Ok, here's what I said:
There is a lot to be said for sexual compatibility. That is not to say that you have to do inappropriate things, by the way, so please don't quote me out of context. I think it is important that a couple figure out whether or not they will be sexually compatible. I think much of that depends on good communication between the couple about expectations and desires. But a kiss can also go a long way in revealing whether or not you will be compatible in your physical relationship. No, it's not ALL that marriage or a relationship is about, but it is and should be a big part of a healthy relationship.
Which I now regret because I was misunderstood. I should have had the oversight to know it was going to be misunderstood.
So let me reiterate.
I DID NOT say that "sexual compatibility/physical compatibility" was determined by someone's skill level. Like I mentioned in another post, someone's skill level in physical acts never even crossed my mind!
I DID NOT say that this was an excuse to engage in inappropriate physical contact. In fact, I said that it was not.
I DID NOT say that the focus of a relationship should be on the physical. I even said that it was not all about that.
I DID say that the important thing is that there is healthy communication about desires, expectations, etc.
I think that people have this false expectation that what their experiencing is sexual compatibility (either from sex or from kissing). They aren't, rather they are experiencing sexual skill.
Which like any other skill comes from practice.
JM
Again, I didn't say that. I certainly would not consider myself "skilled" by ANY means. I have had very little practice over the course of my lifetime, trust me.
I disagree entirely. Like someone else said, that is not a Christian way to pick a future spouse. Sexual compatability, and I don't even know what that is, is something that should come last in a relationship, and again, I don't even know what that would entail. "Ooo, I like your kisses." What is that? It should not ever overrule emotional compatabilty or... compatability period. Or something.
If you could explain what you mean by sexual compatibility, that'd be great.
I NEVER said it was the way to "pick up a spouse." Please, everyone! Don't read into things that are not being said here.
I certainly never said it was all about "Ooo, I like your kisses." Seriously? That would be incredibly shallow of me, would it not?
I definitely never said it should overrule compatibility in other areas.
I think it's more about not liking their kisses than "Oo I like your kisses". Haha. But in my (very limited) experience, if you already have that emotional bond with someone and like them enough to kiss them in the first place, you'll enjoy it. And vice versa.
C'mon Chris, you gotta come back and clear things up here!
There is truth to this. If you find that after being with someone for awhile that their kisses do *nothing* for you, I think that indicates a problem. That doesn't mean that the person lacks skill in kissing, necessarily. I have known those to go on in relationships with people they disliked kissing or the idea of kissing...not people that are asexual, but people with normal sexual drive that simply didn't have the chemistry with that particular person. I think that is an incompatibility that puts a lot of frustration into a relationship.
What I meant about physical and sexual compatibility largely has to do with expectations and standards. It is important to be on the same page when it comes to this things. And, LIKE I SAID, most of that can be accomplished by simply communicating and talking about it honestly.
However, I stand by my statement that sometimes a simple kiss can speak volumes about a person. Someone can say what their expectations and standards are, but often what is really inside will come out when there is a physical connection. I don't take this so far as to include inappropriate sexual acts...I'm just talking about holding hands and light kissing. Through this innocent physical connection, you can discover how affectionate that person is, how often they want to be affectionate, whether or not they are comfortable displaying affection, how much emotion is tied into their affection, what kind of attitude they have towards physical contact, and a host of other things.
It is very, very hard for me to explain what I am trying to say here.
