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  #1  
Unread 26th August 2012, 01:09 PM
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Annulment

My marriage of twenty years has ended and on further review there seems to have never been a marriage in the first place. I have talked with several people, including priests and my family. They told me that once the civil divorce is final, the annulment would take less than 6 months.

Has anyone ever been through the process?

Thank you for any input
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  #2  
Unread 26th August 2012, 01:38 PM
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I have not been through it, I know a few people who have. Also I had some classes on canon law and known people on tribunals.

First. I am so very sorry. No matter what else, I am so sorry this is happening to you. It is good to see you again, I wish it was under different circumstances.

The process can vary, not in any substantial form, from diocese to diocese. But the difference may be in timetables basically. It is, of course, an emotional process and would contain going over many details that makes people uncomfortable. So it can take a toll, in particular after the emotional nature of a divorce. So be ready for that.

Most diocese make it as painless as possible, but some can be less understanding. That is just an honest observation from talking to people. It would depend on who you deal with. The view is the marriage is valid until it is shown that it is not...and depending on the Defender of the Bond, that can be somewhat emotional to disprove.

In general no one is there to make it difficult...but of course, by the nature of the situation that is sometimes unavoidable.
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  #3  
Unread 26th August 2012, 02:22 PM
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Originally Posted by boughtwithaprice View Post
My marriage of twenty years has ended and on further review there seems to have never been a marriage in the first place. I have talked with several people, including priests and my family. They told me that once the civil divorce is final, the annulment would take less than 6 months.

Has anyone ever been through the process?

Thank you for any input
My mother received an annulment (it's called a Decree of Nullity) and my cousin applied for one, but they found that her first marriage *even though it ended with a civil divorce* was valid so she never got a Decree of Nullity, and I also knew someone who was trying to get an annulment (Decree of Nullity) under the "Peter's Principle".

How long the process takes, after application of course, depends upon many things. Is it simply? Is it obvious? How much research will need to be done? How much paperwork? Everyone on board with filling out the questionaires that a tribunal will send out, or will someone refuse? With my mother, she received her Decree of Nullity within months of her application. With my cousin, she never received it. And with the friend trying for the Decree of Nullity under "for the faith", he was in "limbo" for years. It all depends, so my advice is if you are hoping to receive a Decree of Nullity, apply to the tribunal now.
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Unread 26th August 2012, 02:56 PM
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I am sorry to hear this.
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  #5  
Unread 26th August 2012, 04:05 PM
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Originally Posted by WarriorAngel View Post
I am sorry to hear this.
Thank you for sympathy, but I am only sorry that I did not do it sooner. Maybe others can understand that when one lives in oppressive environment, one cannot see clearly until they are free
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  #6  
Unread 26th August 2012, 04:19 PM
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Originally Posted by Davidnic View Post
I have not been through it, I know a few people who have. Also I had some classes on canon law and known people on tribunals.

First. I am so very sorry. No matter what else, I am so sorry this is happening to you. It is good to see you again, I wish it was under different circumstances.

The process can vary, not in any substantial form, from diocese to diocese. But the difference may be in timetables basically. It is, of course, an emotional process and would contain going over many details that makes people uncomfortable. So it can take a toll, in particular after the emotional nature of a divorce. So be ready for that.

Most diocese make it as painless as possible, but some can be less understanding. That is just an honest observation from talking to people. It would depend on who you deal with. The view is the marriage is valid until it is shown that it is not...and depending on the Defender of the Bond, that can be somewhat emotional to disprove.

In general no one is there to make it difficult...but of course, by the nature of the situation that is sometimes unavoidable.
Thank you David, as far as emotions go, I essentially have no strong ones. I blame myself, because I never should have gotten married in the first place. I would have still been married but circumstances showed me how things really were. My job required me to move 500 miles away, my wife and kids stayed behind and I thought they would eventually follow when I got settled. 1 yr went by, and my wife's grand plan was to continue living apart for another 5 yrs till the kids were out of shcool, then maybe we would get back together. She had no feeling for me and only wanted money to keep coming home.
I asked myself four questions.
If I had to marry her over again would I do it?

NO

If it was not for the children, would I even consider staying married to her?

NO

Do I have a reasonable expectation of having a normal relationship with my children if I stay married to her?

NO

Am I happier alone than when I was married to her?

Yes


I had to have discussion with priests and each one said there was no marriage, based on the circumstances. My emotions were trampled on for 20 yrs, I now have never felt happier no matter the outcome
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Unread 26th August 2012, 06:11 PM
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I have no experience with annulments.....but nice to see you, B-Wap!
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Unread 26th August 2012, 06:24 PM
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Your marriage was valid legally; it may not have been valid sacramentally. There's a difference.

Interesting piece of trivia I heard from the parish annulment advocate. He said that people can choose wear to apply for annulments--in the diocese where they got married or the diocese where they currently reside.

My sister got an annulment. Her ex-husband didn't cooperate--didn't fill out any questionnaires, etc. I filled out a long questionnaire for her.

They told her that the annulment would apply for her--but that it would not extend to him as he hadn't cooperated. If he wanted an annulment in order to remarry at some point, he'd have to apply.

I would say, from my once-removed experience, that it's probably way less traumatic than the divorce probably was.
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  #9  
Unread 26th August 2012, 07:21 PM
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Originally Posted by Fantine View Post
Your marriage was valid legally; it may not have been valid sacramentally. There's a difference.
Don't get confused with that. There are marriages that a valid legally *and* are non-sacramental. They are called natural marriages.

What a Decree of Nullity says is that the marriage we all thought was valid, never was in the first place. It hasn't anything to do with finding out if it was non-sacramental--believe me the priest knows before the ceremony. First there is the civil divorce, then *if the person applies and it is granted, the Decree of Nullity.

Some that have gone through the annulment proceedings report that it's healing.
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  #10  
Unread 27th August 2012, 12:52 AM
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Good to see you, bwap. So sorry to hear what you're going through.

I'll keep you in my prayers, as well as your kiddos.
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