Anyone here over 35 and never been in love or never married?

[chrisbrown]

I'm in the same boat. 36 and never been married or in a real relationship with someone that I really loved. It does get harder with age for me, that's for sure. I just keep hoping that as God has done with my career, he will also do with my love life. Good luck to you and may God bring someone special into your life.

 

[Praetor]

I have never been married and "dated" only twice. I never really been in love with anyone. I hope to make up for it on the other side though!

 

[dayhiker]

I have a freind that has just fallen in love with quite a bit of lust thrown in. He is 70. So we have years of loving here and getting luckly ahead of us yet. At least that's my plan.

 

[chrisbrown]

Definitely not alone here. I'm in my mid 30s and never been married. As far as being in love, I have certainly "loved" a few girls in my life, but it was always a one way street unfortunately. I can't recall a single time in my life where I have ever experienced the wonderful gift of true reciprocating love with someone. Sure, I have had a few girlfriends in my life, but it was never out of love.

I too always feel like the odd man out. Seems like every one around me is happily married or in love with someone. I know we are not supposed to be jealous as God has different plans for different people at different times. But, as I get older, it definitely gets more difficult for me to deal with.

I just keep praying that God has someone out there for me.

 

[dayhiker]

Hi Chris, welcome to CF. Especially to the mature singles forum.

Ya, that is tough to not have someone to love you. But don't get up hope .. keep looking. I pray you find that special woman.

 

[chrisbrown]

Thanks dayhiker. It's really nice to be able to dialog with people here on this forum, as most people in real life get tired of hearing the same story over and over (like my mom...).

 

[dayhiker]

Ya, my Grandmother told the same stories most every time I visited her.

I love the variety of expression people have hear. Its not just one view of Christianity or live. So we get to see why real people feel and think about things.

Years ago I thought most people in church believed thing the way the pastor did. But then I started to notice comments made here that there that didn't agree. Then a couple of times I had serious discussion with people that had some serious differences but didn't feel comfortable expressing them in church. Including myself. Then my study of history told me we today think vastly different than people in the past. It was clear to me that God loved them all and they all loved Jesus. WOW, God go so much bigger and more precious in my eyes as I saw that.

OK .. I got carried away with tired of hearing the same old story! LOL

 

[Maid Marie]

Ya, my Grandmother told the same stories most every time I visited her.

I love the variety of expression people have hear. Its not just one view of Christianity or live. So we get to see why real people feel and think about things.

Years ago I thought most people in church believed thing the way the pastor did. But then I started to notice comments made here that there that didn't agree. Then a couple of times I had serious discussion with people that had some serious differences but didn't feel comfortable expressing them in church. Including myself. Then my study of history told me we today think vastly different than people in the past. It was clear to me that God loved them all and they all loved Jesus. WOW, God go so much bigger and more precious in my eyes as I saw that.

OK .. I got carried away with tired of hearing the same old story! LOL

That is me, too. The more I hear others' testimony and backgrounds, the less myopic I feel.

 

[dayhiker]

Nice

 

[hope_is_last_to_die]

I am just feeling like the "odd one out" on this one. I am in my mid-thirties and I have never been in love before or never married. I have dated but that was 10 years ago. If you have never been in love before or never married please explain why, if you would like, I mean was this something that you chose or was it something that you wanted but it seems that God had something else instore for you?
Thank you and God bless you all.

Yep, never been married and dont really know what being in love is like. Does anybody know what being in love is, I know we see the Hollywood stuff but seriously what is it? Ive felt a strong attraction to some gals but was this being in love?? I see now more of a need for a commitment to love, not a falling in love. Ive always wanted to marry and still do but.......

I suppose some Christians would say Im called by God to be single but I dont see any purpose for me being single, for me its a pretty miserable way to live. Of course Ive gotten used to this way of life and can sorta cope with it but Id rather be sharing my life with someone and no I dont think married life is a bed of roses, its anything but a bed of roses!! Anyhow thats enough of my rambling for now

God bless you precious sister

 

[hope_is_last_to_die]

Hi Chris, welcome to CF. Especially to the mature singles forum.

