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being single and pornagraphy

Discussion in 'Christian Advice' started by mykim, Oct 26, 2013.

  1. mykim

    mykim Newbie

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    Hi,

    I have recently decided to accept jesus into my life, but I still have a lot of issues. Currently, I cannot find employment or make a living and also still single.

    I am a 28 year old virgin and have never ever had a relationship or a woman in my life. This has caused me to become heavily addicted to pornography over the years. I also know that I am ugly and disgusting and will never be able to get married. I say that i am disgusting because my hands are always cold and sweaty and i have an ugly face. Also, women are just not interested in me.

    What am I to do about this? I don't want to displease god but i cannot deal with being alone and dieing a kissless virgin. I need my pornography to ease the pain. I tried praying to god to help me resist, but I just can't. Is there any hope for me? I feel so miserable when I see happy christian couples.
     
  2. DiscipleHeLovesToo

    DiscipleHeLovesToo Regular Member

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    what pleases God is when people believe Him in spite of all the things that would say that He is wrong. what displeases God is when people choose to not believe Him about something they understand that He has said. your wrong thoughts and actions are not a problem for God because He has dealt with all wrong thoughts and actions through Jesus; not believing that (if you understand it) will separate you from His already-available changing power.

    a wife, children, health, prosperity - all these things are fruits of the root of right relationship with God; one that is rooted entirely on faith in His love and grace toward us and independent of our own performance, good or bad.

    when you reach the end of yourself, when you realize that you can't make the right decisions to receive all the good things God has given you, when you realize that you need direction from Him on every thing you think and do, you are ready for spiritual rebirth. once you receive spiritual rebirth, you become a new creature - old things pass away and all things become new.

    your face will look the same after you receive spiritual rebirth, but as you learn to yield your decisions to God and allow the selfless love of God to flow through you to others, they will see the beauty of His love instead of your physical features. look around - there are plenty of couples where one spouse is good looking and the other is not, or where both lack physical beauty according to the world's shallow standard.

    Mat 6:31-34 KJV
    (31) Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?
    (32) (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek: ) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.
    (33) But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
    (34) Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.


    when you seek God first place in your life, when knowing Him becomes the most important thing to you, when you strive to hear His direction and follow it, you will begin to intersect with His already-available blessings.

    this should help:

    The New You & The Holy Spirit - Andrew Wommack Ministries

    You've Already Got It - Audio Teaching - Andrew Wommack Ministries

    Truth Or Tradition | Faith Life Church - Branson, MO

    Spirit Led Life | Moore Life Ministries - Branson, MO

    Spirit Led Life 2 | Moore Life Ministries - Branson, MO
     
  3. aiki

    aiki Regular Member

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    I see. So, it's not your fault but the fault of your situation that you're addicted to pornography? Really? Your situation is forcing you to sin? Is this what you're thinking?

    Well, so long as you think this way about yourself, you can be sure you never will attract a woman. Ugliness is as much or more a state of mind as it is a matter of appearance. Women see that you think yourself to be ugly and they steer clear of you. Who wants to be involved with a guy with such insecurity about himself? Maybe its time you stopped grousing about your looks and began to work on making yourself in your character a person who is attractive. A good place to start would be to stop looking at porn.

    Yes, you can. You may not want to die without having kissed a woman and you may not relish the idea of being alone but living this way is not impossible. I suspect you tell yourself it is in order to justify looking at porn.

    Baloney. This is a lot of rot, quite frankly. And the longer you tell yourself such lies, the longer you will be bound under the destructive power of them. And make no mistake: pornography destroys. It ruins marriages, and trust, and love, and joy, and purity, and integrity. It fouls the heart and warps the mind. It makes sexuality into something dark, perverted and low. Pornography will, in the end, increase your pain rather than ease it!

    Yes, of course there is. The first thing to do, though, is to make sure you're actually a born-again child of God? Are you?

    Selah.
     
  4. Etheri

    Etheri Fellow Atheist

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    Post this in the prayer section. :)
     
  5. mykim

    mykim Newbie

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    It's the only thing i look forward to. My life is pretty awful. I have no career, no friends, no health, and bad genetics,



    How would women know that I think that I am ugly? I carry myself normally when in public. Just saying that women have never taken an interest in me.





    Its the only thing i got. I don't have anything good or any meaning in my life. It's like drugs. In my case, I am addicted to it and need it to get by.

    I don't want to die a kissless virgin. Even if it was possible to live like a lonely virgin, the idea of living the rest of my life like a christian monk is extremely unappealing. The thought of paying an escort to lose my virginity is always on my mind.

