right we offer that same forgiveness to others even when its tough.
 
Upvote 0

LoveConquers

Imperfectly Perfect
Supporter
Feb 2, 2014
1,786
55
✟33,096.00
Country
United States
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Private
To add - my husband and I have been married over 8 years and together for over 16. What you are going through and feeling is what I have experienced a few times. Each time I was able to forgive and continue in the relationship except this last time. My heart got hardened and I was numb - so I decided to leave.

Although I do not see myself reconciling with him, I have forgiven him and it has helped in so many ways. I can look at the good qualities in him and appreciate who he is and be his friend, even though I dont believe I will ever be in a romantic relationship with him again. Forgiveness brings a sense of peace to the situation and helps you to move forward. What also helped was focusing on the fact that God has a purpose for everything and will use everything (even the bad things) for our good.

It may not seem like it in the moment, but later you may see the good in this situation and recognize the lessons He is teaching you and the blessings He will bring from it.
Just hang in there - faith makes all things possible, including the healing of broken hearts.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Linus
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums

mourningdove~

"Pray, and prepare ..."
Supporter
Dec 24, 2005
8,809
2,173
✟433,465.00
Country
United States
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Private

Praying for you ...

These kinds of things can be so very painful, but keep trusting in God and in His love for you and in His ability to comfort you and hold you up and keep you going, not only in the good times but also during the difficult times like now.

God bless.
 
Upvote 0
C

christsoccer

Guest
These last couple days have been rough and I am in major need of prayer!

I've been having suspicions that my girlfriend has been sneaking around as she's been acting a little different in the last 7+ months. She's been claiming to go "hang out with a female friend and watching movies," but doesn't come back home until 2-3am in the night.

Another occasion, she texted me saying she was going to hang out with a co-worker after work. That night, I coincidentally walked into a Starbucks while she was there. She says they were just hanging out but they both reacted with a surprise. I shrugged it off as I had trust that it was nothing but pure platonic. I found it awkward on another occasion when she spoke with the same co-worker over the phone but hid in the bathroom with the door closed.

I started getting really suspicious and logged into her FB account, looked inside her inbox and found over half a year of messages that showed PROOF that she was indeed cheating on me. My blood literally boiled and I got so angry I broke her laptop (which I was using to browse through her FB). The messages contained all sorts of very detailed activities that they planned on doing (tons of flirting and sex, etc.). She practically has been sleeping with him for the last 7+ months on a weekly basis (she was with him that night I found out as well).

I became so angry and did what others (including most of you) would object to. I took screenshots of these detailed messages and sent it in a group message to our closest mutual friends to ridicule and humiliate her because I felt betrayed at that very moment and just couldn't vent the anger in my heart. It took her nearly an hour to discover that I had did this (probably getting busy with that scumbag). She texted and called me numerous times saying "she will explain to me" and "please talk to me..."

During this time, I got so infuriated that our 5 year relationship was down the drain because of these actions and decided to cut up every single pair of her shoes, clothing, jewelry and purses she owned. I was so mad that I couldn't control the anguish I felt in my heart during this time. She eventually came back and my anger was so uncontrollable that I committed acts and said things that I would have never imagined.

She claims that she committed this affair because she felt "unwanted" as I was always out with my friends during most of the week and was always on my phone whenever we did hang out with each other. She also claims there was no emotions involved and it was physical and purely friendship (with benefits) and I am the one she truly loves. She talks about me with him all the time, telling him all the good things about me. But why would they both commit to these acts despite this?!

She never wanted to break up with me because she still loved me and did not want to end it. But she filled her void in the relationship with this affair and did it over and over again, numerous times. She even said she had plans to hang out with her so-called female friend numerous times when I tried to make last minute plans (which I now know the truth behind). She claims to feel guilty but what I don't understand is why she committed these acts over and over again. In the text messages (and FB messages), she seems to be so flirty and would even give inspirational words for this co-worker, which [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]es me off even more!

She sincerely repented and was true in the heart when she said it was an awful mistake and that she did not want to lose me because I was the most important thing in the world. She truly wants to rekindle our relationship and gain her trust back, asking for my forgiveness and a second chance. Many of our mutual friends and even family on both sides are telling me to give her a chance as well. Quite a few of them claim that I am at fault for why she went down this path because of my lack of giving her attention but I honestly don't find anything to justify these unfaithful acts, especially over the course of 7+ months and sleeping/spending time with her numerous times a week. She could have been a real woman and just called it off before committing to these acts.

I told her and all our mutual friends that I will not forgive this nor give her a second chance. I just cannot have this linger in the back of my head. I truly believes she repented and is sincere and will not do it again. But I just cannot do it, I don't even look at her the same way anymore and feel BETRAYED! Some of my friends told me why I wouldn't even give her a chance because we've been together for so long and had a good thing going on. Our 5-year anniversary is in 3 weeks as well.

