Backslidden christian and seeking non christian girlfriend

[Dionysiou]

Well, I used to frequent these forums in the past, apologetics and theology ironically.

Anyway, I have drifted away from God. I don't fellowship at a church or hang around other Christians anymore. I don't read or pray/talk to God much either. I have developed a life and identity separate from it all. I have also developed a romantic relationship with a non-christian woman for the past couple years.

She has never been involved with Christianity herself, despite her families many urgings. When we met, I knew we both were doing our own thing and didn't feel too bad about it. Recently though she said out of the blue "I think i'd like to try and have a relationship with God" She wasn't sure about the whole thing but i knew she was of a seeking heart. I had the impression that she was seeing what i thought of it all. I was surprised and blew it off as a waste of time. Using my history as an authority on it. This also seemed to put her off and it wasn't spoken of again.

Now i can't stop thinking about it. I know that there is an opportunity for her to connect with God right now. My hesitation is selfish and part of me knows that by being so passive when i know better is not ok. My past self would have blasted me for even considering letting this fall to nothing.

Guess I'm torn with carrying on doing our own thing or reconnecting and inevitably having to change.

 

[Sketcher]

Clean up your own house before you try to clean hers. If you return to God with all your heart and have integrity to your walk with him, she might see that and be drawn to God. If you continue to live as you have been living, then anything you say in favor of her finding God will not be seen by her to have integrity. But I think you know returning to God with all your heart is best, and the necessary changes will be for the better.

 

[com7fy8]

prayer for you

 

[Take Heart]

This is an opportunity, not only for her but for you, to reconnect with God and have a deeper and stronger relationship than you thought possible. I was in the same boat. My relationship with Him became stagnant- mostly on my end due to the things that made me feel so far away from Him. But time and time again, He used people and opportunities to draw me back to Him once again. His love is..crazy unrelenting and pursuing..even in the midst of my wandering. He knows your heart, your longing, your thoughts and feelings of feeling torn. He just wants you. He wants a relationship with you again. : )

I'm currently in this 'middle' phase of Him bringing me back to a relationship with Him. I'm in that part where we're in this phase of getting out of a 'breakup' and reuniting again and sharing our feelings with each other- the good and the bad. Like: Look God..I've been struggling in this specific area for so long.. where were you when I needed you? And then I read that He will never leave nor forsake me and that I have to trust Him through the process because this is a 'walk by faith and not by sight' kind of thing. And it's like.. if you trust your own airplane pilot.. or that guy who works part-time at the amusement park to operate this rollercoaster ride that you're about to hop on.. will you trust Me, your very own Maker Who created all things?
Will you trust Me and my Word and when I say that I love you? Will you still have faith in Me in the bad times? Will you ditch Me when things get hard? I want you back.

 

[Dionysiou]

Clean up your own house before you try to clean hers. If you return to God with all your heart and have integrity to your walk with him, she might see that and be drawn to God. If you continue to live as you have been living, then anything you say in favor of her finding God will not be seen by her to have integrity. But I think you know returning to God with all your heart is best, and the necessary changes will be for the better.

Farout, I knew i'd hear this. Never an easy solution. Wish i didn't feel so accountable.

 

[Dionysiou]

This is an opportunity, not only for her but for you, to reconnect with God and have a deeper and stronger relationship than you thought possible. I was in the same boat. My relationship with Him became stagnant- mostly on my end due to the things that made me feel so far away from Him. But time and time again, He used people and opportunities to draw me back to Him once again. His love is..crazy unrelenting and pursuing..even in the midst of my wandering. He knows your heart, your longing, your thoughts and feelings of feeling torn. He just wants you. He wants a relationship with you again. : )

I'm currently in this 'middle' phase of Him bringing me back to a relationship with Him. I'm in that part where we're in this phase of getting out of a 'breakup' and reuniting again and sharing our feelings with each other- the good and the bad. Like: Look God..I've been struggling in this specific area for so long.. where were you when I needed you? And then I read that He will never leave nor forsake me and that I have to trust Him through the process because this is a 'walk by faith and not by sight' kind of thing. And it's like.. if you trust your own airplane pilot.. or that guy who works part-time at the amusement park to operate this rollercoaster ride that you're about to hop on.. will you trust Me, your very own Maker Who created all things?
Will you trust Me and my Word and when I say that I love you? Will you still have faith in Me in the bad times? Will you ditch Me when things get hard? I want you back.

That's a very nice way of looking at it. I can relate to your feelings.

 

[GQ Chris]

You can't win in this situation. King Solomon had unsurpassed wisdom and he couldn't overcome being influenced by the non-believer females he had as wives and concubines.

 

[Dionysiou]

You can't win in this situation. King Solomon had unsurpassed wisdom and he couldn't overcome being influenced by the non-believer females he had as wives and concubines.

Brutal.

