Can divorced Christians remarry?

JimB

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Here’s an alternate view from the standard fundamentalist interpretation of the biblical prohibition against divorce and remarriage. I am offering it on the debate forum because the subject always seems to generate a lot of heat.

References:
http://www.divorcehope.com/canchristiansremarryafterdivorce.htm
http://www.divorcehope.com/christiandivorceandremarriage.htm
Can Divorced Christians Remarry? Absolutely!

Can divorced Christians remarry? Yes, of course! Forbidding someone to remarry after they're divorced is bad doctrine. Marriage after being divorced is our heavenly Father's heart! (Take notice of a wrong translation of only one single word (apoluo) that puts a divorced person in bondage.)

Divorce and Remarriage

“Now the Spirit [of God] expressly says that in latter times [the days we live in now] some will DEPART FROM THE FAITH, giving heed to deceiving spirits and doctrines of demons, speaking lies ...FORBIDDING TO MARRY…” (1Timothy 4:1,3).

“Forbidding [someone] to marry” after they have been divorced is a doctrine of the devil. The Bible is not saying that these people who hold to this belief are not true Christians, but that they teach out of ignorance — they don't understand God's heart in the Scriptures. Understanding God's heart only comes from the Holy Spirit revealing Him to us. Whenever we do not understand God's heart in the Scriptures, we have departed from sound doctrine.

This Scripture could not be talking about forbidding to marry in general. Nobody would listen to such nonsense preached. The desire that God put in man to have a companion and sexual partner is too great, especially if they were married before. In order that we don’t fall into “...sexual immorality, let EACH MAN have his own wife, and let EACH WOMAN have her own husband” (1Corinthians 7:2). “[For] IT IS NOT GOOD THAT MAN SHOULD BE ALONE…” (Genesis 2:18a).

The erroneous doctrine of forbidding one to marry after a divorce has been preached and taught in many churches. It has violated the conscience and hearts of those who’ve been divorced, driving them into a constant state of confusion and negatively impacting their lives. The only way for these people to come out of that confused state is to leave the church, and many have done just that. Not only do they leave the church to remarry, they also need to be able to make the right decision to divorce when it’s necessary in order to save themselves and their families before all is destroyed.

In order to understand that there IS marriage after divorce, we will examine the Scriptures in Matthew 19:3-12 focusing on the usage of the Greek word, apoluo. The Greek word apoluo that’s translated “divorce” or “to put away” is a general word. Its primary usage is: to “send” (apoluo) someone home when it’s getting late.11 When two people are leaving each other there is a “separation.” Apoluo is a separation in general, which does not involve the “legal” aspect of a permanent separation like a divorce. The common usage is seen in the Scripture “When it was evening, His disciples came to Him, saying ‘This is a deserted place, and the hour is already late. SEND (apoluo) the multitudes away, that they may go unto the villages and buy themselves food’” (Matthew 14:15). The Greek word apoluo doesn’t have a legal aspect to it. It’s just a common word that means, “I’m going to go” or, “away from, to separate.” Because of our wrong beliefs about divorce, this key word was purposely translated (incorrectly) so it would not conflict with our beliefs.

When used concerning a marriage it means a separation and NOT a divorce. If a spouse separates intending never to return, then the next step comes into play; the spouse obtains a “certificate of divorce.” This is what the confrontation between Jesus and the Pharisees (the religious lawyers of His day) was about in Matthew 19:3-12. The legal question was, “Do you just separate, OR do you separate AND give a certificate of divorce?” The Greek word used for divorce in these Scriptures means, to “send away” or separate from, NOT a finalized legal divorce.

