Work IS evil. My friendliness was shrugged off in a misunderstanding.

joey_downunder · #11 11th October 2012, 09:10 PM

Originally Posted by BridgeAcrossCultures

I .....
I replied to both in CC, mentioning, in a completely neutral and intention-less manner "...for more information you can from now on rely on your fellow townswoman."...

Notice the word in red - why didn't you use a gender-neutral term?

I can understand why there was some friction! Political correctness is a necessary evil especially within the workplace these days. Look at gender-neutral section half-way down.

BFine · #12 11th October 2012, 09:33 PM

Just another person who picks the wrong thing to be overly sensitive about--
next time just use the person's name.

For example:
a person who is overweight can talk about themselves being
fat but if anyone calls that person fat-- there's going to be a major fuss and
talk about suing etc....

turkle · #13 12th October 2012, 12:21 PM

From what I can see, this was all about how you felt the need to insist that you were right and she was wrong. Why was that so important? You are not going to gain good relationships if you beat something like this to death with resource after resource. She made a fleeting comment to you, and you turned a molehill into a mountain. She got understandably annoyed. Then you talked to other people who agreed that this is a non issue. And now you are calling work evil as a result.

Honestly, this kind of thing needs to be dropped right away. You don't have to be right all the time. People can disagree. That is not evil. It is part of learning how to have good relationships with others. Obsessing over who is right over something trivial will only destroy relationships, and that is on you. Who is right in this case is simply not important.

I strongly advise against taking this triviality to the CEO. I can almost guarantee that his or her opinion of you will be diminished if you do. The CEO does not have time for this kind of silliness.

I'm sorry that you're having such a hard time with this, but you will have many more to come. I think that you really need to think about what is really important and what is not, and when to let go. That is a sign of maturity, and will also give you a lot more peace.

back2thebible · #14 12th October 2012, 12:26 PM

Originally Posted by BridgeAcrossCultures

I am a junior manager in my team and have an important role in the training, development and coordination aspects of my direct team.

Within my team, we are all good friends and we often plan things outside work as well, from trips out of town to museum or theater visits. And the overall company culture is very informal.

A more senior employee from a different team (we have hung out with her as well, though less often) wrote me an e-mail asking for information which one of my newest recruits knew about.
Now, this senior employee and my new recruit have something very noticeable in common, e.g. like being the only two in the company from a certain town (I am slightly changing the true story for privacy reasons, but it should have the same message).

I replied to both in CC, mentioning, in a completely neutral and intention-less manner "...for more information you can from now on rely on your fellow townswoman."

The senior employee replied that all was fine, and at the end of the her e-mail she wrote a P.S.: "You don't say fellow townswoman. That's wrong English. You say fellow citizen."

I double-checked an online dictionary, and replied to her a quoted a passage with the definition for "townswoman", showing that it was not wrong English.

Again, she replied:"Townswoman is incorrect English."

I thought she didn't rely on my source, or that she didn't read properly, so I checked another dictionary and sent her that definition as well.
I always put nice smileys in my messages.

The senior employee replied:"Is this some sort of joke? I don't find this funny, and have other things to worry about."

My new recruit seemed a bit nervous at that point. And I was upset, too, because I didn't even fully grasp what was going on.
I later explained the story to other colleagues to ask for advice and they all blamed me for "provoking" her, for trying to be a "know-it-all" and for "not stopping".

I am incredibly upset and feel wronged by this situation, especially because I truly had only innocent intentions, and hadn't even THOUGHT about provocation or showing knowledge. I REALLY REALLY REALLY still cannot understand what was wrong about what I did!

The only explanation I have: work makes people misunderstand such tiny things and drives them crazy.

