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Singles (only*) A forum for the support of single members or Christians with the gift of celibacy. Posting is restricted to single members 18 and older. NOTE: This is not a dating or matchmaking service. *See Statement of Purpose

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  #1  
Unread 2nd January 2004, 02:20 AM
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Do guys get scared away?

I have been wondering about this for a while, but haven't really reached a conclusion that makes sense. Do guys get scared away from girls because they think they are too good for them? I know I automatically throw some options out the window because I see them as too good for me. They already have multiple girls that like them, they are too good-looking to ever like someone like me, they are way more talented than me to even notice me. I pray that I will not undermine myself and abilities and get scared off by such crazy things. Those guys that are Christian, smart, good-looking, athletic, genuine, and loving.... sweet, but wait, I can't have him because he is the guy every other girl wants it seems like, so I better run, I am not good enough for him. Hence, an opportunity is lost. Do guys think this way? or more arrogant, confident, looks more important?
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  #2  
Unread 2nd January 2004, 02:54 AM
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If they are Christian, loving and all that, then you souldn't worry. They would be more concerned about God's will than what a woman looks like or what her talents are. I know I am, and I'd like to think i'm at least some of those things. I would encourage you to not worry about feeling inadiquit for any man, becuase you should be here to please God not a man. When the right guy comes around it certainly won't be a problem. I'm not sure about other guys, but I never look at a woman and think to myself, "dang I could do better than that."
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  #3  
Unread 2nd January 2004, 07:18 AM
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NaaaahhhÖ thatís more of a typical thought with women. I mean really, Iíve heard that a lot. They are surprised I would spend time with them because they feel their looks (mainly) are not up to some level or standard I have. I think women often use such standards when they consider whether or not a man is fit for them (by looks at first) so they use the same standardization presuming a certain man would not be interested in them.

Myself, I think visual stereotyping will often only lead to disappointment really. And unfortunately Iíve met women that look great to me but are just so obsessed with looks it becomes a turn off to me. They donít relax and often complain about some aspect of their looks constantly. And I'm talking about any woman. I guess if they sit around and stair at glamour magazines there will be some negative effect. Women are just so constantly bombarded with these Hollywood set standards (that are not real) no wonder they seem to be getting even more obsessive.

But really they donít scare me much, itís the ones that say (serious) ďIím called to be a pastors wife, are you going to be a pastor some day?Ē or general disappointing looks concerning career paths or what not. But thatís not so common really. If they donít like what I do I just impress them by picking up a very heavy object and grin lol. Just let God lead and donít worry
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  #4  
Unread 2nd January 2004, 09:43 AM
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Originally Posted by mbotz72
Those guys that are Christian, smart, good-looking, athletic, genuine, and loving.... sweet, but wait, I can't have him because he is the guy every other girl wants it seems like, so I better run, I am not good enough for him. Hence, an opportunity is lost.
Question is, if none of the other girls wanted him, would you notice this hypothetical smart, good-looking, athletic, genuine, loving, sweet Christian boy? No girls notice me, even though my mum says I'm the handsomest, most brilliant boy in my school.

