Caring for Self & Parts with DID

[Kristen.NewCreation]

One of the most important things I've learned over time is that only I am going to take care of myself at this time. I'm not that little child in a child's body any longer. So what am I doing to care for my adult self, and for my little or not so little ones inside?

How they are doing impacts me personally as the primary adult. If they are anxious, I feel it - scared, I feel it, etc. I may not understand that I'm feeling them, but I've learned in the past that when I unexpectedly feel a certain way, it is good to check on the inside.

For me, reinforcing safety - I am an adult now - the trauma isn't happening now... I an keep up safe. Then hugging a teddy bear or hugging myself to provide something that suggests safety. At one time, I put multiple locks on the door and barrier boards in the windows that slid open side ways so no one could physically get in from outside without excessive effort. I also told one of my best friends that if I called them and told them my abuser was outside to please come help. They said they would, and I should immediately hang up and call the police. So I had an external protector as well.

There are other things - coloring in my coloring books always helped to calm me down (I used adult coloring books - fine lines and great detail to the pictures). Then of course were the color books for the little ones, and art supplies, etc.

What do you do? How do you take care of you and those inside?
Even if you're just starting to take care of you - what little steps have you taken that are going to lead to more and more steps?

 

[BeStill&Know]

Excellent post, Dr. Phil's wife app for the abused.

 

[Catherineanne]

One of the most important things I've learned over time is that only I am going to take care of myself at this time. I'm not that little child in a child's body any longer. So what am I doing to care for my adult self, and for my little or not so little ones inside?

While it is true that we are responsible for looking after ourselves it may not be quite so true that nobody else will help us with that process. I fall into thinking that nobody else cares, and have to work hard to remember that doctors and nurses, dentists and pharmacists will help me, if I ask them to. That, of course, is the problem; much of the time I am incapable of asking because the cost of rejection is too high.

But we have to try to listen carefully for offers of help, and accept them, when it is safe to do so.

How they are doing impacts me personally as the primary adult. If they are anxious, I feel it - scared, I feel it, etc. I may not understand that I'm feeling them, but I've learned in the past that when I unexpectedly feel a certain way, it is good to check on the inside.

I have not tried this, but it is a good suggestion. Thanks.

For me, reinforcing safety - I am an adult now - the trauma isn't happening now... I an keep up safe. Then hugging a teddy bear or hugging myself to provide something that suggests safety. At one time, I put multiple locks on the door and barrier boards in the windows that slid open side ways so no one could physically get in from outside without excessive effort. I also told one of my best friends that if I called them and told them my abuser was outside to please come help. They said they would, and I should immediately hang up and call the police. So I had an external protector as well.

There are other things - coloring in my coloring books always helped to calm me down (I used adult coloring books - fine lines and great detail to the pictures). Then of course were the color books for the little ones, and art supplies, etc.

What do you do? How do you take care of you and those inside?
Even if you're just starting to take care of you - what little steps have you taken that are going to lead to more and more steps?

Mostly I hide away and stay home. But when I do go out I play 'let's pretend' with those parts who are less than happy. We pretend that we are all grown up, and see whether anyone notices.

Nobody ever does. We are very good at let's pretend.

 

[Kristen.NewCreation]

While it is true that we are responsible for looking after ourselves it may not be quite so true that nobody else will help us with that process.

I totally agree - I was thinking of when I wanted someone to take care of me and take it all away. Definitely there are those who are willing to help if we trust ourselves to take that step out.

[quote="Catherineanne]
I fall into thinking that nobody else cares, and have to work hard to remember that doctors and nurses, dentists and pharmacists will help me, if I ask them to. That, of course, is the problem; much of the time I am incapable of asking because the cost of rejection is too high.

But we have to try to listen carefully for offers of help, and accept them, when it is safe to do so.[/quote]
This is totally true in my past. But also, that they weren't trustworthy and wouldn't understand, and they weren't safe as far as the thoughts in my head and my fear factor was.


I was good at pretending everything was fine at times. Though I couldn't keep it together that long to go for days and days. I'd go home and "cope" however I could afterwards, which some of had it's consequences, while others were surprisingly healthy.

