being single and inappropriate contentagraphy

[Maranatha27]

Mykim you are in a bad place. Aiki has given you strong advice, I would take it to heart the best you can. If you are a believer that has been sealed by the Spirit, inappropriate content is a Spirit quencher. You will not hear from God or feel Him in your life period.

If you choose to have inappropriate content to be a part of your life, you will constantly be walking in the flesh, which is a disaster. Easily offended, insensitive, angry are a few of the things that represent the flesh.

Do you love the Word of God? Is it precious to you? If your answer is meh.. you are probably not born again. If you are a child of God your lust for a harlot should cause you great shame, becuase you are not a virgin is a sense, you have slept with multiple woman in your heart and are just as guilty.

"This Book will keep you from sin, or sin will keep you from this Book" was written on the inside of the cover of John Bunyans Bible.

My advice is to read the Bible, A lot, I have similar issues in a sense and still do, but I have commited my life to what God has said and consumed his Word for the last 10 years +. He is good. He warns that the strange woman is a deep ditch, and you have bought it hook line and sinker. He loves you, its time to get into the Word and find out who He is

 

[Max Shade]

the only woman i tend to notice are way out of my league. I never take interest in woman i have no attraction to. As pathetic as i am, i am shallow.

It is good to recognize the root of the problem. Perhaps it is, that the inappropriate content has created unrealistic expectations. What you find attractive is only attractive because the purveyors of inappropriate content say it is attractive. What defines "your league"?

I have decided to disregard woman. i don't even pray about marriage. But i also hate celibacy so it is going to be a tough battle for me.

Well I am not sure which is better, objectifying them or ignoring them . . . pretty sure neither of those options fits the Christian model of relating to other human beings. It isn't a bad idea to take a break from thinking about women until you get your head on straight, regarding the topic. I'd encourage you to leave the door open to re-entertain the thoughts of relating to people of other genders when you can do so without dehumanizing them.

 

[jjust19]

I'd personally try to take steps to get away from the inappropriate contentography. Don't get me wrong, I have major issues with avoiding temptation and lust myself, in which I'm still working on. But in saying that, I know what to do (even though I can't do most of these things myself). For starters, you need to get out of the house more and be around people. It doesn't matter where you go, just keep away from your phone and other electronic devices that you can access inappropriate content through. More importantly, keep near people and make sure you're never out of sight. Pray to God and ask for help, read the Bible and think of that which is praise worthy. inappropriate contentography is incredibly hard to quit and I completely understand that. God can help you, but you also need to help yourself. Go on SEEK.com and apply for some jobs (or some other job sites), start going to the gym and eating light, healthy snacks; learn good interpersonal skills, and above all, be nice. Moreover, try so new hair styles (it's amazing how different a face looks with different hair). Furthermore, there's no shame in being a virgin, hold onto it as long as possible (at least 'til marriage and only marriage). Look for something to study, too. God will help you. God bless.

 

[mykim]

Do you believe the bible is the word of God?

isn't that the whole point of accepting Jesus Christ.

 

[mykim]

Mykim you are in a bad place. Aiki has given you strong advice, I would take it to heart the best you can. If you are a believer that has been sealed by the Spirit, inappropriate content is a Spirit quencher. You will not hear from God or feel Him in your life period.

If you choose to have inappropriate content to be a part of your life, you will constantly be walking in the flesh, which is a disaster. Easily offended, insensitive, angry are a few of the things that represent the flesh.

Do you love the Word of God? Is it precious to you? If your answer is meh.. you are probably not born again. If you are a child of God your lust for a harlot should cause you great shame, becuase you are not a virgin is a sense, you have slept with multiple woman in your heart and are just as guilty.

"This Book will keep you from sin, or sin will keep you from this Book" was written on the inside of the cover of John Bunyans Bible.

My advice is to read the Bible, A lot, I have similar issues in a sense and still do, but I have commited my life to what God has said and consumed his Word for the last 10 years +. He is good. He warns that the strange woman is a deep ditch, and you have bought it hook line and sinker. He loves you, its time to get into the Word and find out who He is

I do read the bible daily and pray about my problem. The problem is that the bible does not have any scriptures for single men who cannot get married. I burn with lust and cannot get married because I am a complete loser.

