Any other clergy abuse victims?

[gerbilwoman]

Or just me? If you are a clergy abuse victim, how did you go about reclaiming your faith?

 

[Goatee]

Faith is not about one person. Its not about one member of clergy. They are human and not divine. They are sinners.

One has to realise that these abusers are just ordinary people and not a pathway to God on their own. One needs to pray and seek Gods guidance and to soldier on knowing that God is so much bigger than one person!

 

[Dave-W]

Please define what you mean by clergy abuse. I can think of a few different ways of looking at that:

sexual abuse
ritual abuse
cultic control issues

I am sure there are more.

 

[gerbilwoman]

Faith is not about one person. Its not about one member of clergy. They are human and not divine. They are sinners.
One has to realise that these abusers are just ordinary people and not a pathway to God on their own. One needs to pray and seek Gods guidance and to soldier on knowing that God is so much bigger than one person!

I have been trying to look at it that way, thank you for the reminder.

Please define what you mean by clergy abuse. I can think of a few different ways of looking at that:

sexual abuse
ritual abuse
cultic control issues

I am sure there are more.

It was sexual abuse. Some religious objects were involved too.

 

[Dave-W]

It was sexual abuse. Some religious objects were involved too.

Yikes. So sorry to hear about that.

I experienced the cultish control abuse.

 

[gerbilwoman]

Yikes. So sorry to hear about that.

I experienced the cultish control abuse.

Thank you, sorry to hear about your abuse too.

 

[Catherineanne]

Or just me? If you are a clergy abuse victim, how did you go about reclaiming your faith?

Yes.

I am not sure I have really reclaimed what I had. I now have something different, and certainly more fearful. What has kept me at church is a very kind Vicar at a different church, but it is certainly not the same as before and neither am I. It took 3 years to get an apology from the wider church, but that has now happened. For a long time they bought into the abuser's version, which presented it as parish politics and normal. It was not. But even having that apology does not undo the harm; it may help me to find a way forward, but there is no healing for the past, partly because there has been no acknowledgement or apology from the person concerned; nothing at all. (Not to me, at least; I don't know about to others.)

I am afraid we cannot ever go back; we have to look to a new future and a new relationship with the church. As I see it part of my new relationship is to make the church aware of what happened, and to ensure that it does not happen again.

 

[Catherineanne]

Faith is not about one person. Its not about one member of clergy. They are human and not divine. They are sinners.

One has to realise that these abusers are just ordinary people and not a pathway to God on their own. One needs to pray and seek Gods guidance and to soldier on knowing that God is so much bigger than one person!

I am afraid the 'clergy are only human' defence is no defence at all. Would we say that of a serial killer, or a child abuser, or of the ISIS thugs? So why say it of clergy who abuse their position? Clergy are trusted beyond other people, and this makes their abuses far worse than those of others. We allow clergy into our homes, we give them 'family' access in ways that others simply would not have. When they abuse that trust it is therefore MORE serious; it is not the same as abuse by anyone else. Abuse by a professionals is always of a more serious order; doctor, psychiatrist, teacher or clergy. They have a particular duty of care, and it must be respected. 'Only human' is not appropriate; these are professionals.

A crime is a crime, and by definition crimes are perpetrated by people who are without exception 'only human.' Our prisons are full of 'only humans'. The term is meaningless, and in the context of abuse it risks minimising the crime committed, and the seriousness of the effect on those who have been harmed in a very real way.

 

[gerbilwoman]

Yes.

I am not sure I have really reclaimed what I had. I now have something different, and certainly more fearful. What has kept me at church is a very kind Vicar at a different church, but it is certainly not the same as before and neither am I. It took 3 years to get an apology from the wider church, but that has now happened. For a long time they bought into the abuser's version, which presented it as parish politics and normal. It was not. But even having that apology does not undo the harm; it may help me to find a way forward, but there is no healing for the past, partly because there has been no acknowledgement or apology from the person concerned; nothing at all. (Not to me, at least; I don't know about to others.)

I am afraid we cannot ever go back; we have to look to a new future and a new relationship with the church. As I see it part of my new relationship is to make the church aware of what happened, and to ensure that it does not happen again.

Sorry to hear you were abused too. I think you are right, I do need to create a new future.

I am afraid the 'clergy are only human' defence is no defence at all. Would we say that of a serial killer, or a child abuser, or of the ISIS thugs? So why say it of clergy who abuse their position? Clergy are trusted beyond other people, and this makes their abuses far worse than those of others. We allow clergy into our homes, we give them 'family' access in ways that others simply would not have. When they abuse that trust it is therefore MORE serious; it is not the same as abuse by anyone else. Abuse by a professionals is always of a more serious order; doctor, psychiatrist, teacher or clergy. They have a particular duty of care, and it must be respected. 'Only human' is not appropriate; these are professionals.

A crime is a crime, and by definition crimes are perpetrated by people who are without exception 'only human.' Our prisons are full of 'only humans'. The term is meaningless, and in the context of abuse it risks minimising the crime committed, and the seriousness of the effect on those who have been harmed in a very real way.

I agree, well said!

 

[EPHESIANS6:10-11]

one of my abusers was a priest

 

[Catherineanne]

one of my abusers was a priest

I am very sorry to hear that.

I have no idea how it has affected you, but I have found it impossible to regain trust again.

 

[Truthfrees]

MOD HAT

Posts have been deleted for debating.

Trauma forum is for healing, encouragement, support, not debating.

 

[saintmartha]

I am struggling through this, too. Thanks for bringing it up.