What happened?

Hello everybody,

I am so confused on what happened. This weekend I went home to surprise my mom for Valentine's Day and everything. This past weekend I was doing great, thought I was cured and everything. But, then, after getting back home for 30 minutes, I am back to my old self, all depressed and wondering if it is worth it to want to live. I know the Bible says Jesus wants me alive, so I won't kill myself or anything, but why did I get so down so fast? I felt great when I got here, and then 30 minutes later I am all down...

servant4ever

Servant,

If you're clinically depressed, you will not be "cured of everything" w/o some kind of medical intervention. The symptoms you are describing are likely due to some kind of chemical imbalance of major neurotransmitters in your brain. Yes, it is possible for depressives to have periods of joy which can last for days, weeks, even months. However, w/o professional intervention, you will eventually relapse into the state you are experiencing right now.

I am depressed myself, Servant. I know what I'm talking about.

Rosa

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"God so loved the world that he made up his mind to damn a large majority of the human race." — Robert G. Ingersoll

Hello Rosa,

Clinically depressed? I can't be clincally depressed. My counselor told me that she didn't think I was, but it was just to control my thoughts. All I know is that I am a loser. No one cares what happens to me. If something overly great happens, nobody even cares what I have to say. I am happy and they just don't care about why I am happy. I should move out of this room, I can't stand my roommates. I wish I could just be alone, live alone next year. I guess I could only wish... I wish I selected to go to another college. I don't like this college at all. I am more or less bound to this school, that is why I can't transfer.

I got to go, starting to get over upset,

servant4ever

Servant,

A counselor cannot make this diagnosis. Only a psychiatrist can do this. And I strongly suggest you see one, b/c you have indicated that you're experiencing suicidal ideation. This is not something you mess w/. And no, you are not "crazy" if you see a shrink. I've seen more than one, and while I consider myself to be mentally ill, I don't view myself as a "crazy nut" or anything like this. Servant, I want you to read my thread in this forum entitled, "Does anyone else do this?" (if you haven't already). It is proof of how suicidal ideation can lead to eventual flirtation w/ the idea of making actual attempts. Please Servant, see a professional about this. God wants you to be healthy.

Rosa

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"God so loved the world that he made up his mind to damn a large majority of the human race." — Robert G. Ingersoll

What Rosa said is true, but I'd suggest something else. PART of the cure (or more accurately, treatment) of clinical depression is therapy. I don't know ANY psychologist who would prescribe drugs without therapy to go along. Actually your thoughts help to CAUSE your clinical depression (though the depression also causes the thoughts - a really bad cycle).

I don't have a quote with me, but the DSM-IV defines clinical depression as long - term (like more than three months if my memory serves) feelings of down, depressed, suicidal... There's a whole list of symptoms, but just by DEFINITION, I think you're pretty clearly clinically depressed after 2.5 years. That's not to say it cannot be beaten, but winning THIS fight is a long process that takes help from family, friends, doctors, and most importantly, God. I know the FIRST thought on your mind is, "I have no friends, can't talk to my family, and therefore can't get a doctor," but try to remember that THIS is a product of your depression too. Your family is a built-in support mechanism - there's a REASON that you feel happier around your family, and it's NOT because they think you're wonderful. It's because you feel loved around them. My family is a support system I rejected in my depression, and it's only been recently that I've been getting it back. Now I don't know how I survived without it because it's so WONDERFUL to be able to call your mother and ask her to pray tonight because you're feeling particularly down. I know, if you did that right now, she'd probably get really worried, but if you are honest long-term with your parents, they can be a WONDERFUL source of support without freaking out all the time.

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When your mind starts to think all the Neg thoughts, have your tried the ole saying, Count your blessings not your worries? Im no doctor but I am a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ.
We can do our part to beat the enemy of depression also by getting to know God better. Im not saying you may not need meds but ask yourself a couple ?s that could save your life. Am I doing my part? Am I using Gods Word to stand on? Am I helping the doctor who is trying to help me? I like a phrase someone sent me once "When trouble comes your way do you run to the phone or run to the throne?"
Try and remember that what we put into our minds the most is what also comes out the most. My Preacher refers to stinkin thinkin!! Those are the thoughts that we have to train ourselves to dismiss from our minds. The way to do this is to constantly be putting the Word of God in so that we can use that Word as the two edged sword it is, to fight depressed moods. It is a matter at times of controling our flesh, our minds.
Fasting and praying will help you to control that flesh. It really works.
If you take a glass of dirty water and keep adding dirty water to it it will never clean up. But, if you start adding clear water to that glass eventually it will become clear. It's the same as our minds, We have to constantly add clear water to clean up all the dirty water thats been in there getting stagnent.
I am praying for you brother and I know that you can overcome, if you choose.
God bless you,
TJ
PS.... Here is a scripture that talks about the renewing of the mind. Romans 12
1Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God--this is your spiritual[1] act of worship. 2Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will.

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Isaiah 26:3
It is His desire that we be conscious of His presence throughout the day.
Set aside time to meet and appreciate the Lord every day!!

See, the thing is, I did tell my parents last year and all they did was yell at me for 2 hours for being "crazy" and it's all in my head. I ended up having to tell them I was feeling better (even though I was feeling worse) so they would stop yelling at me and I could get off the phone because my roommate wanted the phone. Now they make me call everyday, or they get suspicious and call me. If I don't answer my dorm phone, they get even more suspicious, and then they call my cell phone. Most of the time I have my cell phone off, so I am in trouble with them. I can't tell my parents, even though they have the insurance card. I am thinking of getting my own insurance next year, so I could get help if I am not better by then. I know you are going to criticize me for not telling my parents, but I can't. My family will disown me if they know I am going to see a counselor or a therapist or a doctor about this. I just can't tell them.

I have to get to class now, I'll post more later

servant4ever

Hi

By His Grace, and His Love, let you overcome all the besetting sin that you have

Remember the only reason you are feeling down is due to the temptation of the great deceiver, Satan. But Our LORD says :

" 'The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.' " (John 10:10)

The evil one seeks continuously to take away what the LORD has done for you, maybe after Our LORD has spoken to you and blessed you, and you feel great. Then heavy duty temptation, in this case the temptation to feel down, comes and attack you. Resist it with the help of Our LORD, pray and call to Him for :

"In my distress I called upon the Lord, and cried unto my God: He heard my voice out of His temple, and my cry came before Him, even into His ears" (Psalms 18:6).

Remember that the LORD is always there for you, even Now, so just soften your hearts and come before Him, trust in Him with all of your heart and He will show you a way

Servant,

If you fear that your parents will disown you for talking to a therapist or counsellor, then simply don't tell them. You're an adult, Servant. And you're God's child. He does NOT want you to be sick. Getting your own insurance is a good idea. It may help to cover some of the medical costs w/o your folks finding out. Servant, do you think I've told my dad about the professionals I've seen? Heavens, no. He'd do to me what your parents did to you. However, I am so sick that my health overrides his sick attitude. I am NOT going to let him stop me from getting the care I need. So, if getting well entails sneaking around, so be it.

Get help now, Servant. Depression only gets worse w/ time. Trust me.

Rosa

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"God so loved the world that he made up his mind to damn a large majority of the human race." — Robert G. Ingersoll