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Am I being oppresed? Am I cursed? Premonitions?

Discussion in 'Christian Advice' started by theory1, Aug 12, 2010.

  1. theory1

    theory1 Newbie

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    I have been struggling since the age of 13 (over 20 years now) with having fears or premonitions come to pass. When I was 13 I feared or "felt" that if I knocked a calendar off the wall onto the floor (it had a picture of my mom and her boyfriend imprinted on it)something "bad" would happen to both or one of them. Well one morning I was in a hurry for school and I knocked it off the wall. Well, after school I got home and my mom told me her boyfriend was sick in the hospital. Turns out that morning as he was driving to work, a drunk driver hit his car and he was severely brain damaged from then on until his death 7 years later. My mom tried to reassure me the accident happened an hour or two before I even knocked it off the wall. Well it haunted me from then on.

    Then at age 25 I decided to follow the Lord but for the next year or so felt that something tragic was to happen to my mother and that my life would be stripped bare. I especially felt that if I trusted the Lord with my life and loved ones that this would happen. I still continued to move forward in life and ignore these feelings but they would not abate and then in 2000 I felt things would be OK. Well a few months later I was on my break at my job at the mall, looking at all the pretty dresses on display and imagining my mother wearing one and looking nice and a horrid voice intruded my thoughts and in my mind’s eye the scene changed to an enraged voice "up there" saying- "Who are you to feel good about yourself??! THIS is what's going to happen to you!" And boom, I see my mother in bed, emaciated, ill and confused with me beside her taking care of her and weeping. This vision made me cry right there in the store. I was shaken up. I still continued to move forward n life and hope for the best and pray. One day when I was walking to the bus station I saw a bird in the sky. My Christian friend had always said God used birds to encourage her when she was down. I decided I would try to be positive (I had always been scared of the Lord and felt He was a punisher and now I was trying to change my view of Him) so while trying to be encouraged by this bird in flight my eyes then like a magnet fell upon something on the ground. To my horror it was a dead, smashed baby bird on the ground! Here I was trying to be hopeful for my life and future by looking at a soaring bird and then my eyes fall on death. Then as the year progressed, my mother started feeling sick and by December of 2000 she died, my dog of 16 years had to be put down a month or so later and I left my home. Indeed my life had been STRIPPED as I had felt it would.

    I’ve spent since 2001 to rebuild my life, I had struggled since her death to believe God wanted good things for me. I felt like He hated me and my family because not only of the losses but also because of those premonitions coming to pass. I felt He wanted me to be alone and not have a family and that bad things were to continue to happen to me. I struggled against these beliefs but it was a constant battle. In 2004 I decided to start dating my best male friend who came into my life after my mom died. He’s a wonderful man and treated me so well but I started having horrible, gnawing feelings my life would be stripped AGAIN and I would be alone. That bad things were coming for me. I also had an “irrational” fear about our church pastor’s daughter, that my BF was better off with her because she came from a good family and was the opposite of me. I felt horrible about myself, especially because of all the tragedy and loss like I was cursed or something. I didn’t want what happened to my mom’s boyfriend or her father (he was also killed in a car crash) to happen to my loving boyfriend. I would often ask my boyfriend if he liked her or if he felt he should be with her instead. He thought I was being ridiculous. He reassured me he loved ME. I would even get paranoid thoughts like her family was disappointed he was with me and hoped my BF for one of their daughters instead (they have two daughters). I would even get a voice in my head that said if I don’t break up with him God would kill me!

    Well in 2005, a choking phobia I had briefly when I was 11 came back after a 20 year absence. I had been struggling with anger and bitterness for years and even at times felt so overwhelmed by the feelings of my life being stripped again I would tell my friends I just KNEW something was gonna happen. My feelings had been correct many times before, it’s like I knew it. Well little did I know that the choking phobia would be the main catalyst for my life to be stripped AGAIN. This time so much worse than before because this phobia took me over and I could barely function. I’m not saying I was perfect, I made some bad choices and have an anger issue and that hurt my relationship with my BF to a point but this choking phobia completely isolated me, took my career away and ended my relationship with my BF. To make matters worse, I couldn’t even swallow my saliva in public w/out panic so I stopped going places including church.