The lawyers of God’s law tested Jesus. Their motive was to justify when they only separated from their wives and remarried without ever getting a divorce. They asked Him if God accepts a separation to get remarried without a divorce certificate for just any reason. Jesus responded that when a male and female come together in a marriage union, “...they are no longer two BUT ONE…” (Matthew 19:6a). Because the couple is still united, He doesn’t want “man” (the marriage partners) to just separate from each other and get remarried without a divorce. A SEPARATION ALONE DOES NOT BREAK THE MARRIAGE UNION. IT TAKES A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE, ALSO. So the question was NOT, “Can a spouse DIVORCE their mate for any reason,” but “Can a spouse get a SEPARATION from their mate for any reason and then remarry while just separated.”

When a husband just leaves his wife for another woman without ever giving her a certificate of divorce, this keeps the wife in limbo. She could not go back to her husband because he doesn’t want her; and she couldn’t “go and become another man’s wife” as Moses commanded because she is not legally divorced (See Deuteronomy 24:1-2). If she did remarry without a legal divorce, she and the man who married her would be committing adultery. This is why Jesus said, “...whoever separates (apoluo) from his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is [just] separated (apoluo) commits adultery” (Matthew 19:9 My Translation).

Because the Pharisees’ hearts were so hard “They said to Him [Jesus], ‘WHY then did Moses COMMAND to give a certificate of divorce AND to put her away [separate]?’” (Matthew 19:7). They agreed with the part of the law that said that you could leave your wife, but they didn’t understand that it was not right to keep their wives from getting remarried. A spouse with a hardened heart will not give the other spouse a divorce. They will want to control the person. A person who truly loves unconditionally will always give you a way out: an option not to love.
So it is with God; He always gives us the choice to not love Him. As we choose to love Him, it’s true love. At times the reason a marriage isn’t a truly unconditional loving marriage is because the partners feel that there is never a way out, if needed. If the marriage partners knew that there was a godly way to escape from a failing marriage it would give the couple the freedom to “choose to love,” even when it’s not convenient.

Jesus said to them, “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, PERMITTED you to divorce [separate from] your wives, but from the beginning IT [being separated without a divorce] WAS NOT SO” (Matthew 19:8). Notice in verse seven that Moses COMMANDED them to give a certificate of divorce AND to separate (put away) their wives. But in verse eight, because their hearts were so hardened against their spouse, Moses PERMITTED them to just separate without the husband giving the wife a certificate of divorce. The reason Moses commanded that a certificate of divorce be given was to guarantee that the wife could get remarried. Simply, Moses commanded to give a certificate of divorce AND to separate. But because of the hardness of their hearts, Moses permitted them to separate only. The permission to separate and remarry without a divorce was limited to sexual immorality. If the wife was unfaithful, the husband could leave without ever being “officially divorced” — by giving her a certificate of divorcement, and go take another woman as his wife. But if there was no sexual immorality involved, the husband could NOT separate from his wife without getting a divorce first. If he didn’t get a divorce and went to live with another woman or got remarried, they were committing adultery.

“Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be loosed [for selfish reasons]. Are you loosed [divorced] from a wife? [In my opinion says Paul, the Apostle] do not seek a wife. BUT EVEN IF YOU DO MARRY, YOU HAVE NOT SINNED; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned” (1Corinthians 7:26-28a). Notice that the “virgin” AND the person “loosed [divorced]” are both put in the same category — they have “not sinned” by getting married. BOTH THE PERSON WHO WAS NEVER MARRIED AND THE PERSON WHO WAS DIVORCED ARE WITHOUT SIN IF THEY MARRY.

Deuteronomy 24:1-4 tells of a situation where a man married a woman and then divorced her. This woman then married another man. The Scriptures go on to state that if the second marriage ends by her husband writing “...her a certificate of divorce ...OR if the latter husband dies…” (Deuteronomy 24:3,4), she could not remarry the first man she divorced because she had already married someone else. Therefore, if our spouse dies, or if we were divorced, we can get married again. Divorce and death are equal before God. The only stipulation in this Scripture is that if this is the second marriage, we cannot go back to the first spouse and remarry them because we married someone else after we divorced them.
~Jim

Mercy triumphs over judgment. ~James 2.13
 

JimB

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Yes they can! Who can stop them?

