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  #1  
Unread 26th October 2013, 09:30 AM
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being single and pornagraphy

Hi,

I have recently decided to accept jesus into my life, but I still have a lot of issues. Currently, I cannot find employment or make a living and also still single.

I am a 28 year old virgin and have never ever had a relationship or a woman in my life. This has caused me to become heavily addicted to pornography over the years. I also know that I am ugly and disgusting and will never be able to get married. I say that i am disgusting because my hands are always cold and sweaty and i have an ugly face. Also, women are just not interested in me.

What am I to do about this? I don't want to displease god but i cannot deal with being alone and dieing a kissless virgin. I need my pornography to ease the pain. I tried praying to god to help me resist, but I just can't. Is there any hope for me? I feel so miserable when I see happy christian couples.
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  #2  
Unread 26th October 2013, 10:30 AM
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Originally Posted by mykim View Post
Hi,

I have recently decided to accept jesus into my life, but I still have a lot of issues. Currently, I cannot find employment or make a living and also still single.

I am a 28 year old virgin and have never ever had a relationship or a woman in my life. This has caused me to become heavily addicted to pornography over the years. I also know that I am ugly and disgusting and will never be able to get married. I say that i am disgusting because my hands are always cold and sweaty and i have an ugly face. Also, women are just not interested in me.

What am I to do about this? I don't want to displease god but i cannot deal with being alone and dieing a kissless virgin. I need my pornography to ease the pain. I tried praying to god to help me resist, but I just can't. Is there any hope for me? I feel so miserable when I see happy christian couples.
what pleases God is when people believe Him in spite of all the things that would say that He is wrong. what displeases God is when people choose to not believe Him about something they understand that He has said. your wrong thoughts and actions are not a problem for God because He has dealt with all wrong thoughts and actions through Jesus; not believing that (if you understand it) will separate you from His already-available changing power.

a wife, children, health, prosperity - all these things are fruits of the root of right relationship with God; one that is rooted entirely on faith in His love and grace toward us and independent of our own performance, good or bad.

when you reach the end of yourself, when you realize that you can't make the right decisions to receive all the good things God has given you, when you realize that you need direction from Him on every thing you think and do, you are ready for spiritual rebirth. once you receive spiritual rebirth, you become a new creature - old things pass away and all things become new.

your face will look the same after you receive spiritual rebirth, but as you learn to yield your decisions to God and allow the selfless love of God to flow through you to others, they will see the beauty of His love instead of your physical features. look around - there are plenty of couples where one spouse is good looking and the other is not, or where both lack physical beauty according to the world's shallow standard.

Mat 6:31-34 KJV
(31) Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?
(32) (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek: ) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.
(33) But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
(34) Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.


when you seek God first place in your life, when knowing Him becomes the most important thing to you, when you strive to hear His direction and follow it, you will begin to intersect with His already-available blessings.

this should help:

The New You & The Holy Spirit - Andrew Wommack Ministries

You've Already Got It - Audio Teaching - Andrew Wommack Ministries

Truth Or Tradition | Faith Life Church - Branson, MO

Spirit Led Life | Moore Life Ministries - Branson, MO

Spirit Led Life 2 | Moore Life Ministries - Branson, MO
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Joh 17:3 KJV And this is life eternal, that they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent.

i don't always stay current with threads i post to, so feel free to PM me
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  #3  
Unread 26th October 2013, 11:55 AM
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Hi,

I have recently decided to accept jesus into my life, but I still have a lot of issues. Currently, I cannot find employment or make a living and also still single.

I am a 28 year old virgin and have never ever had a relationship or a woman in my life. This has caused me to become heavily addicted to pornography over the years.
I see. So, it's not your fault but the fault of your situation that you're addicted to pornography? Really? Your situation is forcing you to sin? Is this what you're thinking?

I also know that I am ugly and disgusting and will never be able to get married. I say that i am disgusting because my hands are always cold and sweaty and i have an ugly face. Also, women are just not interested in me.
Well, so long as you think this way about yourself, you can be sure you never will attract a woman. Ugliness is as much or more a state of mind as it is a matter of appearance. Women see that you think yourself to be ugly and they steer clear of you. Who wants to be involved with a guy with such insecurity about himself? Maybe its time you stopped grousing about your looks and began to work on making yourself in your character a person who is attractive. A good place to start would be to stop looking at porn.

