difficulties

Hi everyone, I am having some great trials at the moment and I would like to share them with you though my self esteen is so low that I am unsure whether to make this post as I don't trust my judgment much I don't know if I am making a fool of myself or being negative in a way that might harm anyone reading this, I hope that this is not the case. If my sister or father or a friend called me I am able to suppress how I feel and have a joke and a laugh with them, but what have written below is the real situation.


I have been suffering from an arthritic condition effecting my arms and legs for about five years. This has prevented me from full-time work, and am only able to do a small amount of volunteer work. I am 32 years old and live alone and am overwhelmed by lack of hope. I never planned or was prepared for my current lifestyle. I was always successful in my sales career and took a university degree course as a mature student. I found God about the same time I started to have problems with my joints. I feel so defeated, as for years have passed I have seen my ability to do activities rewarded by greater pain and disability.

The worst part is how many times I have succumbed to despair and lack of hope, and instead of turning to God have turned to food and smoking just try and blot out physical an emotional pain, particularly loneliness and boredom. It always seems to be the same, I try to be strong and handle my painful feelings, I try to pray and read my bible but every time, be it the next few hours or next day, I am overcome with despair and will do anything to escape how I feel.

Just recently I have found out that I have given myself chronic lung problems from my smoking, periods of chain smoking when I have just not cared any more. Since I found this out it has really been a wake up call, I'm feeling great remorse for harming myself in this way. I feel like I have given in to the sin of despair, greed, lack of self-control and worst of all turning my back on God so many times. Not to mention deliberately harming myself by smoking. Lately I have been feeling totally wretched in the eyes of God, I'm still turning to food for comfort and am feeling, ill, tired and spiritually destitute.

I feel so overwhelmed by physical an emotional pain, I don't feel I have any reserves left. Even the smallest thing involving self discipline like eating at set times, or praying regularly, not watching TV all day, seem too hard, all I want to do is to escape the constant lack of hope I feel.

The traditional good advice of getting out, getting a job meeting people, finding a hobby is all good and true. But on the many times I have tried to change my situation in one of these ways I have been rewarded by physical pain which builds up the more activity that I do and makes life hellish.

I don't want to paint a one-sided view here, things are not all bad and there are good days as well as bad. But the overwhelming feeling that I have a swimming against a strong tide, in the the moment I get tired and stop swimming I get overwhelmed by the weight of my situation.

In all of this the worst thing to happen is the feeling that I have lost my connection with God. I found it so much easier when I was healthy and active, thanking Jesus for the joy and blessings I was given. I did not want to overeat or smoke because I felt so good and used to dream about my future and of having a family. Now my only thoughts are ones of shame, regret and fear. And whether I will be able to handle the suffering of my illness as the years pass.

I recommend seeing your doctor about an antidepressant, listening to joyce meyer (she's good) and getting a hobby you enjoy. And not to put pressure on yourself like created schedules, oh, I know to well, struggle with self control myself at times. Sometimes I have to let myself go until I've had enough, than I get back on top of things. I also recommend praying, not because you have to, don't make it a real, but because it will truly help you!!!! I have better self control than I used to, a lot better. I too struggle with food addiction, amongst other things, but it's easier now, doesn't take as long to snap out of it as it used to, and the only reason I can give is because of God. For me it didn't happen over night, but layer by layer by layer. When you are overcome with grief and condemnation, God can come and give you comfort and acceptance, when you lack motivation and self control God can give you inspiration, and he can even grant you grace to be lazy when you are too stressed about that. Worry is a big problem. Plus it sounds like you might also be attacked spiritually at times, when I find that it's impossible for me to concentrate on a good christian book because every time I sit down to read it my mind reverts to other things, I pray a protective covering over my mind, ask God to protect my mind and thoughts from the enemy so I can concentrate, and it works. God Bless you brother, I'm rooting for you!!!

Here's a link to a my forum (actually, not mine but a friend's) where I type a lot of messages about some of these same things. Maybe you'll find some of them beneficial, maybe not

http://www.2befriends.com/christians_4_jesus_forum/

hisbloodformysins.

Hi James, well I'm not experienced with advice but I am your sister and a child of God so I care. Please do seek a doctor for this depression and about feeding yourself to fill up the empty holes in your heart. It's a big step acknowledging that you want to change and it's a blessing God gave you wake up calls, and your still alive. Your here for a reason, you gotta help yourself. God helps those who help theirselves. No more feeling sorry for yourself, get out there and so something positive It's up to you. But your never alone. Walk all your trials, with the Lord. My prayers are with you. Take care of yourself and may the Lord be wirh you always my special brother.

Love, Light & Peace,

Thank you so much for your replies hisbloodformysins and God_Is_Awesome, I was really moved by your kindness. I am so glad I have found this forum. I made some progress today in that I had the first glimmer of understanding and I must accept and surrender to God will. Rather than resenting and rebelling about my situation. I know I got long way to go and I still don't understand God's purpose for me but know that I must try and pray for understanding.
God bless you all.

When I was depressed for several years, I never thought it would go away. But now that it is gone away..I feel like I can help people who are going through the same thing.

The most rewarding thing about being a little bit different than the others is that you can now help those who are going through the same thing. Maybe there is an organization you can join to help those who are struggling. I know u are struggling too, but once you overcome the emotional struggle, others out there desperately need you because you know the pain is great and you wouldn't want them to bear it too.

thus I thank God everday that I went through my pain.

Have you been given any referrals for rehabilitation psychologists? They are really equipped to help you deal with both the physical pain (and give you some great techniques in controlling it) as well as any associated psychological issues that might arise when dealing with chronic pain (i.e. depression) Maybe your doctor or your physical therapist will know of some in your area...

I'd suggest you optimize your pain management medicines, check out Deepak Chopra's ?sp work on the mind/body connection, and pray for God's help and guidance. Pain is both physically and mentally debilitating if we don't deal with it. My prayers are with you.

Hi everyone, I very grateful for I have been send some understanding from God which showed me that I had forgotten to have faith, that the even was such a thing as faith. I had forgotten this, I have been falling on my own logic and convinced myself there is no hope. This is where I am weak in times of adversity I tend to rely on my own Internet and strength and get into a very negative and hopeless spiral, similar to the warning given in psalm 33. I just thought I would share my gratitude about receiving a small degree of understanding..

In regard to the advice given about practical steps of helping my situation, I take them all onboard, many thanks.

Smashing_kate that is so true, thank you.