    Guess what happened? The OTHER daughter of the old pastor (they stopped going to church there after a new pastor was hired) and my ex-BF have become friends and had feelings for each other since she returned to church suddenly!! Just as I had feared that God wanted him to be with someone in that family!! I am completely devastated; did God do this all to me? Did the devil? Did I? Why do I have these horrible feelings and why do they come to pass?? And why is the theme the same –loss, tragedy, being alone, losing loved ones, seeing others prosper and the blessings I have disappear. I am still close to my ex and my devastation to all this has stopped him from liking the pastor’s daughter for now. I’m begging him for a 2nd chance once I recover from this anxiety disorder. He says there may be a chance, he can’t guarantee it. I told him he once was proof that God did not want me to be alone. Now I tell him he is helping one of my worst fears come to pass by liking this girl in this family I was tormented about while we dated. How can that be?? I have since practically renounced God and am on my own, which is a horrible feeling. It was because of this phobia I stopped going to church and my relationship ended and I am in ruins. If the devil is responsible then how could my ex and this girl profit from my tragedy by getting to know each other better? Wouldn’t he come in and ruin everyone? Not that I want their lives ruined but I most certainly didn’t want mine to be either. And I’m the only one suffering due to this. My ex is suffering watching me go through this but it is nearly taking me out of my life. I cannot go through my life being stripped again, I CAN'T. I want the relationships and life I had to be restored and I want these horrible premonitions and losses to cease forever. And I want peace with my God. Any suggestions as to what could be behind ALL these horrid things in my life. I have left out many details as I have no room to write everything down. Please any direction or counsel?
     
  2. DoctorJosh

    DoctorJosh New Member

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    The Bible warns about Superstition.It is also idolatry. Thinking an object has magic powers. That if you do this or that you will make something bad happen, that if you step on the 3rd stone you will be cursed and all that garbage. It is plain garbage to believe anything will cause something to happen by putting on blue socks, for the only thing that will happen is it will keep your feet warm.

    There is the superstition of astrology, black magic, voodoo and sorcery.
    Deuteronomy 4:19, Isaiah 2:6, Revelations 21:27

    That Jesus is head over all power and Authority Colossians 2:8-10

    To believe in superstition is to believe in witchcraft and by these you are doubting Jesus is Lord given all authority by God the Father. Just Believe in Jesus and put that superstition in the garbage where it belongs.

    So a man said to the other, don't drive to town today because I have a bad feeling you will get into a wreck. The man drives away and is bothered by what the other said. He gets and urge to pull in front of an oncoming car and crashes, ends up in the hospital. The first man runs in and says, what happened? The man in bed says you said I would wreck and I felt the urge to pull in front of the other car. The man standing says, I was only joking and I had no such feelings. The man in bed now feels like a fool, because he believed the other man in what he said that he would wreck and by this he created the wreck.

    So only Believe and Trust in Jesus. For calling a physic hotline will only cause you to believe something will happen, but you will be a fool.

    By thinking a sock falls on the floor will cause the world to explode, well I say drop the sock on the floor for nothing will happen and Jesus will decide when the Earth will meet its end, Not you.

    God Bless
     
  3. theory1

    theory1 Newbie

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    Ok, I hear you on the superstition part but that does not account for the gnawing, nagging sense that my life would be stripped and the visions. I tried to ignore them and procede forward in life but was continually bombarded with them and they came to pass. There is no denying such things have happened to me. I tried my best to follow God and trust Him despite the raging of these feelings and sensings, even after they came to pass. These things have happened to me too much to be ignored now and to brush them off that I am just being superstitious. These things have only served to haunt me. I don't want to know the future and I certainly don't want to be acaused by threats as I have been for so many years by these things. I do not know of any other person who has experince the plethora of loss accompanied by premontitions as I have and neither do any of the Chrisitans I have spoken to in my circles. I am desperate for some answers.
     
  4. Aimiel

    Aimiel Moved to A Site with Freedom of Speech

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    My wife struggles with such things, even though she is a Spirit-filled Christian. Her family was into spiritualism, and they are very superstitious. It's something that often bothers me, seeing her give such things validity, but all I can do is pray for her and try to keep her mind focused on The Lord. There isn't a simple answer to things you've been taught from your youth, which seem valid and normal to you. You have to trust The Lord is bigger than your visions and seek His help.
     
  5. Aibrean

    Aibrean Honest. Maybe too Honest.

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    I have premonitions that come to pass. I take it nothing as a prophetic gift few people know about. I rarely share any with anyone because I can't always distinguish what is a real premonition from just paranoia (because I have that).

