Situation with a Church Leader

Beccafly · #1 25th October 2012, 09:08 PM

I have an odd situation with another leader on my church's leadership. I shared a house with the leader for almost a year and it was a nightmare. She is the messiest person ever, was disrespectful, lazy and immature. She also caused damages to the place and she never paid deposit, so the other girl and I had to pay for the damages, not her (I submitted it in writing, but $150 out of a $300 deposit isn't worth a court case). When I was getting my stuff to move out, she left a lot of her stuff and told me I needed to clean it up and called me in the middle of the night demanding I bring her a spare key.

She also took some of my stuff, including some mixing bowls of my moms. She damaged a book (gift from parents) and promsied to give it back. She never did. It meant a lot to me and the book would cost $14 to replace. In total she has about $20 worth of other stuff.

I'm on leadership in my church now and so is she. I cannot work with her because of the heartache she's caused me. I emailed her asking her to give me my stuff back and told her I'd meet her wherever. She's been online and posting, so I know she's seen the message, she's choosing to ignore it. I don't want to let it slide, since she has my moms stuff (took without saying anything). Would it be inappropriate to ask my pastor (who oversees) to mediate? I don't know if I want to even be on leadership anymore...

tbogunro · #2 25th October 2012, 09:30 PM

Originally Posted by Beccafly

I have an odd situation with another leader on my church's leadership. I shared a house with the leader for almost a year and it was a nightmare. She is the messiest person ever, was disrespectful, lazy and immature. She also caused damages to the place and she never paid deposit, so the other girl and I had to pay for the damages, not her (I submitted it in writing, but $150 out of a $300 deposit isn't worth a court case). When I was getting my stuff to move out, she left a lot of her stuff and told me I needed to clean it up and called me in the middle of the night demanding I bring her a spare key.

She also took some of my stuff, including some mixing bowls of my moms. She damaged a book (gift from parents) and promsied to give it back. She never did. It meant a lot to me and the book would cost $14 to replace. In total she has about $20 worth of other stuff.

I'm on leadership in my church now and so is she. I cannot work with her because of the heartache she's caused me. I emailed her asking her to give me my stuff back and told her I'd meet her wherever. She's been online and posting, so I know she's seen the message, she's choosing to ignore it. I don't want to let it slide, since she has my moms stuff (took without saying anything). Would it be inappropriate to ask my pastor (who oversees) to mediate? I don't know if I want to even be on leadership anymore...

Lol you or the church can say she's in leadership all you want, but to be a leader means to be a SERVANT, which Jesus led by example. As brothers and sisters in christ it's obvious she is putting herself 1st. So keep loving her, and speak to her in person but 1st ask God to soften her heart. If you feel uncomfortable speaking to her then ask the pastor, but don't let the devil use her to get you out of leadership bcuz honestly it's about YOU and devil trying to stop your progress by using her. Don't worry God's got this and go get your stuff back!

hedrick · #3 25th October 2012, 10:02 PM

There's a Biblical process for this. Talk to her. If she doesn't respond, bring someone else in to help. In your situation the pastor seems like a good person to do that.

tbogunro · #4 25th October 2012, 10:12 PM

Originally Posted by hedrick

There's a Biblical process for this. Talk to her. If she doesn't respond, bring someone else in to help. In your situation the pastor seems like a good person to do that.

Lol here is the Biblical process:

Matthew 18:15-17

“If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses. If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church. Then if he or she won’t accept the church’s decision, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector.

BFine · #5 25th October 2012, 10:31 PM

Agreeing with the other posters above--describing the process/applying Matthew 18:15-17.

What type of leadership role(s) are the two of you in at church?

You can't change her but you can change how you react to her, the first thing to
do is apply forgiveness in this situation and show agape towards her.

It's so true, you lead by example...set a better example, don't resort to pettiness or
repay evil for evil. If you have done that, apologize!

Sorry-- but I don't think using an online social network is appropriate for airing "dirty laundry" or spats...talk to the person you are having problems with(all of your friends etc. don't need to know everything.) If you can't get any where talking to her one on one
then take the matter before the minister.

achristian2 · #6 25th October 2012, 11:27 PM

Originally Posted by BFine

Sorry-- but I don't think using an online social network is appropriate for airing "dirty laundry" or spats...talk to the person you are having problems with(all of your friends etc. don't need to know everything.) If you can't get any where talking to her one on one
then take the matter before the minister.

