Suicide Letter

I have some general questions about depression. I don't mean it in anyway of being condemning or anything and I'm just referring to my own life and wondering about how much this would really help if I really knew the answer. Is knowing God's love really enough to get me through the depression? It had been said that if I really could have known the love of God and really how much he cares for me and could actually feel his arms around me, holding me close to him, I would have nothing to fear or be really so down about. If I know that I know God's accepting love in my heart, I wouldn't have been cutting myself. Has anyone really felt God's arms around them and it make such a difference in their heart? I can't change my past and no matter how many times I tell how horrible things were, they still will always sound horrible. God never left me even though people walked out on me and he kept loving me though I have so much trouble feeling anything most of the time. If I could only just believe he is there and never let go of me no matter how horrible things got or how scared I am about having mental illnesses that nobody seems to can fix. I just really wished God would just hold me close to him and tell me that he loves me and call me by my name. Sorry, I know, I've read John 3:16 but there are 7 billion people about and I want God to know me personally, and I not get lost in the crowd. I'm not like just anybody else.

I still thinking about cutting or self injuring though. I don't feel anything much or that anyone cares. I got threatened at work one day this week with a knife. The lady said she was kidding but when someone waves a butcher knife at me and threatens to cut, I don't know as it is a joke. I thought about telling her that if I wanted myself cut on the job, I could have done so with my boxcutter, it is alot sharper. Too bad the suicidal thoughts don't just go away.

Hey Debbi

A lot of the literature I have studied on depression points to two causes; it is either a result of a chemical imbalance in the brain and may be treated with medication (a physical condition), or it is simply a spiritual disease. I have suffered with mild depression for years, and know that words of support and encouragement from friends and family, well-intentioned though they are, will only get you so far. Once you're alone again those doubts and self-defeating thoughts start creeping back. You have to realise that they are all lies. This is why I think its imperative you understand why you're depressed - you must see your doctor. Your condition may be eased with medication; either way, you have to trust fully in the Word of God. The following will reinforce the truth:-

John 15:15 I am Christ's friend
Rom. 5:1 I have been justified
Rom. 8:35-39 I cannot be separated from the love of God
Phil.3:20 I am a citizen of heaven
John 15:16 I have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit
Eph. 2:6 I am seated with Christ in the heavenly realm
Phil. 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me

This is the truth! Choosing to trust His Word, rather than your feelings will free you from your depression and lead you into a closer relationship with Christ. I am praying for you