What am I to do about this? I don't want to displease god but i cannot deal with being alone and dieing a kissless virgin.
Yes, you can. You may not want to die without having kissed a woman and you may not relish the idea of being alone but living this way is not impossible. I suspect you tell yourself it is in order to justify looking at porn.

I need my pornography to ease the pain.
Baloney. This is a lot of rot, quite frankly. And the longer you tell yourself such lies, the longer you will be bound under the destructive power of them. And make no mistake: pornography destroys. It ruins marriages, and trust, and love, and joy, and purity, and integrity. It fouls the heart and warps the mind. It makes sexuality into something dark, perverted and low. Pornography will, in the end, increase your pain rather than ease it!

I tried praying to god to help me resist, but I just can't. Is there any hope for me?
Yes, of course there is. The first thing to do, though, is to make sure you're actually a born-again child of God? Are you?

Selah.
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  #4  
Unread 26th October 2013, 11:58 AM
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Post this in the prayer section.
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  #5  
Unread 26th October 2013, 12:46 PM
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I see. So, it's not your fault but the fault of your situation that you're addicted to pornography? Really? Your situation is forcing you to sin? Is this what you're thinking?
It's the only thing i look forward to. My life is pretty awful. I have no career, no friends, no health, and bad genetics,



Well, so long as you think this way about yourself, you can be sure you never will attract a woman. Ugliness is as much or more a state of mind as it is a matter of appearance. Women see that you think yourself to be ugly and they steer clear of you. Who wants to be involved with a guy with such insecurity about himself? Maybe its time you stopped grousing about your looks and began to work on making yourself in your character a person who is attractive. A good place to start would be to stop looking at porn.
How would women know that I think that I am ugly? I carry myself normally when in public. Just saying that women have never taken an interest in me.





Baloney. This is a lot of rot, quite frankly. And the longer you tell yourself such lies, the longer you will be bound under the destructive power of them. And make no mistake: pornography destroys. It ruins marriages, and trust, and love, and joy, and purity, and integrity. It fouls the heart and warps the mind. It makes sexuality into something dark, perverted and low. Pornography will, in the end, increase your pain rather than ease it!
Its the only thing i got. I don't have anything good or any meaning in my life. It's like drugs. In my case, I am addicted to it and need it to get by.

Yes, you can. You may not want to die without having kissed a woman and you may not relish the idea of being alone but living this way is not impossible. I suspect you tell yourself it is in order to justify looking at porn.
I don't want to die a kissless virgin. Even if it was possible to live like a lonely virgin, the idea of living the rest of my life like a christian monk is extremely unappealing. The thought of paying an escort to lose my virginity is always on my mind.

Yes, of course there is. The first thing to do, though, is to make sure you're actually a born-again child of God? Are you?
I did accept jesus christ as my savior and know that he is the lord, died for our sins, and was resurrected. It's just that my life is so awful, and I wish i was dead.
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  #6  
Unread 26th October 2013, 02:35 PM
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I see. So, it's not your fault but the fault of your situation that you're addicted to pornography? Really? Your situation is forcing you to sin? Is this what you're thinking?
It's the only thing i look forward to. My life is pretty awful. I have no career, no friends, no health, and bad genetics,
WHat about your relationship with God? Why isn't He the thing you look forward to? Do you think fellowship with God can't be fulfilling? If so, what does that say about what you think of God?

I used to be a really serious loner. My high school years were a misery because of my reclusive behaviour. But, you know, the problem wasn't every body else; the problem was me. When I stopped hating myself and put an effort into making friends I found people were quite happy to be my friend. My Dad often quoted this verse to me when I was a kid:

Proverbs 18:24
24A man who has friends must himself be friendly...

You reap what you sow. If you want friends, you must yourself be friendly.

How would women know that I think that I am ugly? I carry myself normally when in public. Just saying that women have never taken an interest in me.
Oh, it shows. I had a friend much like you. He also was caught up in porn. He had no awareness of the desperate, lonely vibe he was sending out. He also seemed oblivious to the way he looked at women because of his porn addiction. He had no idea that his head appeared to be on a swivel, trying to observe every woman in his vicinity, and that he undressed every women with his eyes. Most women sensed very clearly his unhappiness and desperate desire to be with a woman; and they certainly didn't appreciate his roving, lustful eyes. As I said, though, he was totally unaware of the effect his unhappiness with himself and his porn addiction were having on him. I wonder if this might not be the case with you, too.


