about that dog....

[bluegreysky]

So I have mentioned this before but I have some OCD tendencies and one of them is extremely short fuze/patience when it comes to issues that compromise the cleanliess of my home. Another issue I have has more to do with my anxiety- I need good sleep but I am a light sleeper who tends to get anxiety during the night so I wake easily, and struggle to go back to sleep sometimes.

This dog that we got in June... he is crossing my boundaries on both of them.

I am not a dog person. I'm a cat person. Sometimes I'm not even a cat person either. I'm a "how about we DONT have anything in this home that poops or makes noise?" person.
My husband is allergic to cats, but has had dogs his whole life.
I was not wanting a dog...but we were thinking about getting a kitten and him just taking allergy meds one day when we found the dog we ended up adopting.
He is a cute dog, very cuddly and fluffy.
My husband has PTSD and needs a dog to comfort him sometimes.
well, he WAS a good dog until recently.
He barks entirely too much. At every sound in the other apartments.
Since he is mostly my husband's dog, and my husband is home more than me, he is supposed to take care of things like that. He's trying to train him but I think he could try harder.
My husband has to walk the dog most of the time because if he sees another dog, he goes all psycho and I can't control him when he does that.
Lately he seems to be getting worse.
He tries to start barking during the night thus interrupting my sleep.
He gets up at 4:30 and starts making sounds and jumps on the bed.
He is no longer allowed on the bed, but he jumps up ON MY FEET anyway.
he wants to go out. that's my husband's problem.
Well, guess who is easily woken up by little things and who is a deep sleeper?
I have to endure 1/2 an hour of the dog annoying me at 4 in the morning while my husband gradually comes out of his hibernation.
And this happens on the weekend too.
my life is hard.
Last week, he got a UTI.
then he wanted to go out every hour. my husband tried to keep up with it as did I,
but he still "leaked" a little bit on the carpet.
He finally drew the last straw on Monday night.
He got up in the bed while I was alseep, without me knowing,
and fell asleep between us. I woke up, told him to get off the bed,
and found that while he was asleep, he leaked a little bit.
I had to get up in the middle of the night and change the sheets.
I was FUMING mad and told my husband we are getting rid of him
Husband doesn't want to get rid of him.
Wants me to just deal with the inconvenience.
I never wanted a pet.
But I feel like since he loves the dog so much, if I did find him a better home
even if it was truly a better home, he would hate me so much
maybe it would ruin our marriage or something?
He loves that darn dog.
Sometimes more than me.

I guess if getting rid of the dog isn't an option,
I will have to do what he says, and try to get a change of heart about it.
How????


*allow me to add, before y'all think I'm a terrible person with a heart made of stone: I like animals. I like to pet other people's dogs. I like to watch youtube videos of cute animals. I love cats and I love to pet cats I see at other people's homes and I love to pick up cats that they say are mean but the cat purrs in my arms... I like babies too. I will hold a baby if you ask me, I will play peek-a-boo with them...

The issue is within the sanctity of my home I can't tolerate these things.
I don't mind the presence of a dog and of my former roommate's cat when she was here as long as they are just there and I can enjoy them keeping me company... I can even tolerate hairs getting on stuff and having the vacuum... but the minute a pet poops or pees or throws up somewhere it isn't supposed to? NOPE. and the minute they start making noise and they don't stop when I tell them to or they jump up on furniture and get footprints on it or break something? NOPE.
And I haven't invited the couples with babies into my home before for that same reason. I would probably kind of freak out if the kid had a blowout diaper in a carpeted room or started screaming.

 

[WolfGate]

Get a crate. Seriously. It's not cruel and will help with many of the problems. Dog will take a week or so to adjust to sleeping there at night. Recognize that and deal with the initial unhappiness of the pup - it will get better. Dogs like routine. Establish the routine and stick to it.

Take the dog for professional training. Can generally find inexpensively through training clubs or sometimes city organizations. That will help with the walking issues.

How old is this dog?

Get a handheld steam cleaner. There are products that neutralize any messes. Sounds like you probably need one in general.

The barking will be harder as dogs are protective of their family and territorial.

