angry and disillusioned

[Christownsme]

I'm going thru a real angry time right now. I was brought up learning not a lot about God's grace but more about his laws and judgments. I never set well with that - but I've never learned to trust Jesus very well either later, because of that influence. I was bullied as a kid, abandoned by a lover, abandoned by my childhood church, got sick with a mental disorder once the church let me go, lost my education in electrical engineering and my musical career which could have backed me up. I'm still not married, no kids, live at home with parents, I'm in my 40's seeing a counselor and psychiatrist and 4 specialists for my health.

Now don't tell me I don't have reason to be angry at least for awhile. And on top of that, and because of those things, I have a difficult time trusting God. I know he's better than that, I trust that anyway, but it hasn't come to fruition in my life yet.

People talk about going to heaven when they die, "where is heaven?" "what will it be like?" They should be referring to the Kingdom of Heaven. Jesus said the Kingdom of Heaven is in a believer. (My take is that Jesus is the Kingdom of Heaven). It's already here. Jesus said, the Kingdom of God is at hand. Repent and be baptized for the remission of sins.

So what I'm saying is that I ask myself, will I be in his Kingdom when I die? Because of my doubting, which is caused by others' sins against me, plus some of my own sins I'm sure... Well if I'm not in the Kingdom now, or by now, since we can repent and walk in thru Jesus, that makes me afraid because I don't think I'm in yet. I don't really have a clue if I am or not.

God, help me please.

 

[BryanW92]

So what I'm saying is that I ask myself, will I be in his Kingdom when I die? Because of my doubting, which is caused by others' sins against me, plus some of my own sins I'm sure... Well if I'm not in the Kingdom now, or by now, since we can repent and walk in thru Jesus, that makes me afraid because I don't think I'm in yet. I don't really have a clue if I am or not.

God, help me please.

God grants the faith to believe.

I am sending you to open their eyes, so that they may turn from darkness to light and from the power of Satan to God, that they may receive forgiveness of sins and a place among those who are sanctified by faith in me. (Acts 26:17-18 ESV)

 

[Andry]

....

So what I'm saying is that I ask myself, will I be in his Kingdom when I die? Because of my doubting, which is caused by others' sins against me, plus some of my own sins I'm sure... Well if I'm not in the Kingdom now, or by now, since we can repent and walk in thru Jesus, that makes me afraid because I don't think I'm in yet. I don't really have a clue if I am or not.

God, help me please.

Yes, you already are and you will be. You are already leaps and bounds ahead of where most believers are in understanding the kingdom of God. Truly. That the kingdom of God is within you.

And, if you have been painted a wrong picture and understanding of God, then I probably wouldn't believe that God either, so yes, you have a right to be angry, at least for a while. Our God isn't angry at us, or as petty as many believers make him to be. His love for you is magnanimous, and he truly desires to step out of heaven and into time, and into your life to walk with you.

 

[1watchman]

It seems you are angry because God does not come to you on your terms, friend. One must receive God's "...so great salvation" in His beloved Son --the Lord Jesus, the Christ of God, for any part in God. Please read John 14 and see what God is saying there.

One MUST know the Lord Jesus to be received of His Father, and have the indwelling Holy Spirit within one to possess the new life in God. Intellectualism will not work, but faith by knowing the Lord and being devoted to Him. Keep humble and not be angry with God, or you will walk in darkness. God cares and calls us to Himself by His beloved Son. Keep reading the Bible (New Testament) daily and seeking God's way.

 

[yeshuaslavejeff]

good questions. the answer is not sure yet. it is or may be helpful, ( i think it will be)
to read the 5 chapters in First John 1 - 5, because in the book of First John, it says specifically that it is/was written so thay YOU MAY KNOW if you belong to God the Creator through Yahushua the Savior, or if you don't.

His Word is the ONLY STANDARD you can trust. not any man.

seek His Help especially, only, and specifically , every day. talk with Him and ask for His help as you read the Bible, His Word.

