Feeling Possessed

Dear Chaplain,
I was raped four times. Once in 2007 by a girl, then once in 2011 and twice in 2012 by the same man. Since the first time, I have had episodes. The first one, I just felt numb, like I couldn't speak or move, this happened around winter 2010. The second one, I felt like everything in my room was staring at me in judgement, so I flipped every single thing over, then curled up in a ball and rocked back and forth in the center of my room, this was in spring of 2011. Since I was brutalized by this man, in 2011/2012, I have only had one episode, but it was terrifying, and happened about a week ago. I went into a completely different state of being. I did scary things. I thought my family was trying to kill me. I bit my father until he bled, I threw a pair of scissors at him, hit him over the head with a chair, and poured rubbing alcohol onto him. I am so ashamed and confused and scared of myself. My psychologist says it is PTSD, but I think it is more than that. When I go into these episodes, I feel like I am in a trance, and I am not even the same person, I feel a burning hatred inside of me like I have never felt before. I can only say a few words, if many, and they are usually nonsensical. What do you think is going on? I really feel as if I have been possessed by a demon, and if I have, what can I do about it? Please help.
God Bless You,
Meredith Raven

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Wow, the trauma you have experienced is horrific and very recent. I trust that you are in a safe place now where no further abuse can occur. If not, please get help finding a safe place.

From what I know of PTSD the reactions you describe are not untypical. Please continue your therapy to release your anger in a healthy way. You likely will need medication to help you think for clearly as you work through this awful experience.

I do not believe this is demon possession but having Christian friends commit to pray for you is a very good thing. I will certainly pray for you. You can get better, it will take time, prayer and some therapy to recover from this devastating experience.

Does this help? Ask further questions if that might help.

Chaplain Steve

Thank you Steve,
I guess the hardest part for me is prayer...I always have had difficulty praying for myself, but one of my Sisters put it in perspective for me, she told me "It's like you and your biological father. He knows you want a piggy back ride, but he wants you to ask for it, so he feels needed. That is why it isn't selfish for you to pray to your Father. He knows what you need, he just wants to hear you ask for it." And since then I have had an easier time praying for myself. But this is something that is very hard to pray on for me. I guess because I feel such evil thoughts in me, and such sin, whenever I think/talk about it, that I feel like can't talk to the Father with all of this disgrace and ill-wishings on others in my heart.
Any suggestions?
God Bless!

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Your sister is right, Our Father delights in our requests that ask him to help us to mature. No request surprises Him so we can be candid since He already knows. The Psalms reflect an openness and honesty in prayer before God that is a model for us.

I have a 30 year old daughter and I am honored when she shares her struggles with me and seeks my counsel. How much more is our Heavenly Father delighted when we come to Him with our burdens, hurts and struggles.

My suggestion is to be straight with God. David in Psalm 13 tells God that he feels like God has completely forgotten him. Theologically God can not forget anything and David knows that but he is candidly expressing his feelings and in doing so God reminds him of who He is.

Spend some time reading the psalms.

His grace and peace to you.

Chaplain Steve