Struggles with SexualityA new forum open to ALL members who are struggling with sexuality issues (including homosexuality). All posts will be reviewed before being made public. NOTE: Only Christians are allowed to reply and offer support here.
I am glad to see that you are following God and not just listening to what the world says. Let me tell you that I used to deal with similar issues when I was around your age (except that I so rarely ever looked at porn in my life, and not gay porn except a glimpse which was not my intention from what I remember). I am glad that you will not ever accept that you are "gay" because it is a lifestyle one chooses and you can choose not to have that.
I remember dealing with this issue starting when I was in elementary school, it was this powerful feeling and I didn't quite understand. I didn't know at the time that the way my parents were towards me was affecting me and in my opinion my soul was merely reacting to the rejection from my father (he was physically there but I remember having little to no relationship with him, and I especially remember that he never really touched me and when he did it was awkward as if he HAD to do it) - this led me to eventually reject him in my heart which just made things worse for me (I notice that the people who dealt with similiar things with their father just didn't struggle as much simply because they didn't not reject/resent their fathers like I did). I have since forgiven him in my heart even though he still does not seem to want a relationship with me. I fully forgive him and hold no bitterness towards him and it allowed me to more thoroughly heal.
Let me remind you that you can fully get through this. There was a time when people speculated about me and such because of how I behaved. Not too long ago, this guy told some people that I was gay because of something another person had told them (I don't know exactly how this came about, but it did). The people he told this rumor to reacted in disbelief because I didn't seem like that. I confronted the rumor spreader peacefully one on one and he apologized for what he said. My attitude had changed such that I no longer "gave off that vibe" because I got free from it. A big part of my healing came from changing my views about who I was and clarifying what it meant to be "gay" or homosexual. I believe it helps to define it, since people through the term out there and try to stick it to some people. Many people define being homosexual as having the temptation to commit homosexual acts. But this is incorrect because even Jesus was tempted to sin in the wilderness, and that did not make him a sinner, just like being tempted to commit a homosexual act does not make a person homosexual. Some say you are homosexual if you ever did anything homosexual. This is wrong because of this verse:
"Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God."
1 Corinthians 6:9-11 It says here that homosexuals cannot inherit the kingdom of God, yet some people who clearly did those things were saved. Why? Because as it says, they WERE (in the past, but not now) homosexuals (“as such were some of you”), but they were washed, sanctified, and justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God.
So what is the definition? I would define the true definition of a homosexual as this: a person who wants to commit homosexual acts and knows such acts are homosexual. So if this is not you, then you are not homosexual or “gay” and should not let anyone define you as such.
Another thing that I did not fully understand at first is that if I think about /fantasize about doing something, it is as if I am in fact doing it. I think there is also secular research that backs up what I am saying. I didn’t realize the extent that my thought life had on me. I had to work backwards: thoughts/fantasizing preceded my actions, so I had to work on my thought life before I could take full control of my actions. I found myself, on more than once occasion, doing in real life what I thought/fantasized about (basically no more and no less). At least even back then I didn’t fantasize about anything obviously gay and that helped me define my boundaries (even though I found out later I needed some work). So even though you “only” acted on your homosexual feelings in your thought life, you have to consider that it is about the same as you actually doing that and is still sin (Jesus said that a man commits adultery in his heart merely by looking at a woman to lust after her – see Mathew 5:28). I am sorry that you don’t have anyone to confide in and I understand it is hard to find someone to confide (to date, I have confided in ONE person, a former friend, about anything like this, and it didn’t end well – not to say there aren’t trustworthy people out there). I welcome you if you wish to message me further. Either way, just know that you can get through this through the power of God in your life as you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you. If you truly do go agree with God’s will in your life (which I believe you do), then you are truly my brother in Christ and I commend you for walking in the light.
“For whoever shall do the will of God, the same is my brother, and my sister, and mother." Mark 3:35
Last edited by Ortho_Cat; 3rd June 2012 at 10:36 PM.
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Please allow me to be the first one to post here .
I found myself basically in the same scenerio you did and began looking at guys around ages 14 or 15. Puberty. We all have same sex attraction at that stage. We are trying to identify our sexuality and where we feel most comfortable. I'm still suffering with masterbation and porn addiction. I'm now 32. I'm looking to God . My best advice would be continue your journey with him. Your prayers can be simple. They do not have to be perfect for God. He knows your needs before you ask but you have to be willing to share them with him. Also, try and find some outlets. Play sports, read a book, take a walk etc ... replace those with masterbation and internet use. If you would like more advice send me a message bud .