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22nd July 2012, 03:10 PM
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Join Date: 6th September 2008
Reps: 4,702,893,574,760,591 (power: 4,702,893,574,774)
| | Scared and confused
Please give me advice and pray for me as I have nowhere else to turn. I'm engaged to b married in two months and need some guidance to pull me through. The man I am with is one I've prayed for for several years after being heartbroken by my sons biological dad who left me for another woman. We were unequally yoked and never married which I am ashamed of, but our love was the kind you only read about.....at least until he got scared and ran. He cheated and begged me back off and on for several years and eventually married the girl he did most of his cheating with. But text and called every now and then claiming he never stopped loving me. He was just young and afraid. Their marriage lasted less than a year and it was done. I raised my child alone and he's now five. Meanwhile, I reconnected with a guy I went to college with via Facebook. He had moved several states away but we talked for several months and visited. Then after much prayer he picked up everything and moved here, helping me with my son, going to church with us, and becoming the one my child calls daddy. So we got engaged. I love him and he's probably the purest hearted person I know. I dated other men but they were all just comparisons to my ex. This one was the real deal. I loved him in a different way. Not with the same passion or intensity but in a purer form. It did scare me however, that the other one has always been on the back of my mind. But I overcame it because he was so good to me. But recently I recieved the dreaded phone call. My ex claiming he's still madly in love with me and wants his family back. The reason his marriage failed is because of my ghost. He's incomplete without us. To make matters worse, wants to move us to Italy for six months to help his friend start thier business. All this makes my simple, safe life, suddenly seem very ordinary compared to the "what-Ifs". But I know the grass is always greener. And he might never go to church with me, or be the man I already have. But here I am with all these wedding plans, parents on top of the world. Inlaws with plane tickets. Bridesmaids with dresses and I can't tell anyone my predicament. I know my current guy is the better choice. But how do I turn off the love I have for the old one and forget him? I know I'm going through with this wedding. I just want God to take away these feelings because when I walk down the aisle I want to think only of my future husband. Nobody else. I want a strong christian family. I don't want my vows to be half hearted. So my question is, will my love fir the new one grow with time? Am I doing the right thing? Because right now I can't even get out of bed. He knows I have cold feet but doesn't know y. He holds my hand through it all and hugs and kisses me constantly. He doesn't deserve this and I know it. I pray all day long for my feelings to change. Please pray the same if you will and tell me if I am following Gods plan or if I'm just undeserving of love all together. Because right now I'm just stuck.
22nd July 2012, 04:12 PM
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WPF = when pigs fly
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Join Date: 18th March 2003
Reps: 9,223,372,036,854,775,808 (power: 9,223,372,036,854,822)
I will certainly pray for you.
You need to make a complete break with your ex. What you describe is intensely unhealthy in every respect. It may help you get counseling to understand just how unhealthy this relationship has been and why you will not let it die. You need to see this realistically and not allow emotions to impair your judgment and wreck your life. If you do not turn this off and deal with it it will not work out fine.
You need to be honest with the man you are engaged to. He sounds like a mature person. Your marriage to him needs an honest beginning. Your vows need to be a genuine commitment.
You are at a critical point. You both want a marriage that is solid and now is the time to get real with him. Plane tickets and bridal dresses are no reason to go through with a wedding. Honest communication and a mutual commitment to one another are critical.
My prayer for you is for wisdom, courage and honesty.
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