Intro to a short story for a fan-fic contest. feedback?

Buskanaka · #1 25th January 2004, 01:55 AM

this is just the intro to a short story I'm writing for a contest, just wanted some thoughts on whether it's catchy/interesting enough. thanks!

The old man sat quietly on his small wooden stool, resting his head on one gnarled hand. He was so deep in thought that he didn’t seem to hear the drip, drip, drip of water on stone, or the soft scratching of small clawed feet in the shadows. Likewise he paid no attention to the careful footsteps of the young boy approaching him. "Kulun? Are you well? You have been down here for hours." The boy asked softly, concern showing on his young face as he reached out to touch the old man’s arm. Kulun twitched slightly as he felt the contact, as if he was being woken suddenly in the middle of a dream. He placed his right hand over the boy’s and gave a gentle squeeze. "Yes Dunen, I am fine. Although this stool is not an overly comfortable piece of furniture." He said with a smile. Then in a more serious tone, "Tell me, have you finished all the tasks I set for you today?" The boy, Dunen, nodded eagerly, his concern for his master already gone. "I think they all worked properly too!" He exclaimed. Then his face fell slightly. "Well, most of them… my frog ended up as a beetle instead of a pigeon." Kulun chuckled, his eyes twinkling with good natured laughter. "Well done lad! Those problems were not so easy! I will have to make some harder ones for you tomorrow."
Several moments of silence passed, the boy basking happily in the praise of his master, the old man thinking again of the obstacle before him. Finally he made up his mind. With a deep breath, he stood and turned to face his apprentice. Gone was the jovial demeanour that he usually portrayed. He spread his arms wide. "Look, Dunen, and tell me what you see." He announced. Dunen's eyes widened...