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  #1  
Unread 8th August 2012, 06:40 PM
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Older men marrying younger women

I was talking with a church planter I know in another country. His parents were stone-age tribesmen until there was a mass people movement for Christ in the 1960's. I met him through one of the missionaries that won the better part of this large people-group to Christ.

About 8 or 10 years ago, his wife passed away. I hadn't spoken to him in years, but I got a hold of his cell phone number and wanted to call him about some business that might be able to help his tribe. He told my wife and I that he had married several months ago. He's 50, and she's 30.

He's a church planter who has planted churches in some dangerous places where you could get into some serious trouble for sharing the Gospel. I have a lot of respect for him for doing this. He's won some people from a rather Gospel-resistant religion and people-group by praying for people with brain cancer and they get healed. The people know each other from the hospital, and he ended up discipling converts who were ex-brain cancer patients in one of his ministries.

Several years back, another friend of mine who is an evangelist and church planter. He also ministers in healing and has planted churches in various countries. For a while, he taught English in another country to support himself while he ministered. His wife passed away many years ago. He said he wanted to remarry, and my wife and I tried to set him up with someone form the same country whose ancestors had come from the same home country as his, but the woman got scared and backed out of pursuing a relationship. A few years later, he sent out an email with this picture of a blonde Russian woman who was 30 years old. He was in his 50's. They were at a ministry conference for some churches he'd planted, and she perceived that the Lord wanted them to marry. one thing led to another, and I think they got engaged at the conference. I think he had three kids with his first wife, and I think he has two with his second wife.

I've read some of the threads about older men marrying younger women, and I tried to imagine if some older man wanted to marry one of my daughters--when they grow up of course. My default response would be that I would be against it and discourage it. But I have a lot of respect for men who put themselves at risk for the gospel like this and pour out their lives to the Lord in this kind of missionary work. I can see why a Christian father might be supportive of marriage to men like this.
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  #2  
Unread 8th August 2012, 06:46 PM
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I think a big factor, maybe the biggest, is culture more than anything. Here in America, its hard because life experience changes so much by 'phases' or 'increments'. It does present challenges if a spouse is say in college and the other is out of college with a full blown profession and much more life experience. If both are out of college, maybe it is easier because they are both on a similar 'playing field'. An older man is pretty lucky to find a younger beautiful woman but as far as the biological clock, it works out just fine! But a younger woman may resent marrying 'an old fart' and the older man may feel concerned that she'll lose interest if younger men show interest in her (not okay, but still a possibility).

In short, it depends on the culture and the individuals involved. I married a man 8.5 years older than myself. It does hold some challenges but his 'life experience' doesnt mean he has more wisdom in all areas of life, we both have wisdom in different areas.
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  #3  
Unread 8th August 2012, 07:45 PM
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There is nothing at all wrong with marrying someone of a different age, as long as it happened naturally, or from God's leading. What I do find problematic, is when a person is unable to be attracted to someone of the opposite sex, that is their own age, or close to it.
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A significant discovery was made in relation to marital satisfaction and role relationships. It discovered that (81%) of equalitarian (egalitarian) couples were happily married, while (82%) of couples where both spouses perceived their relationship as traditional (hierarchical) were mainly unhappy.[17]
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  #4  
Unread 9th August 2012, 12:43 AM
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Men marrying women who are much younger has been in my family for some time. The age difference, if it happened today, would be absolutely scandalous! I think a few decades ago, it was judged very simply, if he was a good man who would be a good father, husband, and provider, then why not be happy for his marriage, despite an age difference?

Of course, times have changed this in very strange ways. If a man wants a younger women, society views it in a more negative way than in the past. That said, I think more men want younger women today than in the past, not just because of their youth, but because they are less effected by feminism. So it's made for a strange situation of younger women being more off-limits, and more desirable.

If I had a daughter who was ready to marry a much older man, and I thought he would be a quality husband/father/provider, I would be overjoyed.
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  #5  
Unread 9th August 2012, 06:22 PM
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Hi Ruth. My name is Boaz. .............my daughter, .............my wife.

and Nahshon begot Salmon; Salmon begot Boaz, and Boaz begot Obed; Obed begot Jesse, and Jesse begot David. .... and then Jesus
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  #6  
Unread 9th August 2012, 06:38 PM
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I am 27, and my husband turned 50 last week. God brought us together, and our relationship has basically been one big testimony.

Haha we are a walking anachronism. I am white, he is black. I am tall, he is short. I am young and he is old. I am thin, and he is a big guy.

Nothing of our physical appearances makes a difference in our relationship.
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  #7  
Unread 10th August 2012, 07:02 AM
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I'm 61 my husband has just turned 77, we've been married 21 years...happiest years of our lives. Lots of people said the marriage wouldn't work because of the age difference, but we've proven them wrong. We'd both been married and divorced before. Me for 18 yrs and hubby for 25 yrs. The "intimate" side of our marriage isn't anymore, but we are still very affectionate towards each other and love each other very much. An awful lot of marriages end in divorce these days, no matter what age the partners are.
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  #8  
Unread 10th August 2012, 08:35 PM
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Originally Posted by OneManSows View Post
Hi Ruth. My name is Boaz. .............my daughter, .............my wife.

and Nahshon begot Salmon; Salmon begot Boaz, and Boaz begot Obed; Obed begot Jesse, and Jesse begot David. .... and then Jesus

What is your point? Boaz knew that it was not a preferential thing for her to choose him. What made him a right choice, was that it honored her dead husband. It had to do with family ties. The age difference wasn't a particularly good thing, it was just part of the deal.
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A significant discovery was made in relation to marital satisfaction and role relationships. It discovered that (81%) of equalitarian (egalitarian) couples were happily married, while (82%) of couples where both spouses perceived their relationship as traditional (hierarchical) were mainly unhappy.[17]
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  #9  
Unread 10th August 2012, 09:14 PM
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Originally Posted by LinkH View Post
I've read some of the threads about older men marrying younger women, and I tried to imagine if some older man wanted to marry one of my daughters--when they grow up of course.
I think the "when they grow up" part is what probably gets you. Looking at your underage daughter and picturing her marrying an older adult man is probably a very hard concept to swallow even if you can picture them as adults, they're still just your kids for now

I don't see a problem with large age gaps, as long as they are healthy relationships which is entirely possible!
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  #10  
Unread 10th August 2012, 09:36 PM
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Originally Posted by OneManSows
Hi Ruth. My name is Boaz. .............my daughter, .............my wife.

and Nahshon begot Salmon; Salmon begot Boaz, and Boaz begot Obed; Obed begot Jesse, and Jesse begot David. .... and then Jesus
love it.
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