What about Divorse?

When is divorse permitted?

From my view of the New Testament divorse is only permitted if a)the unbeliever leaves or b)adultory has occurred.

What about the following instances?
1)Both claim to be Christian, the husband becomes physically abusive, thereby putting his wife in danger. Is she obliged to stay married to him?
2)Both are Christian, husband gets alziemers early in life, it gets so bad he doesnt know who his wife is, is she required to stay faithful to him for another 10 years when he doesnt recognise her? or is she able to find Christian love in another partner?
3)Both claim to be Christian, wife doesn't want to give her husband sex, they married as virgins but she just doesn't enjoy sex with her husband. What are husbands options?

Or in my case...

I married a man, we were/are both Christians, one day he told me he had spent all our money, he couldn't or wouldn't get a job despite being physically able, I supported him for 7 years as he now has no money at all, he lies to me continually about financial matters, so much so that my trust in him is completely destroyed...not sure on the faithfulness front although he claims to have been faithful and wants me back. I don't want this, understandably. I want to believe that one day I may meet someone special and remarry.

Some would say, you made the marriage bed, you lay in it. Would Jesus say this? Sometimes people change. I put everything I had into my marriage and it didn't work, not through lack of my trying. What is left when the trust is gone? Why should the innocent partner have to suffer alone for the rest of their life?

I look forward to your opinions.

I was involved in a situation very similar to yours at one point. My ex-wife lied to me constantly. She would tell me that she paid a bill, or paid the rent when she haden't. I would come home to an eviction notice and she would swear that she had called the bank that day and the check had cleared. I went to the property management company only to find out she never wrote a check. I worked for years to put her through college to get her teaching degree and it took her 3 years after she graduated to actually get her certificate. The agreement that we made was that she would go to school and begin a teaching career, then I would go back to school. I never got the chance because she didn't take the steps required to get her certificate.

She let me down so many times in so many ways that eventually I divorced her.

In the years since I have come to understaqnd that I did the wrong thing. If This situation came up again I would handle it differently.

Divorcing her was a selfish thing to do, and it was a sin. At the time I considerd myself a Christian, but I was not living for Him.

I think that the right thing for me to do would have been to separate from her but not to divorce. I made a promise to her and to God and I broke that promise because I felt I was wronged. The truth of the matter is I married for "better or worse" and the fact that things were "worse" does not entitle me to a divorce.

I understand that it is difficut to live in a situation where you are being lied to about finances. Financial insecurity is a very stressful thing. I think the right thing to do if things are that bad is to separate and try and work things out.

If you separate you are still honoring your marriage vows, you are not out on your own free to pursue other romantic interests, but you are putting yourself in a situation where you can't be hurt (financially) by his lies.

You said "Why should the innocent partner have to suffer alone for the rest of their life?" My reply is: Because you are married to him and God hates divorce. So long as he does not commit adultery you should honor your commitment.

I didn't and I regret it now. I am about to enter into my second marriage and I sit here and wonder "how can Christine (my fiance`) beleive me? I have already broken my word and disobeyed God in one marriage. What makes her think I can do it right this time?"

I just am glad she is willing to take that chance.

Marriage is a covenant.
Your husband has utterly failed to keep his end of the deal is what it looks like.
I despise divorce. But I also believe that there is a point where the marriage has been forsaken.

Thank you for your comments. It sounds like your first wife was similar to my husband whom I have separated from... not trustworthy, lying about monies etc.

I do find it interesting that you are remarrying when you believe so strongly that your divorsing your wife was the wrong decision. It is interesting that you claim to have taken that course of action because "you didn't know God well enough then". If you don't mind my asking, why are you remarrying another person instead of try to make another go of it with your previous wife, if as you say, you wished that you hadn't divorsed her. I wonder how your fiance feels about your regreting having gotten divorse? Just some questions to ponder, please do not take offense...

I just can't help wondering if you were to go back in time to when you were married to your untrustworthy partner, if you would have taken the same course of action. It is too easy to look back and say "I sinned, I would have done it differently".

Hi Alie........