'Should they' is another interesting question.

:)

Of course they shouldn’t (unless your spouse in an abuser or fornicator), but if they do … then what?

FTR, no one hates divorce more than a divorcee.

~Jim
Mercy triumphs over judgment. ~James 2.13

 
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nephilimiyr

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Yes they can! Who can stop them?

'Should they' is another interesting question.

:)
I would rather say, according to the law they shouldn't. But we are not under law.
 
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JimB

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I would rather say, according to the law they shouldn't. But we are not under law.

Correctemente. Even imposing NT scriptures re:divorce-and-remarriage (or anything else) on people in a legalistic way is law.

~Jim
Mercy triumphs over judgment. ~James 2.13

 
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JimB

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A lot of people have, unfortunately. Worse yet, is the way they are made to feel by uber-fundamentalists who force them to wear a “Scarlet D” for the rest of their life. This is especially true of leaders (pastors) who divorce and are told that the gifts and callings and grace of God are conditional, after all. They are forced forever to remain in a unrestorable and unforgiven state for the rest of their lives.

~Jim
Mercy triumphs over judgment. ~James 2.13
 
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nephilimiyr

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A lot of people have, unfortunately. Worse yet, is the way they are made to feel by uber-fundamentalists who force them to wear a “Scarlet D” for the rest of their life. This is especially true of leaders (pastors) who divorce and are told that the gifts and callings and grace of God are conditional, after all. They are forced forever to remain in a unrestorable and unforgiven state for the rest of their lives.

~Jim

Mercy triumphs over judgment. ~James 2.13
Doesn't that depend upon what church or denomination they may be a pastor in? I would think so anyway.
 
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JimB

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Doesn't that depend upon what church or denomination they may be a pastor in? I would think so anyway.

Sure. But some denominations have very legalistic (fundamentalist) rules about these sort of things.

~Jim
Mercy triumphs over judgment. ~James 2.13
 
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New_Wineskin

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Here’s an alternate view from the standard fundamentalist interpretation of the biblical prohibition against divorce and remarriage. I am offering it on the debate forum because the subject always seems to generate a lot of heat.

It is completely between the Lord and the two involved . There is no pat or universal answer for all Christians . Praise the Lord that He can speak to us .
 
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shinbits

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RCCM: The National Publication Archive - "Marriage After Divorce" -David Jerome


2 Timothy 4:3-4 says:

“For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine, but according to their own desires, because they have itching ears, they will heap up for themselves teachers; and they will turn their ears away from the truth, and be turned aside to fables.”
There is a doctrine being preached today about marriage that is contrary to the Bible. This doctrine is that it is okay for divorced persons in the church to remarry.

The rate of divorce in the Christian Church is over 50%, which is higher than that of people with other or no religious beliefs. To add to that, it is not uncommon to find many religious leaders such as pastors or bishops, who also are divorced. It is no wonder then, why teachings of remarriage after divorce, are growing and so nationwide.

The Bible says in Matthew 5:32 (KJV), “But I say unto you, that whosoever shall put away his wife, except for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery; and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced commiteth adultery.” The passage “Except for the cause of fornication”, is often misinterpreted that divorce is acceptable if the spouse has had sex with someone other than the one that they are married to after the marriage has taken place. But this passage here is in reference to Deuteronomy 22:13-21, which states what a man may do if he discovers his wife is not a virgin after they are married. Sex before marriage is fornication. One cannot fornicate after marriage, because then it is called adultery. Biblically, one cannot divorce someone because the spouse has cheated on them and committed adultery. The Bible means only if the man was deceived about his wife’s virginity, before entering the marriage. On this ground, and this ground only, can someone get divorced and remarried.

