Sex-free relationship

Hello,
So I have been dating with my boyfriend for almost a year now. We are currently on a long-distance relationship and, I have to admit it is not easy even like this to avoid temptation.
We had sexual intercourse before we had to start the long distance relationship, and a couple other times, when we saw each other. However, this year in the time we've been together having the long-distance relationship, we have talked about it and he says he feels bad for having indulged into sexual temptation, and having done it before marriage. He says has been drifting from God since he has being in this relationship, and although he loves me he told me he doesn't want to break up with me but doesn't want to keep on with this relationship if I am not willing to stop indulging into sexual temptation.

Since we started dating, and trying to maintain our relationship by chatting everyday... we've pretty much have been developing our communication, talking about many things, amongst them our future and of course, about sex. He has been serious about this relationship, and so am I. We've been through hardships, but we want to hopefully be able to someday be able to have a family together, even if it's still so soon for us, we've been very serious about us.

And well, we have been talking about us having sexual intercourse, and I feel bad, because I am thankful to God for the things he have given me, and how he has helped me... but for some reason I can't seem to repent from having had sex with him. I love him, and thought that I wanted to do it with him because I thought that I wanted him to be the first and the last person I would ever do it with. I can't say we can get married now or anything, cause we're still very young, at our very early 20s, but I have thought that he is the man for me. He also told me the same... but he has felt bad for what he has done, and I can't seem to repent or feel so sorry about what we have done.

Perhaps I should be repenting... and maybe it might make it hard for me as well, the fact that I have only been recently starting to meet God. I wasn't told or taught about what the bible says, like sex before marriage... but my boyfriend was. I told him that I didn't think it was so bad that we did it; yes, I know that the Bible says that we shouldn't have sex until we get married, because having sex means to 'become one same flesh'. And in a way, that is what I felt... that is what I thought when I did it with him, that we are one, in the relationship, and I would only ever do it with him. However... he has told me this view is wrong, and I shouldn't feel that way, because we are not married...
I want my relationship with him to work, and at the same time, I want to find a way to be at peace with God. I really don't know what to do, I am so confused and don't know why I can't feel bad about having sinned.

I am seeking for a way to ease up my mind... I would really appreciate anyone's point of view, and/or suggestions about the matter.
God bless! And thank you for reading this!

Many Christians see sex and marriage as going together, including me. So, that can be seen as a biblical standard.

If you are relatively new as a Christian it takes time to get a sound understanding of biblical principles. You may have a bit of an information gap. Feel free to PM me if you8 want some sensible books to read on Christian sexual values.

Sex is enjoyable. It is meant to be. Having experienced sex you miss it now. That's perfectly understandable. But now it's time for you to align your sexuality with God's desin for sex and marriage. That will require a firm commitment based on having values sufficient to maintain your stance.

Bless you both
John
NZ

Hi Mesme,
I can identify with the feelings of remorse your boyfriend is having. Years ago I was, let's say, "overly physical" with someone I planned to marry. Though we didn't have intercourse, I felt remorse about our intimate physical contact and went through the repentance process, but he didn't feel the same. We wound up not getting married (many reasons why.)

Recently I've been learning about the chemicals our bodies produce when we're aroused, which are 500 times stronger than cocaine, and I'm starting to understand one of the reasons why God would want us to reserve that behavior for marriage: because it bonds 2 people chemically, physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. When it's done within the committment of marriage, it strengthens it. But if something happens to separate 2 people who've bonded in this way, it can be even more painful than if sexual intimacy weren't part of the equasion.

Perhaps looking at the reasons why you don't feel ready to make the committment of marriage at this time may give you insight as to why you feel the way you do? I hope you're able to find peace about your decisions, and strength to do what will bring you the most happiness.

I appreciate both of your comments and support.
I have been trying not to think about it, and every time I come across any sexual impulse or thought I try to avoid it, distract myself, think about sometime else... it's just that, it can be very difficult.

Indeed it is, especially since we seem to be designed for regular sexual expression. Don't beat up on yourself because you are aware of your sexual desires, just recognise it will take some persistence and good sense tolive up to your standards.

Bless you
John
NZ

Mesme- It can be hard to stick to your principles, and while I don't share them, I respect them. Don't beat yourself up about it too much, though.

I don't believe this is true, Deseret. Any drug that was five hundred times more powerful than cocaine would probably kill you.

mesme

i know what your boyfriend is going through is sounds almost exactly like mine. i had the same thing happen to me the first time i had sex because i was waiting until i met the right person. i was 26 at the time i first had sex and it was outside of marriage and i enjoyed the senations created but could not seem to enjoy the act itself because i was being convicted the whole time. my girl friend at the time could not understand(she was not a christian at the time) it either but i knew i should not be having sex and it took the enjoyment out of it.

i hope this helps you understand his view on the matter.

God bless