avoiding kissing and holding hands altogether...

[Luther073082]

This purity competition is destroying Christianity from within. Its really sad. Especially when none of it is biblical, just a made up competition on who can be less sexual then the next person.

But I should have expected this

For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. 4They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths.

The myth. . . that being less phyisically affectionate with your SO, somehow makes you a more pure better Christian.

 

[Inkachu]

So, the more you kiss and cuddle and touch with your S.O., the more pure you become...?

Actions are completely separate from determining purity? I think not.

I wonder if anyone else notices that the outspoken proponents of physical affection before marriage are usually the people currently in relationships.

I'm unsubscribing because I've given my stance, I've been both completely chaste and completely (sheesh, I guess being honest about your past deserves a "wash my mouth" from CF...basically said sleazy) in the course of my life, and I know what I'm talking about. And I'll just get irritated if I stay and hear more excuses.

 

[BeefSupreme]

Let's argue semantics!!

 

[BeefSupreme]

Hey! I'm gonna use that in my title!

 

[BeefSupreme]

It fits so well!

 

[BeefSupreme]

Bye now.

 

[latteda]

So, the more you kiss and cuddle and touch with your S.O., the more pure you become...?

Actions are completely separate from determining purity? I think not.

I wonder if anyone else notices that the outspoken proponents of physical affection before marriage are usually the people currently in relationships.

I don't believe that anyone here (even those in relationships) have advocated going any farther physically than you have yourself. I know from things I have seen Kirk and Melissa say that they themselves have standards and physical guidelines in their relationship and have stuck to those.

See exhibit A:

I don't take this so far as to include inappropriate sexual acts...I'm just talking about holding hands and light kissing.

I think holding hands, brief kisses, and brief hugs are OK. Anything beyond that is not OK.

So how does this differ?

I'm unsubscribing because I've given my stance, I've been both completely chaste and completely [wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth] in the course of my life, and I know what I'm talking about. And I'll just get irritated if I stay and hear more excuses.

I have definitely been on both sides. I used to be a courtship advocate that didn't believe I should kiss until marriage or at least engagement. That changed...and it changed long before I was in a relationship. I know absolutely for certain that in my case it was better to have some affection in a relationship. I'm going to be honest...I had to fight back tears the first time I was held by my boyfriend, and I cried the first time we kissed. Simply because it was extremely difficult to make myself vulnerable AT ALL. If I hadn't been willing to make those steps, we would have never been able to bond on an emotional level like we have. That is only one of the benefits that have come from having some physical affection present. I'm not (and I don't believe anyone here is) advocating passionate make-out sessions, fondling, dry humping, etc. All we're talking about is holding hands and kissing!

(Sorry if I offended anyone by referring to my relationship. I was going to keep it out of the conversation until someone else mentioned it and brought attention to it.)

 

[Mikeb85]

So, the more you kiss and cuddle and touch with your S.O., the more pure you become...?

Actions are completely separate from determining purity? I think not.

The point is that comparing yourself to others, whether it's on 'purity' or something else, and condemning others for being less 'pure', or patting yourself on the back for being more 'pure', is judgemental, and has no place in the Church.

It's much like the story of the Publican and the Pharisee...

Two men went up into the temple to pray; the one a Pharisee, and the other a publican. The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, God, I thank thee, that I am not as other men are, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even as this publican. I fast twice in a week, I give tithes of all that I possess. And the publican, standing afar off, would not lift up so much as hiseyes unto heaven, but smote upon his breast, saying, God be merciful to me a sinner. I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other: for everyone that exalteth himself shall be abased; and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted

 

[Blank123]

*waits to join in on the arguing until after Chris has clarified his comments*

 

[GQ Chris]

Sorry folks, all these replies and I haven't had a chance to elaborate, but yeah, I'm not advocating monasticism or anything like that, but I guess this will be something new that I adopt. I just felt that unless there will be anything more than just casual dating, I'd just rather refrain from all the physical affection, I mean.. ultimately yeah, most people like the physical affection including myself, but now I feel like its a waste of time.

 

[GQ Chris]

By the way, this has less to do about purity, but more like I don't want to invest much in someone I don't know thoroughly enough. Plus I have had enough experience with dating/relationships to know that I am not really missing out, been there and done it.

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

Sorry folks, all these replies and I haven't had a chance to elaborate, but yeah, I'm not advocating monasticism or anything like that, but I guess this will be something new that I adopt. I just felt that unless there will be anything more than just casual dating, I'd just rather refrain from all the physical affection, I mean.. ultimately yeah, most people like the physical affection including myself, but now I feel like its a waste of time.

So no more wanting a kiss on the first date?

 

[welshman]

I have heard over the years (and on this thread) both sides of the argument as to what should be the standards for physical stuff in relationships. Here is my take on it:

There is the one side that opposes almost any type of physical contact at all. No kissing, no hugging, no cuddling, no holding hands (only allowed if absolutely necessary), no being alone together at all...ever. I have also heard it said by my ex that she wouldn't tell me she "loved" me until the day we got married.

This type of moral code is totally and completely man-made. It has no scriptural evidence (as far as I can see....maybe someone will prove me wrong). I have experienced this side of the fence and people turn it into totally legalistic nonsense. I am not saying that it is wrong for a Christian couple to be like this. If that is their standard then that is fair enough. But don't "lord" it over someone else or try and convert someone into thinking something that has no Biblical foundation to support your view.

I have also had the misfortune of experiencing the more liberal side of the fence where my girlfriend has tried to push and push the "boundaries". When I have told them I am not interested in compromising my testimony they have "sulked" like a 5 year old child. "Sexual compatibility" is nothing but a total myth, perpetuated and created by the sex-driven world we live in. To suggest you need to find someone "sexually compatible" as a Christian is utter nonsense in the way the world splashes it about and defines it as. Programmes like "Sex in the City" promote this rubbish and the gullible out there lap it up.

For me...if you are doing something physical together that causes you to be put into temptation; then cut it out of the relationship. All together.

 

[GQ Chris]

So no more wanting a kiss on the first date?

That's correct. If there is chemistry there, the tension will be there, this is definitely a new step for me, but I feel its the right thing to do for me. There are some other ways to determine whether or not she's really interested.

 

[GQ Chris]

I'm tired of this highly oversexed up culture that has deceived many away from the truth.

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

That's correct. If there is chemistry there, the tension will be there, this is definitely a new step for me, but I feel its the right thing to do for me. There are some other ways to determine whether or not she's really interested.

I think that's smart and a good step to take.

 

[GQ Chris]

I want to be redeemed from my past and I no longer want to be giving a piece of my Soul to just anyone.

 

[TanteBelle]

This question is mostly for the blokes, but anyone can answer: wouldn't being physically attatched (holding hands, cuddling, kissing, etc.) be more of a temptation to go further than simply cutting all that out?
My bro married a girl half a world away so they didn't get the chance to do anything physical obviously. But after he went to see her, they did kiss and after that, he seemed like he was always off with the pixies! He definately wasn't on earth! And he did make poor disicions and everything seemed to drop; he wasn't the same. So, does it become more of a temptation to have the whole meal after a first taste? (to put it differently)

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

So, does it become more of a temptation to have the whole meal after a first taste?

 

[TanteBelle]

Hahaha! Good call!