I am devastated. I was deliberately attacked and hurt by those who call themselves Christians. I am stunned, shaken, angry, in disbelief, and like I was smeared all over the street. I stood up for what I believe to be right. Yet I was persecuted and torn to pieces. It doesn't make any sense. It's not right. It's like these 'Christians' were taken over by aliens. Like one of those films where everyone has been taken over and you're the only one left who hasn't been invaded yet.
Good grief. I gotta pray, but here I sit, frozen.
*sigh*
Last edited by brinny; 28th August 2004 at 01:13 PM.
My friend seems to have been taken over by aliens. He sympathizes with the ones who enjoyed squashing me and wants me to just let it go. I guess I didn't really know him.
I must have it. Truth. Even if the gates of hell war against me to attempt to silence me, or turn everyone against me. I must seek it. I must find it. I must cling tight to it.
I'm going to be leaving for church soon. Funny thing, I've never been one for old time gospel, but as I watched on public tv this morning, Ray Boltz came on and sang about laying all of our burdens down. I just broke down. God revealed to me how I was weighing myself down with unforgiveness towards those that hurt me. I'm going to let them know I forgive them. Then I'm going to move on.
Ray Boltz. God bless him for allowing the Holy Spirit to minister through him.
Don't that beat all? You'll never guess what the sermon was about.....give up? It was about God's glory. His kindness, mercy, compassion, tender mercies, loving kindness, His goodness, and His forgiveness. Forgiveness!
Forgiveness!! Whoa! Suddenly I hear the refrain from the song from 'The Color purple'...you know, this one..."God is tryin' to tell you sumthin'..God is tryin' to tell you sumthin'.....right now"....
It confirmed for me what God laid on my heart already to do.....forgive those who hurt me. It amazes me, God's grace as He enables us to do what we wouldn't dream of doing in our own strength.
Yes I did! Glory be halleluia!! I sent emails to those that had email addresses. I just told them that God ministered to me and enabled me to do something I could not do in my own strength....forgive them.
Whewwhee!
Reminder to self......write in here about how God enabled me to forgive my mom before she died. Man, how did He do that? That was a miracle. No wonder I love him so much!
Steven Curtis Chapman....and that song....is it called 'Be Still'? It's on now. Based on one of my favorite Bible verses 'Be still and know that I am God'.
"Come rest your head upon His breast..listen to the rhythm of His unfailing heart of love..beating for His little ones...."
It used to be so hard for me to 'be still'....just 'bout nearly impossible. Reminds me of how a 'horse whisperer' is with a horse that's 'spooked', the way He's been with me. He knows how to 'quiet' me. I'm finally trusting Him..after all this time....
I'm learning how to 'be still'.
Last edited by brinny; 12th February 2005 at 05:45 PM.
I almost died. It was the winter of 2002. Thought I’d surely die from the coughing. Had to sleep sitting up. The sickness jolted me from my fury with God.
Yes I said it. I was furious with God. I hated Him and I told Him so. I had lost my job, I was in serious debt, I was alone, I didn’t know how I was gonna pay the mortgage. What would happen if I lost my house. No, I’m not going with family….I’d rather die first….
Then I got sick. I got sicker. I couldn’t eat or drink without spasms of coughing that literally took my breath away. Jarring me out of my rage with God was fear. Was I going to die? Like this? I was just going to lay here helpless until the inevitable happened? Was this it?
To distract myself I turned on the tv. Every morning I warched these programs that hammered on about God's mercy, grace, and His love for us. The one I became riveted to was about children and their needs for clean water, food, and medical supplies. They were dying. Somehow, it touched me. I cared more about those children living than about my outrage with God and my own fear of dying.
God can be aggravating that way. He rips my job and all its underpinnings from me, my independence, my 'identity', my self-sufficiency, shakes me and scares me to my very core with illness, and then wallops me in my brokenness with a heaping helping of heart-wrenching 'caring' about these children.
He knocks me flat to get my attention. And He did. He reminds me that He's bigger than me. And He is. He revealed to me that I have a future and a hope. And I do.
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