We have had dogs all our life. My wife and I foster rescued Boston Terriers so we have a steady stream of new dogs coming through our house for a few weeks/months with all kinds of backgrounds and all levels of training. We have yet to find one we could not get into a good, livable routine.

Your issues about anything making noise or being totally unsanitary in your house - well, you have to find a way to work through that unless you plan to eventually live alone in a sanitary bubble. What do you do when your husband gets sick or something?

 

[bluegreysky]

The dog is 3.
He was housebroken well but is screwing up lately because of his UTI.
my mom suggested a thundershirt for his barking.
he HAS a crate...my husband will put him in there when we're not going to be home, but he refuses to make the dog sleep in there all night.
In fact, last week, when he started showing signs of a UTI and wanted to go pee every hour, I told my husband after finding a leak-spot in a corner that I wanted the dog to sleep in his crate until this is resolved.
He argued "no, he will pee in the crate and then we will have to wash the bedding and it will be a pain. I want him to wake me up during the night so he will sleep in our room like he always does".
At this point, I rather wash his blankets in the morning. I won't get mad if it's in his crate. I am much more irritated (and tired!) that the dog has been waking up at 4 and sometimes 2am and jumping on the bed and making noise and trying to get attention from my husband who takes a millenium and a half to finally come to and realize he needs to take the dog out.
UGH!!! MEN!!!!!!!!

 

[WolfGate]

The UTI does complicate things, that is true. I assume you are treating it so it won't be there for long.

Does your husband want the dog on the room because it helps him with his PTSD? If so, that may be a legitimate reason. If it is because he thinks it is mean or cruel to make the dog sleep in the crate, then he is incorrect and that step could help you two balance this out once the UTI is resolved.

Thundershirt is usually used for anxiety, not for training. From what you wrote I do not think that is why he is barking. Sounds more like territorial barking or socializing - but you would be better able to tell.

The walking is purely a training issue. IMHO, both you and your husband should go with the dog to training classes. They are as much about teaching the owner as the dog.

 

[Navari]

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[DaisyDay]

The only way I could get either of my dogs to stop barking was to praise them. Telling them to shut up never worked (never worked with the cats or the husband, either for some reason), but saying,"You tell 'em! Good girl!" always worked.

 

[turkle]

If the dog has a UTI, it needs to go to the vet right away for antibiotics, which will take care of it right away. It's horribly uncomfortable and the dog needs help.

You agreed to adopting the dog. Your husband is bonded to the dog. It's cruel to say to him that you're getting rid of the dog because it's being a dog. It's not right to back out when you agreed.

I agree with others, get professional training. It sounds like your poor dog doesn't know what to do, and that's hard for the dog. Being consistent in guiding the dog is really important.

This is an opportunity for you to lighten up. The dog can teach you a lot about patience and acceptance. If you are planning to become a parent (which might not be such a good idea from what you said), then this could be good practice in patience. But the most important thing is that you should not let this be a cause of trouble between the two of you. You need to accept what you agreed to do.

 

[bluegreysky]

He has antibiotics for the UTI. they said he has uh "pee crystals" (I dunno what that is??) too and so he's now eating a sepcial diet for that,
he only pooped in the house once and that was back the week after we got him when we had him put under anasthesia to fix his teeth he came home and got diarrhea.
He has peed twice this past week but it wasn't alot, it was like just "leaking" where he was sitting or sleeping.
I just don't need it in our bed due to my anxiety/OCD tendency, once something like that gets in our bed (or if I find a blood spot where a scab was bleeding in my sleep, or if I find other spots from .... marital stuff) I cannot sleep in the bed anymore. I will just lay there and feel heebie jeebie and stress out. The only fix is to get up and change the whole bed and wash the sheets in hot water.
I've done this many times at bedtime, but Highly inconvenient at 1am.
The dog is crate trained. he knows to go in there when we are going out and he doesn't go to the bathroom in it.
but my husband won't make him sleep there.
he won't budge on that.
Last night, I got earplugs and a sleep mask and took nyquill and I slept fine they didn't keep me awake.
Both of them are guilty of that at least 4 nights out of 7.
hubby talks in his sleep, yells in his sleep, thrashes, kicks me, smacks me sometimes, or gets up and down all night because he's restless.
dog barks at strange sounds outside, jumps on our bed because he's stressed out and wakes up and starts making snuffling noises around the room at 4:30am when he wants to get our attention so he can go outside.
Sleeping on the futon couch is not going to fix this. it's uncomfortable on my back and i will still be awakened if the dog barks, my husband goes out in the kitchen or they go out the front door at 5am.
Am praying for a good solution other than sleep aid meds.

