A word to the husbands.

[mkgal1]

Yes, thanks a lot!!
I send it to him too.

I meant the link for the women's only sub-forum. It may be better if begin a thread there (there are more topics open to discuss there).

 

[Scott Schatzan]

I believe you brought up a great topic. Although I agree, Calling another man out on something so personal may not be the best way.
But a man teaching men how to treat woman is bound to have a greater impact. Unless the man is a very hard case and needs to be humiliated. I know that is not what you meant.
But anyway speaking for myself. Throughout our marriage my wife and I had to learn some difficult lessons before revealing to us how important it was for us to submit to each other. And to be honest what our marriage is like now we just were not capable of 20 years ago. Although we always loved one another but did not have the kind of love and respect we do today. And that is it what it means when people say you have to work on your marriage. Once again in Ephesians 4 it clear. Its good to make men aware especially young couples but then again how many would listen. How many couple believe they have an exceptional relationship and they are gonna be different. But men will lose there way at times once life starts bearing down on them and who do we vent all this to, the person we cherish most our wife. Its a cycle and before we know it there is guilt ,shame,resement and walls of concrete between them. They will wonder how it got so bad. What they cant figure out is how to stop it. Two people in the marriage neither one willing to give up there pride and yes men come off overbearing and disrespectful when things become tense. So here is the thing men need to see . The more we demand out of our wives in anger or any type of contempt towards them further from our arms they will go. So love ,honor, cherish her. Understanding and make her feel secure and do not forget it because its how it works for husbands and never blaming or shaming. And from what I have seen a wife will always build her husband up and show love,affection, honor, grace and forgiveness. Look to God for everything and pray together and yes teach men this and spousal abuse is gone and a divorce rate next to nothing. Its not so complicated but its not black and white. You always have two people complicating it.

 

[ex-pat]

Do you tell him to walk slower because you cannot walk faster?

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

Now, I am not trying to throw everyone under a bus here who is this but.... I've yet to meet a baptists who treats their wives as they should. Or at least its rare. Maybe its just by me but every baptists church around here is strict. You have to dress a certain way, act a certain way. And wives have to be quiet, do what they are told...etc. And if your husband abuses you, they blame the wife. Its ANNOYING.

The problem is some denominations teach that women are essentially a piece of useless meat who is to be your slave. And if your slave doesn't agree you beat her. The reason this happens is also because some denominations won't tell other ones what they teaching is unbiblical.

I was homeschooled and growing up many of the parents were from baptists church. One of my friends (well sort of) I went to his church to an event for the teens. It was awkward. The list was a mile long and what you could and could not do. They even had people sitting in the hallway all night (it was a sleepover) to make sure you didn't go to any other room. More so if you weren't a "member" of the church.

My friends mom has health issues, weight issue and all that. She is the typical baptists wife with the long dress thats patterned. Has her hair at a certain length. Her husband made sure they had lots of kids, even when she didn't want to. He refuses to feed himself, clean himself or anything. So she serves him (and the kids). Shes been beaten. Screamed at. Hes even cheated on her (he looks at inappropriate content to). She was told by other moms in our group to go to the pastor. But she said a woman is not allowed to talk to the pastor. Only men can. And that she was told before its her that needs to change. He has done nothing wrong and is biblicaly correct. Oh if she did go to the pastor she would be shunned from the church and no longer be a christian (according to the church). That and unless you go to their church, you are not really a saved christian. >.<

Sorry if I am ranting about this. I hate how many women I see abused because of false teachings of pastors. And even more when no one stands up for them.

---EDIT---
Having seen your other posts do NOT get discouraged in terms of being a christian or of God. God loves you! Even when your "church" does not do anything for you. I'd say find a church thats not baptist. If your husband doesn't like that then say he can go to where he wants, you will go where you want to.

And of course if he wants to get mad and abuses you, call the police. And document every time he abuses you. File a restraining order if need be and go stay somewhere safe.

 

[mmksparbud]

This kind of total control is counterproductive and only leads to further abuse. Abuse does not get better on it's own, it only worsens. I had to go through years of hell. I learned early my husband had no respect for women at all, and when I met his mother I understood why. It started with the usuall trying to dominate me in every aspect of my life,--I refuse to be thus dominated. It escalated to where we got physical. I will not tolerate being physically abused. I was backed into a corner and if you do that, I come out swinging. I decided if he would not respect me, he would learn to respect my right fist----he did. I sent him to jail several times, he had anger management classes. Little by little he learned I would not tolerate his behavior and he backed off. The classes did help as he could see himself in others--they all talked the same, it was always the woman's fault. He had one redeeming feature, he did not want to have a war zone for a home and he did learn--slowly, but he learned. And he decided that it was much nicer to live in a home where we had fun, love, laughter and kindness without yelling and screaming at each other. At times I had to ask forgiveness from him for loosing my temper and lashing out, even though he deserved it, I was still wrong to behave as I did. He would then say he deserved it and it was settled. He couldn't believe it when he went to jail the first time and I refused to bail him out. He threatened to hurt me real bad when he got out----I just said I'll have my bat ready. He threatened to move, I opened the door and said I would help him move if he needed the help.