Yet, I currently feel very alone as I cannot force myself to admit a fault that I don't even fully understand why it is mine.

its much better to prove your right and destroy as many relationships as possible in the wake. in the end you will prove you have a better command of the english language, yet also show your failure in social skills

Angelfrog · #15 12th October 2012, 01:20 PM

Originally Posted by turkle

From what I can see, this was all about how you felt the need to insist that you were right and she was wrong. Why was that so important? You are not going to gain good relationships if you beat something like this to death with resource after resource. She made a fleeting comment to you, and you turned a molehill into a mountain. She got understandably annoyed. Then you talked to other people who agreed that this is a non issue. And now you are calling work evil as a result.

Honestly, this kind of thing needs to be dropped right away. You don't have to be right all the time. People can disagree. That is not evil. It is part of learning how to have good relationships with others. Obsessing over who is right over something trivial will only destroy relationships, and that is on you. Who is right in this case is simply not important.

I strongly advise against taking this triviality to the CEO. I can almost guarantee that his or her opinion of you will be diminished if you do. The CEO does not have time for this kind of silliness.

I'm sorry that you're having such a hard time with this, but you will have many more to come. I think that you really need to think about what is really important and what is not, and when to let go. That is a sign of maturity, and will also give you a lot more peace.

To be honest, I couldn't have phrased it better than this.

It sounds like your colleague was simply being a little over sensitive about the term- and I rather imagine it was more to do with it not being gender neutral than anything else. PC gone mad? Probably- but that's pretty normal now. If I had been her and received the response she did- I must admit I would have seen it as someone who can't let something go and is determined to be 'right' at any cost.

Probably not what you intended at all- but that's how it would come across to others.

You already know that you have a bit of a tendency to be rather intense over things, Bridge- even though you're well meaning. I would simply let it go.

It's hardly 'evil' nor does it show how the workplace is evil. Unless there's a specific problem in a specific line of work or location- work is no more evil than a cinema, shopping centre, leisure place or anywhere else.

It would be a shame if people judge you by thinking you're arrogant ( I'm not saying you are- I think you may have a few social skill issues but I don't think for one minute you're arrogant. You have a really good heart, Bridge)- rather than your witness. I think it's important to listen to what others say- even if you don't understand it.

Pal Handy · #16 12th October 2012, 03:41 PM

Originally Posted by Pal Handy

It's all about You, Jesus
And all this is for You
For Your glory and your fame
It's not about me
As if You should do things my way
You alone are God
And I surrender to your ways

Jesus, lover of my soul
All consuming fire is in Your gaze
Jesus, I want you to know
I will follow you all my days
For no one else in history is like you
And history itself belongs to you
Alpha and Omega, You have loved me
And I will share eternity with You

Originally Posted by BridgeAcrossCultures

WHAT HAS THIS GOT TO DO WITH MY QUESTION?!?!?!?!??!!?!?

OFF TOPIC!!!!!

Jesus is the answer.
It is all about Him.
Be Christ like.
Pray for your enemies.
Do good to those who use and abuse you.
It all begins and ends with Jesus for those who follow Him.

My post was very much on topic because this is a Christian advice forum
not a I'm good and all others are bad forum.

If you really want advice, listen and stop justifying yourself
and receive Godly wisdom and your life will change for the better
instead of you making the same mistakes over and over.

You can not change others but you can through God's help change yourself and
the way you react to others and God will bless you when you do things His way.

Ark100 · #17 12th October 2012, 07:00 PM

Originally Posted by BridgeAcrossCultures

I am a junior manager in my team and have an important role in the training, development and coordination aspects of my direct team.

Yet, I currently feel very alone as I cannot force myself to admit a fault that I don't even fully understand why it is mine.

My advice to you is to limit the way you joke around. Many people these days take things too seriously, and especially at work, there has to be a limit.

You may find it uncomfortable or even strange, but you have to adhere to the norms of work-place. Less jokes.

You don;'t have to put smilies in all of your emails, some people even take smilies the wrong way.

Best to remain professional, and joke a little when need be, not all the time and not with everyone.

always remember some people are watching you, even though you dont know they are. Some are even pro'lly reading the internal mails and emails when you dont think they are.

You are there to work, and let it remain so. It looks like you are having problems with some thick people there and also seeing your other posts, that would be the best advice I can give you.