Its the only thing i got. I don't have anything good or any meaning in my life. It's like drugs. In my case, I am addicted to it and need it to get by.
So, what is God, then? Chopped liver? Cheese mold? How can any Christian who knows and loves God ever say they haven't anything good or meaningful in their life? What could be better or more meaningful than the Creator of the universe?

Just because you are addicted to porn doesn't mean you need it to get by. That is a flat-out lie. You keep telling yourself this lie and sooner or later it will destroy you.

I don't want to die a kissless virgin. Even if it was possible to live like a lonely virgin, the idea of living the rest of my life like a christian monk is extremely unappealing.
Living without a romantic relationship with a woman is not living "like a Christian monk." And as I said, the chances of you meeting a lovely woman and marrying her are going to be much greater when you stop looking at porn and start working on making yourself a guy worth marrying.

The thought of paying an escort to lose my virginity is always on my mind.
And you can bet people see such thoughts in the set of your face. What woman is going to want to get know a guy in whose mind such lewd, low thoughts are constantly running?

I did accept jesus christ as my savior and know that he is the lord, died for our sins, and was resurrected. It's just that my life is so awful, and I wish i was dead.
Giving intellectual assent to the facts doesn't constitute salvation. Quite frankly, if the Spirit of the Almighty Creator of the Universe was living inside you as the Bible says He does in all those who are truly saved, you would not be thinking or behaving as you are. When you enter into genuine fellowship with God, the kind of sinful conduct you're into would be a torment for you, not a need.

I get that you think your life sucks. But God says that life with Him is an abundant life, a joyful life, a contented life. Why don't you have this sort of experience of God? Is God lying? Or do you need, perhaps, to consider the genuineness of your relationship with God? The answer to all your unhappiness, you see, is found in knowing and loving God.

Selah.
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  #7  
Unread 26th October 2013, 02:58 PM
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Originally Posted by mykim View Post
Hi,

I have recently decided to accept jesus into my life, but I still have a lot of issues. Currently, I cannot find employment or make a living and also still single.

I am a 28 year old virgin and have never ever had a relationship or a woman in my life. This has caused me to become heavily addicted to pornography over the years. I also know that I am ugly and disgusting and will never be able to get married. I say that i am disgusting because my hands are always cold and sweaty and i have an ugly face. Also, women are just not interested in me.

What am I to do about this? I don't want to displease god but i cannot deal with being alone and dieing a kissless virgin. I need my pornography to ease the pain. I tried praying to god to help me resist, but I just can't. Is there any hope for me? I feel so miserable when I see happy christian couples.

Diet. Start to work out. Start to care about your appearance.

Women go with all sorts of men, what is in the heart matters, and your physical appearance will eventually change, anyway.

In God, you can be healed from any physical appearance problems. You need to become hungry and thirsty.


Porn is training you towards a bad direction.

Sex is not evil, but core to our selves, but sitting around feeding on candy for twenty years is not healthy.

Go to church in the light of day and confess these failings with people.


You can find someone, but you will NEVER have a real relationship if you keep on this.


Spiritual porn is something else, but Holy, and you do not know about that yet.
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  #8  
Unread 26th October 2013, 03:20 PM
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You say you need you need pornography to ease you pain this is idol worship, you need to decide whom you will serve God or porn.
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  #9  
Unread 26th October 2013, 04:04 PM
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WHat about your relationship with God? Why isn't He the thing you look forward to? Do you think fellowship with God can't be fulfilling? If so, what does that say about what you think of God?

I used to be a really serious loner. My high school years were a misery because of my reclusive behaviour. But, you know, the problem wasn't every body else; the problem was me. When I stopped hating myself and put an effort into making friends I found people were quite happy to be my friend. My Dad often quoted this verse to me when I was a kid:

Proverbs 18:24
24A man who has friends must himself be friendly...