    I did accept jesus christ as my savior and know that he is the lord, died for our sins, and was resurrected. It's just that my life is so awful, and I wish i was dead.
     
  6. aiki

    aiki Regular Member

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    WHat about your relationship with God? Why isn't He the thing you look forward to? Do you think fellowship with God can't be fulfilling? If so, what does that say about what you think of God?

    I used to be a really serious loner. My high school years were a misery because of my reclusive behaviour. But, you know, the problem wasn't every body else; the problem was me. When I stopped hating myself and put an effort into making friends I found people were quite happy to be my friend. My Dad often quoted this verse to me when I was a kid:

    Proverbs 18:24
    24A man who has friends must himself be friendly...

    You reap what you sow. If you want friends, you must yourself be friendly.

    Oh, it shows. I had a friend much like you. He also was caught up in porn. He had no awareness of the desperate, lonely vibe he was sending out. He also seemed oblivious to the way he looked at women because of his porn addiction. He had no idea that his head appeared to be on a swivel, trying to observe every woman in his vicinity, and that he undressed every women with his eyes. Most women sensed very clearly his unhappiness and desperate desire to be with a woman; and they certainly didn't appreciate his roving, lustful eyes. As I said, though, he was totally unaware of the effect his unhappiness with himself and his porn addiction were having on him. I wonder if this might not be the case with you, too.


    So, what is God, then? Chopped liver? Cheese mold? How can any Christian who knows and loves God ever say they haven't anything good or meaningful in their life? What could be better or more meaningful than the Creator of the universe?

    Just because you are addicted to porn doesn't mean you need it to get by. That is a flat-out lie. You keep telling yourself this lie and sooner or later it will destroy you.

    Living without a romantic relationship with a woman is not living "like a Christian monk." And as I said, the chances of you meeting a lovely woman and marrying her are going to be much greater when you stop looking at porn and start working on making yourself a guy worth marrying.

    And you can bet people see such thoughts in the set of your face. What woman is going to want to get know a guy in whose mind such lewd, low thoughts are constantly running?

    Giving intellectual assent to the facts doesn't constitute salvation. Quite frankly, if the Spirit of the Almighty Creator of the Universe was living inside you as the Bible says He does in all those who are truly saved, you would not be thinking or behaving as you are. When you enter into genuine fellowship with God, the kind of sinful conduct you're into would be a torment for you, not a need.

    I get that you think your life sucks. But God says that life with Him is an abundant life, a joyful life, a contented life. Why don't you have this sort of experience of God? Is God lying? Or do you need, perhaps, to consider the genuineness of your relationship with God? The answer to all your unhappiness, you see, is found in knowing and loving God.

    Selah.
     
  7. David Sylvian

    David Sylvian From Japan With Love

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    Diet. Start to work out. Start to care about your appearance.

    Women go with all sorts of men, what is in the heart matters, and your physical appearance will eventually change, anyway.

    In God, you can be healed from any physical appearance problems. You need to become hungry and thirsty.


    Porn is training you towards a bad direction.

    Sex is not evil, but core to our selves, but sitting around feeding on candy for twenty years is not healthy.

    Go to church in the light of day and confess these failings with people.


    You can find someone, but you will NEVER have a real relationship if you keep on this.


    Spiritual porn is something else, but Holy, and you do not know about that yet.
     
  8. MollieSue

    MollieSue Legend

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    You say you need you need pornography to ease you pain this is idol worship, you need to decide whom you will serve God or porn.
     
  9. mykim

    mykim Newbie

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    my trust in god is really weak. i just don't think he has plans for me and that i am just a mistake who should have never been born.

    I think i am a friendly person. I am not rude and try to be polite as possible around people. It is just that i feel uncomfortable around them because I really hate shaking hands. I suffer from cold clammy hands so it is really difficult to greet people.



    I don't even talk to women so i guess it does not matter to me anyway.




    The only good thing in my life is my aunt, who is too loving. But I really hate that i am a burden on her. She want to retire soon. She prays for me but i still feel hopeless.

    yes i need help to break this addiction. I will attend a christian support group to see if i can be helped at all.



    The problem is that i will never be a worthy bachelor. I can't make a living because I most likely partially mentally disabled. It's like my brain is defective in some way. Even if i manage to get work, i never last long on the job.






    i guess i am a hopeless case then. don't want to go to hell because my life seems like a living hell.

    I wish i could experience that same happiness Christians have. Being a loser in every way is extremely detrimental to getting closer to god.
     