Be more serious at work, less jokes. Bring professionalism into it more and let others see that in you. Leave the other things for outside of work.

Let your emails be strictly 'work' stuffs, no smilies if possible except someone you are very very friendly with.

You have to redeem yourself back in front of those who are probably talking behind your back about you. Dont give anyone the satisfaction of seeing you leave/or be fired just like that.

FOCUS ON WORK ONLY when you are at work

KimberlyAA · #18 12th October 2012, 07:11 PM

You should apologize and then say that you did not realize that you were in the wrong. People misunderstand sometimes so you shouldn't get too emotional over it.

BridgeAcrossCultures · #19 12th October 2012, 11:15 PM

Originally Posted by joey_downunder

Notice the word in red - why didn't you use a gender-neutral term?

I can understand why there was some friction! Political correctness is a necessary evil especially within the workplace these days. Look at gender-neutral section half-way down.

I repeat that it was an example similar to what actually happened. I didn't use the exact same words as in the original situation due to strict privacy reasons and since it could possibly never occur anywhere else in the world.

thesunisout · #20 13th October 2012, 03:38 AM

Originally Posted by BridgeAcrossCultures

I am a junior manager in my team and have an important role in the training, development and coordination aspects of my direct team.

Within my team, we are all good friends and we often plan things outside work as well, from trips out of town to museum or theater visits. And the overall company culture is very informal.

A more senior employee from a different team (we have hung out with her as well, though less often) wrote me an e-mail asking for information which one of my newest recruits knew about.
Now, this senior employee and my new recruit have something very noticeable in common, e.g. like being the only two in the company from a certain town (I am slightly changing the true story for privacy reasons, but it should have the same message).

I replied to both in CC, mentioning, in a completely neutral and intention-less manner "...for more information you can from now on rely on your fellow townswoman."

The senior employee replied that all was fine, and at the end of the her e-mail she wrote a P.S.: "You don't say fellow townswoman. That's wrong English. You say fellow citizen."

I double-checked an online dictionary, and replied to her a quoted a passage with the definition for "townswoman", showing that it was not wrong English.

Again, she replied:"Townswoman is incorrect English."

I thought she didn't rely on my source, or that she didn't read properly, so I checked another dictionary and sent her that definition as well.
I always put nice smileys in my messages.

The senior employee replied:"Is this some sort of joke? I don't find this funny, and have other things to worry about."

My new recruit seemed a bit nervous at that point. And I was upset, too, because I didn't even fully grasp what was going on.
I later explained the story to other colleagues to ask for advice and they all blamed me for "provoking" her, for trying to be a "know-it-all" and for "not stopping".

I am incredibly upset and feel wronged by this situation, especially because I truly had only innocent intentions, and hadn't even THOUGHT about provocation or showing knowledge. I REALLY REALLY REALLY still cannot understand what was wrong about what I did!

The only explanation I have: work makes people misunderstand such tiny things and drives them crazy.

Yet, I currently feel very alone as I cannot force myself to admit a fault that I don't even fully understand why it is mine.

The senior employee was obviously annoyed by something you said in your email, most likely when you referenced her as a fellow townsperson to your subordinate, and so she decided to nitpick you on your use of language. That is what we call passive aggressive behavior. You didn't understand what was going on, so you made the issue worse by having a little back and forth with her over who was right. It was never about who was right, it was about the fact that you did something to irritate your co-worker.

Now what you need to do is completely let the issue go and pray for Gods intervention in the situation. You have allowed yourself to get all worked up about it, taking the bait of Satan. Forgive this person, forgive yourself, and pray that God will iron all of this out. Do not worry about who is right or wrong; it doesn't matter. What matters is that you represent Christ in your workplace. You need to follow this scripture:

Philippians 2:13

Do everything without complaining or arguing,

Bear what happens at the job gracefully and without complaining. Jesus didn't complain when He was being sent to His death, so neither should you complain to your coworkers about situations such as these.