Ya, that is tough to not have someone to love you. But don't get up hope .. keep looking. I pray you find that special woman.

sorry but I couldnt resist the urge to respond to your "find that special woman" comment. I think I know what you mean by that term but really are there any "special" guys or gals? Maybe Im just nit picking here but I think that is part of our problem, trying to find a "special" gal or guy.

 

[Jenster]

Hi all. I've been absent from Mature Singles for awhile, but this thread has prompted me to want to poke my head in again.

I don't think there is that one special guy or gal, and I wish I realized that much earlier in my life. There are many people I could have a relationship with. The world is full of possibilities, not the lack of possibilities. (At least, where I live. I'm not talking about being in a town of 200 people where there's only one single person of the opposite sex and that person's 20 years older than you.)

I look around and my single Christian friends all have eliminated each other as potentials for one reason or another. Thus, they don't date. Don't even want to have coffee together one-on-one. Everyone is "friends." And very few people are getting married. It's kind of sad, and rather unnecessary, I think.

Among my friends, people are looking for the person who will knock their socks off. But we're all just people. We ARE special in our own ways, but at the end of the day, we all have flaws, too. I think everyone would be better off just to get to know other people and see who they really are.

 

[OGM]

I look around and my single Christian friends all have eliminated each other as potentials for one reason or another. Thus, they don't date. Don't even want to have coffee together one-on-one. Everyone is "friends." And very few people are getting married. It's kind of sad, and rather unnecessary, I think.

Among my friends, people are looking for the person who will knock their socks off. But we're all just people. We ARE special in our own ways, but at the end of the day, we all have flaws, too. I think everyone would be better off just to get to know other people and see who they really are.

I see that a lot too and I live in the most populated part of the United States. I wonder if a great deal of it is fear of intimacy to the level of being a real phobia. The thing is, many people know how to use the "I'm guarding my heart" defense. Some will counter with, "I'm waiting for God to bring me a spouse". They often wait and wait and wait and wait...

Truth is they maybe terrified of getting hurt emotionally. I find people very often quote scripture when they don't want to face their deepest fears.

 

[Franny50]

I am a 50 year old woman who looks fairly young for her age.I have been in like,but never really in love.I've had four major relationships in my life,but haven't been involved with anyone for years.Hope to still find a nice christian man who is no older than 65.I am educated and love to cook.I live in nyc,but it seems as if everyone in my age group is already taken.

 

[Jenster]

I see that a lot too and I live in the most populated part of the United States. I wonder if a great deal of it is fear of intimacy to the level of being a real phobia. The thing is, many people know how to use the "I'm guarding my heart" defense. Some will counter with, "I'm waiting for God to bring me a spouse". They often wait and wait and wait and wait...

Truth is they maybe terrified of getting hurt emotionally. I find people very often quote scripture when they don't want to face their deepest fears.

Yes, I agree, dnp200450. I am one of those who kept spiritualizing rather than taking action. I hoped God would plop the man right into my lap! I expected to "know" from the minute I saw him, and he would be perfect for me. Also, I bought into the "I don't want to cause an awkward situation by dating anyone at my church, in case we were to break up" excuse. Everyone's afraid of hurting someone or being hurt, rather than dating people casually and respectfully.

About the "possibilities" I was mentioning earlier -- some of my women friends are depressed and desperate because they do not see possibilities, only scarcity. They say there is no one. But that's not true. One of my girlfriends who was the angriest and most certain that there was NO ONE who would accept her has since gotten married. Even I am dating someone who has lived in this same area his whole life, just like me!!! We just never met. So believe in possibilities, not scarcity, and that will at least lead to optimism.

 

[OGM]

Yes, I agree, dnp200450. I am one of those who kept spiritualizing rather than taking action. I hoped God would plop the man right into my lap! I expected to "know" from the minute I saw him, and he would be perfect for me. Also, I bought into the "I don't want to cause an awkward situation by dating anyone at my church, in case we were to break up" excuse. Everyone's afraid of hurting someone or being hurt, rather than dating people casually and respectfully.

It is amazing sad how dating has become this scary virtual minefield over the past 20 years in both the Christian and Secular world.