 

[bluegreysky]

You agreed to adopting the dog. Your husband is bonded to the dog. It's cruel to say to him that you're getting rid of the dog because it's being a dog. It's not right to back out when you agreed.

I never "agreed" ... he pleaded and begged with me like a little kid when he found the dog at an avent at a local store that day and I argued for 2 hours why it was a bad idea. Finally, I just gave up because he wouldn't quit pestering me.

This is an opportunity for you to lighten up. The dog can teach you a lot about patience and acceptance. If you are planning to become a parent (which might not be such a good idea from what you said), then this could be good practice in patience. But the most important thing is that you should not let this be a cause of trouble between the two of you. You need to accept what you agreed to do.

We don't say the "B word" in my house.

 

[ImaginaryDay]

http://www.petco.com/product/5828/P...aspx?CoreCat=firstinresult_petsafebarkcontrol


A friend of ours has a dog that is an excessive barker. His owner got him one of these collars for when she is gone from home. She'll sometimes have it on him when we are there as well. When he has it on, he might bark once when the doorbell rings, but then will stop. The collar does not appear to cause him any pain or discomfort, and I don't believe they're designed to do that. This might be an option.
I also agree with the cage at night. It's not cruel or inhumane, it can be part of training until he knows not to get on the bed, or wherever you don't want him.

 

[turkle]

You agreed to adopting the dog. Your husband is bonded to the dog. It's cruel to say to him that you're getting rid of the dog because it's being a dog. It's not right to back out when you agreed.

I never "agreed" ... he pleaded and begged with me like a little kid when he found the dog at an avent at a local store that day and I argued for 2 hours why it was a bad idea. Finally, I just gave up because he wouldn't quit pestering me.
---Giving up is agreeing.

This is an opportunity for you to lighten up. The dog can teach you a lot about patience and acceptance. If you are planning to become a parent (which might not be such a good idea from what you said), then this could be good practice in patience. But the most important thing is that you should not let this be a cause of trouble between the two of you. You need to accept what you agreed to do.

We don't say the "B word" in my house.
---What B word are you referring to? And in what context?

 

[mkgal1]

He was housebroken well but is screwing up lately because of his UTI.
my mom suggested a thundershirt for his barking.

IMO.....you're kind of putting this dog in an impossible position. UTIs are typically from holding pee too long (and I wouldn't consider it "screwing up" when a body has limitations). If you force the dog to wait for your husband to wake up---I don't think it's fair (or compassionate) to blame the dog if he has "leaks".

As far as using a Thundershirt for barking? That's for stress and anxiety barking (which may be good for part of the issue) but if he's barking b/c he needs to go out and relieve his bladder or bowels....a Thundershirt isn't going to help that.

 

[mkgal1]

Barking is the dog's form of communication. IMO......I think it's better to figure out what the dog is needing. If it's anxiety from being awakened at night......maybe the Thundershirt would help him get back to sleep.....but please don't just zap the dog with electricity to shut up. He may be quiet....but he may then act out by relieving his anxiety by chewing....and the zap may cause him to instantly pee--another problem that would be counterproductive. Zapping with electricity is not going to help anxiety (and I think you could relate to that considering your's and your husband's history).

 

[akmom]

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. Bodily fluids are gross, and no one would want a dog leaving them all over the house. Especially not in your bed. Urine belongs outside, and if the dog can't do that for medical reasons, then he needs to lay on a special mat. If he won't stay on it, then he needs to be in his crate.

I don't have a dog for that exact reason. I don't want it making messes all over my house. My husband wants a dog, but I won't let him have one because I don't want to clean up after it. If he had PTSD, I might acquiesce like you did, but only on my terms, with specific boundaries about where the dog is allowed and whose responsibilities are what. So naturally, I think you should stand your ground on this.

