Self esteem and soul bruised

Forealzchola · #1 7th August 2012, 03:10 AM

I feel bruised and my self-esteem damaged...I had a toxic person in my life..and even though I did stick up for myself as I back away from the situation now...I realize that I am still bruised and my self-esteem has actually been affected. This person was abusive and I thought I could be a good person stick around to show them Im a real christian who had their best interest at heart ...do bible studies etc..but I couldnt. They put me down...my relationship with God,,was antagonizing towards me..told me i wasnt pretty and that they were embarrassed to even know me and that they couldnt be happy with someone like me, my family couldnt hear the voice of God, that im incomplete person because my deceased father didnt finish raising me because he died, even though i had a good mother and he raised me until 15 etc.

This person I believe now was also my recent stalker especially since I just recently yet again had property of ( non monetary value) destroyed in my home. I feel like he was trying to destroy anything related to my ex bf ( the young man with cancer).

He came into my home the other night, while I was not there just cant prove it and ripped up some documents of that young man of who had recently visited...no one else could have done this...especially since ten mins after the break in i seen him leaving my area a few blocks away...

He kept popping up at my house all weekend which I told him he had no right to do, even though he felt like he did because he was trying to date me..I said NO you pay no bills here and you arent my husband so dont come by!

He said now that hes not happy with me so hes not going to contact me for two weeks...Im using this as a breakaway to escape...

I keep coming across men who have real severe mental or social issues..like psycho status from being abused as a child etc...and im so tired of this ( yes this time around i called myself waiting on God and wasnt looking for anything and this person appeared to be good but they werent)

I want to hide and bury myself in God.I almost feel like wilingly accepting the gift of celibacy..not to go through this nonsense...I only ever had three long term relationships ( two in which I was actually engaged) and I dated two others casually...so those are small numbers in the secular community...but im so tired of this...about fed up with men...( not meant to be flaming towards men)

Puptart · #2 7th August 2012, 12:29 PM

Change the locks, call the police. It doesn't matter if you don't have proof that it was him who entered your residence, all that matters is filing a police report so that the police can start a history on him. then any time he shows up when you've explicitly told him to go away, call the police again. Eventually he'll get himself arrested or you'll be able to get a restraining order.

Ark100 · #3 7th August 2012, 07:59 PM

Originally Posted by Forealzchola

This person was abusive and I thought I could be a good person stick around to show them Im a real christian who had their best interest at heart ...do bible studies etc..but I couldnt.

You dont keep hanging around toxic people when its clear they are not willing to change. You have to look after yourself and your own interest. Showing those people you re a real christian does not work. Toxic, abusive people are dangerous to be around. I remember a few people gave you some advice to stay clear of this guy.

They put me down...my relationship with God,,was antagonizing towards me..told me i wasnt pretty and that they were embarrassed to even know me and that they couldnt be happy with someone like me, my family couldnt hear the voice of God, that im incomplete person because my deceased father didnt finish raising me because he died, even though i had a good mother and he raised me until 15 etc.

You didnt have to put up with all that crap. No one should make you feel any less of a person. Who is he to tell you such things? He is but human who has many flaws and probably is worse off than you are, and he thinks he can tell you how bad your life is?
You have to take your stand and know who you are deep down, regardless what people tell you.

He is no god, neither is he anything relevant to your life, your family or your existence. When someone starts abusing you verbally or making you feel like you re less of a human, tell them to take a hike because you re the child of the most high God. If GOD be for you, who dare be against you????!!!

He came into my home the other night, while I was not there just cant prove it and ripped up some documents of that young man of who had recently visited...no one else could have done this...especially since ten mins after the break in i seen him leaving my area a few blocks away...

Involve the police, set up a camera, do whatever you have to to have him caught and arrested. Your life and security is important.

He kept popping up at my house all weekend which I told him he had no right to do, even though he felt like he did because he was trying to date me..I said NO you pay no bills here and you arent my husband so dont come by!

You get restraining order against people like that. Your NO is NO, and your YES is YES, if they refuse to do it your way, take it up with the police and get a restraining order against such person.

No one should ever make anyone else feel fear or insecured in their own home. Because he was trying to date you give him absolutely NO right whatsoever to think he can barge into your house. I would have had him arrested long time ago.

He said now that hes not happy with me so hes not going to contact me for two weeks...Im using this as a breakaway to escape...

Good riddance to bad rubbish. You should say a thank you prayer to God.

I keep coming across men who have real severe mental or social issues..like psycho status from being abused as a child etc...and im so tired of this

Law of attraction works whether you believe it or not. You attract what believe or lean towards. Maybe you have the tendency to want to help people, solve their problems and take away their bad attitudes. You will break free from this cycle when you change your mentality, and pray to God to help you as well. its not impossible.

