Grumble, grumble, grumble

Warning! The following is a pointless rant courtesy of msjones21.

My mother and I have always had what I consider an interesting relationship. One day we're each other's best friend, the next we're at each other's throats. She and I can never have a deep, civilized conversation. We fought my entire teenage years and up until recently, the arguments were pretty intense. Usually one of us would end up in tears and we wouldn't speak to each other for a few days.

Two years ago myself, the guy I used to live with (back before I had re-dedicated my life to Christ), and my dad cooked up this idea that we should all go into business together. Mine and Lyle's responsibility was to front the financial burden of opening the company and my dad was going to be responsible for all of production. So we opened a print shop and business has been off an on since then. We have good months and we have bad months, but so far we've been able to make payroll and keep the lights on. When Lyle and I split up and we lost touch, the financial backing was gone (since the money was really his life savings in the first place). So obviously there have been a few weeks where we're all sitting around wondering how we're going to make payroll, but God has always come through in the nick of time; however, my mother is constantly badgering me. She has never worked in the company. She stays at home but for some reason she enjoys hounding me about doing my job right. I can't even voice my concerns about making payroll without her saying "well, if you would do your job right and make the collections calls you'd have the money." or "well, I don't care if nobody else gets paid, your father has to draw a paycheck". It really irritates me because she has no idea what I do all day at work (besides hang out on here j/k). You can't collect money from people who don't have it. I make the annoying once a day calls but the bottom line is, it is solely their responsibility for the checks to be cut. I hate it when she makes it out like it would be my fault if we (by chance) couldn't make payroll. I hate it that everything becomes an argument with her. When I ask her why everything becomes an argument she usually says "we wouldn't argue if you wouldn't start it". Makes it kinda hard to communicate. Not to mention I'm always the one who apologizes first. Just once I wish she would say "I'm sorry for the things I said earlier". She says I always hurt her and it isn't fair to her because she has bent over backwards for me my entire life, but she doesn't realize how badly she hurts me. I try and express my feelings and (of course) it becomes an argument.

I love my mother more than anything and she has been my friend and confidant for so long, but her inability to communicate without becoming critical and defensive makes it really hard to open up. I don't even know how to tell her what I'm feeling because I know it will become a fight. Anyway, we had a big fight today over the business and we're not speaking so I have no clue what to do. I know I'll end up being the one to step up and say "I'm sorry" but I hate always having to have a reason to apologize. How can I get along with my mother and still have an open line of communication?

I know it is going to be hard, but if it is important to you, then you have to stop this cycle. I think you need to have a good heart to heart talk when your mom, and let her know how you really feel. It will be hard and awkard, but I think if you can do it, then your relationship with your mom will take a new birth after it.

__________________
"These Things I Have Spoken Unto You
That In Me Ye Might Have Peace. In the World Ye Shall
Have Tribulation, But Be Of Good Cheer; I Have Overcome
The World" -- John 16:33

.. well look at it this way, at least u have a mother to argue with. some ppl don't even have that. make the best of what u have, and the time u two have together. be the bigger person, apologize.

__________________

The Master: "You're dead!"
Buffy: "I may be dead, but I'm still pretty. Which is more than I can say for you."
The Master: "You were destined to die! It was written!"
Buffy: "What can I say? I flunked the written."
[Episode Prophecy Girl from Season 1]


Buffy: "So here's the part where you make a choice: What if you could have that power... now? In every generation, one slayer is born... because a bunch of men who died thousands of years ago made up that rule. They were powerful men. This woman is more powerful than all of them combined. So I say we change the rule. I say my power... should be our power. Tomorrow, Willow will use the essence of the scythe to change our destiny. From now on, every girl in the world who might be a slayer... will be a slayer. Every girl who could have the power... will have the power... can stand up, will stand up. Slayers... every one of us. Make your choice. Are you ready to be strong?"
[Episode Chosen from Season 7

Hmmm.....mother/daugher relationships are always a precarious thing at times. There is such a bond there but sometimes the person you love the most can drive you crazy the most! I certainly feel for you, msjones. Is your mom a Christian? I only ask that to bring up the subject of pastoral counseling or perhaps someone else in the church that she would trust. Maybe involving a third party that isn't related to you can set down with both of you and help you take a fresh look at your issues with each other and help once and for all settle long standing arguments. It sounds like when you argue it just ends up going round and round in circles and the same old stuff gets coming up. It's like the Garth Brooks song "We bury the hachet, but we leave the handle sticking out." Until some of those past issues are resolved and dealt with, they are going to keep coming back up everytime you argue. And also, I have noticed that sometimes when people argue, it is about something entirely different than what is really bugging them. Again, maybe there are some unresolved issues that need to be dealt in order for there to be some peace and trust between you and your mom.

's to you! I can at least offer some empathy. I love my mom too, but some days, she knows how to find that one nerve I have left and she likes to dance all over it!

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Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.

Proverbs 3:5
---------------------------
Eat a live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day!

My relationship with my mom can be weird sometimes, too. Some days we're like great friends, laughing, giggling, talking, and other days she's so moody I can't even ask her a simple question without having to brace myself first.
Maybe that's just how a lot of mother-daughter relationships are.

She has been a very good mother, though. I'm thankful to have her in my life.

Im Game. Say to her

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My mother and her mother always fought until grandma died. It was like grandma played with mom's emotions until the very day she died (grandma). My mother tried to reason with her mother numerous times to no avail. I don't know how you should deal with this other than to say, sometimes when we act in odd ways things work out. Be unpredictable with her.

I feel like a twelve year old as I recommend this movie but have either you or your mom watched the recently released film called 'Freaky Friday'? My sister rented it over the weekend and I was in her room (Hi erin love you xoxo) so I watched it with her. It was actually decent. Basically, the lesson to be learned is that putting yourself in the other person's shoes is no doubt some of the best relationship therapy. If you've tried every method to reach her (which it sounds like you have) then I'd say don't just find a way to cope, look at this situation as a challenge that God has set before you in order for Him to see how well you can show your mom a Christ-like kind of love (inspite of her idiosyncracies). Keep the right perspective-we're here foremost to win people for Christ. It may be the most difficult challenge you tackle especially since in these kind of relationships people expect there to be a tighter love and/or closer understanding present, but all too often there just isn't.

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"For attractive lips speak words of kindness, for lovely eyes seek out the good in people, for a slim figure share your food with the hungry. The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes because that is the doorway to her heart the place where love resides."
-Audrey Hepburn

I've watched that movie with my mom! It's a nice movie. Sort of painful to watch in many places , but nevertheless I like it.