    Last edited: Oct 26, 2013
  10. mykim

    mykim Newbie

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    I am actually in decent shape because i workout regularly. My face and hands are disgusting though. I got bad skin due to awful genetics and my hands are always cold and sweaty. Also, I suspect that my hair is starting to thin so that just puts more salt in my wounds. So i cant help but hate myself.

    I will seek help at church. I am pretty sure I can't find someone in my current state. Jobless, asian, ugly, and disgusting. What woman would like a guy like me.

    I do realize this and i am conflicted. I want to be saved but my living situation is so hopeless and pathetic. The problem is definitely my lack of faith. also, the fact that my mother is more devout but does not seem to get blessed just cements my weak faith.
     
    Last edited: Oct 26, 2013
  11. aiki

    aiki Regular Member

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    Well, you don't seem rude or unpleasant to me. Being polite is not the same as being friendly, however. I have met some extremely polite people who were not friendly in the least.

    You don't need to shake hands to be friendly. And I haven't found a cold, clammy handshake to be a big deal if the person is kind and outgoing. Maybe you're making too much of your cold, clammy hands.

    Well, even if you don't have conversations with women you are still communicating with them through your appearance, behaviour and body language. And if you want to attract a woman, you're unspoken language needs to reflect the purity and love of Jesus, not porn.

    You didn't answer my question: What is God to you? Is he not better than your aunt? If not, why not?

    A support group may be of some use but what you really need is a real and deep relationship with God.

    You don't seem mentally deficient to me. Your posts are perfectly clear. Why do you think you're "partially mentally disabled"?

    No, you aren't a hopeless case. Such self-pitying statements are rarely true. And I'm glad to know you desire something better for your eternity than everlasting punishment. Do you not think that at least some of the "living hell" you're in right now is the result of the false things you've been telling yourself, like you're a "hopeless case," or you "need porn," or you can't attract a woman? None of these things are true yet you speak them like you actually believe they are. It is no surprise to me, then, that you're miserable. Who could be happy telling themselves such things?

    You can experience the abundant life of other Christian believers. You just have to stop telling yourself lies and start telling yourself God's truth. God thought you were worth creating and worth dying for on the cross. Are you wiser than God? Do you know better than He does? Have you ever considered why it is God made you?

    Selah.
     
  12. mykim

    mykim Newbie

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    People tend to give me weak hand shakes because of my gross hands. Also, i can't even imagine holding hands with a woman or touching one because of this illness.


    I might appear gloomy and depressed to them, but I don't try to undress them with my eyes. If i do check them out, it is a quick glance.



    God is real to me but my faith in him is extremely weak. I only decided to believe in Jesus again after a christian tour group trip to israel that was only possible because my aunt sponsored me and my family.

    I feel like god does not care about me or understand me. I dont know how i am going to strengthen my faith. I do think that he uses my aunt to try to reach me.



    That is my struggle. Building a relationship with God.


    I can't seem to follow simple directions and usually do a terrible job at work. I even got fired at a lousy dish washing job because I was not efficient. Also,
    I failed a couple of classes at college and could not major in anything useful. I definitely have limited intellect, otherwise i would not be in my current situation.



    I want God in my life but I feel like i am in a constant struggle with my physical body. Even if my heart wants to do the right thing, my decrepit body just reminds me that i am a loser and I end up giving in.



    I keep on asking myself why was I born but cannot figure it out. I was even born in 7 months prematurely, with a permanent bald spot on the top of my head thanks to the stupid doctor attaching a hot thermometer there. I wish i knew if god even has plans for me.
     
  13. Follower3

    Follower3 Newbie

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    God does have a plan for you brother, and although it may seem difficult at first, the longer you go without the porn the easier it will get, unless you are the elephant man I doubt you are too ugly to find a woman.
    Or later on down the road you might decide after going on a few dates with women that you would rather live a life single, and following God.
    Don't lose your faith.
     
  14. aiki

    aiki Regular Member

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    Really, I think you've let this problem with your hands grow out of proportion. This is what happens when we focus overmuch on such things. We think they are totally gross when the other person hardly even notices. I was this way with the acne from which I suffered when I was a teenager. I was always obsessing over it and thinking the only thing a person could see when they looked at me were my many pimples. Occasionally, I would fuss out loud about this and people would look at me with surprise and say, "What are you talking about? You have some zits. Big deal. Most teenagers have them. I hadn't even noticed." Perhaps you're a bit like I was, stewing over a physical issue that most others don't consider important at all and are quite willing to ignore.