Also the fact that there is no sexual relations in heaven or post resurrection depresses me. I have had a problem with lust since I was a pre-teen, so this is not easy.

It's as if I have to choose between celibacy or the lust and the former causes me misery. Almost like a withdrawal symptom.

It is good to recognize the root of the problem. Perhaps it is, that the inappropriate content has created unrealistic expectations. What you find attractive is only attractive because the purveyors of inappropriate content say it is attractive. What defines "your league"?



Well I am not sure which is better, objectifying them or ignoring them . . . pretty sure neither of those options fits the Christian model of relating to other human beings. It isn't a bad idea to take a break from thinking about women until you get your head on straight, regarding the topic. I'd encourage you to leave the door open to re-entertain the thoughts of relating to people of other genders when you can do so without dehumanizing them.

Within my league would be an plain Jane woman with no stand out features. basically a 5/10 or below.

Women have never been part of my life but my addiction has. I am unattractive and unsuccessful so getting a decent wife is out of the question.

I'd personally try to take steps to get away from the inappropriate contentography. Don't get me wrong, I have major issues with avoiding temptation and lust myself, in which I'm still working on. But in saying that, I know what to do (even though I can't do most of these things myself). For starters, you need to get out of the house more and be around people. It doesn't matter where you go, just keep away from your phone and other electronic devices that you can access inappropriate content through. More importantly, keep near people and make sure you're never out of sight. Pray to God and ask for help, read the Bible and think of that which is praise worthy. inappropriate contentography is incredibly hard to quit and I completely understand that. God can help you, but you also need to help yourself. Go on SEEK.com and apply for some jobs (or some other job sites), start going to the gym and eating light, healthy snacks; learn good interpersonal skills, and above all, be nice. Moreover, try so new hair styles (it's amazing how different a face looks with different hair). Furthermore, there's no shame in being a virgin, hold onto it as long as possible (at least 'til marriage and only marriage). Look for something to study, too. God will help you. God bless.

I am attending a christian support group. But I feel like garbage because I am the only one there who can't seem to make progress.

I already workout and eat right so that's not a problem.

 

[lutherangerman]

It's not easy to quit inappropriate content once you get used to it. It can feel like inappropriate content is like food and you just need it to make it through the day. What helps me is to plan for myself some activities, and to remind myself in temptation that I usually feel bad after watching inappropriate content, not so much because of guilt but because the sexual stuff tires me out and makes me feel so fleshly. It's like hunger or appetite, but not in a spiritual and sensible way. I try to see things like this, if we cook a meal we normally try to make things nice, we have clean plates and spoons and knives and forks and all, a white blanket on the table, some flowers, we cook something with love and attention, using good ingredients and making sure everything is nice and comfortable and presentable. This is how I see sex has to be like too, it has to happen in a marriage and with dignity and honor. inappropriate content, however, always tries to be extra-dirty in order to arouse people. Watching inappropriate content and masturbation in the end is like eating 1 donut, 1 cheeseburger with tons of ketchup, a big pizza, a sandwich with lots of mayo, all together, and 5 cokes to it. Do you get my drift? You get sick of it, and its all over in 5 minutes. Real sex in marriage instead is like a candlelight dinner, bed of roses, you take lots of time with it, there's real love in it and incredible tenderness. It's the good thing, and it's not fleshly, it's not so much about satisfaction of a sexdrive but about melting with someone, being one flesh with her. That's really something else than inappropriate content.

About good looks, I am fairly good looking they say but I also don't have a wife. I have no job and so I have no money and that's the prime hindrance I guess because most women want a man who can provide so they can do the mom-at-home thing. I enjoy it anytime I can talk with a girl and I'm trying to be nice and sweet and funny. Girls sometimes like me and sometimes they don't, I'm alternative so I don't attract everyone, but those that enjoy me speak to me and that's always nice. I also flirt, it's funny and good for a laugh so often. And it feels good.

Make yourself nice, comb your hair, shave, get some good clothing, and you're set.