 

[Razare]

Well first, I'd slit my own throat rather than turn someone off to God. And where I have failed in this area, the sin is answered under covenant, but never excused. I believe in eternal hell, so if I send someone there, I expect full reconciliation for my mistake to occur by covenant of God. The law of God requires equal retribution upon myself, a law which I believe is good. This is to say I take any failures on my part in this area seriously.

That said, should your gf continue for a number of years on Earth, it's up to her to get past your unbelief and pessimism.

People who find God aren't ones who gave up. There are people God finds, and then people who find God. Those who find God are those like Job, who would not give up for what anyone of the world tells them, and would not quit.

 

[Dionysiou]

Well first, I'd slit my own throat rather than turn someone off to God. And where I have failed in this area, the sin is answered under covenant, but never excused. I believe in eternal hell, so if I send someone there, I expect full reconciliation for my mistake to occur by covenant of God. The law of God requires equal retribution upon myself, a law which I believe is good. This is to say I take any failures on my part in this area seriously.

That said, should your gf continue for a number of years on Earth, it's up to her to get past your unbelief and pessimism.

People who find God aren't ones who gave up. There are people God finds, and then people who find God. Those who find God are those like Job, who would not give up for what anyone of the world tells them, and would not quit.

That escalated quickly. I know what you're saying though. I do have a sense of accountability given my history.

 

[GQ Chris]

Also keep in mind since you know the Truth, it is even worse for you because you will be judged to a higher standard.

2 Peter 2:
20 For if after they have escaped the pollutions of the world through the knowledge of the Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, they are again entangled therein, and overcome, the latter end is worse with them than the beginning. 21 For it had been better for them not to have known the way of righteousness, than, after they have known it, to turn from the holy commandment delivered unto them. 22 But it is happened unto them according to the true proverb, The dog is turned to his own vomit again; and the sow that was washed to her wallowing in the mire.

 

[Dionysiou]

Also keep in mind since you know the Truth, it is even worse for you because you will be judged to a higher standard.

2 Peter 2:
20 For if after they have escaped the pollutions of the world through the knowledge of the Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, they are again entangled therein, and overcome, the latter end is worse with them than the beginning. 21 For it had been better for them not to have known the way of righteousness, than, after they have known it, to turn from the holy commandment delivered unto them. 22 But it is happened unto them according to the true proverb, The dog is turned to his own vomit again; and the sow that was washed to her wallowing in the mire.

This keeps getting better and better. Where's the positive feedback? "It's all good, don't worry be happy".

 

[GQ Chris]

This keeps getting better and better. Where's the positive feedback? "It's all good, don't worry be happy".

I wish I could say something good about what you're doing. Instead I want to warn you with love as another brother; I have been in your exact footsteps(& sins) and it isn't worth it, not at all. I don't really want to go into the details but the troubles & sins are not worth the imagined liberty of this choice of life. Repent and return to the Lord.

 

[Dionysiou]

I wish I could say something good about what you're doing. Instead I want to warn you with love as another brother; I have been in your exact footsteps(& sins) and it isn't worth it, not at all. I don't really want to go into the details but the troubles & sins are not worth the imagined liberty of this choice of life. Repent and return to the Lord.

Well, I appreciate it all the same. Thanks bro.

 

[amariselle]

I agree with much of what has been said here. It should be encouraging, even though it's hard. God does pursue us, and He doesn't give up on us.

 

[com7fy8]

Well, you need to care about her and all that is really good for her, and not only be concerned about your own accountability. Love others as ourselves. Jesus wants us to care about any and all people, also, and not only about ones who are close to us and whom we want to use. Love does not have us only using anyone, but personally caring for each and every one. "For if you love those who love you, what reward have you?" (in Matthew 5:46) So, it is good to have real example people who share with you, who help you get real with God and learn how to love and relate with any and all people . . . relating mutually, with Christians >

"submitting to one another in the fear of God." (Ephesians 5:21)

"with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love," (Ephesians 4:2)

This is included in our basic calling as Christians.

Also >

"And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful." (Colossians 3:15)

God cares about you better than you can care about yourself.

"casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you." (1 Peter 5:7)

While we might mainly be able to care about not getting punished, and about getting our treasure pleasures, our Father cares about all He desires to share with us. So, it is not wise to waste yourselves on what is inferior. Pleasure seeking can be a way of trying to make ourselves feel better than our own selfish nature has us feeling, in its lusts which won't take no for an answer, and boredom and loneliness and frustration and arguing and complaining and unforgiveness and bitterness. That mess of sin won't go away because of pleasures and excitements and distractions and excuse making and blaming. Only God can cure our nature so we are loving in our character > Hebrews 12:4-11, Matthew 11:28-30 < feed on this, trust God for this

 

[Razare]

That escalated quickly. I know what you're saying though. I do have a sense of accountability given my history.

I'm not condemning you, none of us are perfect. If you're doubting Christianity or something, then it's understandable you wouldn't be on fire to lead people to Christ or God.

 

[Greg J.]