I'm going thru a real angry time right now. I was brought up learning not a lot about God's grace but more about his laws and judgments. I never set well with that - but I've never learned to trust Jesus very well either later, because of that influence. I was bullied as a kid, abandoned by a lover, abandoned by my childhood church, got sick with a mental disorder once the church let me go, lost my education in electrical engineering and my musical career which could have backed me up. I'm still not married, no kids, live at home with parents, I'm in my 40's seeing a counselor and psychiatrist and 4 specialists for my health.
Now don't tell me I don't have reason to be angry at least for awhile. And on top of that, and because of those things, I have a difficult time trusting God. I know he's better than that, I trust that anyway, but it hasn't come to fruition in my life yet.
People talk about going to heaven when they die, "where is heaven?" "what will it be like?" They should be referring to the Kingdom of Heaven. Jesus said the Kingdom of Heaven is in a believer. (My take is that Jesus is the Kingdom of Heaven). It's already here. Jesus said, the Kingdom of God is at hand. Repent and be baptized for the remission of sins.
So what I'm saying is that I ask myself, will I be in his Kingdom when I die? Because of my doubting, which is caused by others' sins against me, plus some of my own sins I'm sure... Well if I'm not in the Kingdom now, or by now, since we can repent and walk in thru Jesus, that makes me afraid because I don't think I'm in yet. I don't really have a clue if I am or not.
God, help me please.

 

[Neogaia777]

I'm going thru a real angry time right now. I was brought up learning not a lot about God's grace but more about his laws and judgments. I never set well with that - but I've never learned to trust Jesus very well either later, because of that influence. I was bullied as a kid, abandoned by a lover, abandoned by my childhood church, got sick with a mental disorder once the church let me go, lost my education in electrical engineering and my musical career which could have backed me up. I'm still not married, no kids, live at home with parents, I'm in my 40's seeing a counselor and psychiatrist and 4 specialists for my health.

Now don't tell me I don't have reason to be angry at least for awhile. And on top of that, and because of those things, I have a difficult time trusting God. I know he's better than that, I trust that anyway, but it hasn't come to fruition in my life yet.

People talk about going to heaven when they die, "where is heaven?" "what will it be like?" They should be referring to the Kingdom of Heaven. Jesus said the Kingdom of Heaven is in a believer. (My take is that Jesus is the Kingdom of Heaven). It's already here. Jesus said, the Kingdom of God is at hand. Repent and be baptized for the remission of sins.

So what I'm saying is that I ask myself, will I be in his Kingdom when I die? Because of my doubting, which is caused by others' sins against me, plus some of my own sins I'm sure... Well if I'm not in the Kingdom now, or by now, since we can repent and walk in thru Jesus, that makes me afraid because I don't think I'm in yet. I don't really have a clue if I am or not.

God, help me please.

I'm feeling ya, I'm in the same boat, got diagnosed with a mental disorder, lost and abandoned and alone by everybody in the world (family, friends, my wife and own family), I feel like there's no one, no one who truly, really "cares" about me anymore...

Unlike you however, I am not angry, but depressed, feeling lost abandoned and all alone... I feel like I'm going through a trial right now to see if I will give Jesus that rightful place to fill that hole, that void in my life, and make him first and foremost (place) and treat him as if he were truly alive in me or my life...

I've had thoughts recently, about giving up, about suicide...

I just got permission from my landlord that I could have a companion animal in our house with a doctors note, so, I think that's what I'm going to do next (get a kitten) I can't stand being mentally disabled, with no apparent purpose in my life, staring at these four walls all day, afraid of people, all alone, Isolating myself, as I have nobody...

I can't stand the Holidays as everybody else I see, goes off with their happy families and the like, when I'm all alone, they just depress me

I have no advice for you, but I just wanted you to know your not alone and that you'll be in my prayers....

Do you have people who love you, who are actively involved in your life? (I don't have) But, do you?

God Bless!

 

[orangeness365]

you're not really going to know whether or not you are saved until after Judgment Day. Being fearful of it is normal.

