Singles (only*)A forum for the support of single members or Christians with the gift of celibacy. Posting is restricted to single members 18 and older.
NOTE: This is not a dating or matchmaking service.
*See Statement of Purpose
What at the steps that you take? How do you include God in your approach? And how do you truly understand without it being a fake facade.
I know that I have not been good at this lately. In fact, I get so upset with someone I forget how to approach them, and just walk away. I think mostly its my own experiences and just being frustrated with how things are going in life. Its truly out of frustration and not letting things go because I truly can't control everything. I feel that sometimes people either don't want to understand or don't understand at all. But, I think there are better ways to handle situations like this. I've gotten better at this with work. But, at times I withdraw like a turtle, and other times, wait and watch like an owl. Then I see the sharks who attack and think, "wow, I wish I could have that push!" They always end up getting what they want, because they were the loudest and bit the hardest. In the end I think, where is God in all of this?
Thoughts?!
__________________
Everything is possible with God.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
`Let nothing perturb you, nothing frighten you. All things pass. God does not change. Patience achieves everything.`
Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired.
~ Mother Teresa
Conflict resolution is tough. Even for a Christian. Actually... it might be harder for a Christian because we not only have to find a way to make peace, we have a Biblical mandate to love the person we're not getting along with.
All I can say is pray for that person. Pray for blessings and wisdom and discernment, etc... as much as you're praying for yourself. Its extremely hard to pray for someone you're not getting along with (trust me on this) but it really does affect how you view them and your attitude towards them.
The only other bit of advice that I give to everyone I know is experiencing conflict of one kind or another get this book:
Its got to be the most Biblically centered text I've ever read on resolving conflict. And I highly recommend it.
__________________
7Qu'ils sont beaux sur les montagnes, Les pieds de celui qui apporte de bonnes nouvelles, Qui publie la paix! De celui qui apporte de bonnes nouvelles, Qui publie le salut! De celui qui dit à Sion: ton Dieu règne!
Ésaïe 52:7
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
For a long time I did not like someone and how they manipulated people, and Shari, I decided to pray for him. I prayed so much that my perspective of him really changed. I don't get angry with people or things easily but I was so angry with him. But, with so much pray I started seeing why he did what he did. I wasn't angry with him anymore but I was more as peace in understanding his reasons. Not allowing it but understanding it, and that was a huge step for me.
__________________
Everything is possible with God.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
`Let nothing perturb you, nothing frighten you. All things pass. God does not change. Patience achieves everything.`
Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired.
~ Mother Teresa
Aww, Ethie <3 I'd say the same thing. Just pray, and pray some more, and pray harder. Put it in God's hands. In the meantime, I'll pray that this weight is lifted off of your shoulders.
For a long time I did not like someone and how they manipulated people, and Shari, I decided to pray for him. I prayed so much that my perspective of him really changed. I don't get angry with people or things easily but I was so angry with him. But, with so much pray I started seeing why he did what he did. I wasn't angry with him anymore but I was more as peace in understanding his reasons. Not allowing it but understanding it, and that was a huge step for me.
yes, I've experienced that too. Its really amazing how God opens our eyes and our hearts when we choose to humble ourselves before Him in prayer. Its essentially saying to Him, "I have no idea how to handle this, so you be in control."
__________________
7Qu'ils sont beaux sur les montagnes, Les pieds de celui qui apporte de bonnes nouvelles, Qui publie la paix! De celui qui apporte de bonnes nouvelles, Qui publie le salut! De celui qui dit à Sion: ton Dieu règne!
Ésaïe 52:7
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
We all can struggle with this sort of thing. Praying works wonders and like you said, has changed how you see things. The Lord works in our hearts this way.
__________________
"Our danger is to water down God’s word to suit ourselves.
God never fits His word to suit me; He fits me to suit His word." Not Knowing Whither, 901 R
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
What at the steps that you take? How do you include God in your approach? And how do you truly understand without it being a fake facade.
I know that I have not been good at this lately. In fact, I get so upset with someone I forget how to approach them, and just walk away. I think mostly its my own experiences and just being frustrated with how things are going in life. Its truly out of frustration and not letting things go because I truly can't control everything. I feel that sometimes people either don't want to understand or don't understand at all. But, I think there are better ways to handle situations like this. I've gotten better at this with work. But, at times I withdraw like a turtle, and other times, wait and watch like an owl. Then I see the sharks who attack and think, "wow, I wish I could have that push!" They always end up getting what they want, because they were the loudest and bit the hardest. In the end I think, where is God in all of this?
Thoughts?!
Hi Ethnog,
It's a tough situation. I don't believe being more aggressive or louder, or fighting fire with fire which only produces a bigger conflagration works. I've been in this situation before, so let me explain what happened with me and maybe you will see some parallels.
I had a crush on a girl at work, she entertained it for a little bit before rejecting me. She had led me on pretty bad, mis-portrayed herself, and when things got realer for her, she pushed me away by flat-out ignoring me. Needless to say, it was a hurtful feeling. I prayed to God about it, and somehow He produced different circumstances which put me in another part of work so i wouldn't have to see her so often. That was good for me, until i came back a small while later, and saw her again. I thought i had gotten over it, but i started seeing her behave like her true self which i hadn't seen before. It angered me. She was flirting with guys in front of me, and still ignoring me. I was hurt again, and so i avoided her and i honestly think this is the best thing to do. Here's why.