 

[Kristen.NewCreation]

Excellent post, Dr. Phil's wife app for the abused.

That sounds like an awesome app. I don't have the right kind of phone to check it out.

 

[Catherineanne]

I totally agree - I was thinking of when I wanted someone to take care of me and take it all away. Definitely there are those who are willing to help if we trust ourselves to take that step out.

This is totally true in my past. But also, that they weren't trustworthy and wouldn't understand, and they weren't safe as far as the thoughts in my head and my fear factor was.

I was good at pretending everything was fine at times. Though I couldn't keep it together that long to go for days and days. I'd go home and "cope" however I could afterwards, which some of had it's consequences, while others were surprisingly healthy.

All of that is so true of me. I pretend as well as I can, and when I can no longer pretend I go home to recover.

I am sorry you are the same, but at the same time it is good to know I am not the only one.

 

[PropheticTimes]

Thank you for this post. I am a SRA survivor and just beginning to try to untangle the mess with the help of a caring and compassionate soul. It is difficult being alone and dealing with it all, anything that can get me out of my own head is a welcomed idea.

 

[Catherineanne]

Thank you for this post. I am a SRA survivor and just beginning to try to untangle the mess with the help of a caring and compassionate soul. It is difficult being alone and dealing with it all, anything that can get me out of my own head is a welcomed idea.

I am glad you have help. I use art; I paint pictures.

 

[PropheticTimes]

I have taken on the task of creating a handwritten Bible for my great niece. I used to draw a lot but that part seems to be in hiding.

 

[Kristen.NewCreation]

Welcome. So glad you posted. I journal a lot, and do some crafts as tolerable. Oh, and I enjoy computer games, so I tend to play when I need some self-care.

 

[PropheticTimes]

I like computer games too. I've been thinking of getting back into an MMORPG to increase social contact, which is something I get very little of.

 

[Catherineanne]

I have taken on the task of creating a handwritten Bible for my great niece. I used to draw a lot but that part seems to be in hiding.

I find that if I stop painting for a time and then return to it later I paint far better. All creativity needs gestation time.

 

[Catherineanne]

I like computer games too. I've been thinking of getting back into an MMORPG to increase social contact, which is something I get very little of.

The trick is to find good social contact, not just any. I prefer being alone to being with people who cause me to diminish.

 

[PropheticTimes]

I prefer that also, but at times the craving for contact is overwhelming.

Thank you, Catherineanne, I appreciate your input

 

[Catherineanne]

I prefer that also, but at times the craving for contact is overwhelming.

Thank you, Catherineanne, I appreciate your input

Thanks.

I know what you mean; there is a real tension between staying alone and going to find other people, but knowing that being with other people has the potential to cause harm, even if they do not intend or realise it. We are oversensitised.

 

[Kristen.NewCreation]

I can relate to having been oversensitive and hypervigilent around others. The fear of being hurt was great. I was a good people watcher, but poor judge of who was safe and wasn't. Honestly, a very loving couple helped me to start seeing that not all people abuse..... but that took a LONG time to see. I was too afraid early on.

Now, I'm thankful to say, I'm pretty good with seeing good in people, and pretty good at setting boundaries when there are questions about who or what is a possible issue or "user" of people.

 

[Catherineanne]

I can relate to having been oversensitive and hypervigilent around others. The fear of being hurt was great. I was a good people watcher, but poor judge of who was safe and wasn't. Honestly, a very loving couple helped me to start seeing that not all people abuse..... but that took a LONG time to see. I was too afraid early on.

Now, I'm thankful to say, I'm pretty good with seeing good in people, and pretty good at setting boundaries when there are questions about who or what is a possible issue or "user" of people.

Well done on making progress. It only goes to show; as long as we remain aware, we can learn, and we can change.

 

[Mea_kākau]

Writing helped me the most. I've kept journals since 1976. I allowed myself and parts within which I used to have to write or draw anything they wished.