There are many pastors and church leaders who are divorced for reasons other than stated in Deuteronomy 22:13. As stated before, the rate of divorce in the Church is over 50% and higher than that of non-Christian or secular people. Therefore, many preachers preach ways around this clear teaching of the Bible.

Jesus was asked in Matthew 19:3 (NKJV), “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?” Jesus answered them in verse 4 saying, “Have you not read that He who made them in the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘for this reason shall a man leave his mother and father and be joined to his wife that the two shall become one flesh’? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no man separate.” Then the Pharisees asked Jesus as to why Moses permitted divorce. Jesus answered in verse 8, “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.” Jesus goes on in verse 9, “And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality (before marriage), and marries another commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.”

Modern preaching has gone so far as to say that there are processes by which a divorced person can get remarried. “Remedies”, such as praying to be delivered from the former spouse or asking God to “bring the right one this time”, and many others have been offered. This is clearly against the Bible. There is no way around this teaching. Many preachers, however, including some who are very famous and can be found on television speaking to crowds of thousands, preach ways around this clear doctrine of the Bible. Because so many Christian people are divorced, this new type of doctrine is very popular. It is sad to say that many Christians do not respect the institution of marriage enough to not get divorced the first time.



What if your spouse cheated?

Many times has the Lord called Israel His "Bride". And quite a few times has God speaks of "divorcing" Israel (Jeremiah 3:8), because of Israel's constant unfaithfulness to God, in worshipping false Gods. Yet, because God is faithful to His Word, and keeps His covenents, Israel has remained the apple of God's eye, and remained His bride.
Consider the book of Hosea, a prophet who married an adulterous woman, in order to symoblize God's love for us. God illustrated perfect love, in that even though Israel was like a rampantly adulterous woman, that God's love would remain forever. We, as His children, whom Christ commanded to be perfect, as our Father is perfect (Matthew 5:48), are to emmulate God and His faithfulness. Because God did not divorce us, we should not divorce our spouses.


But What If your spouse divorces you?

The question has been asked, “But what if your spouse divorces you, even if you want to keep the marriage together?” Or “Is it fair that if you did everything right the first time and your spouse divorces you, that you can never get married again?” Jesus’ disciples also thought that this was a tough thing to swallow. They said in Matt 19:10, “If this is the case with a man and his wife, it is better not to marry.”(NKJV)

What About God’s grace?

Some people take the position that because God is merciful and abounding in grace and love, that God would “okay” a marriage of divorced people because he is forgiving and gracious. This is totally false. Paul addresses this exact issue in Romans 6:1-3; “Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound? Certainly not! How shall we who died to sin live any longer in it?” (NKJV) Anyone who remarries while the first spouse is alive lives in adultery. This is not at all in reference to those divorced and remarried before being saved by Christ, their sins are forgiven. Paul is speaking about those who know the law and intentionally break it, and then try to justify themselves with the fact that God is gracious. God is a God of grace. But this has been twisted in order to suit the desires of people.

Paul had a thorn in his flesh in 2Corinthians 12. He said that he prayed three times for God to remove it, but God said, “My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness.” God is a God of grace. But his grace is not so that sin may abound. It is a struggle for divorced people to remain unmarried or to wait to be reunited with their spouse. God’s grace will not permit you to break a law because it is convenient, but God’s grace is sufficient for you to deal with your thorn in your flesh, weather that thorn is lust, loneliness, or whatever you need to overcome. This is what is meant by God is a God of grace.

Isn’t This Being Legalistic?

Some preachers may say that obeying this teaching is living by the letter of the law, and therefore legalistic. There are Ten Commandments. The Ten Commandments are pillars of Biblical doctrine, and no one can say that it is just simple legality to follow these commandments. It is not legalistic to not kill, or worship God only, and it is not legalistic to not commit adultery. Yet that is what divorced people who marry another are doing—committing adultery.