    I have yet to meet a guy who makes a steady diet of porn who doesn't undress women with his eyes. And the awful thing is they don't realize they are doing it. The women they are looking at sure do, though!

    Um, your concept of God seems rather...small. If there is anything God does not understand, He cannot be God. Being God, by definition, means that one knows and understands everything. Really, the problem isn't that God doesn't understand you but that you don't know Him.

    Does God care about you? Of course He does. He died on a cross for you. Doesn't that count? It ought to - a lot. Have you given time for careful thought about what Jesus did for you at Calvary? Have you ever thanked God for the things He has given you? How about your Aunt, for instance? Or eyesight? Or your hearing? How about beautiful sunsets? Or the warm sunshine on your skin? What about chocolate, or your favorite food? If you take the time to think about it, there are quite a great many things with which God has blessed you. Thanking Him for these things is a powerful way to counter unhappiness and discontentment, and to find new love for Him.

    Faith is only strengthened by the exercise of it. If you want a stronger faith in God, then you must step out in faith with God. Begin to live on the basis of what God says rather than on what you feel or what the world tells you is true.

    No relationship exists without communication and investment in the relationship. The simplest, best way to build a relationship with God is to begin to speak to Him in prayer and to let Him speak to you through His Word, the Bible. This is how communication between you and Him occurs. The more time you spend in these things - prayer and Bible study - the greater your relationship to God will be.

    Nah. I don't think you have an intellect problem. You might have a motivation problem, but you don't seem intellectually deficient to me. Never forget: the me I see is the me I'll be. Telling yourself that you're stupid is a sure way to begin to act like you are. I have found nothing in what you've communicated to me to suggest that you're stupid at all. As I said, your problem may be more one of motivation.

    Well, the beginning of the process of changing in this regard is telling yourself the truth about who you are as God's child. You are not a weak-willed loser. You are, if you are a born-again follower of Christ, a "new creation," you have "put on Christ" and God's Holy Spirit resides within you. If you're genuinely saved, you have all you need right now to live the way God has called you to live. I think you're a little too busy moping and telling yourself lies to see this, however.

    This is an easy question to answer! God's plans for you are fundamentally the same as they are for all whom He has created: to live like Christ that we may bring glory to Him. It is no surpise that when we live this way, in accord with the fundamental purpose for which we were made, we find the greatest fulfillment possible in life.

    Selah.
     
  15. Reinvented

    Reinvented Newbie

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    Alright I am getting the vibe that if a girl were to take interest in you, you wouldn't be able to resist fornicating with her, because you're not able to say no to porn. Maybe God understands you're just not ready yet? I know the pain of being invisible all too well. I can't say I know your pain fully, because with each passing year for me, the pain of loneliness only magnified.

    The truth is, we can't really win at this stage. I spent years improving my appearance and now I'm still alone because all girls want is to use me for sex and they get some kind of sick pleasure over fantasizing being the one to corrupt me - as if my vow to chastity means nothing.

    You need to wait until you're 30 or above, because then women stop chasing the 'alphas' and look to the providers. Which means you're going to have to embark on a quest for self improvement. Pray to God to give you the strength, and each day you should write out a to-do list. When you dream of a goal don't look at the big picture, split it up into bite-sized pieces and tackle it that way.

    You don't have to make a lot of money, but you need to carry your own weight. Also, realize that not everyone is dating and you're not alone. I too have never had a girlfriend, and I just turned 23 last month.
     
  16. Klonz

    Klonz Regular Member

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    Porn addiction is one of the hardest things in life to overcome. I have been fighting it for years. I've managed to go a few days without looking at it and i hope i can continue to.
     
  17. CounselorForChrist

    CounselorForChrist Senior Veteran

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    I don't want to type alot since I type alot about this subject in general but I would post about this or read the topics here already:
    http://www.christianforums.com/f214/

    Its a section for those with a pronography addiction. It should help alot. BTW if your a new christian the struggle will be super hard since your trying to put your life you use to live behind you. Its not easy. But it can be done. :)
     
  18. Autumnleaf

    Autumnleaf Legend

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    There are all kinds of women out there. If you are having trouble lower your physical standards until you find your soul mate.
     
  19. mykim

    mykim Newbie

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    the only woman i tend to notice are way out of my league. I never take interest in woman i have no attraction to. As pathetic as i am, i am shallow.

    I have decided to disregard woman. i don't even pray about marriage. But i also hate celibacy so it is going to be a tough battle for me.
     
  20. thesunisout

    thesunisout brother

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    Do you believe the bible is the word of God?