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  #1  
Old 17th November 2012, 12:21 PM
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Kiss Inappropriate to be alone?

My fiance and I got into a discussion, it was in reference to him taking a women friend home. From my perspective, as a great women of faith. Not that I don't trust either of them.

I don't feel a Christian man should be taking a Christian women home alone. I feel that someone else should be present or that a Christian women should be taking her home. Am I wrong for thinking this?

I feel it is just inappropriate. For both their sakes....

Please give me your thoughts?
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  #2  
Old 17th November 2012, 12:39 PM
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Taking a women home?..... I wouldn't unless i knew the person well and yes maybe they should have someone present because it just opens the doors for the "what ifs..." its not a matter of trusting, its a matter of respect for each other i guess... also nieghbors or someone see that happens, things can soon turn into something harmless as that to something that blown way out of proportion.... that my opinion anyways
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Old 17th November 2012, 11:56 PM
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Thanks it was a great reply!
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  #4  
Old 18th November 2012, 06:25 PM
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sounds like somebody's got a case of the mondays

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Even if it's not a temptation issue, it's still inappropriate. And for that matter, not just in taking her to his home, but being alone with any woman (other than his mother, sister, etc.) for an extended period of time, period. And that's whether he is married, engaged, whatever. Further, you two should not be spending time alone together in his home either. Both for how it looks to others, and for the obvious issue of temptation. I don't say that from some high-horse position. When I was engaged, we did spend way too much time alone and constantly battled temptation. In hindsight we did not act as we should have. It's not a good way to go. Better to spend time together in public places and/or with friends and family.

Another example: a couple of years ago I had to take a long trip to attend a course, and a family friend was attending as well, so he drove us there. It was, of course on the up and up, but we both realized along the way how odd and uncomfortable it was. On the trip back he saw one of his neighbours and realized he now needed to explain to her why he was on this trip with another woman, and that was not even an "alone" situation. These things do matter, and we should be aware of them.

The music director at my church cancels practice on days when everyone calls in sick except for one of the women. He won't be alone in the building with just another woman. It's not that he's afraid he will stumble, it's just inappropriate and could start any number of rumors, etc. Same when any of us women are leaving his Bible study if his wife is not there. If I stay late to continue a discussion, I stand outside the door so we're not inside alone together.
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  #5  
Old 19th November 2012, 11:19 AM
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If the two of them have no ungodly intentions, I don't see a problem with it.
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  #6  
Old 19th November 2012, 06:45 PM
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Hello


In 1 Thessalonians 5:22 the bible says to avoid even the appearance of evil. No matter if something is innocent and pure, if it can be seen as something inappropriate then it should not be done.

IMO this is a safety mechanism to avoid allegations and gossip. Just as desmalia said.

Mud sticks. There are some allegations that will hang over your heard for a long time, even if found to be untrue.

Amen
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Old 19th November 2012, 07:12 PM
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It probabaly isn't the wisest idea, unless this woman is close to both you and your husband for instance we have a lot of couple friends and a short ride home or whatever, I don't think there would need to be any concern. If it was a one time kind of think I also don't think it wise but not something to worry about, if it became a regular thing that would be something that would raise some red flags
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  #8  
Old 19th November 2012, 07:39 PM
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This is an interesting question, the answer of which can be incredibly malleable depending on your own personal value system and background.

I'll explain.

I was born and raised in a conservative Christian environment, and my mom's parents were raised in an even MORE Fundamentalist environment (KJV was the only true Bible, etc).

In this environment, it would be frowned upon for an unmarried man and woman to spend time alone. But the question is why not?

The Israelites were given 613 rules to live by. Pretty specific guidelines, I would say. But Jesus came to fulfill the law, that is, to say "Look, here's the key.... Love God and love people. That's the gospel."

Being sticklers for rules just because you feel like "God said so" is silly. Should an an unmarried man and woman have an affair? NO WAY! That's the point. Should they spend time alone together? It depends on their character, motive, and strength under temptation.

I left the confides of dogma and "churchianity" to explore, for me, a more meaningful relationship with my Creator and his will for my life, and a lot of these questions began to answer themselves. The more I learned about myself, the more I understood what rules I needed to have in place for myself and what rules I could throw out.

I am now in a serious relationship with a very liberal woman who was not raised with religion, and yet she has impeccable morals. I would generally not find myself spending great amounts of time alone with other women, mostly for two reasons: 1) respect for my own intimate relationship with my girlfriend, and 2) because I'd rather spend time with the one I love. But would I give someone a ride home if the circumstances warranted it? Of course not. I am not afraid that I will somehow act inappropriately, and my girlfriend certainly would share my feeling.

I hope you resolve this issue soon, and trust in your own intuition on the issue. The bottom line is that this is an issue of motive and intention above all else. Best to you and your husband.

Last edited by Wagonmaker; 24th November 2012 at 02:26 PM. Reason: I gave an incorrect number of Israel's laws as 633.
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  #9  
Old 22nd November 2012, 09:26 AM
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Definitely inappropriate. I won't even touch a woman unless I know her (my wife, a friend or one of my fellow church-goers here) or if I have to (shaking hands) etc.
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Old 22nd November 2012, 01:07 PM
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Originally Posted by mcuestas View Post
My fiance and I got into a discussion, it was in reference to him taking a women friend home. From my perspective, as a great women of faith. Not that I don't trust either of them.

I don't feel a Christian man should be taking a Christian women home alone. I feel that someone else should be present or that a Christian women should be taking her home. Am I wrong for thinking this?

I feel it is just inappropriate. For both their sakes....

Please give me your thoughts?
This, right here, is one of the many problems of America's puritan heritage.
It has its upsides, too, but the downsides more than outweigh them.

If you can't be alone with someone of the opposite gender without trying to sleep with them, then you have got some serious problems. Nuff said.

Originally Posted by Purge187 View Post
If the two of them have no ungodly intentions, I don't see a problem with it.
THIS!!!

Originally Posted by lismore View Post
snip
All of this can be boiled down to:
"Some people will gossip, so you shouldn't.". Well, using that logic, we can forbid everything: You shouldn't drive a car, because some people might say that they saw you speeding, and no matter if it's true or not, the accusation is there.
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