I want to hide and bury myself in God.

do so, for only HE can help you. And stay off men for now. You need to look after you, get your self esteem and confidence back up and know who you are from inside. If you are not sure who you are, men that wou attract will be the ones like the other losers.

Know who you are in Christ, in yourself and know that no other person is above you or worthy more than you.
Knowing you are worthy of love, of a great guy who is stable and who is actually not mental or with social disorders. You do deserve that and its got to be ingrained in your mentality.

LET THE MEN GO for now. Dont even date. Focus on your relationship with christ.

I almost feel like wilingly accepting the gift of celibacy..not to go through this nonsense...I only ever had three long term relationships ( two in which I was actually engaged) and I dated two others casually...so those are small numbers in the secular community...but im so tired of this...about fed up with men...( not meant to be flaming towards men)

Goodluck. God will help you if you run to Him and wait on Him. He never lets His Children down. He has the great plans for you and you just need to hold unto that belief and WAIT on God

LekryceMack · #4 8th August 2012, 12:40 AM

I'm sorry you had to go through that. Heck not to long ago before I ment my future spouse, I always attracted girls who seemed and "real" but really weren't. I learned that your mind thinks, it attracts. That's why negative thinking ppl always attract other unhappy, insecure, abusive, fake, etc type ppl. All of us Christians are given wisdom, peace, joy etc...to enjoy and make good decisions in our lives. To live abundantly. But yet many and MANY Christians just....aren't happy. We're given the tools, but don't RECIEVE and believe what god has given us. Most of us have relationship problems because we look for ppl we can depend to much on to give us what god has already given through grace. Just in general. First it's god, second YOU! ( great creation full of blessings and potential) then ppl. That's the order of what we must work on. Before you can take care of others, do what god asks us to do, help others, etc...we have to value ourselves. That's where self of steem comes in. We must renew our minds and enjoy life through god. Enjoy who we are as ppl! Enjoy with great gratitude the person god created you to be! If god says your perfect in his eyes, then why should other pols opinions matter??? If god is on YOUR side 1000%, then why should your ex steal your god given joy?? We have to understand that it's scientifically proven that 10% of our happiness is our circumstances ( bad weather, good weather, bf, bad ex bf, new car etc) and 90% is our mind and attitude ( how we react to our circumstances wether good or bad). That's why the bible constantly talks about renewing our minds DAILY with his grace. Start thinking positive no matter how bad the world around you may look. You are in control of yourself and your emotions. Don't let the world be in control of them.

Forealzchola · #5 8th August 2012, 01:54 AM

Originally Posted by LekryceMack

I'm sorry you had to go through that. Heck not to long ago before I ment my future spouse, I always attracted girls who seemed and "real" but really weren't. I learned that your mind thinks, it attracts. That's why negative thinking ppl always attract other unhappy, insecure, abusive, fake, etc type ppl. All of us Christians are given wisdom, peace, joy etc...to enjoy and make good decisions in our lives. To live abundantly. But yet many and MANY Christians just....aren't happy. We're given the tools, but don't RECIEVE and believe what god has given us. Most of us have relationship problems because we look for ppl we can depend to much on to give us what god has already given through grace. Just in general. First it's god, second YOU! ( great creation full of blessings and potential) then ppl. That's the order of what we must work on. Before you can take care of others, do what god asks us to do, help others, etc...we have to value ourselves. That's where self of steem comes in. We must renew our minds and enjoy life through god. Enjoy who we are as ppl! Enjoy with great gratitude the person god created you to be! If god says your perfect in his eyes, then why should other pols opinions matter??? If god is on YOUR side 1000%, then why should your ex steal your god given joy?? We have to understand that it's scientifically proven that 10% of our happiness is our circumstances ( bad weather, good weather, bf, bad ex bf, new car etc) and 90% is our mind and attitude ( how we react to our circumstances wether good or bad). That's why the bible constantly talks about renewing our minds DAILY with his grace. Start thinking positive no matter how bad the world around you may look. You are in control of yourself and your emotions. Don't let the world be in control of them.

Thank you very much for the encouragement

LekryceMack · #6 8th August 2012, 11:33 PM

Originally Posted by Forealzchola

Thank you very much for the encouragement

You welcome. We're all in this together as believers. Feel free to pm me if you just feel like chating or anything. I'll be hear all year. lol.

BFine · #7 13th August 2012, 08:42 PM

How did he get through your security system and or locked gates of which
only you have a key (this was mentioned in another post of yours.)
Do find out and secure your home against future "visits".