I grew up in an abusive home, I had 3 older brothers. They were not mean to me, they taught me to stand up for myself. My father was the mean one and would beat them. Me he raped. I was not in the mood to have another home like that and stood my ground. And prayed till my knees were black and blue. I tried to show him respect when he deserved it but refused to be dominated. Submissive is not the same thing as being dominated. He learned the difference. The last several years have been the best and he never wants to go back to the way things were. He looked at me one day and said, "You're the toughest woman I ever met--thank you!"--I nearly fainted! God worked on him and answered many prayers and he slowly saw that also. Now I am disabled, and so is he, we have learned to work together to hold each other up to survive. He has even prayed for me several times when my pain gets too bad.
I am not saying you should break his jaw (I nearly did)--everybody is different--what worked for me is because of who he is and who I am. My Christianity was sorely tested and I often failed, but when I failed I apologixed and he learned to respect me, my faith, and others. God gave us cats and dogs and through them he learned how to love. He had never had a pet and he threw our first one against the screen door for peeing on the rug---he never did it again as I nearly threw him against the wall. That dog is still with us, she follows him around like a shadow and whines when he is not home. The other dog died recently and he would clean up after him whenever he piddled and pooped in the house when he was dying and could no longer control himself. He would just pick him up and clean him and comfort him. He has come a very, very long way and so have I. Biut it rarely works out like this. Most of the time the woman is degraded to the point she has no life at all and her heart has been beaten down or she finally has enough and leaves. Only God can fix this and only if both are willing to learn.

 

[LinkH]

The problem is some denominations teach that women are essentially a piece of useless meat who is to be your slave. And if your slave doesn't agree you beat her.

Do you know an actual donomination that literally teaches this?

As far as comments on Baptists go, I'm not Baptists but I've got Southern and Independent Baptists on one side and Missionary Baptists on the other. Come to think of it, there are Missionary Baptists on both sides, too, if I count cousins. I've never heard of Baptists telling husbands to beat their wives. These Baptists churches tend to be complementarian and don't believe in women preaching in church, but I don't know any Baptists that are really extreme on the compleentarianism beyond telling wives to submit to their husbands.

Some of the Independent Baptist groups can get really radical and really conservative about how they dress. I don't know of any of them that teach wife beating. There is a parody, I think, Landmark Baptist discussion forum where people adise wife-beating and anything that is extremely politically correct, but I'm pretty sure that is an extreme parody aimed at Landmark Baptist. I don't know if I know any Landmark Baptists, but I think they are the ones who teach Baptists are the only right religion and every one else is wrong and are really exclusive about it.

What 'stream' of Baptists are you talking about?

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

Not sure what stream. Just the ones around here. THey don't to beat their wives per say. But the pastors when confronted with a husband who beats a wife tend to blame the wife for the action. Which to me is just teaching its ok to beat your wife is she isn't fully doing what you want.

And I've met a few baptists from down south who are along the same lines. Though as stated I know not every baptists is like that. As you said it depends on what stream they are. Maybe the ones I seen are more likely to be extremists baptists.

 

[Dave-W]

Now, I am not trying to throw everyone under a bus here who is this but.... I've yet to meet a baptists who treats their wives as they should. Or at least its rare. Maybe its just by me but every baptists church around here is strict. You have to dress a certain way, act a certain way. And wives have to be quiet, do what they are told...etc. And if your husband abuses you, they blame the wife. Its ANNOYING.

You do know that "Baptist" comes in more varieties than Baskin-Robbins, right?
I have been around several, and they are all very different from each other. Only the Fundies and some SBC congregations were as you describe. I have never seen a General Baptist, American Baptist, Missionary Baptist or National Baptist that are like that. Indeed, in the last 2 i listed, the women pretty much run the show, with a male pastor being more of a figurehead.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

Yeah lots of varieties of them among other groups. And in some other groups it can be the same.

 

[DZoolander]

I was raised to speak as if words couldn't be walked back. In essence, don't say anything to anyone that you wouldn't want to define your relationship from that point on.

As a result, I'm very careful about the language I use to my spouse, my children and other people.

In most things, how you are to conduct yourself is heavily contingent upon the partner you've chosen. For example, issues of fidelity. If you have a partner that believes that hugging is cheating, then for all intents and purposes within the context of your relationships, hugging is actually cheating. It was your choice to be with that person. If you weren't willing to abide by those constraints, then you ought not have married them. If hugging other people is something you aren't willing to forego, you ought have let that person go and married someone else.

Along the same vein, I find it offensive that your husband would speak to you in those terms, and then come back saying that you were "too sensitive." That may or may not be the case. But, in your world view, spouses do not speak to each other in such terms. Therefore, he ought not use them. Regardless of what he may think is appropriate and fair language, it's up to him to respect how you feel about those things. If speaking in those types of terms to your spouse is something you aren't willing to forego, then you ought have let that person go and married someone else.