Adultery and Confession

[MissytheButterfly]

LOL!

 

[Miss Shelby]

If someone commits adultery, was truly remorseful and confesses to a priest their sin and do their penance (which does not involve informing their spouse), should they also confess that sin to their spouse, are they obliged to confess their sin to their spouse?

I am going to answer this before I read through the whole thread in it's entirety because I can already tell you that my opinion is "NO" assuming fully that the person is truly remorseful and has confessed it to someone else and that their heart is repentant--No I think the guilt of it is punishment enough.

Step 9 of the 12 Steps (which are entirely biblical in principle)---is: Made direct ammends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

What would the good be to tell the victim of the adultery? It would just cause unnecessary pain, IMO.

Michelle

 

[MissytheButterfly]

Originally posted by GreenEyedLady
MTB
That was a great post! and awesome verse posted along with it!
Lets turn this around...
If your spouse cheated on YOU, would YOU expect them to tell you? OR would you rather not know? Remember, a vow, is broken, a promise is broken, your spouse cheatedon you....would you want to know? What would you do if you heard it from someone else?
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
GEL

Gel, I would absolutely want my husband to tell me! All of it...every single detail and exactly who this woman is also. I think like this: My husband BELONGS TO ME and NO woman is going to just take my husband from me without a fight. I would do everything and I mean everything short of breaking God's laws to keep my husband. Including confronting this woman and telling her she WILL LEAVE MY HUSBAND ALONE!

If I heard it from someone else, I would confront my husband with the information and ask him what he has to say. In my marriage (through VERY long and hard work) he and I have an understanding that we tell the truth even when it hurts. Luckily, we are both christian and that was one of the conditions for eachother BEFORE we got married. We both agree that cheating was not an option and if we married it would be for life.

My husband grew up with his mother cheating on his father and before he married me he said I had to promise that cheating wouldn't be an option at all because he believed that if a man and woman married it should be for life without cheating and if I couldn't do that he didn't want to be married to me. I agreed to this because of my love for God and because I love my husband more than ANYONE in the world and besides that I believe the way he does because my mom cheated on my father too and I was always so ashamed growing up because some people in our town knew about it and basically thought I would grow up to be a "loose" woman or cheat on my husband just because I was my mom's daughter.

Feeling like that as a child, I made a vow to myself that when I got married, I would NEVER cheat on my husband under any circumstances and I prayed for a husband that I would love so much cheating wouldn't even be a factor. And low and behold the Lord blessed me that way. Ironic..how my husband and I got together growing up with the same issue..LOL.. I feel very very blessed in that way.

 

[Annabel Lee]

A hard thread!
Here is my humble opinion.
If a person does feel it's necessary to tell their spouse, do it in the relative safety of a Marriage and Family Therapist's office. (or someplace like that)
There are always other issues involved. Repressed anger, resentment and , just possibly, lack of love. A person doesn't suddenly cheat on his or her spouse. All of that needs to be dealt with at the same time.
Plus, the injured party, if the couple chooses to stay together, will need help dealing with the betrayel.

Annabel

 

[Miss Shelby]

I made a vow to myself that when I got married, I would NEVER cheat on my husband under any circumstances and I prayed for a husband that I would love so much cheating wouldn't even be a factor

I think we can all agree that cheating certainly is not a vialbe option for a married couple. However, temptations do exist in the world and our enemy prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

I think the best way to be on gaurd against sin is to admit that we are vulnerable to it. So I personally would not say that I or my husband would NEVER cheat. Even King David faltered in that area when he thought he was too high and mighty to succumb to an occasion to sin.

I believe you Missy, when you say your intention is never to cheat on your spouse--it's my intention as well--but I regard it as a very real temptation--one that I will always be on my gaurd against.

Michelle

 

[MissytheButterfly]

Miss Shelby, I totally understand where you are coming from. But I think one is vunerable to cheating if they let themselves be so.

My husband and I read a Christian Marriage book and one of the subjects that the book covers is temptation to commit adultery. This book stresses the importance of not even putting yourself in that situation. For instance, it says that married people should not be alone with the opposite sex. John (my husband) and I have decided that that is the best for us. If John isn't home, NO MAN not even a relative of his can come into our home, the exception is my younger brother. And it's the same way with him, NO WOMAN can come into the house if I am not there unless it is one of his BLOOD relatives. We have also learned in the book that you shouldn't have opposite sex friends that are not also friends with your spouse. John and I also uphold that, and live by it.

In a sense though we are lucky because he works with all men (he is a nuclear tech) and I work with all women (women abuse & crisis pregnancy counselor). So temptation really isn't as much of a factor for us as it is for some people.