    Sometimes I know the when, sometimes I know the how, sometimes I know the where. It's just not consistent.
     
  6. Aimiel

    Aimiel Moved to A Site with Freedom of Speech

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    God doesn't give confusing messages. He is The Author of Understanding, not confusion. When He gives prophetic messages, they are clear. There are so many voices in this world, we simply need to have our senses exercised to discern good from evil. Thank God for the prophetic. We are told to covet to prophesy. Jesus is The Chief Prophet. God speaks prophetically. We need to learn how to hear Him and how to discern the other voices that are gone out into the world.
     
  7. Autumnleaf

    Autumnleaf Legend

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    Can you accept the visions as God's will? Can you help the people involved? ie If I knew someone was going to die soon I would make it a point to talk with them about unresolved issues and voice my concerns for them.
     
  8. razeontherock

    razeontherock New Member

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    :clap::clap::clap:

    A Prophetess even in the Lutheran Church?!? :clap::clap::clap:

    I see why you don't share, and why it's been hard for you to learn to walk in the gifts.

    To the OP: I grew up with such a person as you describe yourself to be. We could trade war stories but to stick to the point, when things got out of control my Sister knew who to turn to. Her little Brother. (That would be me)

    I certainly can't tell you the source as of yet, but I can tell you I use generic terms "light" and darkness, and address the Spiritual realm in those terms.
    G-d will not be offended by rebuking darkness, since He is Light.

    Do be aware spiritual darkness is darker than we are created to endure. Please get rid of that! :hug:

    Fear is the primary form of such darkness. 2 Timothy 1:7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

    And again 1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.
     
  9. sbbqb7n16

    sbbqb7n16 Veteran - Blue Bible Dude

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  10. DoctorJosh

    DoctorJosh New Member

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    I think if you get a sense that something will happen, then Pray it will not if it is bad. If you have that sense (the 9 senses of feelings) then turn the tables around and Trust God to take care of those who you have senses about. Pray to Jesus and ask Him for wisdom and guidance and then ask Jesus to make sure the other person will be safe and Trust Him that He will make sure nothing bad happens. If it is about knocking a calender off the wall, know people all make their own choices in life and we do cannot change what the other person is going to do, because God gives everyone that freedom of choice in life. That no matter what we do, by dropping a mirror and breaking it won't affect our lives or anyone else's for they and we have each our own choices to make each and every day granted by God. That is important to remember, we control nothing but our own decisions and actions. Pray to help others if you feel or sense they will fall and break a leg. God Bless.
     
  11. metal pedal

    metal pedal Guest

    Don't know if this will help. Have you ever been involved with any occult practices? My sister inlaw is a spiritist and has been heavily involved in the occult . As a teenager she would have visions of friends and relatives. The next day they would find out about their death.
     
  12. theory1

    theory1 Newbie

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    To answer your question, yes. But not for the last 15 years. I used a ouija board a few times with friends as a teen and read horoscopes, later on tried automatic writing and pendulum. Not into any of that heavily or anything, just casually like some of my friends were doing as well. When I was 15 or 16 I wanted God to heal me of a physical condition so bad when He didn't, I got mad at Him and asked the devil to help me instead. Nothing out of the ordinary happened and I repented and asked for forgiveness. I came to the Lord in '99 and renounced all such things and went to confession. Even had a priest pray deliverance for me. I had not been into any of that stuff for years before that anyway. I'm sure I opened some doors but I effectively closed them through repentance and confession. Like I said, I had friends that were more into it than me, they are all doing fine- no tragedy, they're all prospering. I've read testimonies from satanists who married the devil and conversed with evil spirits turning to Christ in repentance and they are set free now and doing well. I've wondered if opening doors could have caused this, but why would I be singled out? One friend went to a psychic and they told her she was to have 3 kids. She has 3 kids now, but that means nothing. She and her family are doing well, no tragedies or calamity. And they got married in a church before God, even thought they were living in sin before, she sends her kids to Sunday school. See, I've thought before- did I open a door? But I repented and turned to God, I don't think any of my friends who were into occult ever did that, they're the Christians who go to church 3 times a year on holidays and could care less about spiritual things. They didn't repent and they are doing great. So I don't know if that's the answer. It's possible somebody cursed me. My maternal grandmother cursed my mother, that she would always be moving and never have a place to call her own. That effectivly came to pass, we moved 13 times by the time of her death. I really don't know what to think anymore. Some people tell me I'll never get an answer. Well, at this point in my life I cannot procede until I get one. It's vital I know why this happens to me.
     
