A New Start?

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nate8469

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Hello. I believe this is my first post to the OBOB forum. I will start by giving you a sum of what is going on in my life.

I have not been a bad person, in front of others. I do not typically cuss (never around family) and I do not take the Lord's name in vain. I am not in any church, but I read the Bible and believe very deeply in God, and Jesus.

I have problems, and I am hoping to get them taken care of. I look at inappropriate contentography regularly, and of course "the other thing." I am aware that it is all wrong.

I need help, and am seeking it here, as a start. I am asking for advice on converting to the Church. I have always felt something with the Catholic church, but have never been into one for Mass. I don't know what is holding me back, other than these terrible things that I do. I am afraid of what a priest may do if I ever step into confession. I do know, that if I did it, I would feel much better about myself. I deeply want to be a Catholic, I just don't know how.

I am a 19 year old male, yet to "be with a woman." Is there still hope for me? Have I sinned too much to even be saved? I fear hell, and know God is watching my every move. I fear his wrath. I want to live a holy life, and be clean again, pure.

So there you have it, sorry for the rambling. I am very upset with myself. I hope none of you look at me in disgust, and can help me.

God bless
Nathan
 
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Fish and Bread

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You'll be fine. You can show up at mass in most parishes I've been to without anyone saying a word to you, let alone interrogating you or demanding that you go to confession. :) As a first step, you might want to consider just showing up at a mass and taking it all in -- non-Catholics are asked not to go up to receive to communion, but are welcome to sit in pews and pray and sing hymns and listen to the bible readings and whatnot.

If you decide to eventually convert, I wouldn't worry too much about confession. It might be awkward, but in most parishes you're behind a screen so you don't have to look the priest in the face or anything, and the priests have heard pretty much every sin there is to hear, worse than anything you'd be confessing. You'll fit in fine. The Church is a hospital for sinners, first and foremost. God forgives pretty much all sins when people repent of them (feel remorse for them and firmly intend to try not their best not to commit them again) and confess them -- even stuff like murder and whatnot. There is no sin that is unforgivable except blasphemy against the Holy Spirit (that's in the bible), and I don't think anyone is really sure what the heck that means, honestly. :)
 
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NewMan99

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Dear Nathan,

Greetings to you in the name of Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ!

It is humbling to read such heartfelt honesty from a young man such as yourself.

Well...from what I can tell...you have absolutely NOTHING to worry about (although I can understand your anxiety).

By way of quick introduction, I am a convert. I came into the Church about 10 years ago when I was in my early 40s. I was raised Protestant (Methodist), but when I was in my early 30s I became pretty apostate. That is to say, I had a crisis of faith and stopped going to any sort of church or being faithful to Christianity in any way.

Rather than dig deeper and "keep up the good fight" to work my way through my faith crisis - I just gave up and didn't even try...much to my shame. Instead of going to church on Sundays...I stayed home and worshipped the god of the National Football League (Go Vikings!).

And I grew rather comfortable in my apostasy. It is easy to wallow in sin and not hold yourself accountable for what you do or what you don't do. Don't get me wrong, I was a good law-abiding person - but I was no choirboy either if you catch my general drift.

But all along I knew something was not quite right. I was quietly and inwardly still seeking out something that I was not aware of.

It's rather a long story, so I will spare you the details, but suffice it to say that after 10 years of drifting about and being lost on a sea of doubts and uncertainty...after living 10 years without God in my life...after 10 years of licentiousness and sinful habits...I discovered the Catholic faith - which came as a complete and utterly unexpected shock. Catholicism wasn't even on my radar screen, much less something that I would have - ordinarily - found appealing given my personal independence and embrace of a "free spirit" lifestyle.

But discover it I did. I began to study its history and its doctrines. I began to watch some Catholic television including televised Masses. I knew enough to be dangerous in that I didn't quite understand what I was watching - but I knew that that was something I needed to continue to study. It became very attractive to me...perhaps in many ways not too differently than how you feel attracted to it.