This is what dying to flesh is all about. Many people would clap in church services, or voice their “Amen’s” at the concept of dying to flesh as long as it is in reference to not watching R rated movies, or swearing in traffic. The truth is, whoever will not die to his or her own desires, will not hold up if that person’s life is put on the line for the Gospel.

The only way for a person to remarry after being divorced is if the husband or wife dies. Then, as Paul says in Romans 7:2-4, the divorced person is free from the law of marriage and can marry another.

What Then, Is A Divorced Person To Do?

First and foremost, someone going through a divorce should be praying for reconciliation and restoration of their marriage. Even if there has been many years since the marriage broke up, as long as that person’s spouse has not remarried, a restored marriage should be the goal in a divorced person’s life not remarriage. Cases of people who are divorced, especially of those who are young with their whole lives ahead of them, are indeed heart wrenching. The pain involved in divorce is probably one of the reasons why the Bible says, “God hates divorce”(Malachi 2:16). I encourage all to have compassion on divorced people, and to flood them with prayers and support.

In the modern church today, there is far too much emphasis on getting married. Paul said in 1Corinthinthians 7:28, “But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.” 1Corinthians 7:27: “Are you married? Do not seek a divorce. Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife.” Paul goes on in verse 29, “What I mean brothers, is that the time is short. From now on, those who have wives should live as though they had none.”

With the state of the world as it is, and with the ever nearing arrival of our Lord and Savior speeding towards us, we should set our minds on what is most important, and what is lasting. Many are dying, even as this is being typed, even as you are reading this, and many are going to hell. Let’s put things in perspective. When you consider an eternal hell against a temporary marriage, the latter seems much less important, and the former gravely serious. I suggest more preaching needs to be taught on 1Cor 7, and to those who need help, to meditate on 1Cor 7:27-29. And may God bless and strengthen those who read it.
 
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JimB

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divorced people can't remarry, according to the bible, except for the "fornication" bit. but it doesn't matter, because Christians will ignore that and conjure up ways around it, if they're divorced and want to remarry.

Did you read the article in the OP? As you can see, there are differing interpretations on those verses that talk about divorce and remarriage and we probably need to talk about them. But I have company coming and I need to go. :wave:

~Jim
Mercy triumphs over judgment. ~James 2.13
 
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shinbits

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Did you read the article in the OP? As you can see, there are differing interpretations on those verses that talk about divorce and remarriage and we probably need to talk about them. But I have company coming and I need to go. :wave:

~Jim

Mercy triumphs over judgment. ~James 2.13
I know. That's why I offered a formal debate challenge, between our two posts. We should just put them in a debate thread, and see the responses.

Have fun with your guests. :)
 
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nephilimiyr

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Sure. But some denominations have very legalistic (fundamentalist) rules about these sort of things.

~Jim

Mercy triumphs over judgment. ~James 2.13
No kiddin. Well maybe people should just become Catholic that way instead of getting a devorce they can simply get the marriage anulled and not have to ever worry about whether remarrying is wrong or not. :D
 
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lismore

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I agree with New Wineskin.

All doctrines on divorce will have their exceptions and their limitations. There isnt a rule to be followed, its about hearing from the Lord in that particular case.

If a church comes out heavily against divorce, what about people who are already divroced and remarried, what practical step can they take? Get divorced again and go back to their original amrriage? What about people who were divorced before they were Christians? What about people who are being abused in a marriage?

On the other hand churches that come out fairly tolerant of divorce will be swamped by people getting a divorce over nothing.
 
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lismore

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No kiddin. Well maybe people should just become Catholic that way instead of getting a devorce they can simply get the marriage anulled and not have to ever worry about whether remarrying is wrong or not. :D

When a church has been around as long as the RCC has there are ways around practically anything.

As my uncle Joe used to say, when he was an altar boy. You could look at naughty books, steal out of the poor box and then get the most easy going priest in confession^_^. Bob's your uncle. Do what you like, say five hail Mary's, all is forgiven.
 
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