 

[mykim]

It's not easy to quit inappropriate content once you get used to it. It can feel like inappropriate content is like food and you just need it to make it through the day. What helps me is to plan for myself some activities, and to remind myself in temptation that I usually feel bad after watching inappropriate content, not so much because of guilt but because the sexual stuff tires me out and makes me feel so fleshly. It's like hunger or appetite, but not in a spiritual and sensible way. I try to see things like this, if we cook a meal we normally try to make things nice, we have clean plates and spoons and knives and forks and all, a white blanket on the table, some flowers, we cook something with love and attention, using good ingredients and making sure everything is nice and comfortable and presentable. This is how I see sex has to be like too, it has to happen in a marriage and with dignity and honor. inappropriate content, however, always tries to be extra-dirty in order to arouse people. Watching inappropriate content and masturbation in the end is like eating 1 donut, 1 cheeseburger with tons of ketchup, a big pizza, a sandwich with lots of mayo, all together, and 5 cokes to it. Do you get my drift? You get sick of it, and its all over in 5 minutes. Real sex in marriage instead is like a candlelight dinner, bed of roses, you take lots of time with it, there's real love in it and incredible tenderness. It's the good thing, and it's not fleshly, it's not so much about satisfaction of a sexdrive but about melting with someone, being one flesh with her. That's really something else than inappropriate content.

About good looks, I am fairly good looking they say but I also don't have a wife. I have no job and so I have no money and that's the prime hindrance I guess because most women want a man who can provide so they can do the mom-at-home thing. I enjoy it anytime I can talk with a girl and I'm trying to be nice and sweet and funny. Girls sometimes like me and sometimes they don't, I'm alternative so I don't attract everyone, but those that enjoy me speak to me and that's always nice. I also flirt, it's funny and good for a laugh so often. And it feels good.

Make yourself nice, comb your hair, shave, get some good clothing, and you're set.

I agree that inappropriate content is a temporary pleasure. It is so enticing though and hard to resist.

I don't talk to woman because I have zero social skills, am ugly, and disgusting.

It is hard enough being an unattractive asian male. My hands are cold and sweaty, so i prefer not to introduce myself and shake hands. My skin is terrible, and my hair is failing because I think i am starting to go bald. I am hopeless with women

 

[Max Shade]

I do read the bible daily and pray about my problem. The problem is that the bible does not have any scriptures for single men who cannot get married.

Could be that the Bible, like me, feels that singles who cannot get married are fiction. There are those called to celibacy & if you were you'd be at peace with it. There are those who choose & the same applies. But those who cannot? Well that is a fiction of the mind. I have said before and will say it again, my face is scarred from shrapnel and wounds and I wasn't attractive before . . . yet I am with the woman of my dreams. Not just beautiful, smart, kind, and full of every good thing from Proverbs 31:10-31 but the very one, singular woman I would choose above any other. This after I was past my prime and battle damaged. No, If I can have my dreams come true, it is not outside the reach of any man.

I burn with lust and cannot get married because I am a complete loser.

That would be the thing to address first, why you feel this way? How can you fix it (don't say you can't) what is impeding you or preventing you from what you feel would be success?

Within my league would be an plain Jane woman with no stand out features. basically a 5/10 or below.

That speaks to their physicality but says nothing of their character. What kind of a woman do you want and what kind of a woman is in your league? By kind, I mean, scale education from drop-out to PhD, scale spirituality from bankrupt to clergy, scale maternal qualities (for future children) from Britney Spears to Gwen Stefani (just picking out some polar opposites), find as many different angles as possible and build scales. When you start contemplating people on many different levels, you may find it gives you more clarity.

 

[mykim]

Could be that the Bible, like me, feels that singles who cannot get married are fiction. There are those called to celibacy & if you were you'd be at peace with it. There are those who choose & the same applies. But those who cannot? Well that is a fiction of the mind. I have said before and will say it again, my face is scarred from shrapnel and wounds and I wasn't attractive before . . . yet I am with the woman of my dreams. Not just beautiful, smart, kind, and full of every good thing from Proverbs 31:10-31 but the very one, singular woman I would choose above any other. This after I was past my prime and battle damaged. No, If I can have my dreams come true, it is not outside the reach of any man.