I have to agree with P3nguin1 on what he is saying.. The Word of God doesn't let Us down - We may not always agree with what God is telling us - many fight him tooth and nail... but the Bible does tell us Divorce is not an option except for the same reasons you wrote about - Adultery and Unyoked....... Remember also - Just because a Christian is married to an Unbeliever - this doesn't mean they can divorce just because they wish to.. The word says if An UNBELIEVER wishes to leave then thats that - though every attempt should still be made by the Believer to reconcile the marriage.. in the end though - once a person made the choice to leave a marriage - thats between them and God how they should proceed in life... The Christian needs to do a lot of talking to God - being in prayer and well and meditation with God.. ONLY HE can determine........ We all sin - we all fall short of the Glory.. that includes divorce among us.. BUT That doesn't Mean God doesn't love us or won't work things out...... in My opinion - looking at your situation - you say your BOTH CHRISTIANS - great - pray....... one of the things I can see needed in your marriage life is forgiveness, your husband has hurt you a great deal.. there willneed to be forgiveness in the marriage.. and Biblically speaking - I would have ot say no..... your situation doesn't allow for a Divorce....

not saying your not working at it - but too many marriage these days are just a convience for some people - once they tire of living with a person - then they can take the easy way out and divorce.. there are many who will not work at their marriage...... When I got married 25 years ago - I made a promise to MY wife - DIVORCE was NOT an OPTION in our lives.. We would have to work things out.. We've had ups and downs - but woudln't change things.. Actually - in MY church - there are only two divorced / remarried couples.. the rest of the church are first marriages.. *note* - there are approx. 150 married couples in the church.......

I do hope things work out - pray and allow God to lead your life - and no ,matter what - God stills loves his children .........

__________________
2 Cor. 13:5-6

Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves. Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you--unless, of course, you fail the test? 6And I trust that you will discover that we have not failed the test.

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I have spent a lot of time in prayer and discussion over this and I have come to understand that the sin of divorcing my ex can't be "attoned" for by re-marrying her. Interestingly enough, Scripture tells us that we can't go back once divorced:

"1 If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, 2 and if after she leaves his house she becomes the wife of another man, 3 and her second husband dislikes her and writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, or if he dies, 4 then her first husband, who divorced her, is not allowed to marry her again after she has been defiled. That would be detestable in the eyes of the LORD ." Deut. 24:1-4

The sin was committed when I broke the marriage covenant. Re-marrying my ex would not "make things right".

It is a somewaht complicated story but since my divorce I began living with another woman and we have had a child together. Recently I committed my life to Christ and when I evaluated my situation I realized the right thing to do is to marry the woman I am with now. We are abstaining till we are married (March 1st WOOHOO!) and we are both now fully committed to living by God's word.

I spoke about this in another thread but after a long talk with my pastor I came to understand that being repentant does not mean you would take it back if you could. My daughter is a blessing, and I can not honestly say "I wish I haden't divorced my ex" because that would mean I would not be with the wonderful woman I am now and it would also mean my daughter would not exist.

What I can honestly say is "God, I now realize that what I did was wrong. I also understand that I can't change it now. What I can do is promise never to make that mistake again. Please forgive me Lord and bless my new marriage. I was not faithful enough to keep my promise to my first wife, but I will honor this commitment."

God wanted me to honor my first commitment. I let Him down, but through His grace I am forgiven.





No offense at all. She and I have spoken at length about it. She knows that I committed a sin. She knows that I regret all of the sins I have committed. She also knows that I accept that I can't go back (nor do I want to). When Christ was brought an adulterous woman He did not command her to make up for her past sins, nor did He punish her. He just told her to go, and "sin no more". Grace means we are forgiven.

She has known me for 3 years and she has seen the impact Christ has had in my life recently. I think she feels better knowing that I regret it, because it means I will not let it happen again.

Maybe she will answer for herself, she psts here too .


I can honestly say that IF I were in a right place with God then I never would have divorced her for the reasons I did.

That does not mean I WOULD go back if I could. I can not negate the things that have happened in my life since the divorce. I fell in Love, had a child, and I have made a comitment to another woman. I can not break that new comitment in order to honor one that was already broken.

