I have some questions, but wanted to preface them (I know my posts are long but it would be helpful if you could fully read and respond):
I think I have learned some things in the past month:
1. We are truly saved by grace through faith. Good works keep us close to Christ so we might not slip away, or turn away for a certain amount of time. (Now I knew this already, but it's just so confusing works vs faith, our sin, how to live our lives etc. But I know we just need to have faith and realize what Christ did for us is enough and try to stay as close as possible to God by repenting and not be led to sin or knowingly sin for ourselves)
2. It is not on us to judge. Even though we think we are not judging, if we set unrealistic expectations for things/people in life we are only setting ourselves up to fail or be very disappointed.
3. There is no such thing as finding the "perfect" life partner? Since we are are affected by sin, and we can't input our perfect criteria into a computer and have it create a mate, we need to be accepting, not judge, be guided by God and live the best life we can.
I have never been in a relationship. I like to think some of this has had to do with being Christian (i.e not being promiscuous), but really some of it has to do with being in school, being busy with work and other things in life and not really seeking a relationship. (Also, maybe just being insecure, nervous or scared and not coming in the "real world.")
I've met a girl that I really like. Because I have never been in a relationship and because I have a lot of worry and anxiety, I think I sort of freaked out over a few things.
In my mind I am thinking that I could see myself spending the rest of my life with this girl. She is great. We have lots of similar interests, but yet are different enough as I have heard you don't really want two people in a relationship that are identical. She is Christian, and wants to live more Christ-like etc.
We are really similar though. We were both baptized within the past couple of years, even though we feel like we have been Christians our whole lives we have both become more devoted as of late. We also like a lot of the same movies and music.
This might be hard to explain, but we are really similar in a way that we are not "closed off" from the world. Like some people that were raised Christian and could never watch TV or listen to the radio etc. We are not like that. We grew up with R rated movies, music etc. But the past couple of years I have been trying to live like a "strict" Christian i.e go to Church every Sunday, read everyday etc. Now I know we are not saved by works, but I just want to study the Bible regularly and try to live as close to what God wants as possible. In my mind I am thinking start as strict as possible i.e taking the New Testament literally, then "loosen up" from there. But my point is, this girl and I are really similar where we were not raised "strict" and are both looking to grow now and live more Christ-like. I just think i'm further along.
I know we are all sinners. And we both have pasts. We have both drank and done drugs in the past (me not for many many years, and her not for years but she still drinks occasionally). I freaked out when I found out that she has had sex before, I think because I was setting unrealistic expectations for my future spouse and planning stuff out in my head. It also sounded like sex was not a big deal to her, like she would do it again before being married, even though it has been a few years and she has since been baptized. (We have yet to talk about his in depth though, I am just going by one conversation or comment, but she seemed so nonchalant). She also mentioned trying a drug, but this was after she had hung out with a friend that is not Christian who does drugs and tried a certain drug; and I think she was just saying that, sorta being influenced. (Again I know we both have pasts, but know we should be trying to repent too.)
My biggest thing is that I just want to please God and please my future wife. I guess if she just told me / committed to never wanting to do drugs or have premarital sex again, I wouldn't be stressing. Because other than these two things, she is like my perfect mate / dream girl.
But I have such a strong desire to always want to help/please people, I am worried she will want to have premarital sex OR if she doesn't i'm worried that I won't be able to please her and then we will have to divorce.
I sometimes wonder if I am still a virgin because of my faith or if I am a virgin because I am insecure. I don't have the biggest equipment if you know what I mean. I guess I am average or on the lower end of average according to statistics on Wikipedia and other sites. I think part of this insecurity contributes to my worry about being able to please a future wife, which is why I've been thinking about premarital sex in the event I am not good enough, then she can just leave me before we get married.
But again, I just want to please God and please my wife. I guess we just need to eventually talk these two issues out: drugs and sex. But I think it might be too early to talk about this. I don't want to freak her out like I am already committing to her, which I am not; but I could see spending my life with her. But i'm not going to go out and get a ring anytime soon.
I truly feel like I was led to this girl. It's hard to explain, but there have been many events in my life where I have been led or guided by God. And I truly feel like this is one of them. BUT I don't know if I just made that up in my mind and I have been forcing it because I have never been in a relationships or if I was truly led to her by God. Too many events happened to lead me to her and I just truly feel like I was led/guided to her; unless, again, I made it up in my head. Plus I wonder if maybe I was led to her to be with her, or if I was led to her to learn a lesson like not to commit too soon or make stuff up in my head.
OR now I'm wondering if I truly am meant to be with her and this was to get me out of my bubble and help me realize the world is not going to be perfect and/or what I want it to be, or make it out to be in my head. And that I should not judge, even though I think i'm not.
Again I just want to please God and want to know if he wants me to be with this girl. I also want to be able to please this girl in all areas of life. I think my insecurities make me worry here. But I am not just looking for a wife or a sexual parter, I am looking for my best friend and life partner. Somebody that I have their back even over my life long buddies. Somebody that I can share everything in life with, keep no secrets, be able to please and grow in Christ.
So I guess because of my "strict" Christian guidelines or ideas in my mind and my insecurities, I have freaked out a little. But I still want to live "strict" or I guess Christ-like is better. I just want to read the Bible and figure out what I need to do on a daily basis to please God. I know we are not saved by our works, but our works please God and keep us closer to him.
So i'm just not sure what to do. I really like this girl and I guess I am just confused how to proceed; how to proceed to please her and grow with here, and how to proceed to please God and grow with God.
