CF is a fun merry-go-round!
I believe the context is the same, though. This mom thought she was protecting her son from something. Most parents do not discipline just for the heck of it.
I've spanked my kids for running into the street. I do it in order to impress upon them the importance of them NOT running into the street. I do it to protect them.
Yet, there are many people who would judge that as bad parenting and if they ever witnessed it would probably call CPS on me.
Ha, yeah it is a merry-go-round!
I think the the culture and times we're raised in conditions our response to corporal punishment to an extent. I've been volunteering in a rural area of northern China in the summers for six years now and have witnessed what I'd construe as abuse here in the States carried out by loving and decent parents in public there. For one, the hardships of that life do not allow for as much time to correct through other measures, and children do not have as many privileges and possessions to take away. Secondly, it's more of a part of the cultural mentality for that region. That's diametric to places in Europe where spanking has been completely illegal for decades now, or to Los Angeles where it's technically legal but culturally unacceptable and taboo. I've never witnessed it, never known a friend here subjected to it, never attended a school where it as permitted, and all the denominations for churches I've belonged to while living in different cities growing up have resolutions against any form of corporal punishment on children. So my reaction is not the same as yours if you live in the Deep South or another area where it's a common practice. You're also not from my generation. People on CF come from around the world of all ages and experiences so you're naturally going to have a hodgepodge of reactions.
Plus, you spanking a child who is so young he doesn't yet know for himself that he shouldn't run out into the street isn't on the same level as striking a teen. My dad has never struck any of his children, but once put a red mark on my sister's arm because she dashed ahead and crossed into a street in London after looking the wrong direction, and he yanked her back just before a taxi hit her. In that context the action was necessary. He'd never grab and yank her in ordinary circumstances, and he's not a yelling parent either.
I think the
intent is the same when parents who believe in corporal punishment utilize it to try to impart a lesson on their child or out of fear for them. I believe you when you say that good parents have done it out of protection and love. I don't think the
context is the same between spanking a teenager for a punishment when that teen is not in imminent harm and striking a teen upside the head when he's in the middle of a riot and poising himself to be arrested, beaten by police, shot, or cause harm to an innocent. Also, though I feel that striking someone's head, even if he's wearing a ski cap over it and is unlikely to have felt that much pain, is absolutely unacceptable, I'm not as creeped out by it as I am at hitting a teenage bottom, which is a more private area of the body.
With the Stanley family, I'm talking more about the reactions that "you can't spank teens" or "if he has to spank them to get them to obey, he's parenting wrong".
Sorry, but I kinda agree. It's unfathomable and disturbing to me that a parent would feel the need to spank a teen in modern times, and I view it as a demeaning and dispiriting action that is likely counterproductive. To me it demonstrates an inability to effectively communicate with your teen, guide them to understanding why the actions were wrong and should not be repeated, and have them make some form of restitution. I wonder how many parents just use it by habit and if they truly keep trying other methods to try to find one that is effective. I'm not opposed to consequences and punishments, but I think by the time a person is in his teens he should be capable of responding to ones that are not corporal. It might take much more patience and willingness to keep trying to find something that "works."
*Please note that I'm not saying parents who have spanked their kids are awful people. I'm just opposed to the action, not necessarily the parent.*
If I'm remembering correctly, the father in the Stanley family is considerably older than the mother and from a different generation from her. I think culture has again conditioned him because back in his time that might have been more common and acceptable. He probably utilizes spanking just because it's what he's accustomed to and thinks "works" even if in actuality it doesn't. Today there's just far too many connotations to spanking teens, and I understand they didn't exist in the pre-internet era of his own youth. I used to pop onto a site called Yahoo Answers to get homework help and advice on applying to colleges, and would sometimes dash into the Adolescent section just to play around. On a daily basis there are trolls there asking fetishistic questions about spanking teens. Daily. They are impossible to miss, like mosquitos at the lake. Spanking fetishes are by far the most common kind of pervert there. One "parent" linked a site about spanking teens, and it was actually a inappropriate content site where 18-years-old role-play in fantasy situations of parents and principals spanking teens. I felt like puking. *shudders*
To clarify, I do not believe that the majority of parents who spank teens are at all perverted or acting out of maliciousness. I do think that spanking a teen in 2015 makes that punishment far more complicated for the teen because it is much more taboo, there are far more connotations to it, and therefore it's much more isolating. You can talk to your friends if you've been grounded or had a privilege revoked. Since spanking is a more stigmatizing and volatile punishment, a teen is put into the position of having to keep it a secret in order to protect her parent. It's just not fair. Today there are so many resources and books about parenting teens. My mom has read some of them, so I know, haha. Parents can learn about other effective disciplinary methods.
I don't necessarily judge her, either. I judge the idiots who are hailing her actions as being heroic or applauding her. The whole "mom of the year" business is a bit much, because as I pointed out, parents have lost custody of their children for less.
But you know how people love to hyperbolize. Part of it is merely crowd effect. When people start cheering others join in on the cheers. I do think that people were genuinely glad she refused to tolerate her son's intolerable actions and she used her authority to get him off the street. Many parents are apathetic, permissive, or so defensive they refuse to recognize wrongs of their children. If more parents had gotten their teens off the street the damage wouldn't have been quite as extensive since the police have said juveniles were responsible for a substantial portion of it.