Well, I'm not the OP. I do however want to say something. Sometimes a person has no others for which they can seek advise from and so have to ask for advise on a forum etc. Also, sometimes a person will want advise from more than 1 person so she can make a better decision. As long as the person does not name the person or the church in a social network, I should think its ok. Thus, we have to think of this aspect also.

I don't see anything wrong with what the OP is doing. She's asking for advise, not trying to pull a person down. And we do not know who the person is or the church either.

BFine · #7 26th October 2012, 12:05 AM

Im

bsd31 · #8 26th October 2012, 12:17 AM

Originally Posted by tbogunro

Lol you or the church can say she's in leadership all you want, but to be a leader means to be a SERVANT, which Jesus led by example. As brothers and sisters in christ it's obvious she is putting herself 1st. So keep loving her, and speak to her in person but 1st ask God to soften her heart. If you feel uncomfortable speaking to her then ask the pastor, but don't let the devil use her to get you out of leadership bcuz honestly it's about YOU and devil trying to stop your progress by using her. Don't worry God's got this and go get your stuff back!

Could not agree more. Anyone can claim they are a church leader, and any group of people can claim they've "anointed" someone to be a leader in their church, but it is God who establishes leaders. Not man.

From what you describe, OP, this person is anything but a leader in the church of God. Romans 1:28-32 comes to mind

paul1149 · #9 26th October 2012, 12:21 AM

Becca,

Matthew 18 is one thing, but the fact that this woman is in leadership indicates that the church has a direct compelling stake in this as well. Paul lays out clearly the character requirements for leadership, and they include the leader being held in good esteem by the general community. What you've described is the antithesis of that.

In 1 Corinthians Paul talks about lawsuits, and how the church should resolve its own problems. He even goes on to say that it's better to take a hit than to hit back and divide the Body. But in the full counsel of God each case needs to be evaluated on its own merits. AISI, the fact that this woman is in leadership, and that you are also and must work alongside her, and that this situation is affecting your ability to do so, all argues strongly that the matter should be dealt with through proper church channels. I would think the pastor would be the ideal one to speak to about this. If I were in his shoes I would want to know that something like this was going on.

Ark100 · #10 26th October 2012, 01:28 AM

Originally Posted by Beccafly

She also took some of my stuff, including some mixing bowls of my moms. She damaged a book (gift from parents) and promsied to give it back. She never did. It meant a lot to me and the book would cost $14 to replace. In total she has about $20 worth of other stuff.

If the book didnt mean so much to you, I would have advised you to let it go. The enemy is always looking for ways to make you stumble especially people who are in leadership type role in the ministry. The money is not worth fighting over, if what she took was not that special to you.

I'm on leadership in my church now and so is she. I cannot work with her because of the heartache she's caused me. I emailed her asking her to give me my stuff back and told her I'd meet her wherever. She's been online and posting, so I know she's seen the message, she's choosing to ignore it.

This looks to me to be more than what she needs to give to you. She is causing you heartache....which you really dont need. as said before, this is the enemy's work. You should not allow the enemy that space. Pain, hurt, heartaches, malice and all sort of unhealthy and negative feelings should not be harbored.

Im guessing if she pays you back this money, you would still feel bad about this person because of the past. So its really not about the money. I think you should do a lot of soul searching and look towards forgiveness. God helps people towards forgiveness regardless how much those people have hurt us. Forgiveness helps you, not her. It helps you move on.

I don't want to let it slide, since she has my moms stuff (took without saying anything). Would it be inappropriate to ask my pastor (who oversees) to mediate? I don't know if I want to even be on leadership anymore...

As said before its the enemy's plan to see you fail at leadership. I think you should solve this issue amicably with this person and not make a big deal out of it. I get its special to you, but remember God will take care of things for you when you put it in His hands. If you let this slide and dont ask her anymore, and you pray to God to help you heal, He will.

Think about it.