Later I wrote stories and that helped even more. I found that the mechanism which allowed me to bring forth memories, playacting in my head what happened to me, later became the same tool I used for writing stories. It took a while to transition from using it for memory work to using it for writing stories. I had to learn to write down the details. It started off with "talking heads" without any descriptions of the surroundings. Of course this mimicked what had occurred in my head over the years, talking heads withing me. Now whatever I see within me I write in living color on the pages of my novels.

When my latest memories came out I used art and writing. My avatar is one of those pieces of artwork. It's appropriately named Tumultuous Uprising, as it was a turbulent and loud time (within).

 

[FutureAndAHope]

One of the most important things I've learned over time is that only I am going to take care of myself at this time. I'm not that little child in a child's body any longer. So what am I doing to care for my adult self, and for my little or not so little ones inside?

How they are doing impacts me personally as the primary adult. If they are anxious, I feel it - scared, I feel it, etc. I may not understand that I'm feeling them, but I've learned in the past that when I unexpectedly feel a certain way, it is good to check on the inside.

For me, reinforcing safety - I am an adult now - the trauma isn't happening now... I an keep up safe. Then hugging a teddy bear or hugging myself to provide something that suggests safety. At one time, I put multiple locks on the door and barrier boards in the windows that slid open side ways so no one could physically get in from outside without excessive effort. I also told one of my best friends that if I called them and told them my abuser was outside to please come help. They said they would, and I should immediately hang up and call the police. So I had an external protector as well.

There are other things - coloring in my coloring books always helped to calm me down (I used adult coloring books - fine lines and great detail to the pictures). Then of course were the color books for the little ones, and art supplies, etc.

What do you do? How do you take care of you and those inside?
Even if you're just starting to take care of you - what little steps have you taken that are going to lead to more and more steps?

I have never been abused, so I can't really relate to your experience in a way that I could add to you. Could you share with me what it does to you on the inside. The worst I have had is extreme emotional struggles, for me I was able to over come them by focusing on promises God had given me. I would just walk around the room in emotional distress quoting "I know the plans I have for you say the LORD, plans for good and not for evil", at the time there seemed to be no hope. Now my hope is fully realised and my emotional distress is long gone.

 

[Mea_kākau]

I have never been abused, so I can't really relate to your experience in a way that I could add to you. Could you share with me what it does to you on the inside. The worst I have had is extreme emotional struggles, for me I was able to over come them by focusing on promises God had given me. I would just walk around the room in emotional distress quoting "I know the plans I have for you say the LORD, plans for good and not for evil", at the time there seemed to be no hope. Now my hope is fully realised and my emotional distress is long gone.

Wow! No abuse. There's a concept I cannot imagine. I cannot relate to your experience.

My life was the complete opposite. By age three, I witnessed two murders perpetrated by my father. He abused me physically (broke my arm), emotionally/mentally/psychologically (used all kinds of mind games on me), and sexually. He murdered more people and forced me to watch and participate with him.

On the inside, I had many voices, parts of me dissociated in different ways (No demons as some Christians who prayed for me suggested and believed.), which created a great divide within me. Parts of me disliked anything Christian, parts were terrified of the Lord (feared He would be like my father), and other parts were 100% reliant on the Lord.

If I didn't have those parts, the breaking off of unbearable memories and/or emotions and hiding or compartmentalizing them within me, I know I would've gone insane from what my father did to me. As a young child, I had several psychotic breaks when the abuse was too much to bear and dissociating didn't help me stay mentally/emotionally distant and safe.

I healed through writing (journals in the beginning and later stories) and listening to and/or singing/playing praise and worship songs. Though some songs bothered me immensely because they were about death. It didn't matter if a person wasn't really dying. It was that a song contained the words "death, dying, or similar words." Reading the Bible was all but impossible with the many different parts of me inside and the possibility of encountering triggers and thus memories. I've still got a problem with that today. The littlest thing, a single word or sight or picture, could trigger me as I continue to have PTSD. I couldn't focus on reading much of anything. Even reading a paperback book in my favorite genre was too triggering, bringing a flood of memories.

I became a Christian early on in my healing from my abuse rather than being a Christian before I started remembering what happened to me. I think that played a different roll in my healing and how I had to approach the Lord, church, hearing sermons, reading the Bible, and praise and worship music.