Philippians 2:12
English Standard Version
Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling,


Is it possible that you could go to a community college to gain a technical skill so that you can have a job, even if it is doesn't pay enough to support a family? That's sad that you have suffered so much loss. Marriage can be nice if you marry someone really nice that doesn't beat you up or cheat on you, but a lot of people do just those very things. I think that the focus for your happiness should be on Jesus loving you rather than marriage. You could still get married at your age if you wanted to, if you get a job. It's not impossible. Anger and depression are pretty natural reactions to loss. It's good to trust in God. It's good that you are trying, despite all of your setbacks. I think the question is, what is it that trust God to do? You can trust him to fill you with the holy spirit. You can trust in him to guide you towards salvation. When it comes to money not always. Jesus was homeless. But you can still ask. I pray for a job all of the time. It sucks what happened to you. Any one of the things that happened to you would be enough to make plenty of people just give up on life.

 

[orangeness365]

I'm feeling ya, I'm in the same boat, got diagnosed with a mental disorder, lost and abandoned and alone by everybody in the world (family, friends, my wife and own family), I feel like there's no one, no one who truly, really "cares" about me anymore...

Unlike you however, I am not angry, but depressed, feeling lost abandoned and all alone... I feel like I'm going through a trial right now to see if I will give Jesus that rightful place to fill that hole, that void in my life, and make him first and foremost (place) and treat him as if he were truly alive in me or my life...

I've had thoughts recently, about giving up, about suicide...

I just got permission from my landlord that I could have a companion animal in our house with a doctors note, so, I think that's what I'm going to do next (get a kitten) I can't stand being mentally disabled, with no apparent purpose in my life, staring at these four walls all day, afraid of people, all alone, Isolating myself, as I have nobody...

I can't stand the Holidays as everybody else I see, goes off with their happy families and the like, when I'm all alone, they just depress me

I have no advice for you, but I just wanted you to know your not alone and that you'll be in my prayers....

Do you have people who love you, who are actively involved in your life? (I don't have) But, do you?

God Bless!

Don't give up! There are suicide hotlines you can call to talk to people about what is going on in your life. maybe you can make some new friends so you have people to talk to? I can't imagine the pain of losing everyone in my family through rejection. You are right on track, trying to get Jesus to fill the void in your life, and to heal your depression! Congratulations on getting a kitten! They do make good companions, even if they don't talk. They do meow with emotions though. In what way are you mentally disabled? are you on SSI? Sometimes on this forum there are holiday threads where everybody talks to each other online. You could join those. Right now I think your purpose is to just endure through the pain, and follow God.

 

[cuja1]

Maybe I'm not the best person to give advice, but for me I feel like the only thing I can do is beg Jesus to save me whenever I wonder if I'm not saved and hope He grants my request. The Bible says God saves all who call on His name, so I'm holding on to that.

What I've noticed is that when I am doing something that is a sin, God eventually makes it abundantly clear that He wants it to stop, usually through problems the sin is causing. So far, every time I have asked for His help in overcoming sin, He has come through for me. He has made it abundantly clear that it is His power that gives me victory over sin and not mine.

So my advice is pray, pray, pray

 

[terryjohn]

God, help me please.
love those words.

 

[fozzy]

I'm going thru a real angry time right now. I was brought up learning not a lot about God's grace but more about his laws and judgments. I never set well with that - but I've never learned to trust Jesus very well either later, because of that influence. I was bullied as a kid, abandoned by a lover, abandoned by my childhood church, got sick with a mental disorder once the church let me go, lost my education in electrical engineering and my musical career which could have backed me up. I'm still not married, no kids, live at home with parents, I'm in my 40's seeing a counselor and psychiatrist and 4 specialists for my health.

Now don't tell me I don't have reason to be angry at least for awhile. And on top of that, and because of those things, I have a difficult time trusting God. I know he's better than that, I trust that anyway, but it hasn't come to fruition in my life yet.

