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  #1  
Old 2nd October 2004, 09:26 AM
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moving in together?

not sayign I'm even thinkign about this..but just want to know what others think.

whats wrong with an enagaged couple moving in together before they marry...if they sleep in different bedrooms?


jsut so they can get used to each other and each other's habits?
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  #2  
Old 2nd October 2004, 10:24 AM
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Originally Posted by Snowy
not sayign I'm even thinkign about this..but just want to know what others think.

whats wrong with an enagaged couple moving in together before they marry...if they sleep in different bedrooms?


jsut so they can get used to each other and each other's habits?
What is wrong is that the temptation is there, yes you can be tempted even not living together but liveing together is asking for trouble.
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  #3  
Old 2nd October 2004, 11:31 AM
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I think that's it's wise if folks at least move out of their parents home and into a place of their own before marriage. Then moving in with your husband once married won't be such of a shock to the system as you've already gotton used to standing on your own two feet and taking care of yourself. I moved in with my husband when we were still engaged and we did have sex before marriage...neither of us were Christian at the time though and so it was not an issue for us. I became Christian after our marriage and I don't regret the pre-marital sex at all because everything worked out fine and we tied the knot. If, for whatever reason, we hadn't have got married then I would have regretted it. I agree with sethsmommy that the temptation will be very strong if you move in together...I've been there and experienced it albeit I wasn't a Christian at the time. So whilst I don't advise that you move in together before marriage it will pay off if you move into your own place (or share a place with some other girls even) so that you get a taster of the responsibilities involved and get used to them. Then once you're married you've only got to deal with getting used to living with your new husband rather than getting used to living with your husband AND getting used to living without your parents.
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Old 2nd October 2004, 11:55 AM
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good advice starelda...

to echo them, there isn't technically anything wrong per se with moving in together, but it is setting yourself up for a lot of temptation. When you live with someone you spend a lot of time alone, and I know from experience that time alone with a significant other can quickly lead to problems.
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Old 2nd October 2004, 03:58 PM
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I'm waiting til after I am married
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  #6  
Old 3rd October 2004, 02:19 AM
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Hey Snowy,

First of all, let me just say, I understand the whole entire reasoning - on the surface, it's a sensible idea. Get rid of all those hassles moving in together has (learning how each other live 24/7, coping with being a permanent dweller of the house together, learning how each other work domestically, etc etc) before the marriage starts - in some ways this DOES solve a lot of the dramas newly marrieds all have - I just have to look at a secular newly marrieds forum to see how true that is!

However, you have to understand the temptation you are getting yourself into. I am nowhere near getting married, but my flatmate has become my boyfriend. All of a sudden, what seemed pretty easy (and pretty sensible), has become a major conflict in my heart. I WANT to stay pure, I WANT to keep everything above board (especially when I am leadership in a church), but living together has upped the temptation factor more than I expected (I thought, won't be any different, we've lived together for 2 years without it being a major hassle, it won't change now)... ha ha ha.

Do you know how easy it is to think, oh I could just cuddle up in bed with him for a little while, before I move to my bed? Oh, ok so I'm in my pyjamas, not that revealing (do you know how much a pair of pyjamas actually reveals - quite a bit, especially since I doubt you go to bed wearing a bra!), not that much of a deal? Oh, he's/she's in the shower - that can be a huge temptation, believe it or not. I've managed to keep out and keep dressed since we started dating, but EESH - I would never have thought of these extra temptations happening.

I know a lot of people who would say these temptations happen even when you don't live together, but think of having the temptation there EVERY day of the week, not just the day you see him. It is a constant battle between what is 'almost but not quite ok' (ie cuddling up in bed when you are about to go to your bed/wake up in the morning, wandering around in your pyjamas, racing around in a towel to pick up the towel in the linen cupboard you use for your hair that you forgot when you were going for your shower, etc etc) and what is 'completely above board' (waiting til immediately before bed to get changed into your pyjamas, getting ALL your stuff ready before shower, getting straight from your bed to the lounge, without saying good morning to him, etc etc).

Some of that stuff I said up there might sound a bit ridiculous, but believe me - they are temptations I've found, and had to fight through, and it's respect thing for my boyfriend - if I'm so determined not to have sex before we are married, then I shouldn't be doing anything that causes him temptation and 'desire' to have it...

I know this was a hypothetical thing for you Snowy, but those reasons up there are reasons I'm wanting to move out - I'm not even going to get into what it shows others in our church, especially those younger or more impressionable than myself.

The problem I'm having now is finding a new home, with or without flatmates. I'm being pretty strict about it - I don't want a flatmate that might tempt me to sin with my boyfriend. I've even had to ve-to a Christian girl because her idea of what a boyfriend can and can't do with you is different to my idea!

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  #7  
Old 3rd October 2004, 03:05 AM
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More like, what isn't wrong with the situation.

You are not married and you living with the person who you want to spend the rest of your life with.

You're playing house...acting like a married couple without actually being married.

The temptation will most likely be a lot worse.

You could cause others to stumble.

And people most likely will get the wrong idea, even if you are not having sex and are sleeping in seperate rooms...I don't think many people would believe that.


If you date long enough, this eliminates the need to live together to see what your S.O's living habits are like. You will know each other well enough that you won't have to shack up.

I am all for people moving out of their mommy and daddy's house and living on their own before they get married just so they can learn more about themselves and so that they become more independant.
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Old 5th October 2004, 09:46 PM
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As Christians we are called to live holy lives and to avoid even the appearence of evil. (1Th 5:22 Abstain from all appearance of evil.)

To many you may be the only Christian they know. It is important to live a life that is above repraoch. Let no one say anything bad about you. Do not mar your reputation. Do not cause your weaker brothers to stumble.

No one will believe that you two are not sleeping together, and with all of that temptation you will likely not be ble to withstand itm I know I couldn't,

Encouragement, my dear! God calls us to live holy lives and empowers us, by His Holy Spirit to do so.
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Old 5th October 2004, 10:54 PM
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John and I will have our WHOLE lives to "get used to each other and each other's habits" no need to move in early to get pratice! It's part of the fun of being newlywed's! Don't take away those precious married moments.

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Old 7th October 2004, 01:41 AM
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If people are going to live together, why don't they just get married? My bf's brother and sister-in-law wanted to both move into their house at the same time, but she needed a new place a couple months before he did, and a couple months before the (planned) wedding. So, they had a small ceremony with parents and siblings, were married, and moved in together to start their married life. Then, a couple months later, they had their "wedding". They had the church ceremony with friends and family, and they had the reception. My bf's mother said it was the least stressful wedding she's ever been to! They just had a lot of fun. Anyway, back to my original point... what's the point in moving in together before marriage? To me, it just doesn't make any sense! If you know you want to marry the person, why not now instead of later? (as you can probably tell, I am also an advocate for short engagements!)
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