About the "possibilities" I was mentioning earlier -- some of my women friends are depressed and desperate because they do not see possibilities, only scarcity. They say there is no one. But that's not true. One of my girlfriends who was the angriest and most certain that there was NO ONE who would accept her has since gotten married. Even I am dating someone who has lived in this same area his whole life, just like me!!! We just never met. So believe in possibilities, not scarcity, and that will at least lead to optimism.

Optimism is very important because others can pick up on angry and negativity in a person. People are not usually attracted to negative emotions. Thus they will not avoid the person that displays them. Which in turn make that person less likely to have a relationship. Which will make them more angry and negative. Which will then...Stuck in a loop!

Think of astrology and tarot cards. The reason why some people are in to them is because they change their behaviors after reading the "prediction". The predictions are more likely to come true because in fact the reader is making adjusts based on what the card or astrologist indicated. For example, If danger is indicated, guess what, the person maybe extra observant that day and thus avoid an accident. If the reading says, "look around for someone special." They may in fact do that and find someone special. Yet they could have looked around with the reading and would have had the same result. It is just that they followed the reading and so they are convinced that is what caused it.

Likewise a person that is negative about relationships is much more likely to have negative outcomes because they are helping to create the very conditions that they "feel" are ever present! So their negativety can manifest itself on themselves and those around them. Also negative people may prefer to hang out around other negative people. Further reducing but not eliminating the cases of any of them having a positive outcome!

 

[dayhiker]

Well, I never expected the phrase "special woman" would generate so many posts.

I agree with what you all said. I'm of the school one goes out, dates and fines that other person.

By special, I'm simply saying the one you pick. I think there are many people we can be freinds with and some of those can work to be our spouce. The one we pick is the special one. I don't see God has one person we are ordained to marry.

 

[Jenster]

Well, I never expected the phrase "special woman" would generate so many posts.

I agree with what you all said. I'm of the school one goes out, dates and fines that other person.

By special, I'm simply saying the one you pick. I think there are many people we can be freinds with and some of those can work to be our spouce. The one we pick is the special one. I don't see God has one person we are ordained to marry.

Haha, thanks for the clarification, dayhiker. I'm sorry that I went off on "special person" in a way that you hadn't intended. It just triggered some thoughts for me, which I was happy to share.

I agree with you that when we choose that person, he/she becomes the special one. In fact, that's something I have learned as I've dated my bf. Much of a relationship is the ACTION of caring for another human being. It's not so much (for me, at least) looking at the person and saying, "Oh, he's perfect and I love everything about him," even though I DO respect him and appreciate his qualities. It's really about learning to love the person, treating him with respect, and figuring out how to be his friend and supporter. And, enjoying the things that come with being in a relationship.

That's in large part why I have more of a sense that there are more possibilities than people think.

I also think that having a more casual attitude toward dating will lessen the weirdness that people can get themselves into, like holding onto unrequited crushes (for years) and chasing after unavailable people.

 

[from scratch]

Hi folks,

I'll be 60 next month and have never been married. I hold the values of purity in this matter dearly. I do have to say that the messages I always gotten weren't good. I come from a family of manipulators and will have no part of that game. It breads complete distrust. I need -er want somebody I can trust. So I didn't understand love at all as a teen. Only understood using someone to the point I couldn't recognize love. The girls at church were all consummers using their men. I didn't like that either.

So what do I look for? Hmm! Somebody that shows an interest in me and my goals. Isn't that selfish? Not really, cause if we have uncommon goals we would always pull apart. I don't need a foots frau either. Mom did great by me. I don't want to be smothered or someone that can use a chain saw and split wood. But OTH it would be very neat if they could make homemade jelly. Have loads of sand plumb. I love to play board games and hate commercial entertainment. Just leaves me very empty. Hey can you talk about the Bible? Or are you a whatever person? Iis a kuntry critter, not a city slicker. I'd rather play dominoes and talk about the graden with the neighbors. Yeah I'd do a movie once in a great while.

Oh this isn't an ad for a mate. I'm jus dropin in from GT cause its slow.

 

[Franny50]

From scratch:I certainly hope you meet someone nice.There are a lot of women out there 40-60 who are either widowed or have never been married.You sound like a very down to earth and honest fellow.I also hope to find a guy who likes board games and reads(an understands the bible)And by the way,I agree that both partners have to have mutual or at least compatible goals.