Eventually I decided to go to my first Mass. It was a Saturday and I quietly slipped in just as it was about to start. I sat in the back and crouched as low as possible and tried to "hide" as if it was obvious to everyone else that I was an outsider. I didn't quite know what to expect, so I decided that I would just copy what other people were doing. When in Rome...do what the Romans do. Right? So I stood and sat and knelt and pretended to recite the various prayers and responses.

But along the way, something very beautiful happened, and everytime I think of it, I cannot help but be moved again as if it was happening to me all over again.

I noticed that many of the things being said in the Mass were things I had heard before or read from the Bible. In other words, lots of things the priest and people were saying...well...they were direct quotations. So that began to make me feel more comfortable. I heard things like "Lift up your hearts" while the people respond with "We lift them up to the Lord" - and then the priest says "We give thanks to the Lord" and the people reply "It is right to give God thanks and praise"...and I began to think - "Yes - it IS right to give God thanks and praise...even though I have NOT been doing that for years and years...what an evil and wicked person I have become...how un-deserving I am"... And I began to despair...

But then...like the voice of an angel...the "Cantor" (the person in the Mass who is the singer) began to sing something that changed my life forever. The Cantor sings, "Lamb of God...." to which the people join in and everyone sings together "...You take away the sins of the world. Have mercy on us" and this is repeated three times...Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world, have mercy on us. Finally the Cantor sings one more time, "Lamb of God..." and we all end it with "you take away the sins of the world...Grant us your peace..."

At that moment I melted into a puddle. At that moment I felt God's Breath upon me and I knew a peacefulness that I had never experienced before - I knew that God had NOT foresaken me, even though I had wickedly foresaken Him. The PILES and PILES of sins I had stored up were as nothing to Him in His Infinite Forgiveness. The burden of my sins were lifted...I had lifted up my heart to the Lord...I gave Him thanks and praise...and Christ - the Lamb of God - He HAD mercy on me and granted me the peace that we all cried out for during that Mass.

I became a Catholic (at least in my heart - I still had to go to the classes and all that sort of thing) at that very moment and haven't looked back. Thanks be to God!

Now, you expressed some concern about confession. Let me assure you...there is NOTHING you will possibly confess to him that he hasn't already heard about a jillion times (especially if the main sins are inappropriate contentography and "that other thing"). I promise you that you will feel the weight fall from your back like water off a duck. You will be amazed at how great it feels...and...from my experience...most of the priests I have confessed to are the most loving, caring, compassionate, and helpful men I have ever been blessed to meet.

So, Nate - NO - it is NOT too late for you. You can be saved. God desires YOUR personal salvation more than anything else in the world. God desires it so much that He sent His only begotten Son to earth JUST TO SAVE YOU. He loves you that much. You - just like me before - are his prodigal son, and when He sees you walking down the road to "come home" - He will rush out to greet you...He will accept your repentance - He will wrap His loving embrace around you and celebrate your return to Him with a heavenly feast.

While fear of the Lord is a good and healthy thing, we must not despair of it or somehow think that our sins are somehow more weighty or powerful than His Mercy, Benevolence, and Love for you. God's Mercy is LITERALLY infinitely greater than any sin you can ever commit. After all, God is more powerful than Satan - so He is also more powerful than your sins. Do not despair - REJOICE!

As you go through your journey of faith - and if you decide to become Catholic - you will be shocked (at least I was) at how uplifting the Sacraments are. It is a good thing to confess to a priest now and then (like a good spiritual checkup - he can help guide you just like a doctor can help your body be healthy), and the power of the Eucharist is just amazing. Frequent reception of the Sacraments along with worship and hearing God's Word can provide supernatural aid to help you along in life. Life is hard enough - isn't is nice that those of us who are burdened can go to Jesus and find rest?

Be at peace now, Nate, and prayerfully think about this...and then take the plunge and go to Mass.

Feel free to PM me any time you want - and feel free to ask questions about our beliefs and practices. I enjoy teaching others, and sometimes I might even learn a thing or two from newbies like you along the way.

God's Peace,

NewMan
 
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Fantine

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Admitting your faults is a big step towards recovery.