It's not reasonable to demand the dog roam wherever it wants, and expect you to get up all night dealing with it. If your husband doesn't get up promptly at night to attend to his dog, then it needs to sleep in a crate or be re-homed. That is no way for you to live. Your needs are more important than the dog's, inherently - regardless of what your husband thinks. But his deep sleep might hold the solution: after he falls asleep, put the dog in the crate, and let it out in the morning before he gets up. If he's awake enough to notice the missing dog, then he's awake enough to deal with it himself!

No idea what to do about the barking. I moved out of my parents' home in the summer between college semesters precisely because I was tired of being woken up by a yappy dog that no one else wanted to deal with. I worked nights, so sleeping days with a loud dog didn't work for my life. People should be able to relax in their own homes.

 

[mkgal1]

Have you never needed to get up in the middle of the night to use the restroom? Could you imagine being restricted and unable to do that (especially with a UTI)? I'm not against using a crate (my dog loves his crate---it's his security)....but if he's barking to be let out, it's usually for good reason (like needing to go outside). To expect a dog to wait for the person he belongs to in order for him to be released....I just think that's inhumane (and will cause *more* anxiety in the dog).

 

[OldFashionGal]

I agree about a crate IF done properly! I don't think anyone has mentioned that? As for the UTI's the dog can not help that When my part collie got to be old she lived to be almost 18 years old I had a entire room with sheets and cover underneath with her dog bed and then in between she was in our room with us. Barking is their way of talking and they are going to talk just like humans do but I understand to train them to not talk all the time LOL

My dog was all I had when I first left home and was a few years before I met my husband to be and if my dog had not liked him (and he like her) I wouldn't had married him LOL and believe it or not he was the ONLY man she ever did like! She loved kids and women but not men. I think it was because I was alone before marrying him so she was my protector.

As this article below states some dogs do well in crates others do NOT.

https://www.aspca.org/pet-care/virtual-pet-behaviorist/dog-behavior/weekend-crate-training

 

[bluegreysky]

Giving up = Agreeing.... well played madame, well played.

B word = baby

 

[bluegreysky]

IMO.....you're kind of putting this dog in an impossible position. UTIs are typically from holding pee too long (and I wouldn't consider it "screwing up" when a body has limitations). If you force the dog to wait for your husband to wake up---I don't think it's fair (or compassionate) to blame the dog if he has "leaks".

As far as using a Thundershirt for barking? That's for stress and anxiety barking (which may be good for part of the issue) but if he's barking b/c he needs to go out and relieve his bladder or bowels....a Thundershirt isn't going to help that.

ok ok ok sheesh

he was let out several times and had just been out like 2 hours prior when he "leaked". yeah, if he'd been stuck up in the house all day and then he peed id see how people would think i was psycho for getting mad.
he doesn't bark when he wants to go out. i probably should have made that more clear... all he does is jump on the bed and make huffle-snuffle sounds and whine.
the barking happens as soon as he goes outside. he yaps all the way down the stairs because - ??? but i can hear it from up here in the 3rd floor and its embarrassing because i know the neighbors can all hear it too.
Then, when he gets to the bottom, if he sees another dog, he barks real vicious and loud and goes psycho. i can hear that all the way across the neighborhood. also embarrassing.
he won't stop until my husband picks him up and holds his snout shut.
hence why i said "anxiety shirt" because my mom said "get a muzzle leash" and he won't do it.

 

[Odetta]

You, your husband and the dog need some professional training. Sounds like your dog has anti-social behavior. I think you wouldn't be so upset about having a dog if you had a well-behaved one. And that's on you and your husband to be responsible owners to make sure he knows/learns how to behave, and that any issues like anxiety or something that may be contributing to the bad behavior are addressed. Just complaining about it, or making your husband take care of it isn't going to help, considering he doesn't seem to know what to really do with the dog either to get him to behave better.

How did you get this dog? Was it a rescue? Rescue organizations are usually really good about screening future owners for fit with the temperament and needs of the dog. The pound, not so much.

 

[Navari]

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