Back to how it all started.

[mtwyo]

I posted on here about a 8 months ago about the mental issues my wife was having, things had been progressing really well until about 3 weeks ago. Her hormone situation got totally out of wack again, putting me under more stress and during my already very busy time of year. Last week, I though she was trying to be very nice and help me, but now I am questioning it. Thursday she got me a Dr. appt. to help me deal with my stress, high blood pressure, insomnia etc. She then planned a special event for me, to give me something to look forward too. She went to the Dr. appt. with me, and told him I needed to see counseling, to learn how to deal with stress. The doc gave me a Bu Spar and a referral to a psyc guy, I figured it can 't hurt and have an appt. this week. The doc said it will take a couple of weeks for the buspar to work.

Friday night, I'm still stressed beyond belief and fell back on an old habit, Copenhagen, I took a dip and and spit it out in the sink, but had not washed all of it down, by mistake. I went to town to get us some dessert after the kids went to bed, when I got home she asked, very nicely, if there was anything I needed to talk about. I said not now, I think we covered it, she asked are you sure? and I said no, then she went on a tirade about me lying to here about chewing, I feel like i was baited into a lie, that I didn't intend to tell, but I can't say anything without escalating the situation. She then told me her patience was gone, and she won't try to help me with any of my problems. And how she can't trust me, she then asked how would she now if I was having an affair, and asked to prove that I wasn't.(I'm not and never have)

(I'm starting to get confused at this point)
I say it's no different than our 3 year old not admitting to pooping his pants. and I'm desperate to relax, and was hoping a chew would help, this answer was not good enough, she asked me why didn't I have a beer or something, I just told her I'm not willing to drink to avoid a problem. After a little more blasting me on how i betrayed her trust, she calms down, and she told me she had debated to say anything about the chew or save to to "hurt me later", at this point I'm taken back, and ask her if she would intentional hurt me? and she didn't anwser, I just want to get it it over with, so we move on, and things seemed ok.

We had, from my point of view a good weekend, she says it was awful but, I though everything went pretty good, then yesterday we got in a disagreement about scheduling, but by evening things were fine, watched some TV and when we woke up and she laid on my shoulder for a few minutes and we discussed the day, then we got up and got ready for our day, as I'm getting ready to leave, she announces she is leaving me, and shouldn't have to put up with how I treat her. And she has to look out for herself and the children.

Then things started getting weird, and I question if I have some sort of delusions or if she is being delusional or if she is trying to mess with my head.

I said, "I have my counseling appointment for the stress, why don't you come with me", she screamed and yelled and told me she wasn't helping me any more with anything.
I didn't press the issue, got here somewhat calmed down and went to work.
I then get a text saying "I changed my mind and will not go with you to your appointment, you need to fix things for yourself ", this was after she told me she wouldn't, Then I get a text saying "When you get home I will not hash things out with you and will not talk about our problems" I'm not sure what happened or what went down but I don't really want to go home, but I don't want my kids alone with here either.

I feel a huge storm brewing and frankly I'm scared, I'm also afraid I may be to blame for all of this, I know I've been crabby lately but I've been working 12-14 hr days, and stressed to the max.

 

[Astrid1986]

Hi,
I totally understand your despair. While I don't advocate lying, I do understand you felt this need, and it's very different from lying about an affair. I can see why your wife has a hard time trusting you particularly because of her own issues. I would suggest holding her responsible for that bit, ie. not taking it personal. She probably will turn aroudn in a bit and be helpful again. Also, will the counseling you are goign to get also involve your wife? I get counseling but my husband rarely goes with me. However, since in addition to your high anxiety you both are struggling with marital issues, I'd recommend you do tak eher to at least one appt.

 

[mtwyo]

after I posted my original post I found a Focus on the Family marriage counseling retreat thing happen next month close to where we live, I called and told her, "I know I have my own issues that I have to get resolved, but I think we should look into some marriage counseling on how to resolve conflicts with each other" She told me that she doesn't have any problems and I better figure it out on my own and hung up. When I got home later that evening she had dinner ready like nothing had happened. This roller coaster stuff is killing me. But, she did decided I should go to her psycho therapist with her next week, so maybe this is a start.

 

[Brokenhill]

I'm only addressing a portion of this, but...

Do you need to work 12-14 hour days? How is your financial situation? Could you work less and still make ends meet?
I suggest that if possible, you should cut out hours out of your work day as a way to not only alleviate stress, but also use the additional time you would have for helping yourself work through your issues and give more time to your wife/kids to improve the family relationship.

I've only been married for a year and a half, but I've realized that even if my wife is heavily struggling and not giving me much to work with in our relationship, that if I continue to be patient and try my best to serve her through love and gentleness (with the help of God through study and prayer of course), that eventually she realizes my effort which helps her to notice her own faults and increase a desire within her to then give back to me.
I know it's tough and there may even be situations where you are justifiably in the right against your wife, but God calls us to be like His Son, and take the beating whilst still improving ourselves for that person.

But I think that would be a lot easier to accomplish if you had more free time during the week.

 

[WalksWithChrist]

I work long shifts too. Sometimes the stress is quite overwhelming. After trying different things, I found black coffee helps get me thru my days. But we're all different. So I hope you can find out what might work for you. And I hope you can get a better schedule. I'm trying, but it's difficult for many reasons I'm sure you're familiar with.