420, sex and the wife

[ericmartens]

This one is too much to keep inside and I need Christian opinion:

My wife & I have been married 12 years and we were having a lot of marital trouble in the bedroom. Sex became somewhat boring no matter what we tried and we've tried EVERYTHING. Counseling, candles, massages, resorts & getaways, little notes to "hook up with me" in her purse (lol), etc....
Now, sex when we met was great, but only due to the fact it was new and all that and over the years we've developed some fire that's kept it alive. We are both VERY attracted to each other so it's actually not a matter of anything other than sex became more of a routine even with the new stuff we added. Then we tried smoking 420 one night and pretty much had the most incredible sex we both agreed we ever had. After that, it was almost like every night we wanted to literally run home to each other so we could have hours and hours of sex because it was so mind-blowing. This was many months ago and I can tell you that we have since stopped smoking 420 we are both somewhat sad because we have not been able to achieve the [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] or length of time spent having sex. It's back to square one again. The reason we quit was because we began to feel guilty about our relationship with God and how it's considered wrong to smoke pot. We don't know if we could call ourselves Christian AND smoke pot even though it completely enhanced our marriage and sex life in the evening and made us both feel closer to each other than ever before. This sucks because we love each other a lot but it was like having "super sex" to "regular ol' sex" made us not even be interested in it anymore. It's very "ho-hum" now. What to do? I'm not asking for justification for anyone smoking pot but it's a shame something like this is considered a sin because it did nothing but help my wife & I get closer. We pray together but this is different, it physically kept us closer if that makes any sense. I really Satan jacking up my relationship like this.

 

[ww2pigeon]

I guess I would have to ask myself is my marriage about the sex or about the love we have for each other through Jesus Christ?
Is it more important that I have sex, then to be together, can I enjoy my husband with out sex?

It sounds as if you are trying to chase the next best, awesome, super sex, as if that is all it is about.
And dope is just another additions that makes it even more about the sex.

But I know for me it needs to be about my love for my husband and the union we share through Jesus Christ. To expect it to be perfect or great all the time is a lot of expectation. Some times being intimate is about just being with each another and spending intimate time together.

1 Corinthians 6:12
(Avoiding Sexual Sin)
You say, "I am allowed to do anything"- but not everything is good for you. and even though "I am allowed to do anything," I must not become a slave to anything.

1 Peter 3:7
In the same way, you husbands must give honor to you wives. Treat you wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God's gift of new life. Treat her as you should so you prayers will not be hindered.

 

[Zyphyr]

I can not "condone drug use". But I think I could get away with saying....ahhh well pm me if you want.

 

[Johnnz]

Can you identify if the drugs made you freer with each other sexually, or was it just enhanced physical feelings?

John
NZ

 

[Bellicus]

I read some advice from a rabbi somewhere, he said to only have sex once a week. And I guess that's not a bad tip. If you eat chocolate every day, you will get tired of it.

Smoking weed for better sex will only be temporarily too, cause being high will be the new normal way to have sex.

 

[TheMainException]

I second that...take more time between sex...it's good you've stopped smoking...but your sex life will seem quite boring if you were having super sex...have you tried things that are sexually taboo to some christians? role playing...(dress up!)...dominating...blindfolds (not alone, while blindfolded, play with the other person's body...try tying them up too...mix domination with blindfolding and tying them up...could be fun...!)

 

[Zyphyr]

Yeah there are sure a bit of things you could do to spice it up. Sadly though our male animal instincts are pushing for us to run off and find new mates. Sex, with the same person, gets boring after awhile. If you love her spice it up in the bedroom. If you don't...well then help yourself.

 

[ExaltTheLord]

I think Satan is pulling the wool over your eyes friend, he's giving you one of his false pleasures, don't build you're marriage on something that isn't solid and in the light.

Theres no easy answer or little pill you can take to solve problems. Hard work and dedication (and maybe a spot of luck once in awhile) will acually LAST.

Goodluck brother in God.

 

[BelindaP]

Usually a problem with sex in a marriage is a symptom of other problems in the marriage. You know something is wrong, but you're trying to fix the symptom rather than fixing the problem.

