Being alone....and happy?

Okay...this might not be a thread that is comfortable for the newly widowed...but I am truly curious.

Are there really widow/ers out there who were happily married and really have zero desire to marry again? (not a challenge but an honest question)

I understand not wanting to deal with finding someone, but if you could skip all the messy stuff and find someone who was compatable, that you'd still rather be alone?

Me, I was 43 when my husband died. We had been married for 16+ years and good friends for 24 years. I still love him as much today as I did the day he died. However, the women in my family tend to live well into their 90's unless they get cancer. So unless I am lucky enough to get cancer (I say that both jokingly and a bit truthfully), I still have more than 43 years left on this planet. I honestly feel a bit of despair at the idea of being alone for that many years. 3 has been hard enough.

(And for all of those who picture me sitting at home moping and wasting the life that God gave me...well, in that time I have moved my family across the country...gone to school, got straight A's, and have been accepted into nursing school starting this fall...I volunteer with a Cub Scout Pack even though my boy is in high school, I am both a Boy Scout and a Girl Scout leader although I don't do as much as I once did, I haul my kids around to scouts, church activities, figure skating, snowboarding, and misc volunteer activities...I have taught a couple history classes for kids...and I homeschool both of mine. And in there, I did fall in love with a widower that I met as we both stumbled along in this new life...which didn't work out but at least I know that my heart still functions.)

Most widows I know really do seem to want to have another "somebody" but there are many reasons why they don't pursue it (some are just insecurities and others very valid). I am thinking that my husband's grandmother might honestly be the only one I ever met that is satisfied to be alone...but I don't think she really ever wanted to be married until she met her husband and honestly, he left their life a financial mess that took her years to clean up.

I guess I could see being willing to "wait it out" if I believed that my turn to get to see Jesus was something that I could see ahead...

Anyway, are there really widows (or widowers) that have found a way to really be happy alone? And if so, how long does it take to get there? (It would be so much easier to find my way to happiness alone.)

Hi blackribbon, I can honestly say that I can't imagine remaining a widow, but it's really up to the Lord. Although I must say that I've adjusted to being single pretty well in many respects. I don't see any reason why you should remain single, it's just my gut feeling that if you're as talented as you say, you'd make someone a nice wife! I'm glad you shared with us that you did meet a widower. I'm sorry to read about your husband's grandmother, and I'll be cautious, because I don't want to invite instability. Again, I must consider God's plan as far as whether being with someone else will come to fruition. Blessings!

I am not necessary 'that talented' ... but I am trying to live the life that God gave me. I hate when I admit that I "feel sad" or "unhappy" makes people think of someone sitting at home...grieving and not participating in life....and the suggestion that I "do" something about it makes me almost lie down in tears of exhaustion. Even worse is when they question my Christian walk. I do not believe that God promises us "happiness"...just His joy...but I hope that my husband's death doesn't mean that this is all there is to my life....lots of activity but just as much emptiness and loneliness.

I am not silly enough to say that I was always happy while being married. But over all, I was happy. I now can have happy times, but over all, I am very sad.

I'm really quite undecided after being a widow for 7 years. I have not dated. I have not met anyone that I would want to date. I have 1 14 year old and 1 18 year old. Both boys. I go to church and bible study. I work 2 jobs. I cart my youngest son around where ever he needs/wants to go and I get together with a friend once every other week. Can't say I am unhappy. Can't say I'm elated. The thought of building a relationship, scares the you know what out of me. First, I am not a very trusting person in this broken world. Although I think I would be and was, a great spouse, I would question someone's interest in me.
When I married my husband I thought he would be it. Even when I picked out my wedding ring I picked out one with a dove on it because it is said that doves mate only once for life. When he was dying I thought I probably would never marry again. After he died, I thought I would wait until my kids grew up. And now....I don't know. Some days I very much would love to have someone that loves me and then when I seriously consider it, I don't think I have that in me but I just don't know. I'm sure my opinion would change if someone that I was interested in, came into my life, but I really don't know what God's plan is for my life so until I have an answer from Him, here I am....

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Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not to your own understanding, in all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your path. Proverbs 3:5-6