Now i can't stop thinking about it.

Given that I have practically no detail from you on this, I would still say that this is probably God that is keeping it on your mind. He loves you and wants you back. Presumably you already know that staying faithful to the Lord can be difficult. Hold onto the truth that people's experience is that it pays off enormously in the long-term. God doesn't expect you to do things you cannot do or that he has not prepared you to do, so don't be afraid of going to back to God. Do what you can do, not what you can't do. But don't sell yourself short—seek all that God has for you even if it costs you something now. The key ingredient is to always keep moving toward God. Standing still has the same effect as sliding backward (because we are always being exposed to sin).

I think the more important question is, do you believe God is real and that Jesus Christ died and rose again? I'm going to guess you are uncertain. If so, then you will need to decide whether you are going to trust the testimony of people who are otherwise sane and logical. I am in a two-way relationship with Jesus Christ. I'm long past being able to wonder if he is real or not. I am enjoying the fruits of his supernatural promises in Scripture. (It cost a lot to get there, though.)

Perhaps more appealing is the fact that God wants to help you with your life. The more you give yourself over to the Lord, the more you will see him act on your behalf. (He's already acting on your behalf, btw.) Want to (eventually) stop worrying about finances, employment, health, and so forth? It is a fight to cling to Jesus, but well worth it.

... I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. (John 10:10b, 1984 NIV)

I urge you to spend a little time reading some Scripture. So much is encouraging (and is true) because of what God will do for you when in a good relationship with him. I can look up some pertinent passages if you are interested. Off the cuff, I would say, take a look at some of Isaiah chapters 40-61.

Above all remember that he is real, loves you, and accepts you as you are right now. He has forgiven all your sin. But you need him for your long-term welfare.

 

[DiscipleHeLovesToo]

Well, I used to frequent these forums in the past, apologetics and theology ironically.

Anyway, I have drifted away from God. I don't fellowship at a church or hang around other Christians anymore. I don't read or pray/talk to God much either. I have developed a life and identity separate from it all. I have also developed a romantic relationship with a non-christian woman for the past couple years.

She has never been involved with Christianity herself, despite her families many urgings. When we met, I knew we both were doing our own thing and didn't feel too bad about it. Recently though she said out of the blue "I think i'd like to try and have a relationship with God" She wasn't sure about the whole thing but i knew she was of a seeking heart. I had the impression that she was seeing what i thought of it all. I was surprised and blew it off as a waste of time. Using my history as an authority on it. This also seemed to put her off and it wasn't spoken of again.

Now i can't stop thinking about it. I know that there is an opportunity for her to connect with God right now. My hesitation is selfish and part of me knows that by being so passive when i know better is not ok. My past self would have blasted me for even considering letting this fall to nothing.

Guess I'm torn with carrying on doing our own thing or reconnecting and inevitably having to change.

let's say that you two continue to grow closer, then move in together, and after enjoying all the benefits of being married without any of the commitment, you drift away from her, stop fellow-shipping in the places the two of you frequented, and stop hanging around with people that know her. then you develop your own life and identity separate from her. would she forgive you and love you selflessly anyway?

God did that for you - why are you looking elsewhere for Love?

 

[FutureAndAHope]

Well, I used to frequent these forums in the past, apologetics and theology ironically.

Anyway, I have drifted away from God. I don't fellowship at a church or hang around other Christians anymore. I don't read or pray/talk to God much either. I have developed a life and identity separate from it all. I have also developed a romantic relationship with a non-christian woman for the past couple years.

She has never been involved with Christianity herself, despite her families many urgings. When we met, I knew we both were doing our own thing and didn't feel too bad about it. Recently though she said out of the blue "I think i'd like to try and have a relationship with God" She wasn't sure about the whole thing but i knew she was of a seeking heart. I had the impression that she was seeing what i thought of it all. I was surprised and blew it off as a waste of time. Using my history as an authority on it. This also seemed to put her off and it wasn't spoken of again.

Now i can't stop thinking about it. I know that there is an opportunity for her to connect with God right now. My hesitation is selfish and part of me knows that by being so passive when i know better is not ok. My past self would have blasted me for even considering letting this fall to nothing.

Guess I'm torn with carrying on doing our own thing or reconnecting and inevitably having to change.

This is a God moment. He is calling you both back to Himself. Few of us have been perfect believers, we may have got disgruntled with God, walked away (James 5:19), or even said we hate religion and God. We may have desired sin more than God, but you know if my physical son, James, one day said to me I want a pack of chips more than you, I love my son, I would not abandon Him. The lure of sin is like a pack of chips, it is desirable, religion can at times seem in comparison to be sand paper, just roughly working away at us trying to scratch of every bit of fun in our lives, making us sinless. It is good to be sinless, but God also loves you. He is a stable God, who knows hell is real, and heaven is before you. Even if your life was an abomination to God, he is just enough to ask you to heaven. But you must return to Christ, sorry there is no middle ground here.