I had a fleshly urge to criticize her, make her feel bad, talk bad behind her back to people who knew her, but i refrained from doing it because during that time i was with her, i was also being a witness of Christ. Ever since those few weeks that we hung out almost every day and then abruptly cut me out of her life, i really never had a chance to spend a long time with her to tell her my hurt feelings. I'm glad i didn't, because i feel God doesn't want me to. What does it accomplish? Except to attempt to make her feel bad, and maybe alienate her from God if she sees someone who professes to be Christian is condemning her. Telling her about my hurt feelings and trying to bring guilt upon her is me trying to play God (by trying to control the situation) by bringing justice to my hurt ego. My ego is nothing, it's just something in my imagination that makes me feel good about myself to only myself. If there is justice involved, which I pray to God for mercy on both of us (because i didn't exactly have pure motives either), then He will deal with it. It's not up to me.
If you have to be fake, which is a lie anyway, then i wouldn't even put myself in a situation where i can voluntarily approach this person. It's not worth the anger it will inspire, which will fester in your heart. If it's unavoidable, then reason with yourself that you have to act professional and respectful, and not bring emotions into the mix. I know it's hard to control your emotions, but i feel like most of the time if you dismiss them as irrational, you will have a clearer mind when dealing with troublesome people. You said yourself, that you can get mad based on your own past experiences. Maybe your projecting your anger from something not going right in your life or some bad experience in the past with someone into this approach. Those are just nasty emotions, which we can't rely on. Just leave them at the door. I know that every time i was going to see this girl at work, i had to just casually smile and walk away. If she's ignoring me, it's clear to me that she doesn't want to be my friend, and i don't want to try to be friends with someone like that.
I hope describing my own experience can help you, and if i'm accurately capturing the feelings of conflict in your situation.
P.S. edit-
I do want to add that praying for peace with the situation helps a lot. Approaching any situation with prayer helps you see clearer through the murky cloud of emotions.
Last edited by Jonny Doe; 28th May 2012 at 09:14 AM.
First, I want to mention this thread isn't really about me, but I gave an example of my experience to hear examples of other peoples experiences.
Jonny thank you for the comment. I read through it and realized how so many of us deal with things like this in our lives. People who become close to us and then ignore us for no reason at all. Well, they might have a reason but they don't share it or express it to us. There are things that happen that are out of our control, but also things that happen based on what other people say instead of us finding out ourselves. I am sorry you had to go through that but I can also see that you had an inner struggle to not only control your emotions but place feelings her in how you approached things as well. I agree that approaching a situation with prayer does help more. Emotions are such a powerful thing but how we deal with them is key. Sometimes, those emotions are not irrational, honestly. They are there for a reason. I take the kids I work with as an example. They are not crying because of nothing, there is always something. If it's crying because they know how to work around what they want, or really crying because they are hurting. Its okay to feel those emotions but how do I handle it as a teacher, how do I help them? I always read a book called the "Little Beauty" to the kids. Its about a Gorilla who wants a friend and the keepers give him a little cat called Beauty. He loves the cat so much, and they spend a lot of time together. In the end, they watch a movie together that makes the Gorilla very upset, and then very, very angry, and then he breaks the TV. I ask the kids, "Is it okay to be angry?" To which the answer is "NOO!!" But I tell them, yes, its okay to be angry,but we have to help ourselves feel better when we are angry. I ask them for some solutions and we brainstorm ways to helping control our anger.
__________________
Everything is possible with God.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
`Let nothing perturb you, nothing frighten you. All things pass. God does not change. Patience achieves everything.`
Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired.
~ Mother Teresa
I see your point, although i don't think we can compare a child's nascent mind with an adult's more sophisticated problems and the complex emotions we go through. I feel like kids that young only have a few gears: eat, storytime, sleep, pottytime. Whereas, when we get older, we develop deeper ideas of justice (like what's fair or not), perceived slights, and knowledge of people's motives. It is important to recognize when and why we're angry, and i agree it's ok to be mad, but for the most part, i think it's fair to say that a lot of yucky situations in my past could have been avoided if i didn't trust my emotions or indulge them.
I think back, and wonder how my emotions have either messed things up or caused me to irrationally make a preemptive barrier for myself where i thought i was going to be hurt and closed myself in. I say irrational because 1) i was making assumptions based on how i felt about a person who didn't have the same feelings about me, 2) i was preparing for the worst in a situation that didn't have a great likelihood of happening. There isn't much logic to it unless i'm capable of being a perfect mind-reader, or the feared scenario becomes a reality.
I don't think I'll be of much help, but I take the "turn the other cheek" thing literally. I very rarely get angry. Anger's not my thing. The closest I get is frustrated and when that happens, I walk away. I don't turn that frustration onto other people. I try to understand why they did what they did. And I take a weird approach as someone who gets hurt easily because I don't mind taking someone's anger or frustration on the chin. It does hurt for a short amount of time, but I NEVER brood on it. I get over it, forgive and move on. I don't hold it.
As someone who has been in a lot of pain growing up, enduring many abuses and the loss of my father, I try to understand people. I have so much compassion. I also know when people are in pain, they sometimes reflect what they're feeling onto other people. I was that way right after my dad died and it took a very special and patient friend to sit down with me and help me through the pain and I've looked at everything I've been through in a different light.
So I hate to let people go. I want to be there for them and be understanding and caring and try to let the light of Jesus shine through me. And I get overwhelmed at times and want to run away. When I'm hurt, I want to run. I'm learning to hold my ground and just pray that it goes away.
Linear Mode