I regret my actions, and I wont make the same mistakes again. At the same time I would not take them back. God does not expect me to. God wants me to honor my current comitment.


Just another example:

Our daugher was conceived because we sinned (we are not married). I have asked forgiveness for that sin and we are sinning no more. Does this mean I have to wish I never comitted the sin? That would mean my daugher never existed. I will never say anything that can be taken to mean I wish she was not born. Never. We can be repentant without wanting to take the actions back.

The sin is done, God has forgiven me.

Sorry to de-rail your thread. Let me put it this way:

If, for some reason, my new wife began lying to me and it was as bad as it was with my ex I would separate from her. I would do everything possible to save the marriage. If it couldn't be saved then I would remain separated from her until we could fix things. Eventually one of 2 things would happen:

1. We would resolve the situation
2. She would divorce me.

Either way I would do everything I could to honor my word.

I guess another issue to ponder is the definition of "unfaithfulness".

I looked it up on the dictionary and it has the following meanings:

1.Not adhering to promises, obligations, or allegiances; disloyal.

2.Not true or constant to one's sexual partner. Not true to one's spouse; guilty of adultery. Not justly representing or reflecting the original; inaccurate.

...Hence faithfulness in marriage is more than sex.

May I just add a little more about my situation...

I have a 12 week old son from my husband. When I am 36 weeks pregnant I find out I have clamydia. I am told there is a chance that my husband could have passed this on to me before 7 years ago when we first became intimate as it is a silent disease and often has no symptoms and can live in one's system for a long time undetected, hence I cannot assume that he has been unfaithful sexually, as I say, he claims he has been sexually faithfull, however he has lied about many other issues, hence I guess I will never know.

When I am in hospital having the baby, my midwife (midwives deliver babies in my country) acts strangely towards my husband. Two days later she claims that my husband touched her in an inappropriate way during the delivery, she claims he put both hands on her hips, ran one hand down her thigh and cupped her bottom. Of course my husband denies these allegations, just as he has denied the monies going missing etc. He claims that it was dark, in the delivery suite, and he bumped into her by mistake, he pushed himself away but did not touch her below her waste. I tend to believe the midwife who has been in midwifery for over 20 years and stresses that nothing like that has happened to her in her profession.

My husband is unreliable, unstable, dishonest and I want a better life for myself and my son. I don't believe a kind loving God would want me to live with him for the rest of my life.

Interesting point. I never thought of it in that manner. I find it interesting that Christ gave "marital unfaithfulness" as grounds for divorce when he could have said "adultery"

I wonder why the distinction.....

1)Both claim to be Christian, the husband becomes physically abusive, thereby putting his wife in danger. Is she obliged to stay married to him?

No

2)Both are Christian, husband gets alziemers early in life, it gets so bad he doesnt know who his wife is, is she required to stay faithful to him for another 10 years when he doesnt recognise her? or is she able to find Christian love in another partner?

Would this be the sickness part of "In sickness and in health"?

3)Both claim to be Christian, wife doesn't want to give her husband sex, they married as virgins but she just doesn't enjoy sex with her husband. What are husbands options?

Good question. I almost got divorced over this, but then something happened to my wife and I.

I married a man, we were/are both Christians, one day he told me he had spent all our money, he couldn't or wouldn't get a job despite being physically able, I supported him for 7 years as he now has no money at all, he lies to me continually about financial matters, so much so that my trust in him is completely destroyed...not sure on the faithfulness front although he claims to have been faithful and wants me back. I don't want this, understandably. I want to believe that one day I may meet someone special and remarry.

That's a hard place to be in. The grass may be greener, but statistically it's not. That said, what would I do? Well, are you members of a church?

__________________
Some people have enough dust on their Bibles to write "Damnation" on it.

I would suggest counseling before you make any moves, it seems as though your husband has a serious problem, which could possibly be helped through counseling. I would suggest not making any rash decisions. Marriage is a covenant and you shouldn't be willing to let it go without a fight.

__________________

Ephesians 2:8-9

"Because it is by grace that you have been saved, through faith; not by anything of your own, but by a gift from God; not by anything that you have done, so that nobody can claim the credit."

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Jilly Bean
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