Anxiety or God's will?

[behappy23]

Hi everyone, this is my first post. I'm a little scared but looking for some advice.

I have anxiety and possibly developed scrupulosity recently, based off confessing and asking for forgiveness from others. I'll say something wrong, tell a little lie, or not offer to share food etc and then get it stuck in my head that I have to confess my sin to the person. If they have no idea about the sin or have forgotten, do i still have to apologize to them or is God enough?
My anxiety makes me replay everything in my head so I remember something 6 hrs later and then go apologize and well you can imagine the confused looks.
It seems impossible not to sin in some way or another but does God want me to apologize to them for every little thing?

Its been exhausting and stressful and its affecting relationships. Any thoughts/kindness would be greatly appreciated. Thank you

 

[Ken Behrens]

I suffered scrupulosity many years. Here is the solution that worked for me. If you care so much that you worry that you have offended God all the time, then surely you have not. Once you get that through your head and into your heart, the problem with Him goes away.

There is no Scripture requiring you to apologize for every little thing. We read only "if you recall that someone has something against you (leave your gift at the altar)". And also, "If your brother offends you, then you go to him". In either case, the offended ones must be the ones to come to you, to tell you that they have something against you.

 

[Daryl Gleason]

Welcome, sister, and grace and peace to you from our Lord Jesus Christ.

I agree with Ken and would add as a suggestion that the first place you can go for forgiveness is to God directly, as in 1 John 1:9. This cleansing is very real, and you can even visualize God washing you and making you pure if it helps. The main thing is resting in his forgiveness and being at peace.

Once you have been able to do that, you can then just ask God directly if he feels that there is a need for you to apologize to the person in this particular case.

If there is, you'll feel it, but it won't be motivated by guilt but rather by inspiration and peace, as the act of apologizing is in fact an act of love to that person.

And if there is no need, you can just continue to enjoy the peace of having a clear conscience before God.

This is something you can do as often as you feel necessary; 1 John 1:9 is a universal promise without limit. God very much loves it when we come to him in confession and seek forgiveness. It promotes a spirit of thanksgiving and is also the spirit behind 1 John 4:19 -- we love because he first loved us.

In Christ,
Daryl

 

[behappy23]

Thank you both for taking the time to respond. Your words have helped a lot, sometimes it just takes someone else to talk you through things.

Ken, I'm really glad you found your solution. I'll remember it and make sure to refer to the bible passage you mentioned. It makes a lot of sense.

Daryl, I'll be sure to read those passages and ask God for guidance. Being motivated by peace not guilt is a nice way of putting it

Sending kindness to both of you.

 

[Ken Behrens]

Thank you both for taking the time to respond. Your words have helped a lot, sometimes it just takes someone else to talk you through things.

Ken, I'm really glad you found your solution. I'll remember it and make sure to refer to the bible passage you mentioned. It makes a lot of sense.

Sending kindness to both of you.

I am constantly reminded how God only allows the devil to interfere with us in matters that He has made us ready for. Your response is one of the kindest I have ever read in an online chat room. When you and God defeat the devil on this matter, He is going to use your ability to communicate with people powerfully.

 

[behappy23]

I am constantly reminded how God only allows the devil to interfere with us in matters that He has made us ready for. Your response is one of the kindest I have ever read in an online chat room. When you and God defeat the devil on this matter, He is going to use your ability to communicate with people powerfully.

Thank you for your kind words also. Best wishes.

 

[faroukfarouk]

John's First Epistle is all about assurance and cleansing, among other things.

 

[Ken Behrens]

Best wishes.

That's how I end my e-mails in my secular career. To Christians, I say "stay blessed".

 

[behappy23]

That's how I end my e-mails in my secular career. To Christians, I say "stay blessed".

Thank you for the tip. Stay blessed.

 

[Greg J.]

I had to attack my predisposition to condemn myself with several things:

1. God loves me. If I need to ask someone for forgiveness, I need to get myself to be genuinely willing to do so, then I may perceive God's will for the matter. Asking God how I should deal with it was sometimes a part of it. Due to prayer, sometimes my heart turned cold toward the view that it was a problem that necessitated seeking forgiveness. I can't remember if it was before or after this period of my life, but at some point, I learned the difference between feeling guilt and being convicted. They're much different.

2. Evaluating what I am feeling pressure about from the other person's perspective. Is it the sort of thing the person is going to even remember? If so, is it the sort of thing for which he will be feeling like I need to apologize?

3. Evaluating what I am feeling according to cultural norms. Apart from whether seeking forgiveness is good or not, it is the sort of thing that we culturally just never seek forgiveness for? If I did a quick "sorry" at the time, was that enough? Being abrasive or impolite is not necessarily a sin.

4. And most of all: what has God said about this situation? What is the command I have broken? Is it something that is open to interpretation such that it might not even be considered more than normal human bumping of heads by the other person?

What I discovered is that every time I felt that pain, an apology wasn't necessary. When an apology was needed it had more of an intellectual side. It was logical.

The problems were not that I trespassed someone and failed to seek forgiveness, the problem was that my feeling that I needed to was a deception, and I primarily just wanted to comfort myself from it. I already knew that I hurt myself by my words far more than other people, so it made sense. I'm sure that there are plenty of causes for this. Mine might be attributed to Social Anxiety Disorder and/or Depression (it can have a variety of unintuitive effects).

 

[behappy23]

I had to attack my predisposition to condemn myself with several things:

1. God loves me. If I need to ask someone for forgiveness, I need to get myself to be genuinely willing to do so, then I may perceive God's will for the matter. Asking God how I should deal with it was sometimes a part of it. Due to prayer, sometimes my heart turned cold toward the view that it was a problem that necessitated seeking forgiveness. I can't remember if it was before or after this period of my life, but at some point, I learned the difference between feeling guilt and being convicted. They're much different.

2. Evaluating what I am feeling pressure about from the other person's perspective. Is it the sort of thing the person is going to even remember? If so, is it the sort of thing for which he will be feeling like I need to apologize?

3. Evaluating what I am feeling according to cultural norms. Apart from whether seeking forgiveness is good or not, it is the sort of thing that we culturally just never seek forgiveness for? If I did a quick "sorry" at the time, was that enough? Being abrasive or impolite is not necessarily a sin.

4. And most of all: what has God said about this situation? What is the command I have broken? Is it something that is open to interpretation such that it might not even be considered more than normal human bumping of heads by the other person?

What I discovered is that every time I felt that pain, an apology wasn't necessary. When an apology was needed it had more of an intellectual side. It was logical.

The problems were not that I trespassed someone and failed to seek forgiveness, the problem was that my feeling that I needed to was a deception, and I primarily just wanted to comfort myself from it. I already knew that I hurt myself by my words far more than other people, so it made sense. I'm sure that there are plenty of causes for this. Mine might be attributed to Social Anxiety Disorder and/or Depression (it can have a variety of unintuitive effects).

You've highlighted a lot of my problems. Especially struggling between emotion, logic and what is culturally normal. I know anxiety etc messes with a lot of my reactions.

Thank you for the reply. I appreciate it. Stay blessed.