You reap what you sow. If you want friends, you must yourself be friendly.
my trust in god is really weak. i just don't think he has plans for me and that i am just a mistake who should have never been born.

I think i am a friendly person. I am not rude and try to be polite as possible around people. It is just that i feel uncomfortable around them because I really hate shaking hands. I suffer from cold clammy hands so it is really difficult to greet people.



Oh, it shows. I had a friend much like you. He also was caught up in porn. He had no awareness of the desperate, lonely vibe he was sending out. He also seemed oblivious to the way he looked at women because of his porn addiction. He had no idea that his head appeared to be on a swivel, trying to observe every woman in his vicinity, and that he undressed every women with his eyes. Most women sensed very clearly his unhappiness and desperate desire to be with a woman; and they certainly didn't appreciate his roving, lustful eyes. As I said, though, he was totally unaware of the effect his unhappiness with himself and his porn addiction were having on him. I wonder if this might not be the case with you, too.
I don't even talk to women so i guess it does not matter to me anyway.




So, what is God, then? Chopped liver? Cheese mold? How can any Christian who knows and loves God ever say they haven't anything good or meaningful in their life? What could be better or more meaningful than the Creator of the universe?
The only good thing in my life is my aunt, who is too loving. But I really hate that i am a burden on her. She want to retire soon. She prays for me but i still feel hopeless.

Just because you are addicted to porn doesn't mean you need it to get by. That is a flat-out lie. You keep telling yourself this lie and sooner or later it will destroy you.
yes i need help to break this addiction. I will attend a christian support group to see if i can be helped at all.



Living without a romantic relationship with a woman is not living "like a Christian monk." And as I said, the chances of you meeting a lovely woman and marrying her are going to be much greater when you stop looking at porn and start working on making yourself a guy worth marrying.
The problem is that i will never be a worthy bachelor. I can't make a living because I most likely partially mentally disabled. It's like my brain is defective in some way. Even if i manage to get work, i never last long on the job.






Giving intellectual assent to the facts doesn't constitute salvation. Quite frankly, if the Spirit of the Almighty Creator of the Universe was living inside you as the Bible says He does in all those who are truly saved, you would not be thinking or behaving as you are. When you enter into genuine fellowship with God, the kind of sinful conduct you're into would be a torment for you, not a need.
i guess i am a hopeless case then. don't want to go to hell because my life seems like a living hell.

I get that you think your life sucks. But God says that life with Him is an abundant life, a joyful life, a contented life. Why don't you have this sort of experience of God? Is God lying? Or do you need, perhaps, to consider the genuineness of your relationship with God? The answer to all your unhappiness, you see, is found in knowing and loving God.
I wish i could experience that same happiness Christians have. Being a loser in every way is extremely detrimental to getting closer to god.

Last edited by mykim; 26th October 2013 at 04:12 PM.
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  #10  
Unread 26th October 2013, 04:10 PM
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Originally Posted by David Sylvian View Post
Diet. Start to work out. Start to care about your appearance.

Women go with all sorts of men, what is in the heart matters, and your physical appearance will eventually change, anyway.

In God, you can be healed from any physical appearance problems. You need to become hungry and thirsty.


Porn is training you towards a bad direction.

Sex is not evil, but core to our selves, but sitting around feeding on candy for twenty years is not healthy.

Go to church in the light of day and confess these failings with people.


You can find someone, but you will NEVER have a real relationship if you keep on this.


Spiritual porn is something else, but Holy, and you do not know about that yet.
I am actually in decent shape because i workout regularly. My face and hands are disgusting though. I got bad skin due to awful genetics and my hands are always cold and sweaty. Also, I suspect that my hair is starting to thin so that just puts more salt in my wounds. So i cant help but hate myself.

I will seek help at church. I am pretty sure I can't find someone in my current state. Jobless, asian, ugly, and disgusting. What woman would like a guy like me.

Originally Posted by Caron123 View Post
You say you need you need pornography to ease you pain this is idol worship, you need to decide whom you will serve God or porn.
I do realize this and i am conflicted. I want to be saved but my living situation is so hopeless and pathetic. The problem is definitely my lack of faith. also, the fact that my mother is more devout but does not seem to get blessed just cements my weak faith.

Last edited by mykim; 26th October 2013 at 04:19 PM.
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