Hi All,
Firstly this has turned out rather long so I apologise and thank anyone who has the patience to read it all.
I have absolutely no idea how to really go about putting down what I want to convey so I’ll start with a basic question and then throw in some back ground , feel free to ask as many questions as you want.
So the question is as the title: “Am I Christian?”
Some background: As a kid (Around 10-12) I went to Sunday school and was in a church choir (At a method church in case it matters) although I have no idea how that came about or why it stopped as to the best of my memory / knowledge no one in my family is religious and has never been to church apart from for funerals / weddings / Christenings (Which by the way I’m pretty sure I have been).
Fast forward the best part of 20 years: During which time I’ve never given any consideration to religion, if anyone had asked I would have said I was an Agnostic (although due to poor knowledge on the definitions I would have said Atheist at the time).
Now for whatever reason, a month ago I suddenly found myself thinking of God / Christ, I started reading the bible and saying a prayer almost every day since.
During this time I’ve asked myself daily "Do I believe in God?", "Do I believe Christ died for our sins?" Etc. And although every time when I ask myself directly like that the answer has been yes, almost without hesitation, I still find a while later I suddenly start questioning my answer “Do you really believe that? Are you sure? The answer to these always comes out as yes as well but the fact they keep coming up at all makes up uncomfortable labelling myself a Christian, as if I may be lying to myself, hence why for the moment I’ve opted for “Seeker” as my profile title.
Other thoughts on how I’ve changed recently.
Sex – I’ve always been of the mind that sex should not be a casual thing and should be reserved for someone you’re in a loving relationship with (though I would never previously have considered that only between a husband wife was necessary) but I have always been an avid user of inappropriate content / fantasy for personal sexual benefit on a daily basis. – When “this” began though my mind set completely changed, I deleted any inappropriate content I had / stopped viewing it online and stopped masturbating , though I admit I have given in to the urge a couple of times. I now even find myself averting my gaze from the TV at imes, not necessarily sex scenes, often it may only because some ones provocatively dressed, as I find myself feeling uncomfortable.
Language – Previously profanity was essentially normal language when talking with peers / colleagues (though never at home) but now I no longer feel that I need or want to use that language, though currently finding it hard to overcome 15+ years of habit entirely and they keep slipping out. Although what worries me more than direct profanity is that I keep finding myself using phrases like “For God’s sake” or “God knows” and these make me cringe the second I hear them come out of my mouth.
General – I now find that in situations that would previously have caused me to get quite stressed, that I’m remain calm a lot easier. I’m mainly thinking of situations such as being stuck in traffic or beyond a slower driver, where previously I would have cursed them out under my breath and at times driven aggressively I am now able to sit back and relax until the issue resolves itself and there examples in my work environment as well.
I could go one but feel this has already gotten too long, not to sure what I’m hoping to get as a result of this but felt compelled to put it out there and see what comes.
Firstly this has turned out rather long so I apologise and thank anyone who has the patience to read it all.
I have absolutely no idea how to really go about putting down what I want to convey so I’ll start with a basic question and then throw in some back ground , feel free to ask as many questions as you want.
So the question is as the title: “Am I Christian?”
Some background: As a kid (Around 10-12) I went to Sunday school and was in a church choir (At a method church in case it matters) although I have no idea how that came about or why it stopped as to the best of my memory / knowledge no one in my family is religious and has never been to church apart from for funerals / weddings / Christenings (Which by the way I’m pretty sure I have been).
Fast forward the best part of 20 years: During which time I’ve never given any consideration to religion, if anyone had asked I would have said I was an Agnostic (although due to poor knowledge on the definitions I would have said Atheist at the time).
Now for whatever reason, a month ago I suddenly found myself thinking of God / Christ, I started reading the bible and saying a prayer almost every day since.
During this time I’ve asked myself daily "Do I believe in God?", "Do I believe Christ died for our sins?" Etc. And although every time when I ask myself directly like that the answer has been yes, almost without hesitation, I still find a while later I suddenly start questioning my answer “Do you really believe that? Are you sure? The answer to these always comes out as yes as well but the fact they keep coming up at all makes up uncomfortable labelling myself a Christian, as if I may be lying to myself, hence why for the moment I’ve opted for “Seeker” as my profile title.
Other thoughts on how I’ve changed recently.
Sex – I’ve always been of the mind that sex should not be a casual thing and should be reserved for someone you’re in a loving relationship with (though I would never previously have considered that only between a husband wife was necessary) but I have always been an avid user of inappropriate content / fantasy for personal sexual benefit on a daily basis. – When “this” began though my mind set completely changed, I deleted any inappropriate content I had / stopped viewing it online and stopped masturbating , though I admit I have given in to the urge a couple of times. I now even find myself averting my gaze from the TV at imes, not necessarily sex scenes, often it may only because some ones provocatively dressed, as I find myself feeling uncomfortable.
Language – Previously profanity was essentially normal language when talking with peers / colleagues (though never at home) but now I no longer feel that I need or want to use that language, though currently finding it hard to overcome 15+ years of habit entirely and they keep slipping out. Although what worries me more than direct profanity is that I keep finding myself using phrases like “For God’s sake” or “God knows” and these make me cringe the second I hear them come out of my mouth.
General – I now find that in situations that would previously have caused me to get quite stressed, that I’m remain calm a lot easier. I’m mainly thinking of situations such as being stuck in traffic or beyond a slower driver, where previously I would have cursed them out under my breath and at times driven aggressively I am now able to sit back and relax until the issue resolves itself and there examples in my work environment as well.
I could go one but feel this has already gotten too long, not to sure what I’m hoping to get as a result of this but felt compelled to put it out there and see what comes.