  13. Aimiel

    Aimiel Moved to A Site with Freedom of Speech

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    How long will you stand still, between two opinions? You can't serve two gods.
     
  14. theory1

    theory1 Newbie

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    I'm not standing still between 2 opinions. I'm standing between dozens. I simply don't know what to think anymore. I don't understand your reference to serving 2 gods? I'm simply trying to figure out what's going on and what's been going on.
     
  15. vespasia

    vespasia Post LHP. Franciscan. Angels Team

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    Theory1

    To have a pre-dispossion towards anxiety and a sensitivity to that other realm is rarely a happy mix. The two things can end up feeding into each other in a very nasty cycle.

    You have a thorn in your flesh in the form of a human limitation-there are days I would love it if God made my eyesight all better or just get on with it and finish the job and make me blind- either would do. That has never affected by relationship with God though its simply I am a human being living in this poor old fallen world just as you are.

    If you have repented then Christ will have heard you. He loves every single one us that as soon as we turn to Him and say sorry he is there ready to forgive.
    It is your human anxiety that makes you question this.

    As for satanism- been there done that got the t-shirt so what- that is not important. What is important is that i was a sinner who repented and to whom God gave grace through Christ. That matters far more than anything in my past.

    If you can seek medical help for the anxiety- if that reaches a certain level it can make you ill and that will in turn affect your relationship with God. If God did not think medical doctors were a goo idea we would not have the gospel of Luke.

    Secondly the visions and so on do not give you peace- they seem to cause you distress. Ask God to handle them for you and take them away from you. God is compassinate and does not hand over things to cause us harm, God is a kinder and better person than that.

    Thirdly are there good kind mature christian woman around you who could offer you a cup of coffee and a hug on the anxious moments and to pray for you and maybe with you on the days when the visions bother you.

    Try and rest as much as you can. God is a good place to go for rest when you feel unhappy, hounded and worried.

    Hang on to God and focus upon God through Christ. Christ is better than anything in this world.
     
  16. Aibrean

    Aibrean Honest. Maybe too Honest.

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    Why do people think that premonitions are always from the devil? My word. I have no doubt God can come to us in dreams/visions. It's written throughout the Bible.

    I had a dream where my grandfather was in it (and he had died - and my mom said he believed in Christ at his death). I'd never had a dream about my grandfather. Well, I asked him why he was in my dream because he was dead. He only said "you must see this". I then had another dream about my cousin going shooting with my brothers, then getting married and my grandma dying and being buried in a Ferrari which made no sense.

    Then a couple months later...

    In reality, my brothers were invited to be groomsmen because my cousin's brothers didn't want to. My cousin came over to take my brothers to pick out tuxes but then his brothers changed their minds. They went shooting out in the backyard.

    At the wedding I told my now husband and brothers about the dream. Then my dad called saying my grandma fell and she was in the hospital (essentially her hip disintegrated). I told him about having a dream about her and he asked (because he knew about my premonitions) if she would make it. I said no.

    She was in the hospital for a while and then got moved to a nursing home where she died.

    ....and then I was offered a freelance job to design for Ferrari.


    I don't do anything to want to get these kinds of dreams. I don't pray for them, I don't ask for them. I keep in the Word and attend church regularly. I know I am saved. I know I do not deal with the devil.

    It's from God.
     
  17. Aimiel

    Aimiel Moved to A Site with Freedom of Speech

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    No, it isn't. Were it from God, there would have been good come out of it, not fear and confusion.
     
  18. Aibrean

    Aibrean Honest. Maybe too Honest.

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    There wasn't fear and confusion because I knew in advance and I told my dad (it was his mom).

    God showing us good is not always clear cut and obvious. He works in mysterious ways.
     
  19. Aimiel

    Aimiel Moved to A Site with Freedom of Speech

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    But He also watches over His Word, to perform It. When He gives information to us about things to come, there can be salvation available from the trouble(s) if we heed His Voice. If I were you, I'd learn to discern His Voice. Seems that is all you need to do.
     
  20. vespasia

    vespasia Post LHP. Franciscan. Angels Team

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    Sometimes God lets it be known when its time for relatives let someone to go home for the sake of the living who would otherwise waste the time they could have given in care for the dying in chasing hopeless and often pain-filled means to prolong rather than preserve a life.

    Ask hospital and hospice chaplains.
     
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