Guys and commitment

I've been dating a great guy for a year now. He is honestly one of the best and Godly men I've ever met. He's not perfect but has his struggles but truly handles them in a Godly fashion. I really admire and respect him. He brought up the future a few weeks ago and due to some major finacial difficulties in his life right now he said that he feels that he's not ready to make a commitment and that he doesn't want to give me false hope. I know that he has been seeking God's direction in this and so i respect where he is in his life right now. He said that he is interested in friendship and improving communication between us at this point in time. Which I can respect and I see as a good thing as well. I know that for a relationship to truly be the best, God has to make you both ready for it and lead you together in His perfect timing. My question is: If a guy says he's not ready for commitment, does that mean he'll never be ready? And is it pathetic to have hope in something more?

I should really let a guy answer this one, since they would know better than, I , but I shall give you my opinion nonetheless.

I think hope is a wonderful thing. I think believeing in someone and staying *true* to them is a noble thing as well. However, by *true* I do not mean, seeing only him when there really is no commitment. I mean *true* more as a reliable, understanding, compasionate, and supportive friendship. I do think, and this is because I have been there FAR many more times than I would like, that if there is no commitment, you must remain open to other people as well. Because there is no definitive answer. You have to be fair to yourself, and it's good to date/get to know other people as well. If you're not commited to that one person it is good to get refreshed by others as well. It's a hard balance though.....I think that one must be smart, objective, and true to herself as well.

yeah i agree. The thing is he is a really wonderful person and friend. So i really don't want to extract him from my life. I want to be friends with him if that's all we can be right now. I'm open to other guys in my life, but there are none right now. Is it ok to be his friend? and to develop friendship?

It is hardly pathetic to feel that way about someone you think is a really great guy.

yes, sounds like like you both have a great friendship. It sounds like he truly values that, and knows that right now this guy might want to get married, but knows financially it is not possible. I know where he is coming from, I am in the same position. I pray God will provide me with a Proverbs 31 woman. Also, I have developed strong relationships as friends with several Christian women, and I have no desire to date them, as I treasure what we have. So Mina, I think things will work out for you both. God Bless =)

Just because he says he isn't ready now Mina doesn't mean he never will Financial difficulties can be a GIGANTIC burden to a committed relationship. Most men want to know that they can provide for a woman before making a committment.

However, if he gets his financial problems straightened out and he finds another reason that commitment isn't a good idea, then you may want to start looking elsewhere.

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"Knowing this first, that there shall come in the last days scoffers, walking after their own lusts,And saying, Where is the promise of his coming? For since the fathers fell asleep, all things continue as they were from the beginning of the creation." II Peter Ch. 3 vs. 3 & 4

"Don't you know my name yet? That's the only answer. Tell me, who are you, alone, yourself, and nameless? But you are young and I am old. Eldest, that's what I am." - Tom Bombadil, FotR

I'd say you can still be friends, but I just want you to be carefull of yourself, you know? I've always been one to stay friends w/my exes, even when I was hoping something would return in the future, b/c first and foremost we were friends. However, I have also been "just friends" but still really wanting to be w/the guy and in reality was not keeping myself open. Do you know what I'm saying? I think friendship is one of the things that keeps life going and you're not going to marry all the great guys that come into your life, so it would be a shame to cut them out of your life completely just cause you can't be married. I think if you find yourself constantly fantasizing about the 2 of you being together, then you need to reevaluate where you're coming from and maybe take one step back for a breather, but otherwise, I would remain his friend.

Well I can not say that the man is not going to get ready. I think he's going to get ready and be stable finacial. I think he wants to be sure that he can take care of you when he does ask that question. Anyhow I do not see him not getting married but he wants to be sure that if he says "WILL YOU MARRY ME?" He will be OK with it when it comes to the money issue.

DISCLAIMER: This post represents the opinions of its author only, and is to be taken with several grains of salt. Remember, this is an Internet message board. Don't base important life decisions on advice from strangers.

Now that that's out of the way, there are a couple of different ways that I could interpret the situation.

On one hand, I can completely sympathize with someone who is struggling financially. If I were in a serious relationship right now (which I'm not), there's no way I would be able to contemplate marriage because I wouldn't be able to support myself, my wife, and my potential family. If that's what your friend is thinking, he should be commended for being straightforward and caring enough to tell you the truth.

On the other hand, he may not be prepared to make a commitment at this time, and he could be using his financial situation as the excuse. Your original post included the f-word and the c-word (friendship and communication), which instantly makes me think of alarms and flashing red lights. (I've heard those words from girls before. Please note that I am still single.) That doesn't mean you should abandon all hope; maybe the timing just isn't right.

You know the situation much better than anyone else on this forum does. Continue to pray about the matter, and the correct path will be revealed to you in God's time.