Are Guys Who Share Their Emotions a Turn-Off?

Blank123

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It depends. If he's ruled by his emotions, yeah thats a turn-off. way too much drama for me.

but a guy who is in touch with his emotions is endearing. One of the first things that made me go, 'hmmm..." with the guy I'm talking to now is when he shared a personal and emotional story that happened to him once. It was nothing over the top, but it showed me that he has a healthy way of expressing his emotions when the situation calls for it.

I can't speak for all women, obviously. but for me... I don't want someone who will overwhelm me with his emotions. Other women may be more patient with me. I just know from experience I can't handle it. But I don't want a robot either who is incapable of showing his feelings. Christ wept, and I don't think anything less of a man for crying. I just want a man who can show his feelings appropriately - like I'm sure he'd want from me.
 
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PeculiarTreasure

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*blind post*

I don't mind when a guy shows emotions. It actually melts my heart. A lot of guys think that showing emotions makes them somehow "less of a man". I think a lot of guys were maybe taught that growing up. It's not true at all. I wish guys would show emotion more often actually.


Even Jesus himself wept.:)
 
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Marycita

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It depends. If he's ruled by his emotions, yeah thats a turn-off. way too much drama for me.

but a guy who is in touch with his emotions is endearing.

Yes, this.

the whole being ruled by his emotions thing is just as exhausting as never acknowledging them...dealt with both....

somewhere in the middle is absolutely lovely.
 
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Lord Herdsetk

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I'm an emotional guy.

I never would have guessed Sullivan lol. :p

I'm pretty distant with most people, except someone whom I've gotten to know well. Then I open up a lot. I'd say I do a decent job at expressing my feelings once I get to know someone........but the problem for me is actually getting to know someone new.
 
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tapi

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I'm an emotional guy too ^^ But I don't show them excessively. Sometimes I show my positive feelings even too little and I'm trying to actually learn away from that
smile.gif
But anyways I have found it to be on the contrary.. usually girls like it when you open up about your feelings. One the most romantic things ever done to me was a love letter by somebody who witnessed me cry because of something. Come to think about it, it was the only occasion I've cried in presence of a non family member after childhood I think..
 
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miss-a

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It sounds to me, Quoth, like you are doing the biblical thing in many ways. You know you have emotions, but you also know you can't always trust them. that's the thing with emotions, it's okay for a guy to express emotions that are lined up with God's truth. Jesus got angry and also wept, but He expressed His emotions in ways that were appropriate for the situation. He didn't let them get in His way, He used them rather to accomplish His purpose. They did not have control over Him.

Personally, as long as I know a guy is more dependent on the Lord than he is on himself or me, I'd gladly have him wanting to be with me as much as possible. I think apathy in relationships, and the fear of taking risk are taking over. So hats off to you if you are willing to express emotions with balance and control, while still being true to what you feel and what you know.

And to prove you have control over your thoughts and emotions, you avoided vomiting while a table full of girls discussed their cleavages, while they were probably hoping you and all the other guys in the room were listening!:angel:
 
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waves16

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Blind Post.

I definitely don't think it's a turn-off. I'm personally not a fan of guys who think that "emotions are for sissies" and bottle everything up or act like a robot.
Every relationship needs good communication, and that means sharing your emotions every now and then.
 
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Miles

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I have strong emotions, but I don't share them with everybody. Ideally, I prefer women who also have strong emotions. By "strong emotions", I'm not referring to the capricious kind that often result in interpersonal drama. I'm talking about a kind of heightened sensitivity. Caring deeply about things, being moved by art and music etc. I want to share meaningful moments with my significant other, rather than be secretive about how I feel.
 
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Inkachu

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A guy who breaks down and cries if he stubs his toe - not attractive.

A guy who is willing to act like he has a heart and he isn't made of stone (which, sadly, is the way most guys are) - insanely attractive.

Guys are usually the ones who impose the whole "never show emotion" thing on each other. It doesn't come from us girls. And it's ridiculous and harmful. Ridiculous because men are just as human as women, and emotions are part of being human. Acting as if you don't have them is just stupid. And it's harmful because a constant stifling of natural feelings can lead to incredible amounts of stress, and rob you of deep, fulfilling relationships.
 
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Gwendolyn

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More than anything, I want a man who is willing to share his emotions. I need a guy who is willing to share things - someone who will tell me when he is upset and why, someone who will trust me enough to confide in me, someone who will share his joys and his sorrows. Communication is important to me, especially when it comes to problems. Problems cannot be solved unless you vocalise them and address them.

Guys who won't communicate and who won't show emotion are not the sort that attract me.
 
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leothelioness

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I don't really think the issue would be the expression of emotions but which emotions are expressed and at what stage they are expressed in a relationship. And how they are expressed.
This.

Granted, I didn't grow up around men that were terribly emotional or good at showing it, so I tend to find myself a bit uncomfortable with men who are brimming with emotions. It's all because of how I was raised.
 
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MacFall

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I believe that emotion's proper place is to be kept subject to the spirit and the intellect, in that order. They cannot be fully suppressed, and one should not try to do so, but they should not be the impulses behind our actions. So, I have often been criticized for not showing my emotions enough. In fact, some girls have gone so far as to say that's why I've never had a girlfriend. And if that's the case, I'm single for life - because I've worked long and hard not to be ruled by my emotions, and I'm not going back to it, for any reason.
 
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Blueflamingos

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Over the past few weeks, I've found that I've unwittingly been party to several conversations about what women look for in a guy. It's been interesting, to say the least. For the most part, I was not actively involved in the conversation, but they took place within earshot and I couldn't help but overhear them.

Some women were obviously superficial in describing the kind of guy they're after. One conversation lasted a torturous hour, and involved discussion between two women about how much cleavage to show a guy to attract him. Other women were decidedly more focused on men who were "successful" by a certain standard: they have a high-paying job, they drive a nice car, they dress a certain way, etc.