Seriously, I have to admit I would be kinda intimided by a pretty girl, which is why I'm so reserved in this post in front of mbotz72. But that's just my insecurity, most boys aren't like me. Most guys know that regardless of looks, a girl is going to have a few gentlemen callers to choose from (of course depending on the timing, and whether she knows the guys like her is a different story), but at the same time she is going to reject some because of personal preference issues, and other guys she is after are going to ignore her. After knowing all this, most guys will chase after the girl they like, regardless of the competition, although using confidence, ego and insider information is not out of most guy's reach. And the rest will risk it sooner or later.
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Unread 2nd January 2004, 11:53 AM
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My whole life i've never been noticed by any guy, much less a Christian one. When I became a Christian in my teens, all the good,Christian guys would want to be with the good looking girls even if their faith wasn't that serious(like the girls that would go and cut someone down and then attend Christian things but not really be into it). And college guys were much the same in my experience. People would tell me "oh they are just intimidated by you cause you are pretty/good/shy/etc..." But i really don't think that's true. I just don't know, so I decided to stop worring about it. I mean if a guy doesn't want me for who i am then I don't want to be with him. If i'm too good or not good enough, then i dont think i would be comfortable to be myself. It's sort of frustrating,
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Unread 2nd January 2004, 01:31 PM
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Yes us guys can be intimidated. I know I always am. But I think when us guys get to know who we are and what we are worth we will braven up. I have found my worth now, and am going to go ask a girl I have known all my life out. She is amazingly looking, smart, and best of all...a real christian. The odds that she will be discusted by me because of the way I look are high. But now that I know my worth I relise that if she is like that, she is not worth me.

I am starting to think that a guy should have the courage to ask the girl out. And if he doesnt have it, he needs to find his worth and prepare himself before a relationship first.
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  #7  
Unread 2nd January 2004, 03:11 PM
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For me at least, it is more a matter of having some prompting to 'notice' a girl in such a capacity. I assume that by "scared away" you are referring to something like a dating relationship. In this sense, I am not so much "scared away" as oblivious to the fact that you have any interest in me. Guys don't take subtle hints - they have to be overtly subtle hints, if you get my drift, wink wink nudge nudge (ok, so that was ironically confusing, but I still think you get the point).

It is a travesty if people run away without even effectively hinting at such things. Self-image is trouble enough, worrying how your self-image matches with others is a horrible ordeal. More often than not, your self-image is not as good as the image that other people see of you (and also, someone's image is often not nearly as good as the image that they think of themselves).
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Unread 2nd January 2004, 03:51 PM
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I can answer this question as yes, yes I get very terrified. I am not afraid of much in life, however I fear rejection. I see a girl I think is pretty, I think of all the reasons why she wouldnt go out with me. Im not exactly the best looking guy in the world, Im going bald, I am not the smartest person, I subscribe to the theory better to have people think Im a fool than to open my stupid trap and remove all doubt. I am not all the muscular, in fact I am very skinny, I eat healthy, I get exercise, I just have a body that is nothing more than skin covering a skeleton. So I ask what do I got that a good looking girl would possibly want?

I did finally work up the courage to ask my ex out, but in the end she rejected me, and without reason, she couldnt tell me why. I had another ex who swore she wouldnt have sex until marriage sleep with a friend of hers and dumped me over it. This after her previous boyfriend was cheating on her and she thought him to be the biggest jerk alive, then she tells me if she had it to do all over again, she wouldnt change a thing. I guess my problem is self confidence, Im not what girls dream over and my past experience with girls doesnt help me. Although I really desire to have someone in my life, I pretty much know that she'll only reject me in the end, and my self confidence will be even lower than what it is now. So yes, I understand and feel the same things.
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  #9  
Unread 2nd January 2004, 07:26 PM
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All christian women intimidate me or most anyway. I actually had a thread on the same topic in this forum about a month ago. I find that I'm not good enough for most Christian women so I decide not to pursue them at all. Another problem of mine is that I'm not into competition when it comes to relationships so if I'm interested in a woman thats being pursued by other guys I'll usually just let it go.
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  #10  
Unread 2nd January 2004, 08:22 PM
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Originally Posted by ummidrinkcherrycoke
I find that I'm not good enough for most Christian women so I decide not to pursue them at all. Another problem of mine is that I'm not into competition when it comes to relationships so if I'm interested in a woman thats being pursued by other guys I'll usually just let it go.
I hear that! Especially if the other guy is somewhat decent and would treat her right. I may be more willing to step in if I knew he was only after a piece of tail. Unfortunatley the last time I tried that I lost the girls friendship until after she slept with him and he dumped her, he only wanted her virginity and I knew it.
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