My suggestion for you would be for you and your wife to try a fast--from sex. Take a week (or two) and devote it to praying together during the times you would usually spend lovemaking. Dedicate the time to God and continue the 'fast' until He speaks to you both about what is going on in your marriage.

I have found that He has never failed to answer a question posed during a fast. Sometimes it takes a while for the answer to come, but have faith that it will.

 

[GlennK]

posting that in this section of the christianforums only allows you to get one type of answer..

"drugs err bad mmmmmmkaye"

if you're looking for a more open minded answer you should post in a more open section

 

[BlessEwe]

Well this is a substance abuse forum Glen so I would think that is a normal response here.

 

[GlennK]

=] sure is thats what im tellin him

 

[TheMainException]

Glenn has a point, if the OP does not think it is necessarily abuse, then it might serve better for the OP to go to another part of the forum. Whereas some people might consider it abuse, another might merely consider it use and therefore not harmful, which is what I think GlennK might be alluding to, but not saying so that he doesn't break the rules. Whether it is harmful or not is for the OP to decide in his own mind and might be able to determine that better by posting both here and in other forums that could allow people to give him a different response.

That said, I am in no way condoning the use of any illicit or illegal substance, but merely making the point along side of GlennK that there is more than this part of the site for answers.

 

[Agent X]

It's very "ho-hum" now. What to do?

Have you tried talking to your wife about it? Perhaps you could ask her what she likes and wants try and you tell her the same and have a dialogue about it. Switch up positions and explore.

 

[vera5d]

I can speak from experience that it is not the pot that is making sex better. It *SEEMS* like it is the pot, but like all things similiar to it, after you use it for any extended time it actually makes sex worse or you end up falling back into the same route that you were in before.

What happened is when you smoked pot with your wife, you got to a new level of spiritual connection with one another. When you smoke pot (prior to it becoming an addiction or habit forming) it seems as if it opens your mind to a different way of thinking and you also communicate more openly and you are more relaxed. The good news is you CAN open your mind, communication, and increase your spiritual relationship with your partner, and without drugs. You may actually want to try hypnosis, since hypnosis pretty much is supposed to do those things also...and is at least legal I can't say I have ever used hypnosis so can't attest if it would actually help or not.

Have you checked out any books about sex and marriage? I know you said you have tried everything, but there are some really good books available out there. I would check out your library and get every book out there and read them with your wife. I know, that might be kind of embarrassing, but they are free that way. You could always buy them online, which helps too - I know of a couple of good ebooks if you want me to send them to you, feel free to pm me. I am new to the forum so don't want to get misunderstood and banned if I link to them here.

Best of Luck!

 

[TheMainException]

You wouldn't have to go as far as hypnosis. I wouldn't recommend hypnosis for this...but if it is the last thing you've tried, then it might work...but hypnosis is a bit of a weird thing...it's more suggestion than anything. What would be better is if you tried imagery and visualizations...basically, if you reverted to explaining what you would do to each other and imagining and visualizing it as the other spoke about it. Imagine it as vividly as possible and really try to experience it as it is being spoken. I think this might work the best as opposed to actual hypnosis which is usually best for one person and not couples.

 

[jdale72]

Maybe you should try running across a freeway before you have sex , try adding a rattlesnake to the party, or even on the lawn of your local library. All these things could add excitement to your sex life. But I suggest being interest in making your wife have the time of her life and in forgetting about yourself you just might find thats where your fulfillment is.

 

[Lemmiwinks]

I think if pot makes sex better with your wife, then go ahead and smoke pot. If it brings you closer together than how can it be bad?

Pot is good for many things, it helps people with cancer and other diseases, as well as being aphrodisiac.

Is medical marijuana legal in your state? Maybe you can get it prescribed legally for sexual dysfunction, like how people get Viagra prescriptions. if its for medicinal purposes then it isn't wrong.

Not many Christians are brave enough to admit using pot, so I appreciate your honesty.

Me, I'm trying to quit using it. I was supposed to get a bag this weekend but I felt convicted and canceled the deal.

It is definitely aphrodisiac for me, but I'm single and have no one in my life, so when I use it, it makes me want to go to strip clubs and the like, which is not healthy.

As a single, I need to avoid things that inflame my sex drive. However, you are married so it is a totally different story for you. So while using pot might be a sin for me, it may not be for you.