Q
Quoth
Guest
Over the past few weeks, I've found that I've unwittingly been party to several conversations about what women look for in a guy. It's been interesting, to say the least. For the most part, I was not actively involved in the conversation, but they took place within earshot and I couldn't help but overhear them.
Some women were obviously superficial in describing the kind of guy they're after. One conversation lasted a torturous hour, and involved discussion between two women about how much cleavage to show a guy to attract him. Other women were decidedly more focused on men who were "successful" by a certain standard: they have a high-paying job, they drive a nice car, they dress a certain way, etc.
One conversation I didn't hear was one regarding a man who shows emotion. Of course, no one wants someone who is completely emotional. I know this from personal experience, because I used to wear every emotion I had on my sleeves, and I quickly found that folks didn't want to be around me (especially since my emotions can change at the drop of a hat). Over time, I've learned to rein it in, but I still don't hide how I feel when asked.
The problem I'm finding is that with my cyclothymia (a mild form of bipolar where the person swings from depression to agitation rather than happiness), I feel emotions very deeply. If I'm angry, it can come across as, "I'm gonna rip your face off." If I'm attracted to someone, it can come across as feelings of love. When I truly love someone, it can come across as "you are my world and I would die without you".
There's another side of me that logically assesses my emotions and reins them in. I can be boiling with rage, but I express it by not smiling, not talking, and eschewing any attempts at conversation or company. If I seem to be giving folks the cold shoulder, it's because I'm angry and don't want to take it out on them. I prefer to point my frustration at the cause of my frustration (which is typically myself).
If I like a woman, it can be torture for me. I have to fight to not want her company all the time. Left to my unfettered emotions, I can be clingy and want her to be by my side all the time. However, the "filter" I put my emotions through will restrain me and I just have to deal with the feeling that she's not as into me as I'm into her. It'll probably be that way even when I'm married, unless I marry someone who truly can't get enough of me (which I doubt).
What this rabbit trail is eventually getting to is this: it's a stereotype in American culture that guys don't share their emotions, and I'm wondering if women appreciate a more stolid guy or a guy who actually wants to talk about how he feels. Ladies, what say you?
Some women were obviously superficial in describing the kind of guy they're after. One conversation lasted a torturous hour, and involved discussion between two women about how much cleavage to show a guy to attract him. Other women were decidedly more focused on men who were "successful" by a certain standard: they have a high-paying job, they drive a nice car, they dress a certain way, etc.
One conversation I didn't hear was one regarding a man who shows emotion. Of course, no one wants someone who is completely emotional. I know this from personal experience, because I used to wear every emotion I had on my sleeves, and I quickly found that folks didn't want to be around me (especially since my emotions can change at the drop of a hat). Over time, I've learned to rein it in, but I still don't hide how I feel when asked.
The problem I'm finding is that with my cyclothymia (a mild form of bipolar where the person swings from depression to agitation rather than happiness), I feel emotions very deeply. If I'm angry, it can come across as, "I'm gonna rip your face off." If I'm attracted to someone, it can come across as feelings of love. When I truly love someone, it can come across as "you are my world and I would die without you".
There's another side of me that logically assesses my emotions and reins them in. I can be boiling with rage, but I express it by not smiling, not talking, and eschewing any attempts at conversation or company. If I seem to be giving folks the cold shoulder, it's because I'm angry and don't want to take it out on them. I prefer to point my frustration at the cause of my frustration (which is typically myself).
If I like a woman, it can be torture for me. I have to fight to not want her company all the time. Left to my unfettered emotions, I can be clingy and want her to be by my side all the time. However, the "filter" I put my emotions through will restrain me and I just have to deal with the feeling that she's not as into me as I'm into her. It'll probably be that way even when I'm married, unless I marry someone who truly can't get enough of me (which I doubt).
What this rabbit trail is eventually getting to is this: it's a stereotype in American culture that guys don't share their emotions, and I'm wondering if women appreciate a more stolid guy or a guy who actually wants to talk about how he feels. Ladies, what say you?