People talk about going to heaven when they die, "where is heaven?" "what will it be like?" They should be referring to the Kingdom of Heaven. Jesus said the Kingdom of Heaven is in a believer. (My take is that Jesus is the Kingdom of Heaven). It's already here. Jesus said, the Kingdom of God is at hand. Repent and be baptized for the remission of sins.

So what I'm saying is that I ask myself, will I be in his Kingdom when I die? Because of my doubting, which is caused by others' sins against me, plus some of my own sins I'm sure... Well if I'm not in the Kingdom now, or by now, since we can repent and walk in thru Jesus, that makes me afraid because I don't think I'm in yet. I don't really have a clue if I am or not.

God, help me please.

Welcome to spiritual warfare! Put your armor on before you get taken out. The devil don't play...Eph. 6

 

[Neogaia777]

Don't give up! There are suicide hotlines you can call to talk to people about what is going on in your life. maybe you can make some new friends so you have people to talk to? I can't imagine the pain of losing everyone in my family through rejection. You are right on track, trying to get Jesus to fill the void in your life, and to heal your depression! Congratulations on getting a kitten! They do make good companions, even if they don't talk. They do meow with emotions though. In what way are you mentally disabled? are you on SSI? Sometimes on this forum there are holiday threads where everybody talks to each other online. You could join those. Right now I think your purpose is to just endure through the pain, and follow God.

I'm a highly functioning paranoid scitzophenic, I also have fear issues and social anxiety problems and trouble interacting socially because of it, I want to be around people but not when I'm having problems, yes I am on SSI...

Thank you for your kind words, kinda makes me feel better, thanks,

God Bless!

 

[Free at Calvary]

I'm going thru a real angry time right now. I was brought up learning not a lot about God's grace but more about his laws and judgments. I never set well with that - but I've never learned to trust Jesus very well either later, because of that influence. I was bullied as a kid, abandoned by a lover, abandoned by my childhood church, got sick with a mental disorder once the church let me go, lost my education in electrical engineering and my musical career which could have backed me up. I'm still not married, no kids, live at home with parents, I'm in my 40's seeing a counselor and psychiatrist and 4 specialists for my health.

Now don't tell me I don't have reason to be angry at least for awhile. And on top of that, and because of those things, I have a difficult time trusting God. I know he's better than that, I trust that anyway, but it hasn't come to fruition in my life yet.

God, help me please.

Yep, when I doubt God's forgiveness, my sins terrify me. It's hard to draw near to God with a guilty conscience, and I can't seem to stop sinning. I know the struggle and find peace by pleading the blood of Jesus. Try doing it by faith when guilt and fear arise.

Also I can understand being angry over not being able to do what you want to do, encountering opposition, and time slipping away. The hardest thing to do is to let go and let God - to surrender your desires to God, with faith he will give them to you - since you can't do it on your own. It's the best thing to do against the enemy.

One other thing, you should give thanks to God. If you can't think of anything, thank him for the clothes you have, the air you breathe, a functioning body...anything in sight. You might find strength being restored, faith, hope, etc. being restored.

Humble yourself in the sight of God and he shall lift you up.

 

[Christownsme]

I want to thank you people for helping me. I do believe this is spiritual warfare. My mentors (pastors, Christian counselors, etc.) are telling me if I wasn't bothered by all this and simply didn't care or have concern, then I may not be saved at all. But I am troubled and Satan is crafty.

My sins "are over my head", like David said in one of his writings. I must tell Satan he no longer has legal rights over his condemnation towards me because Jesus died and shed his blood to justify me.

I appreciate the advice to be thankful for everything I can. Because that is God's continued mercy toward me.

 

[orangeness365]

I'm a highly functioning paranoid scitzophenic, I also have fear issues and social anxiety problems and trouble interacting socially because of it, I want to be around people but not when I'm having problems, yes I am on SSI...

Thank you for your kind words, kinda makes me feel better, thanks,

God Bless!

I'm schizophrenic too, and currently on SSI. Lucky for me my family didn't abandon me when I got the illness about 5 years ago. I have fear issues and anxiety too. I try to interact with people, but I've always had trouble making friends ever since I was little. everyone said I was weird/different. Hang in there!