I think I have learned some things in the past month:
1. We are truly saved by grace through faith. Good works keep us close to Christ so we might not slip away, or turn away for a certain amount of time. (Now I knew this already, but it's just so confusing works vs faith, our sin, how to live our lives etc. But I know we just need to have faith and realize what Christ did for us is enough and try to stay as close as possible to God by repenting and not be led to sin or knowingly sin for ourselves)
2. It is not on us to judge. Even though we think we are not judging, if we set unrealistic expectations for things/people in life we are only setting ourselves up to fail or be very disappointed.
3. There is no such thing as finding the "perfect" life partner? Since we are are affected by sin, and we can't input our perfect criteria into a computer and have it create a mate, we need to be accepting, not judge, be guided by God and live the best life we can.
I have never been in a relationship. I like to think some of this has had to do with being Christian (i.e not being promiscuous), but really some of it has to do with being in school, being busy with work and other things in life and not really seeking a relationship. (Also, maybe just being insecure, nervous or scared and not coming in the "real world.")
I've met a girl that I really like. Because I have never been in a relationship and because I have a lot of worry and anxiety, I think I sort of freaked out over a few things.
In my mind I am thinking that I could see myself spending the rest of my life with this girl. She is great. We have lots of similar interests, but yet are different enough as I have heard you don't really want two people in a relationship that are identical. She is Christian, and wants to live more Christ-like etc.
We are really similar though. We were both baptized within the past couple of years, even though we feel like we have been Christians our whole lives we have both become more devoted as of late. We also like a lot of the same movies and music.
This might be hard to explain, but we are really similar in a way that we are not "closed off" from the world. Like some people that were raised Christian and could never watch TV or listen to the radio etc. We are not like that. We grew up with R rated movies, music etc. But the past couple of years I have been trying to live like a "strict" Christian i.e go to Church every Sunday, read everyday etc. Now I know we are not saved by works, but I just want to study the Bible regularly and try to live as close to what God wants as possible. In my mind I am thinking start as strict as possible i.e taking the New Testament literally, then "loosen up" from there. But my point is, this girl and I are really similar where we were not raised "strict" and are both looking to grow now and live more Christ-like. I just think i'm further along.
I know we are all sinners. And we both have pasts. We have both drank and done drugs in the past (me not for many many years, and her not for years but she still drinks occasionally). I freaked out when I found out that she has had sex before, I think because I was setting unrealistic expectations for my future spouse and planning stuff out in my head. It also sounded like sex was not a big deal to her, like she would do it again before being married, even though it has been a few years and she has since been baptized. (We have yet to talk about his in depth though, I am just going by one conversation or comment, but she seemed so nonchalant). She also mentioned trying a drug, but this was after she had hung out with a friend that is not Christian who does drugs and tried a certain drug; and I think she was just saying that, sorta being influenced. (Again I know we both have pasts, but know we should be trying to repent too.)
My biggest thing is that I just want to please God and please my future wife. I guess if she just told me / committed to never wanting to do drugs or have premarital sex again, I wouldn't be stressing. Because other than these two things, she is like my perfect mate / dream girl.
But I have such a strong desire to always want to help/please people, I am worried she will want to have premarital sex OR if she doesn't i'm worried that I won't be able to please her and then we will have to divorce.
I sometimes wonder if I am still a virgin because of my faith or if I am a virgin because I am insecure. I don't have the biggest equipment if you know what I mean. I guess I am average or on the lower end of average according to statistics on Wikipedia and other sites. I think part of this insecurity contributes to my worry about being able to please a future wife, which is why I've been thinking about premarital sex in the event I am not good enough, then she can just leave me before we get married.
But again, I just want to please God and please my wife. I guess we just need to eventually talk these two issues out: drugs and sex. But I think it might be too early to talk about this. I don't want to freak her out like I am already committing to her, which I am not; but I could see spending my life with her. But i'm not going to go out and get a ring anytime soon.
I truly feel like I was led to this girl. It's hard to explain, but there have been many events in my life where I have been led or guided by God. And I truly feel like this is one of them. BUT I don't know if I just made that up in my mind and I have been forcing it because I have never been in a relationships or if I was truly led to her by God. Too many events happened to lead me to her and I just truly feel like I was led/guided to her; unless, again, I made it up in my head. Plus I wonder if maybe I was led to her to be with her, or if I was led to her to learn a lesson like not to commit too soon or make stuff up in my head.
OR now I'm wondering if I truly am meant to be with her and this was to get me out of my bubble and help me realize the world is not going to be perfect and/or what I want it to be, or make it out to be in my head. And that I should not judge, even though I think i'm not.
Again I just want to please God and want to know if he wants me to be with this girl. I also want to be able to please this girl in all areas of life. I think my insecurities make me worry here. But I am not just looking for a wife or a sexual parter, I am looking for my best friend and life partner. Somebody that I have their back even over my life long buddies. Somebody that I can share everything in life with, keep no secrets, be able to please and grow in Christ.
So I guess because of my "strict" Christian guidelines or ideas in my mind and my insecurities, I have freaked out a little. But I still want to live "strict" or I guess Christ-like is better. I just want to read the Bible and figure out what I need to do on a daily basis to please God. I know we are not saved by our works, but our works please God and keep us closer to him.
So i'm just not sure what to do. I really like this girl and I guess I am just confused how to proceed; how to proceed to please her and grow with here, and how to proceed to please God and grow with God.