Another thing that I think has helped is that John and I are best friends. And we were best friends before we even started dating. So we both respect and understand eachother beyond a husband and wife level. I don't feel I am vunerable to it because I don't allow myself to be. My husband is the only man for me and that's why I am still married to him. And he feels the same way..in his own words.

I feel like that through Christ I can do all things and I can truly say that I would NEVER cheat. I feel that strongly in my faith with the Lord.

 

[VOW]

I can only speak for myself. I also speak for almost 28 years of marriage, too. We've had some ROUGH spots... but we're still together, and we're looking forward to AT LEAST another 28 years.

All marriages have their ups and downs. There are times when everything looks perfect, you cannot imagine any rocky parts. You look at those around you, and say, "Thank God, we're not them!" Then catastrophe hits. Sometimes you look at that person next to you in bed, and you wonder, "WHO is that?"

We had one horrible, HORRIBLE time in our marriage. There were inner stresses, outer stresses, money, kids, you name it. My husband was in school, he HATED it, but he saw it as the family's future. Unfortunately, to him, it was "school at all costs." His school friends became his closest allies, and I was branded "the enemy." He made promises he couldn't keep, he refused the emotional support I needed, and he put his friends' needs over ours. It was the worst betrayal. I believe there was an opportunity for him to be unfaithful at that time, too.

We made it, thank God. The world came crashing in on him, and when he looked up, all his "friends" were gone, and I was the only one left standing by him. He opened his eyes, and we started the long, long road back to what we once had. DID he cheat? I don't know, I honestly don't know. And I don't WANT to know. That time is passed. We're traveling down a completely different road together now, one that would never have been possible if things had gone as we had planned.

(that's another one of Life's Lessons we learned early on in our marriage... "Things always work out, for the best, even...and in ways you never dream.")

I love my husband dearly. I know he loves me. And we both know that nobody on Earth understands or knows the other one better than our partner.

My memories of that bad time in our marriage are horrible enough. I certainly don't need to flesh them out with images of him cheating on me.

Again....my opinion.


Peace be with you,
~VOW

 

[Miss Shelby]

Missy:

But I think one is vunerable to cheating if they let themselves be so.

I believe you hit it right on the money, there. Have you ever wondered what was going through King David's mind when he committed adultery? Unlike what most people may think, I don't think his first mistake was ogling at a bathing beauty on a roof-top.

What kind of a King would have sent his own men into battle without going with them to watch over them? Certainly not a humble servant of the Lord--at least not at that particular time in his life.

It's my theory that he let himself somehow become led away from the Lord--like maybe he wasn't really very close to him at that time-- and that is when the enemy snagged him.

This thread reinforces for me my need to cling to God at all costs.


Michelle

 

[VOW]

To Miss Shelby:

Yanno, it's something I've always wondered. I mean, I can understand how an alcoholic can take that first drink, or how a dieter can go searching for chocolate.

But to CHEAT, you've got to find a private place, GET UNDRESSED (at least the operative parts of the body) and complete the act.

You can MURDER in the heat of the moment, but I don't see how you can CHEAT without knowing EXACTLY what you are doing!

Maybe the Crusaders had the right idea, with those chastity belts! By the time you figured out how to undo it, the passion would have dissipated????


Peace be with you,
~VOW

 

[Wolseley]

Just as an aside, VOW, the medieval "chastity belt" is a myth.

Consider that Sir Galahad is off to Palestine to fight the Third Crusade, and he might be gone for upwards of five or six years, at the very least....

....and if he's putting a so-called "chastity belt" on Lady Galahad that prevents the, um, "procreative act", shall we say---and Sir G. has the only key to the chastity belt....

.....what is Lady G. going to do during her monthly period?

If she can't get the chastity belt off, she can't attend to business, and after five or six years, she might be a tad, ah, aromatic, if she wasn't more likely dead of a particularly nasty and painful infection.

The "chastity belt" idea might have worked on short jaunts to one local castle or another to engage in a joust or something, but the idea that a woman wore one for years whilst hubby was off putting Muslims to the sword doesn't hold water.

Okay; just thought I'd toss that in. We now resume our regularly scheduled discussion.

 

[Miss Shelby]

But to CHEAT, you've got to find a private place, GET UNDRESSED (at least the operative parts of the body) and complete the act.

VOW, thankfully I have never found myself in a situation where I have considered cheating, but I think that the GUILT alone of just planning the event would be enough to kill me.

Michelle

 

[Harmony]

I have found myself in this situation. My husband cheated on me ONCE, one night after work with a co-worker. I'm glad he told me,, kept in the dark we would not have been able to reach the point we are at now. Nothing would have been accomplished in saving our marriage. I truely believe that infidelity usually comes from something being wrong or missing in the relationship. I am thankful that he told me.