I'm sorry this person destroyed your personal property but I also hope
you will report this crime(s) to the police and sure up your security
system if it's not working properly.

Perhaps it would be a good time to step back from dating and just
pursue your personal relationship with the Lord.
Also, it would be a good idea to seek out mature Christian women
for fellowship, bible studies, prayer etc.

I don't think it's a good idea for young ladies to be trying to instruct young
guys in bible studies...it may sound old fashioned but it's best to let mature
Christian guys teach/instruct other guys....and let the ladies instruct/teach
females and or young children in bible lessons.

Amber Bird · #8 13th August 2012, 09:06 PM

Someone who verbally abuses you is someone who wants to beat you down with words, because they've not yet used their fists.
Besides that, a punch leaves a mark. While pummeling your self esteem simply destroys you from the inside so that the scars aren't physical, they're mental and bone deep.

Consider yourself blessed you were strong enough to get rid of this creep.
However, as you suspect, they clearly aren't ready to let you be rid of them.

That's incredibly dangerous. It tells you when they assault you verbally when you're in a relationship together, that they would rather have someone they can assault and beat down as opposed to cherish and build up.
That's an issue with their low self esteem. They hate a strong woman. So they bring her down so they can feel in control of her utterly.

And now, at least you suspect and I'd say with good cause, he's destroying your stuff.
I can't begin to tell you how much you need to take your fears seriously. Don't ever let anyone convince you you're paranoid. That guy assaulted you when you were together in some way and now he's suspected of destroying what matters to you that he can still get his hands on. Your papers that he allegedly tore up and your sense of security when he broke in.

He's got a key. Fingerprints, given he use to be there, will avail you nothing in evidence because you can't date those. You can't prove he left them after you broke up.
What you can do is change the locks! Make a police report of your concerns, inquire with the court or the police how to obtain a restraining order against him.

Then, go on-line and check out affordable home security surveillance equipment. It's not all that expensive. And besides, you're worth it.
If you can catch this guy after you've documented with authorities he's not entitled to be at your private property, and you've changed the locks, keep that receipt from the locksmith, so that a spare key will avail him nothing, you can stop him.

Take this seriously. Someone who respects themselves do not disrespect a woman they claim they care for in the process.
Love you enough to release your fear and fight to regain your sense of self-esteem.

Eleanor Roosevelt once said, no one can make you feel inferior without your permission!

Revoke the permission! Even though you didn't "officially" give it to that creep. Revoke it. Ritualize your freedom if you need to. Write down everything he made and still makes you feel that makes you feel weak. Take time, find a quiet place at home or wherever you feel totally safe. Ask God to surround you with protection and his love and open your heart and be completely honest with everything you're feeling now after you've suffered all this.
Write it down. Let it all out. Let it all go. Give it to the paper. Watch it all flow out of that pencil, even if you make a mistake writing something down leave it. Don't erase, don't scratch it out. It came out, let it stay gone. It's there and there can be a reason God brought that "mistake" to the fore.

Breathe deep cleansing breaths as you do this. Open your lungs and breathe the freedom you're now taking for your own sake by letting go of everything that guy put on you.
God will guide you, just trust the process.
When you're done, you'll know. Don't even read it over. It's there, it's not in your thoughts anymore. It's where it belongs. That list of dark sad angry insecure pain is now on paper.
Breathe and see if there's anything else you need to let go. If not, wad up the paper, find a fireproof container and burn it!

Let the fire destroy all that darkness that was keeping you down. That he wanted to weigh you down so he'd feel superior.
And when it's consumed and there's nothing but ash, let the remains cool or drown them with water and then pour it down the sink or flush it down the toilet.
Send it away forever. Empty yourself of what he did that you took so very personally.

Affordable home surveillance links

I advise this because I did this after being in an incredibly toxic relationship. I knew God was with me even when I was in the midst of it, because I survived to come out the other side.

I hated myself then and now, I thank God I let go and now have the blessing of the experience it all afforded so that I am stronger and know to never ever let myself get into that situation again.

If you can make the worst experience serve you so that you're stronger for it you'll win over those who seek to break you down. And only a man who feels threatened seeks to make time with a woman he has to destroy in order to feel better about himself.

Next time, when God sends you the guy you deserve as a blessing for all those experiences with knuckleheads, you'll really know you're appreciated and truly loved. Because you already know what the opposite of that feels like. (HUGS) God be with you and watch over you.
You're not alone. We're here anytime you need us. And with a team like all of us at your back, he's toast!

God Bless.