When we are too ashamed to admit our faults to anyone (whether that anyone be ourselves, God, a priest, or a good friend) we begin feeling "unforgivable." That is a constant searing pain, and what does pain do? It draws us inward. It keeps us focused on ourselves. It takes away our sense of perspective.

When you are able to heal emotionally and feel God's unconditional love and learn to love yourself, having relationships with other people and young women will become easier. You'll be able to drop some of the masks you are hiding behind, because you won't need them. You're a lovable child of God, and God doesn't make junk.

You are a beautiful person, Nate, and I would be honored to have you attend my church.
 
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servant of Merciful Love

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Hi Nathan :wave:

Perhaps looking into an RCIA program (it gives the basics of Church teachings for converts) will help in your discernment :confused:
It is offered in any Parish; just speak with the pastor.

This Catholic site will help with your 'problem' WELCOME (inappropriate content No More)

You will be in my prayers :prayer:

Keep the faith! :angel:
 
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Winter

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Great advice above. You could also visit a Catholic Church during a non-Mass time - just to familiarize yourself with its surroundings. Most churches leave their church doors open during the day so that folks can come in, sit down and quietly pray (well, they do in my area). That way you will feel a little prepared for your first visit to a Mass. You are on the right track - and God bless you for seeking. :)
 
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G-Com

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God be with you, Nate. :) I'm 43 and I was baptized just this past Easter.

Don't fret about all the bad stuff you've done. Believe me, I've done things that would make your list of offenses appear decidedly puny.

I was probably an atheist for years. Certainly an agnostic. Then I did the research for several months and made the choice to convert in July or August 2008.

A good confession or two to a good priest will put your fears to rest. God and His Glorious Son know that we're all going to give into temptation and do things that aren't right. Sincere contrition and good — and truthful — confessions will do wonders. Remember, Jesus said that no one goes to the father but by him. And look at the people he hung out with: prostitutes and tax collectors; in short, all the people on the lowest rungs of society. He even said they might enter the Kingdom before the "respectable" people did. Read Matthew 21.

I was literally shaking when I did my first confession. But the priest was a good one who had obviously been through this before and he hand held me through it. It was a wonderful, cleansing experience.

I'm on vacation next week and I'm going to confession.

I pray you make the right choice. :crossrc:
 
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Anygma

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hi Nathan :wave:
nice seeing you here. as you might have noticed, you're not the only one who have struggled with sin around here and some of us more then others. it's never too late.

and you're always welcome to ask questions here, there's always someone that finds a way to explain things quite well.

Matt 9 12-13 :
Jesus said, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. 13But go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice. For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners."
I am love and mercy itself. ... Let no soul fear to draw near to Me, even though its sins be as scarlet. ... My mercy is greater than your sins, and those of the entire world. ... I let My Sacred Heart be pierced with a lance, thus opening wide the source of mercy for you. Come then with trust to draw graces from this fountain. ... The graces of My mercy are drawn by the means of one vessel only, and that is trust. The more a soul trusts, the more it will receive (Diary, 1074, 699, 1485, 1578).​
i know i've posted this in a few threads already but i don't think it would hurt to post it for you also...
Divine mercy Chaplet in song, part 1, part 2 and part 3 .

God Bless you!

anyone know how to post a youtube link without it automatically embedding the whole thing in the thread :confused:
 
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NewMan99

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Thanks to all for the advice. It was very uplifting. I plan on attending Mass this Sunday, although family is coming to visit. I will post back here to let all of you know how it went.

Please do let us know - even if it turns out to be something less than you were expecting or hoping for.

My continued prayers for you in your journey.

God's Peace,

NewMan
 
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JoabAnias

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Do you like to read?

A popular book called "The Confessions of St Augustine" may touch on the issue your having. If I, or St. Augustine can overcome the flesh, anyone can. We are all in the same boat brother.

BOOK 3 Of the seventeenth, eighteenth, and nineteenth years of his age, passed at Carthage, when, having completed his course of studies, he is caught in the snares of a licentious passion, and falls into the errors of the Manichaeans.
 
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