My marriage needs help!

Familyman -- Ignore me if I'm off the wall, but is it possible that she is suffering from post partum depression? I can say from experience that PPD is terribly hard on a new marriage. Feel free to PM me if you need some resources.

As far as your issues -- we've never had counselling as a couple, but DH and I found it *extremely* helpful to lay down a handful of ground-rules for fair fighting. Things improved dramatically after we both made an effort at respecting the "rules" we came up with together. Arguing and confonting, when its done fairly, can be productive and lead to growth in a marriage. Instead of "don't fight," maybe you should strive for "fight fair," so that you can get somewhere with all your issues.

Some of the rules included "no name calling what-so-ever." Using "I" statements instead of accusations. (Example: "I feel angry," intsead of "You tick me off.") What else? Oh -- No dredging up past sins that we have already forgiven each other for. Not that they are taboo, but they are not fair ammunition in a fight, KWIM? And respecting the good intentions of the other person, even if their words don't come accross articulately the first time.

I will pray for you 3.

Congrats on the baby, BTW. A baby is hard, but always a blessing!

evening mist:


That is BRILLIANT!


I wish I had not given all my blessings away I would give more to you. A rules treaty is so amazingly brilliant!

I am going to talk about this with my fiance`.

Thank you for such a great idea!

P3nguin1 - - May your early years together be more peaceful than ours were! LOL.

We have talked about such an agreement, and even dicussed what things shouldn't be said. We just haven't been able to keep to those rules. That was quite awhile ago, though... We may try that again.

She is experiancing a little PPD, but since I've seen these issues before, I can't blame that as the cause. I'm sure that our arguements make her PPD much worse (which I don't want).

Try not to take that on yourself. This isn't somebody's "fault." You really can't get anywhere thinking like that. Instead, try to think in terms of problem solving.

If you think PPD might be playing a role, the best advice I can give is to do everything within your power to simplify her life. Cook meals, do the dishes,buy healthy, simple, prepared foods and keep them around the house to ensure that she eats well. If she is a SAHM, make sure she has transportation available on a regular basis to get out and change scenery. Encourage her take walks, even if it means bundling up with her and the baby and walking at night together. And she should see a doctor or midwife as well.

That first baby is really a world rocker. The impact it has on your life is similar in impact to loosing a loved one. It is confusing, because you expect having a child to be a joyfull thing -- and it really is!!! But it also has an impact, and it can be shocking, overwhelming, etc. Maybe this doesn't help, because obviously you realize it -- but just keeping telling yourself that some of this is normal. At least some of what you are going through is an experience that a lot (maybe all) new parents share, and it passes!

My wife used to get angry and fuss a lot. Finally I caught on to something to quell her temper. When she would flip out I would say in a calm voice, "Maria, you sound furious. What's wrong?" This usually diffuses the situation for me, hope it helps you too.

Counseling. She's got some emotional damage she needs to work through. This damage is going to continually wreck her life until she deals with it and moves past it. On top of that you both are young and dealing with growing up.
So you've got a mighty hill to climb, but you can get through it if you both choose to.
WHether she was married or not she needs counseling though.
Maybe some marriage counseling for the two of you as well.
Good luck.