I can't be celibate, that's not an option for me. Not only am I ugly and gross, I am also incredibly boring and can't hold a good conversation. It's not like I can walk up to a pretty woman, and introduce myself.

I also can't get good employment or make my own money, so my situation is pretty hopeless.

That would be the thing to address first, why you feel this way? How can you fix it (don't say you can't) what is impeding you or preventing you from what you feel would be success?

I can't fix my bad genetics. I also can't seem to solve my financial meltdown.

That speaks to their physicality but says nothing of their character. What kind of a woman do you want and what kind of a woman is in your league? By kind, I mean, scale education from drop-out to PhD, scale spirituality from bankrupt to clergy, scale maternal qualities (for future children) from Britney Spears to Gwen Stefani (just picking out some polar opposites), find as many different angles as possible and build scales. When you start contemplating people on many different levels, you may find it gives you more clarity.

I agree that personality and their spirituality are also important, but so are looks.

 

[Max Shade]

I agree that personality and their spirituality are also important, but so are looks.

Well, I am thankful the woman of my dreams didn't get hung up on looks Fortunately for me however, she is beautiful and people are always drawn to her because she radiates both peace and beauty.

I can't be celibate, that's not an option for me. Not only am I ugly and gross, I am also incredibly boring and can't hold a good conversation. It's not like I can walk up to a pretty woman, and introduce myself.

Conversation is an art. Very few people can walk up to a canvas or a pottery wheel and whip up a masterpiece without building the skill first. Practice. I think places still have "speed-dating" and if you present yourself in situations and view them as practice, it might help. Pay attention to what works and what doesn't. Become a student of conversation. Rather than setting out with your end agenda, set out with a short term goal. Conduct at least three conversations per day, even if they are fairly brief but pleasant exchanges with clerks in stores or online chat.

Why do you think you are boring? Surely you have done something, learned something, do something in your spare time? Surely you don't just sit at home and look at inappropriate content, there must be more. . . . what is it?

I also can't get good employment or make my own money, so my situation is pretty hopeless.

Why not? What skills/ education do you have? What impairs you?




I can't fix my bad genetics. I also can't seem to solve my financial meltdown.

 

[mykim]

Well, I am thankful the woman of my dreams didn't get hung up on looks Fortunately for me however, she is beautiful and people are always drawn to her because she radiates both peace and beauty.

I am happy for you. But for me, knowing that i will not find love in this life or the next makes me feel dead inside.

Conversation is an art. Very few people can walk up to a canvas or a pottery wheel and whip up a masterpiece without building the skill first. Practice. I think places still have "speed-dating" and if you present yourself in situations and view them as practice, it might help. Pay attention to what works and what doesn't. Become a student of conversation. Rather than setting out with your end agenda, set out with a short term goal. Conduct at least three conversations per day, even if they are fairly brief but pleasant exchanges with clerks in stores or online chat.

Why do you think you are boring? Surely you have done something, learned something, do something in your spare time? Surely you don't just sit at home and look at inappropriate content, there must be more. . . . what is it?

well one important thing is making a woman laugh. most woman like a guy who can make them laugh right? i am not funny at all and being a depressed gloomy person does not help.

Why not? What skills/ education do you have? What impairs you?

I have a BA in marketing and also have a personal training certificate. I did have employment at a marketing firm in 2009. I was laid off and I tried to make my own money by trying internet marketing. It failed miserably, so I tried to become a personal trainer by getting a certificate.

But it turns out that i could not get work in that field either. No gym would hire me for my lack of experience. I went to so many interviews, and now i am fed up.

I also tried ebay and amazon. Made some money but eventually got banned. Also spend 25k on a real estate investing mentor but that turned out to be a huge scam. I am hopeless

 

[Billy Bayou]

Are you a member at a church?

They must have programs that you can volunteer for.

When you are so down and can't find work... volunteer. It keeps you busy, helps you meet new people, gives you a sense of purpose, may lead to leads on paying jobs.