I simply don't think I have the ability to hide these memories and it will always linger there, which I believe will affect our relationship. I've been treating her pretty bad and ridiculing her (in a degrading way due to the intense anger) ever since I discovered this 2 nights ago.

I even threatened to send these screenshots and report it to their company's HR department so I can jeopardize their jobs (she no longer works at the same branch as him and transferred recently). The fact that this co-worker has met me (during the Starbucks encounter mentioned earlier) and knows she is in a long-term serious relationship just [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]es me off even more! I feel so disrespected that another man would dare do such a thing and have nothing but hate towards him. I even contemplated going into the workplace and going off on him but I've been controlled myself. She begged me not to report this to HR as she will lose her job. She said the co-worker is struggling pretty bad financially (has 3 kids, mortgage, etc.) and it was wrong and devastating if I was to report them. I decided not to do it but something inside me just yearns for this type of revenge.

I've been trying to get some clarity and see how I can move forward but inside my head, I just don't want to take her back. I've been pretty firm with saying I won't forgive or give her the second chance (been masking it with masculinity and trying to "not care") but today has been rough as it is finally hitting me how much anguish I am going through. I never imagined in a million years that this would ever happen. Our shared dreams and goals are practically shattered when I think about the current situation and my life would seem so odd without her in my life.

I just don't understand why God would allow such a thing to happen.... I've never done anything even close to what she has committed and feel so betrayed and my anger doesn't go away. I still love her and people all around us want me to work things out but inside my head, I just want to call it off. I've been asking God for guidance but still don't have answers in what I should do. I can't imagine life without her but at the same time, I just can't get over the fact that this has happened, which I honestly see as unforgivable and have doubts of whether a second chance can be given.....

Please help pray for me as I go through this struggle. I understand that this is a test of our relationship but this betrayal has pierced me so bad in the heart. I even feel so disgusted by her acts.....I just need guidance and a peace of heart.

praying for this
:prayer::prayer::prayer::prayer::groupray::groupray::groupray::groupray:
 
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums

KnowHisJoy77

blessed
Sep 14, 2014
7,449
5,237
Georgia USA
✟46,558.00
Faith
Protestant
Marital Status
Married
Praying to God to mend your brokenheart. It will take a while to trust again.
Praying for you to forgive and to not let bitterness take root in your heart. I do think letting her go is a good thing. Her having sex with another man and blaming you is a huge red flad. Saying that she loves you and having another man for the last 7 months makes no sense. God is not a God of confusion, but order. Living together for 5 years? Why didn't get married?

I am sorry but I do not think that God bless sin. You were not married but seems living like were married and having sex without being married for 5 years?
 
Upvote 0

lifeenjoyer

Member
May 14, 2006
314
17
Southern California!
✟7,996.00
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Single
Praying to God to mend your brokenheart. It will take a while to trust again.
Praying for you to forgive and to not let bitterness take root in your heart. I do think letting her go is a good thing. Her having sex with another man and blaming you is a huge red flad. Saying that she loves you and having another man for the last 7 months makes no sense. God is not a God of confusion, but order. Living together for 5 years? Why didn't get married?

I am sorry but I do not think that God bless sin. You were not married but seems living like were married and having sex without being married for 5 years?

I appreciate your honesty. And you are right about us sinning and not being married. I really wanted to marry this woman as well but after such a long affair, I do not think I can ever take her back unless it is in God's hand....
 
Upvote 0

puppii

*Blessed*
Nov 22, 2010
1,431
148
✟10,278.00
Faith
Non-Denom
I agree that it's not your fault at all.

If you were to go back with her there would always be that nagging thought of the memory of what she did.

Trust is really hard to repair and if you don't think you can do it I don't blame you.

Although it would be in your best interest to forgive her. This will set you totally free....ask God for that too!

If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. --James 1:5 NIV

I do think you're doing the right thing by leaving it in God's hands especially while your going through emotional turmoil.
 
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums

lifeenjoyer

Member
May 14, 2006
314
17
Southern California!
✟7,996.00
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Single
I just want to give it a little while, perhaps several months....

I would love to start dating other women and want to find the right girl who can knock me off my feet. I am not getting any younger and put so much time and investment into that relationship and feel like I have to totally reinvent myself once again.

It has been 1.5 weeks now and I am still having thoughts and thinking about all she did and still lose sleep whenever I wake up in the middle of the night...

Please continue praying that God can give me clarity and allow me to just be occupied so I can forget about this.


I agree that it's not your fault at all.

If you were to go back with her there would always be that nagging thought of the memory of what she did.

Trust is really hard to repair and if you don't think you can do it I don't blame you.

Although it would be in your best interest to forgive her. This will set you totally free....ask God for that too!

If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. --James 1:5 NIV

I do think you're doing the right thing by leaving it in God's hands especially while your going through emotional turmoil.
 
Upvote 0