 

[trulyconverted]

I'm going thru a real angry time right now. I was brought up learning not a lot about God's grace but more about his laws and judgments. I never set well with that - but I've never learned to trust Jesus very well either later, because of that influence. I was bullied as a kid, abandoned by a lover, abandoned by my childhood church, got sick with a mental disorder once the church let me go, lost my education in electrical engineering and my musical career which could have backed me up. I'm still not married, no kids, live at home with parents, I'm in my 40's seeing a counselor and psychiatrist and 4 specialists for my health.

I think all of us have our own painful experiences in different levels, different degrees and different times in our lives.

But, as God is the Potter and we are the clay, He molds us - through our experiences. Because God is all knowing and He looks after His own, I say you are exactly where you should be at this very specific point in time... for this is what you need in your journey to be conformed to the image of His Son.

Now don't tell me I don't have reason to be angry at least for awhile.

The bible says we experience anger. But in anger do not sin.

And on top of that, and because of those things, I have a difficult time trusting God. I know he's better than that, I trust that anyway, but it hasn't come to fruition in my life yet.

If it has not come in your life yet, just keep on going with the Lord. He knows the desire of your heart. It is all in His timing.

People talk about going to heaven when they die, "where is heaven?" "what will it be like?" They should be referring to the Kingdom of Heaven. Jesus said the Kingdom of Heaven is in a believer. (My take is that Jesus is the Kingdom of Heaven). It's already here. Jesus said, the Kingdom of God is at hand. Repent and be baptized for the remission of sins.

I totally agree with you. As you see, God has grant you this wisdom and I believe not everyone grasps it. He is the kingdom of God, and after His resurrection He (God the Holy Spirit) came to indwell the believer. That is how the kingdom is within us and the kingdom is also outside of us (God is all and in all)

So what I'm saying is that I ask myself, will I be in his Kingdom when I die? Because of my doubting, which is caused by others' sins against me, plus some of my own sins I'm sure...

Sin is causing us to be far from the Lord. If you cannot forgive yourself and others, it is because we cannot do it on our own efforts. We must always ask the Lord to grant us a forgiving heart (a forgiving spirit) and to enable us to do this impossible thing. For with Him everything is possible.

Also love conquers all. We can also ask the Lord to infuse in our hearts love for those who hurt us and love for our own self (not selfish love). But as the Lord commands - love your neighbor as you love yourself, and love even our enemies.

You can even start by praying for those people who have hurt you, pray for blessings for them. ("Bless them which persecute you: bless, and curse not") ("VENGEANCE IS MINE, I WILL REPAY," says the Lord.)

Well if I'm not in the Kingdom now, or by now, since we can repent and walk in thru Jesus, that makes me afraid because I don't think I'm in yet. I don't really have a clue if I am or not.

Only the Holy Spirit can truly let you know if you are in the kingdom of God now ("The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God" Rom 8:16). Therefore go in prayer, bringing to the Lord this particular question. Be persistent and be patient in waiting for your answer. It may not come today but it may come tomorrow or the next day or the next and so on...

God, help me please.

Heb 4:16 "Let us therefore draw near with boldness unto the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy, and may find grace to help [us] in time of need."

It is so very hard to come to the Lord in prayer, when there is even one sin separating us from Him. Therefore we need to confess to Him our conscious sins, forgotten sins, accidental sins, sins that are deeply hidden in our hearts. Ask the Holy Spirit to search the deepest dungeon of your heart, and bring the sin to the surface so you can ask for forgiveness for them.

God bless you my friend.

And if you are on medications, do not forget to take them. Chemical imbalances in our bodies cause problems.

 

[Gunny]

In my humble opinion, Our heavenly Father desires us to be secure in our salvation.

"My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me: And I give them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand. My Father, which gave them me, is greater than all; and no man is able to pluck them out of my Father's hand".

John 10:27-29
KJV