Pray, go volunteer, still apply to paying openings, God works in ways that are not visible to us. Trust Him.

Finding a companion is nice but until you are solid with who you are and where you are going, a permanent serious relationship is probably not the your number one goal.

 

[thesunisout]

isn't that the whole point of accepting Jesus Christ.

If you believe the bible is the word of God, then you should believe what it says about who you are in Christ. You are not a loser, you are Gods child, adopted into His family as a son:

Romans 8:15 For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, "Abba! Father!"

A son of God is not a loser; a son of God is righteous, holy and blameless before the Father:

Ephesians 1:4 even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love

You are not a mistake; you were made in the image of God. You are impuning your Maker when you curse yourself continually. You are speaking spiritual death over your life:

Proverbs 18:21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.

Stop cursing yourself and realize who you are in Jesus Christ. He sent the Holy Spirit to live inside of you:

1 Corinthians 6:19 Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own

You are Gods temple; you are a new creation in Christ. The person that you were is no longer:

2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.

You will never be able to stand up against this lust issue if you do not understand who you are in Christ. What you're doing is agreeing with the enemy about who you are rather than God. You have a choice about what to believe about yourself; whether you believe the truth revealed in Gods word or corrupt reasoning. Study the bible and see how you're supposed to think about things and where to place your hope. Instead of complaining, give thanks. Give thanks for the blessings you do have:

Colossians 3:12 Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience,
Colossians 3:13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.
Colossians 3:14 And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.
Colossians 3:15 And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.
Colossians 3:16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God.
Colossians 3:17 And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

 

[mykim]

Are you a member at a church?

They must have programs that you can volunteer for.

When you are so down and can't find work... volunteer. It keeps you busy, helps you meet new people, gives you a sense of purpose, may lead to leads on paying jobs.


Pray, go volunteer, still apply to paying openings, God works in ways that are not visible to us. Trust Him.

Finding a companion is nice but until you are solid with who you are and where you are going, a permanent serious relationship is probably not the your number one goal.

I am a member of a church and I attend regularly. I did sign up for volunteering this november. I know that God will do everything he says in the bible, but I am not sure if he will do anything in my life.

I have given up on marriage. I know it will not happen for me. So dealing with the lust will be extra tough

If you believe the bible is the word of God, then you should believe what it says about who you are in Christ. You are not a loser, you are Gods child, adopted into His family as a son:

Romans 8:15 For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, "Abba! Father!"

A son of God is not a loser; a son of God is righteous, holy and blameless before the Father:

Ephesians 1:4 even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love

You are not a mistake; you were made in the image of God. You are impuning your Maker when you curse yourself continually. You are speaking spiritual death over your life:

Proverbs 18:21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.

Stop cursing yourself and realize who you are in Jesus Christ. He sent the Holy Spirit to live inside of you:

1 Corinthians 6:19 Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own

You are Gods temple; you are a new creation in Christ. The person that you were is no longer:

2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.

You will never be able to stand up against this lust issue if you do not understand who you are in Christ. What you're doing is agreeing with the enemy about who you are rather than God. You have a choice about what to believe about yourself; whether you believe the truth revealed in Gods word or corrupt reasoning. Study the bible and see how you're supposed to think about things and where to place your hope. Instead of complaining, give thanks. Give thanks for the blessings you do have:

Colossians 3:12 Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience,
Colossians 3:13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.
Colossians 3:14 And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.
Colossians 3:15 And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.
Colossians 3:16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God.
Colossians 3:17 And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

I have signed up for a 12 step program at my church, so hopefully that will help me figure it out. Right now, I just see myself as a waste of space

 

[Klonz]

I don't want to type alot since I type alot about this subject in general but I would post about this or read the topics here already:
http://www.christianforums.com/f214/

Its a section for those with a pronography addiction. It should help alot. BTW if your a new christian the struggle will be super hard since your trying to put your life you use to live behind you. Its not easy. But it can be done.

I can't access those pages.

 

[Max Shade]

I can't access those pages.

Ask a mod to give you the greenlight for the men's section.