One conversation I didn't hear was one regarding a man who shows emotion. Of course, no one wants someone who is completely emotional. I know this from personal experience, because I used to wear every emotion I had on my sleeves, and I quickly found that folks didn't want to be around me (especially since my emotions can change at the drop of a hat). Over time, I've learned to rein it in, but I still don't hide how I feel when asked.

The problem I'm finding is that with my cyclothymia (a mild form of bipolar where the person swings from depression to agitation rather than happiness), I feel emotions very deeply. If I'm angry, it can come across as, "I'm gonna rip your face off." If I'm attracted to someone, it can come across as feelings of love. When I truly love someone, it can come across as "you are my world and I would die without you".

There's another side of me that logically assesses my emotions and reins them in. I can be boiling with rage, but I express it by not smiling, not talking, and eschewing any attempts at conversation or company. If I seem to be giving folks the cold shoulder, it's because I'm angry and don't want to take it out on them. I prefer to point my frustration at the cause of my frustration (which is typically myself).

If I like a woman, it can be torture for me. I have to fight to not want her company all the time. Left to my unfettered emotions, I can be clingy and want her to be by my side all the time. However, the "filter" I put my emotions through will restrain me and I just have to deal with the feeling that she's not as into me as I'm into her. It'll probably be that way even when I'm married, unless I marry someone who truly can't get enough of me (which I doubt).

What this rabbit trail is eventually getting to is this: it's a stereotype in American culture that guys don't share their emotions, and I'm wondering if women appreciate a more stolid guy or a guy who actually wants to talk about how he feels. Ladies, what say you?

Speaking just for myself, I would never want to be with someone who wasn't emotional and someone who wasn't comfortable expressing his emotions. Christ and a relationship built on Him and in Him is obviously the most important thing, but to me, the next important thing would be emotional intimacy, which of course takes time and patience and His guidance and wisdom to develop. I would never want to share my life with someone who wasn't able to be open and honest with his feelings. And I would never want to be with anyone who stone walled me. That's just one of the most hurtful things that anyone can do to another- to completely stone wall and shut them out. I'd rather have an emotional sap than a stone wall any day.
 
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Human Clay

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I think sometimes people get into the trap of worrying about what do women want, want do guys want. I believe if we take our focus off that and put it on what does God want, and what does his word say, than we would wouldn't worry about worldly things. We would operate on truth and we would be more confident in our actions and emotions. The bible says to confess our faults to one another, that the prayer from a righteous man will avail much. We may not always have a human to share our feelings with, but we have a Father 24/7 that says to cast your burdens on Him, for His yoke is easy and burden is light. My Father is the only one who can cure a broken heart.

If you want to be attract a woman of God, than be a doer of God's word. You will not have to worry about having enough money, because you will know hat God will provide ALL things. If our earthly fathers who are evil give good things, how much more will our heavenly Father give to those who ask? God also doesn't look on the outside as He looks at the heart. Love the Lord with all your heart, and you will not be concerned with the things that please man/woman. Jesus was tempted in all areas of His life and dealt with the same emotions. He felt forsaken, but He knew where to look He knows our trials, our emotions, He said be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.


I believe God made man to be the leader of the woman. If we can not discuss our spiritual concerns with her, than it may hinder her from coming to us with her spiritual and emotional needs.

Hope this makes sense, ha, it's late. Also, got to say do not put your trust into man, but in the power of God.

Psalm 18:5-7 (King James Version)


5The sorrows of hell compassed me about: the snares of death prevented me.
6In my distress I called upon the LORD, and cried unto my God: he heard my voice out of his temple, and my cry came before him, even into his ears.
7Then the earth shook and trembled; the foundations also of the hills moved and were shaken, because he was wroth.
 
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white dove

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What this rabbit trail is eventually getting to is this: it's a stereotype in American culture that guys don't share their emotions, and I'm wondering if women appreciate a more stolid guy or a guy who actually wants to talk about how he feels. Ladies, what say you?

I think you will do fine with finding a woman who can not just deal with your disorder, but one who can understand, empathize and perhaps even enjoy that "clingy" side of you.


To answer your question: I don't think there are many women out there who don't expect a man to express his emotions or not run away from talking it out. I do think that it is largely a stereotype that dictates that men: a. are not talkers b. repress emotions or do not have much of them to begin with and c. dislike talking heart-to-heart with their significant others. It's all bullplop though. Personally, I appreciate when men want to talk about things that matter to them and by telling me or giving me a hint as to how that makes him feel. We all have feelings. I'd rather my man tell me if something is wrong than for me to guess (cuz God knows how we women like to guess). I also would love to know when he's happy and content. I know many men just "be" when they're happy. Like, they enjoy a moment or period in time without really saying "Wow, honey.. I am SO happy today!" *scary full smile* But, they enjoy it "silently." I think as long as I get inklings that he's happy, I like that. Stoicism is not cool to me though. Statues can be stoic. Not a flesh-and-blood human being. Unless you're having a staring contest.

Having said that however, I think there can be overkill, too. Too much is too much is too much is too much. Men, women, it doesn't matter. If someone is just one big bottle of overflowing emotion, I have problems with that. There is a time for everything as the Bible (and that song) says. I agree with that. There is a time to get your emotions involved and there is a time to put them aside for a moment and focus on something or someone else.
 
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Inkachu

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And since this is the type of thread that has been made countless times, and will be re-made countless times, I hope the guys who've read it will remember what it says. Women LIKE guys who can show emotion in a mature, appropriate way. So please 1) stop asking if women like guys who show emotion, and 2) stop telling each other that you shouldn't show emotion.

Plzkthxbye
 
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